


Let It Rain On Us

by AliceLoveCats



Category: Winner (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Childhood Trauma, College, M/M, Minor Character Death, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-07-11 20:22:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 21
Words: 79,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15979808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliceLoveCats/pseuds/AliceLoveCats
Summary: It has been years of dead silence and wondering in the dark, but at that cold night covered with Seungyoon’s most hated weather, there he was. Soaked by the rain. But still him nonetheless. Years after, when Seungyoon thought he must’ve forgotten his face, proves him to be fucking wrong because he didn’t need any extra minute to recognize him.





	1. Pilot

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! My name is Alice, I uploaded this in AFF first and a friend suggested that I should upload it here so I can get more readers and advice about my writing skill. Well, here it is~ I hope you like it and don't hesitate to leave me a comment to tell me what you think <3

 

 

 

 

A single raindrop fell on Seungyoon’s nose tip as he walked out of the college’s gate.

 

“Ah... it’s raining already?” he asked the sky. With a tired sigh, he pulled out a small black umbrella from his backpack.

 

In the small, student-packed town with a big college as the main center of life, the slim pale skinned boy walks with a tiresome expression decorating his feature. Some students around him run to evade the rain getting bigger, and some in a raincoat pedaling their bike with all their might. Seungyoon peeked through his umbrella to see how the sky turned a dark grey that seemed like they gonna stay there for a good while. He sighed.

 

Seungyoon hates rainy days.

 

____________

 

_“If one day I come to you with bad men chasing me, would you help?”_

 

____________

 

 

Seungyoon walked the pavement leading to his flat. The heavy rain accompanied with strong winds almost made his grip on the umbrella slip. It doesn’t seem like it would stop any time soon. Seungyoon hates rains, it drenches your clothes, made your body heavier than it should be. And he hates it the most when it made someone cancel their appointments with you. Because the sky decided it’s a good time to cry, and it’s inconvenient to go out at such times.

Being an average student with an economically average family enlisting in a high-grade college made Seungyoon live in simplicity. No luxurious cars, bike, or spacious flat with modern furniture. Just a cozy, simple bedroom with decorations he managed to fit. Rock bands posters stamped over one another, a rack of albums on one side, a guitar stand with the glorious guitar he bought with his own money in the corner, and a small simple desk for him to do his works. Both his kitchen and bathroom is tight-spaced too. His living room is also small, but he managed to fit an old couch, a worn out carpet with torn corners, a small TV, and a small low desk for him to eat. Seungyoon felt like he cared for his crib pretty well, but for his mom, it was a messy hell-like place that would need anti-bacteria sprayed all over. But all mom thinks that way, don’t they? It’s always a few notches messier than Seungyoon thought for her. But Seungyoon likes his flat. It’s nice, homey, his secret harborage. Even though his close friends knew his place and they come over sometimes so it’s practically not a secret, it still felt private and his. But he hates it when it rains. It’s noisy and fragile.

 

Imagining his soft blanket around him to shoo away the cold and some of the noise, he walks slightly faster to home. After a tiring climb to the third floor -- yes his flat is rather cheap so no elevator--  his mind gets more and more tired and even more impatient to throw his body on the fluffy bed. In front of his door, he rummages through his stuff to find his keys. Feeling a cold metal on his fingertips, he yanked it out. As he plugged his keys in, he realized his rather wet doorknob. Weird. He looks around to see the area.

 

The area is not the safest place, but it’s not like a random crazy person could’ve run around freely, his flat is rather near the college building and police can be found on every few corners. He raised his guard nonetheless and opened his door slowly. He came in whilst letting the door opened wide. Just in case someone jumped on him, people should be able to hear his scream. He looked around the flat, checking every nook and cranny someone might use as a hiding spot.

 

Nope, all clear. All good. Just him, his scaredy ass, and tired legs.

So Seungyoon sighed, throws his bag to the couch, close the front door and strip his clothes to a more cozy fit. As he let his aching back straighten itself on the nice hug of his bed, he let out a tired grunt. He let his eyes close as a reward for staying awake on the most boring lecture he has ever heard his whole student life. Well, finding a fun and easy going lecture in a Biology faculty is hard, but that lecture he had just endured was a nightmare come true. The lesson was hard to understand, the teacher speaks lazily, not even trying to hide his unamusement, and it made his class so goddamn boring he almost rip his hair off. At least other teachers tried to make lame puns of their material (it was so fucking lame he wanted to cry at some point but it’s better than nothing) yet that ain’t the case for this one teacher.

 

The rain kept on pouring. Seungyoon hates rainy days. He pulls the blanket to cover his head.

 

____________

 

_“Of course I would help you. You’re my only friend”_

 

_He smiled._

 

_The most pretty smile a person ever showed him._

 

____________

 

 

His phone buzzed. Just as his head about to lull him to a nice sleep. He lazily looked around for his phone and remembered it was on his pants he discarded on the corner of the room. He walked lazily to find his mom was the one calling him.

 

“Hey Mom” he answered, mustering his cutesy voice reserved only for her

 

“Seungyoon-ah.. are you at home?” her warm voice shoots right to his heart

 

“Yep. Just got back.”

 

“Is it raining over there?”

 

“Yeah, actually”

 

“Never forget your umbrella, okay? It’s raining season again, I don’t want you to run from school all drenched, you’ll get sick” her concerned voice warmed Seungyoon’s heart and brought a smile to his lips

 

“I know mom, it’s always in my bag”

 

“Alright... Eat well and don’t forget to rest, okay?  My son is already very smart, so don’t worry about your studies and just make sure of your well being, hm?”

 

Seungyoon chuckled, “Mom, unfortunately, your son is not as smart as you think, he still needs to study hard for the next exam.”

 

“I know, I know.. you always study and forget to take care of yourself, so because I’m not there to warn your sleeping habits, make sure you take care of those yourself, ok?”

 

“Sure, mom. Don’t worry.”

 

“Seungyoon-ah..”

 

“Hm?”

 

“This year.. are you coming home for the ceremony?”

 

Seungyoon stayed silent

 

“It’s in a week... I was wondering if you can make it this year..”

 

“I’ll check on it later, mom. Sometimes the professor would add classes suddenly, so I can’t be sure now.”

 

“Ah.. right.. alright then. Well, go and get some rest, honey. I’ll call you again later.”

 

“Okay mom, be healthy there.”

 

Seungyoon ended the call and held his gaze to the small city poured by the non-stop rain through the window beside his bed. He lost his desire to sleep. The city looked calm and unbothered by the rain. It just slightly got quieter as people would rather sit in a nearby cafe and food stalls as they wait for the rain to give mercy.

 

Seungyoon hates the rain.

 

____________

 

_“Wait for me, I will come back.”_

 

____________

 

On another corner of the city, a man with a rather tanned skin walked out from a soju and toppoki stall with a cigarette between his lips. He brings a rather big and stuffed backpack on his back. He lit his cigarette while looking around under the protection of his hat, and walked towards the empty street with a smile and white smoke surrounding him.

 

Seungyoon decided to cook some ramen. Which is the only thing he seemed to eat these days. He’s not a good cook, and walking three floors down, go to a restaurant, and walk back up three floors is too much of work for his fragile (no, not lazy hah) legs. With his small TV turned on not for watching, rather to suffice his need of voice besides the rain, he pours his hot ramen on a bowl. Just as he was about to escort the warm goodness to his mouth, someone knocked on his door.

 

“Kang!!”

 

He heard a familiar voice called for him.

 

“Aish this asshole really has a bad timing” Seungyoon muttered under his breath. He annoyedly walked up to his door and opened his door slightly and showed his unamused face to Nam Taehyun.

 

“What, you egg?” Seungyoon greeted him

 

“Lemme in”

 

“Why should I”

 

“Because how could you not?”

 

Seungyoon tsked and opened the door for the crazy friend of his to come in. Taehyun barged in like it was his own place and immediately find the glorious ramen on the small table.

 

“OOOH, I WAN—“

 

Before he even finished his words, Seungyoon slid and protected the ramen he made. He glared at Taehyun like a cat protecting their hunt.

 

“Oh my god you stingy pig” Taehyun snorted

 

He went to the kitchen and rummages through the cabinet to find a pack of ramen for himself. That’s how much he’s used to crashing Seungyoon’s place. Seungyoon, now unbothered by the intruder’s activity, started to blow on his ramen while choosing a good ramen-fitting-channel. Whatever that’s supposed to mean. Until his eyes caught something from the moving pictures.

 

In between the programs shown, he stumbled upon an old re-running cartoon. The drawing of the cartoon gave a slight painful pang in his heart. He used to watch this movie over and over.

 

With a certain tanned boy in his usual camisole, after a cycling morning.

 

That boy liked this movie a lot. It was about a painter boy, adventuring around the world for inspiration for his new paint. The boy’s mom was sick, so he wanted to make a magical paint that could heal her disease. Now that Seungyoon thinks about it, the plot was kinda heavy for kids. But back then, what important was the magic and fun vibe it gave off. And that the dark-skinned boy liked it so much, he would smile in a way that Seungyoon liked a lot. The one that reached his eyes, causing a spark in his gaze, and it would churn Seungyoon stomach in a way that he would rather forget.

 

____________

 

_“Must’ve been fun to be able to go anywhere he wanted... Right, Yoonie?”_

 

____________

 

Taehyun suddenly flops beside him, causing him to reflexively change the channel. Almost like he was hiding something. Why are you hiding a freaking cartoon from your friend now, Yoon? He thought. Taehyun was beside him and he doesn’t seem to realize the strange flinch his friend just did. Rather, he was staring at his phone with a knitted eyebrow.

 

Seungyoon ignored him and decided to make do with a lame music show he stumbled upon. Better that than letting his ramen turning soggy waiting for him and his TV shows. After only a few slurps of his ramen, Taehyun suddenly cusses beside him. Seungyoon had no choice but to stare at his friend because the music show is way too boring for him.

 

“You remember the creepy touchy lady from Circle club?” Taehyun asked

 

After a few seconds of recalling, Seungyoon responded “Uh huh.. what bout her?”

 

“This crazy woman kept sending me weird messages,” Taehyun said with disgust

 

“A fuck-me-boy kinda texts?” Seungyoon teased

 

“Shut your face”

 

“No wonder they gave us a generous payment last time we performed there” Seungyoon analyzed, “Why don’t you just do what she asked and help us all with some extra money?” Seungyoon proposed with a serious tone

 

Taehyun smacked his head with his phone, causing Seungyoon to spit a pain induced ‘fuck’

 

“Why don’t you sell your ass for the muscle dude at Club Sanguine huh? You just gotta endure a few days of not walking”

 

“Fuck you, you stupid middle part hair”

 

“Don’t you comment on my glorious hair you ass”

 

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” Seungyoon suddenly said

 

Taehyun fell silent, thinking

 

“O shit my fukin—“

 

He ran to the kitchen to save what was left of his now soggy ramen. Seungyoon snorted. When he just got accepted into college, he imagined himself being surrounded with intelligent people. That was his HOPE and DREAMS actually. But at the very first day, the idiot branded with the name of Nam Taehyun decided to talk to him in the middle of their class orientation.

 

“ _You play guitar?_ ”

 

And that was the only thing needed for them to bond. Taehyun saw Seungyoon’s calloused fingers and found hope that someone in their faculty is actually into music. Now, they’re together in a band with two more dudes. Pyo Ji-Hoon and Lee Tae Il. Unique souls from a neighboring faculty, engineering. They conjure a band called Monarch, a name of a butterfly Seungyoon likes. They perform on clubs for money, the thrill, and simple passion for music. Something they thought they gotta let go when entering a college that had nothing to do with music whatsoever. But hey, destiny found them.

 

Nam Taehyun returned with a dejected face and a soggy bowl of ramen. Seungyoon stared at him and rolled his eyes before saying, “Want mine?”

 

He may be a total dick sometimes, but Nam Taehyun never came to him with no reason, not with him suddenly eating and trying to look relaxed when he definitely wasn’t. He’s a good actor. Seungyoon just happens to know him pretty well. So he stayed silent as he watches Taehyun trying to eat his soggy ramen while occasionally stealing Seungyoon’s well made one. He’ll just wait till he says what’s really in his head. Because all these times, Taehyun did that for him too. He listens. And Seungyoon is grateful. That the asshole is not always an asshole.

 

After a full stomach and the heavy rain still covering the neighborhood, Taehyun started to do what he wanted since he steps his foot on Seungyoon’s place.

 

“Yeah, so I fucked up”

 

Seungyoon stays silent, letting him pour whatever he wants.

 

“You know Lee Seunghoon?” Taehyun said while fidgeting with his clothes

 

“Who?”

 

“He’s a third year. At the Business faculty.”

 

Seungyoon frowned. Taehyun sighed, certainly messing up some great shit by the way he acts.

 

“So I kinda fucked his girl?”

 

If Seungyoon is any more unhealthy, he would be having a stroke right now. He rolled his eyes and sighed loudly, not bothering to hide his irritation.

 

“Look, I play by the rules, I don’t fuck girls with boyfriends IF I KNEW THEY HAD ONE. This girl straight up flirted with me and shit, looking fine as fuck, and I’m a normal TEENAGE DUDE WITH NEEDS!”

 

Seungyoon now just close his eyes while resting his head on the couch. He just knew it wasn’t the worse news.

 

“See this Lee Seunghoon.. he kinda owned the Nova Club..?“

 

At that, Seungyoon snaps his head to face his crazy friend. Nova Club was the main club they performed at. They gave great payment, they liked them, and they were the base and center of their income.

 

“Oh my god please help me..” Seungyoon suddenly prayed with his hands clasped

 

Taehyun scratched the back of his head

 

“Dear God, why must you pair me with a man who can’t seem to keep his dick in a safe place”

 

“What does that even supposed to mean” Taehyun retorted, acting offended

 

Seungyoon sighed and massaged his temple.

 

“Alright.. any other chaos would you like to share to me, you dribble of satan?”

 

“That’s all, pope”

 

“Bless you”

 

Taehyun snickered

 

“Don’t worry I’ll find another place for us.”

 

“Refrain from using your dick, I swear to God”

 

“Understood”

 

After a few more hours of nagging and spilling curses at each other, Taehyun said he’s going home. And Seungyoon is alone again. The rain is still pouring like a shower tap. Seungyoon laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He closes his eyes.

 

SSSSSSSSSS

 

_“Seungyoon-ah, come see me outside”_

 

SSSSSSSSSS

 

 

Seungyoon felt his heart constrict at the sudden flip of memory. He hates rainy days. It made him uneasy. It made him remember things he wants to forget. Things he thought he already buried deep inside, but it always emerges on the worst moments. Usually on rainy days. And he hates it.

 

At nights like this, years ago, he wouldn’t be alone. He would be rolled into a warm blanket in a small bed just enough for two kids to cuddle up. Beside him, the tanned skinned boy will be. Telling him all sort of stories he heard from who knows where. He could’ve made it all up but Seungyoon didn’t care. Watching him talk was amusing enough. He knew about dragons, unicorns, aliens, ogre, cyclops, and all sort of creatures from him. He knew about heroic stories of saving princesses, kingdoms, and outer space from him. He knew all about the wonder and magic of the world from him. He was almost his entire world, it was unreal.

 

A knock on his front door startled and jolt him from his nearly-asleep state. He sighed. Stupid Taehyun probably left something in his house. He grunts and stomps his feet while he walked towards his front door. The heavy rain is accompanied by thunders now, loud and shaking. Seungyoon couldn’t have a worse mood than this.

 

As he abruptly opens his door, ready to cuss at Taehyun’s stupid giggling face, a certain tall body greeted him. Taehyun’s white shirt and skinny jeans were not there, rather, a drenched camo coat and black ripped jeans ended with an ankle boot were presented to him. The face he expected to see was replaced by a tanned skinned face, strong eyes, thick eyebrows, sharp nose, full lips, and...

 

 

And it was _him._

 

 

____________

 

_“Wait for me_ _, I’_ _ll be back.”_

 

____________

 

It has been years of dead silence and wondering in the dark, but at that cold night covered with Seungyoon’s most hated weather, there he was. Soaked by the rain. But still him nonetheless. Years after, when Seungyoon thought he must’ve forgotten his face, proved him to be fucking wrong because he didn’t need any extra minute to recognize him. His breathing stopped. His body couldn’t even remember to do the basic rules of surviving. His heart must’ve skipped more than a beat.

 

 

“Hey, Yoon”

 

 

And it was all it takes to make Seungyoon’s heart bursts and shatter to pieces. Because it was _him_. In flesh and blood. Drenched by the rain. It was unreal.

 

 

 


	2. A Song

*Song reference for this chapter: The Lumineers - Sleep On The Floor ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ec8fbe13AJE )*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The fight or flight response in Seungyoon’s head manages to tell him to smack the door close, as he let out a shaky breath.

 

No way.

 

No _fucking_ way

 

There was no way he would truly be here. Not now, after years of silent mystery.

 

While outside, the boy has his eyebrows raised, confused and surprised at the response he got. Certainly, he expected some chaos, but not... this. He walks up to the door awkwardly and tries to call the man he wished to meet.

 

“Um... Yoon? It’s me. Hell, it’s been 8 years you probably forgot my face, huh... It’s me,”

 

A shiver runs through Seungyoon’s spine as he listened to the boy’s voice. Different, but at the same time so familiar.

 

“Mino”

 

His heart beats so fast at the name. It has been too long. No one has ever even mentioned his name anymore. It has been a combination of letters etched only deep in him. Not spoken, not mentioned to anyone but to his deep forgotten consciousness.

 

“I’m serious, I’m not some creepy neighborhood guy trying to rob you, I swear.”

 

Seungyoon must be crazy. Or dreaming. Yeah, probably one of those. He walked away from his door, guiding his weak legs to stay away from something he just saw out of his house. His breathing uneven, heart unstable, and mind whirling. Unsure of what’s real anymore.

 

“Oh right, I’ll tell you the secret only both of us know!” the voice outside sounding excited

 

Seungyoon froze in the middle of his small living room.

 

“When we were kids, under the apple tree behind your house..”

 

No fucking way

 

“We buried our favorite toys there”

 

You’re not him

 

“And we promised to get it back in 10 years! See? It’s me,”

 

Seungyoon sprinted to the front door, opened it with too much force it startled the boy outside his house.

 

“NO!” Seungyoon shouted with all his might.

 

“Song Mino is fucking _dead_!”

 

The drenched boy stares at him with something Seungyoon couldn’t read.

 

“I saw it when his dad dragged him to the car that night!”

 

Seungyoon cries. Tears rolling down his face without him even realizing it.

 

“I heard his screams begging for forgiveness! And I saw the blood in his dad’s clothes when he came back! Everyone knows he’s dead!”

 

The man in front of him could only stare. With the face, Seungyoon couldn’t help but recognize. And he wanted to jump out of his building right there and then, because _God,_ he really did recognize him. Seungyoon grabbed on his collar, trying to shake off his own thoughts rather than the man.

 

“So don’t you come to my door, wearing that face, and tell me that you are fucking Song Mino because you ARE NOT HIM!” Seungyoon screams on top of his lungs

 

He stared with shaking pupils to the man he grabbed, now closer than he wishes. The man now stared at him straight in the eyes.

 

“Who the fuck are you?”

 

A sad smile emerges on his lips, only to break his heart even more.

 

“I’m so sorry, Yoon”

 

Trying to hide the sobs that threaten to spill out of him any minute, Seungyoon hit the man’s chest with his fist.

 

“Fuck you!”

 

Lousy punches, he couldn’t even manage to keep his hands fisted when tears ran down his face as hard as the rain. The man stood still, enduring the hits. Seungyoon fell down to a messy bawling and choked sobs. The only thing keeping him standing was his grip on that man’s collar.

 

“You’re not him” he sobs “you’re not..”

 

__________

 

_“Close your eyes, Seungyoonie. Don’t be scared, the thunder won’t hurt you. I’ll fight them.”_

 

__________

 

Seungyoon sits cross-legged on his couch, hugging a pillow while biting his nails. That man is in his bathroom, with the shower on. Seungyoon is confused. Wait no, that is a fucking understatement. He is so damn disoriented, he doesn’t know what’s real and what’s not. Six pinches on his cheek so far have been telling him that he’s not dreaming. But what if he _is_ dreaming and the pain he felt was a mosquito on his cheek? Well, the mosquito needs to be as big as a cat probably, but that’s not what’s important right now.

 

After a while of sobbing uncontrollably back then, he let go of the man’s collar and kept his gaze on the ground. The man offered to talk, so here he is. Waiting for him to change his clothes to dry ones.

 

The doorknob clicks and Seungyoon involuntarily jolts. His heart beats frantically. After a few minutes, the man his head has been pondering about came out with dry jeans and sleeveless shirt. This Mino has a long hair, reaching his collarbone. He didn’t realize it before because he tucked it in his hat. Seungyoon couldn’t help but stare at the tattoos on his body. A blue flower on his right chest, a word Seungyoon couldn’t make up on his left, and more on his neck. Seungyoon might’ve seen a glimpse of more on his back, but weren’t sure. Somehow, it doesn’t surprise him if that innocent dragon-worshipper kid turns to this. He looked away at nothingness while still biting his nails. Mino walks up to sit beside him on the couch and suddenly his big hands pulled Seungyoon’s wrist.

 

“Stop biting your nails. Since when did you do that?”

 

His voice. Seungyoon could totally imagine how puberty turned his chirpy kid voice to that. Everything screams Mino but it was too unreal, Seungyoon still wouldn’t let himself fall that deep.

 

“I kinda want you to look at me, you know,” Mino said with a sheepish smile

 

Seungyoon glanced through the corner of his eyes, but he couldn’t bring himself to truly look at him. so he hugged his pillow closer and looked back at his turned off TV monitor instead.

 

“I don’t get it,” Seungyoon said with a low voice.

 

“I imagined you would”

 

Silence engulfs them. Mino doesn’t seem to be tired of watching Seungyoon’s every inch.

 

“I can tell you everything if you want—“

“Is this really you?” Seungyoon cuts him

 

Mino looked at him for a while before he finally looked up front. He whistled a song Seungyoon bound to remember.

 

 _Pack yourself a toothbrush dear_  
Pack yourself a favorite blouse  
Take a withdrawal slip  
Take all of your savings out

 

Seungyoon recognizes that song. How could he not? That was the first song he ever learns on his guitar. When they were ten, Mino broke his piglet moneybox to get Seungyoon a second-hand guitar on his birthday.

 

 _'Cause if we don't leave this town_  
We might never make it out  
I was not born to drown  
Baby come on

 

The song was about a couple wanting to run away from their home, finding themselves and their dream. All sort of emotion fills his heart. He tried so hard to learn the song back then because he felt that it resembled Mino’s dream so much. He wanted to run away. He wanted to escape the nightmare that was his hot-blooded father. He used to say he wanted to take Seungyoon with him, but Seungyoon was always hesitant. He loved his mom too much and imagining leaving her is the worst thing ever. But the day he sang the song to Mino, seeing Mino’s big smile only for him, for a split second Seungyoon thought.. it might not be so bad.

 

 _Forget what Father Brennan said_  
We were not born in sin  
Leave a note on your bed  
Let your mother know you're safe  
And by the time she wakes  
We'll have driven through the state  
We'll have driven through the night

 

Seungyoon turns his head to see Mino looking back at him with a peaceful face. He looked content and calm. Like he’s found the answer to the universe. And Seungyoon wanted to let himself go, too. He wanted to be at peace and believe that this man beside him is truly the little boy he buried deep in his thought. He left him there to keep his heart intact. Seungyoon wanted so badly to believe him.

 

“That’s not an answer.” Seungyoon mumbles.

 

“I didn’t have any other ideas.”

 

“Nobody is asking you for a fucking idea!” Seungyoon suddenly snaps.

 

He looks hurt by the tone he used, and Seungyoon couldn’t help but feel the sting of guilt.

 

Seungyoon walks up from the couch and leans to his window behind it with crossed arms.

 

“What happened back then?”

 

He could hear the man shifting on his couch at the question.

 

“Dad got in some troubles with loan sharks.”

 

Seungyoon knew. The words spread like wildfire 8 years ago.

 

“Things happened and I gotta live with other people.”

 

“What things? what other people? Be precise.” Seungyoon demanded.

 

“Look, this is complicated, it’s not something I can easily rant out like a story!” The man rebuked, sounding frustrated.

 

“You think I can’t tell? This whole shit with you suddenly showing up in front of my door is complicated enough, so don’t you talk about complicated to me!” Seungyoon yelled.

 

They both glare at each other, tension in the air. The man on his couch let out a breath and ran his hands through his face.

 

“Sorry. I’m sorry, shouldn’t have raised my voice like that.”

 

Seungyoon wants to feel triumphant at his apology, but he couldn’t shake the guilt in him either. His head is not thinking straight.

 

“Everyone said he’s dead,” Seungyoon said bitterly, looking at the raining town.

 

The man glanced at him.

 

“Everyone said so. They heard about the abuse his dad might have done. The neighbors knew. Police was around the town for a week at least. They come and go to their house every single day. Asked everyone who knew about him and his dad.”

 

Seungyoon remembered the ruckus and gloom the town was engulfed into.

 

“His father is dead. Suicide. In an abandoned warehouse in Busan.”

 

No response. Seungyoon glanced at the man. He stares at the floor, expression unreadable.

 

“I know.”

 

“How?”

 

“The people I was with. They told me.”

 

Seungyoon kept his eyes on him.

 

“I lived with those loan sharks.” The man slightly turns his head. Seungyoon were caught off guard at the confession.

 

“For six years or so. Dad was out of his mind back then. I later found out he’s been gambling and borrowed money for his failing business. The amount was ridiculous. He couldn’t pay, so he bought me to them instead.”

 

Seungyoon’s heart constricts at the words, ‘so he bought me instead’. The man raises from his seat and walks towards the window too. He leans against the opposite side of the window.

 

“The blood on his shirt, it was one of their doing before letting him go. But he had other loan sharks problem too apparently. So it was not the end of his problems. Then, I worked on their boats. Well, slaved might be a more proper word. Fortunately, the person I worked under still has something of a moral. He let me go after six years. The loan sharks were having a hard time, and they’re in a middle of bankruptcy too, so he arranged for me to be released. Tried to make a living for two more years, and here I am.”

 

Seungyoon analyzed his story. Looking for a fault. Ready to accuse the man of falsity. That’s what his head wants. While his heart is certainly asking for other things.

 

“Too much to believe, isn’t it?”

 

He smiles.

 

Seungyoon recognizes his smile.

 

After a while, he couldn’t bring his head to say no anymore.

 

“I could tell you every single thing I remember from our childhood and still I would understand your doubts. I could tell you our favorite game of forts, our favorite hiding place in Ms. Lee’s tomato garden, your favorite blue shirt with the puppy print, and still..” he chuckled. “If you ask me why I’m here, I don’t know.”

 

He recognizes every single thing he said. He recognizes every single thing in him. He couldn’t fool his head into saying this man as just ‘this man’ anymore. His every sense and memory of his is clicking like a key to a padlock. He couldn’t make up any other person.

 

“I just wanted to see you again.”

 

A single teardrop escapes him. He couldn’t help it. He didn’t even feel the water filling his eyes. It falls just like that. The man flinches at the view.

 

“I’m sorry, Yoon”

 

“What for?” Seungyoon barely manages the whisper.

 

“Everything.”

 

“This doesn’t make any sense.”

 

“I know.”

 

He walks closer to Seungyoon as slowly as he could, ready for rejection. But Seungyoon couldn’t do that. So he let himself fall to him as Mino hugs him, letting all his pain drain through his tears. Because ever since he dawned his eyes on him in front of his door, he always knew. He really is Mino. And he is real. Mino pulls the sobbing Seungyoon closer to him. Mino strokes his hand on Seungyoon’s hair. He let Seungyoon’s tears wet his chest. Seungyoon let go of his crossed arms and hugs him back.

 

Mino missed him so damn much, no words could explain. After years of emptiness, he finally found him. The boy with pale skin, cherry lips, and bright eyes he met when he was only seven. Oh the ballad of the new kid on the area. He was so small back then, shorter than other kids. Mino, on the other hand, is taller and bigger. He moved there with his mom, Mino saw when their car came to the neighborhood. Her mom was so pretty, she looked like she would smell like cookies and milk to Mino. At least, that’s how he imagined moms would be. He never had the chance to see his. He saw the milky-skinned boy, smiling happily at his beautiful mother. Just like how other friendships ensues, he approached Seungyoon when was reading a book with no pictures at the school playground. Mino hated those kinds of books the most.

 

“ _You wanna play soccer?_ ”

 

Seungyoon, who’s actually been watching Mino from the side of his eyes, flinched from the invitation. He thought Mino would be the scary bully of the neighborhood. After his timid answer of yes, not even a tornado could separate them. They spent every day together, laughing, fighting, crying, as happy as they could be. But Mino’s dad was an even bigger problem than a tornado.

 

Seungyoon pulls away from him, causing Mino to end his trail of thoughts.

 

“How have you been?” Seungyoon asked with his face now looking at Mino. His eyes red, cheeks puffed and lips red.

 

“Well, I’ve been a mess. But a lot better now. You?”

 

Seungyoon slightly smiles. “You know what, I’m pretty much the same.”

 

Seungyoon was about to open his mouth for another question when a loud knock startled both of them.

 

“KANG! SEUNG! YOON!” it immediately became a voice Seungyoon wanted to erase permanently from the world.

 

“Your friend?” Mino said in a low voice

 

“Honestly? I’d rather call him a shithead, but yeah he’s kinda that.” Seungyoon glowered, fiery glare at the door.

 

Mino chuckled. “Sounds interesting”

 

Seungyoon walks towards the door while wiping his face to erase the proof of him crying, and screamed a WHAT at Taehyun as he opened the door. Taehyun, not even shocked by his attack, immediately barged in

 

“GET YOU ASS READY BECAUSE WE ARE GONNA—“

 

His rambling stops abruptly when he saw the tattooed man in Seungyoon’s living room.

 

“Oh hi heheh sorry I didn’t know Seungyoon is having a visitor,” Taehyun said with a weak voice

 

Mino awkwardly bows at Taehyun, “Ah, that’s okay.. just... pretend that I’m not here..heh..”

 

The awkward atmosphere made Seungyoon roll his eyes.

 

“Nam Taehyun, meet my friend,” the word friend rolls nicely in his tongue “Song Mino” oh how he missed saying that name out loud.

 

“Song Mino, meet my friend, Nam Taehyun” he points at Taehyun

 

“So why are you back here again? Make it quick” Seungyoon cut short their intro, trying to make Taehyun leave soon.

 

“Oh right, we gotta leave, right now!”

 

“What? No, I’m busy.” Seungyoon shot back, unwilling to do anything besides clearing the problem right before his eyes.

 

“Performance! I told you I’ll get us a new place, I happen to stumble a nice newly opened cafe-slash-club, and they were looking for amateur bands. Good pay, good terms, but we gotta do a test performance tonight—no, NOW!”

 

“Wha—that’s too soon! Why did you even say yes that fast?”

 

“If you knew how much we’re getting, you would’ve said yes too! Come on, shush now and get your stuff!”

 

Seungyoon glanced at Mino, not wanting to deal with anything else until the business with him is cleared out, but the band is a team. And for him to say no to a profitable performance is straight up selfish. All of them needed extra money for a living, some more than others. Taehyun catch Seungyoon’s gaze and said

 

“You can come too!”

 

Seungyoon shot his head back to Taehyun, not sure about the idea.

 

“Oh, me?” Mino seemed unsure

 

“Yeah, it’s a pretty cool place. Better than staying here waiting for Yoon, right?”

 

Mino stared back at Yoon, looking for a guide. Seungyoon is doubting the idea. But he really couldn’t think of any other things in his state of mind. So he sighed and gave up.

 

“Yeah, just come along.”

 

Mino’s looks hesitant but nods anyway. Taehyun looked at them, suspicion rising in him, but he chose to ignore it. For now, at least.

 

Mino agreed to come and followed Seungyoon to his bedroom to find a piece of clothing he could borrow. He looked around the room, studying the present Seungyoon vibe.

 

“A band, huh?”

 

“Yeah,” Seungyoon answered whilst rummaging through his stuff looking for a top big enough for Mino “A band. With weirdos, so don’t get your hopes up”

 

“You sound like you liked them a lot,” Mino said with a chuckle

 

Seungyoon turns to him with an oversized hoodie in his hands. He bought it a long time ago because he wanted to feel cozy in the big warm goodness. Mino already wears a pair of his own spare jeans he had in his bag. Mino wearing the hoodie cause him to lift up his arm and Seungyoon got a sneak peek of his body. Mino’s abs flexed with his movement and Seungyoon gulped as his cheeks feel a tad bit warmer. He looked another way and get his guitar and other stuff ready.

 

“Sorry, we didn’t get to talk yet... This band thing is sort of my job so..”

 

“It’s fine. Should be fun to see you sing again too.”

 

Seungyoon bit back a smile.

 

“Alright”

 

Taehyun gave them a lift with his car. His family is pretty loaded, which might make you think he’s the last person that needs money from this band activity. But actually, he’s from one of those families who are super rich but decided to kick their kids off prosperity and tell them to make do by themselves. All to teach them independence. Seungyoon thought that’s pretty cool. Especially how Taehyun always respected other band-mates as equal, he didn’t care about your background as long as you’re not an asshole. He has all the chance to act like a pompous rich boy, but he didn’t. Hence the friendship.

 

Seungyoon chose to sit at the back, so he can hug his guitar close, preventing it to hit the car interior. Yes, Taehyun’s driving sucks. Taehyun tried to talk to Mino, breaking the ice.

 

“So, you’re Yoon’s friend?”

 

“Uh, yeah” He sounded so timid.

 

“It’s your first time coming here, isn’t it? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you, and I’ve known Yoon since the first year.”

 

Seungyoon glanced at Mino, curious how he would answer Taehyun when there are still questions between them too.

 

“Yeah, we haven’t seen each other for years. Got separated years ago.”

 

“You’ve known him since childhood?”

 

“Yeah, we met when I was 7”

 

“Oh, we’re not the same age?”

 

“I was born on ‘93 actually, but Yoon was born on January of 94 so we just became friends.”

 

“Aaah... Is that so?”

 

“Feel free to do so too, Taehyun”

 

“Wow, really? Kang Seungyoon, I liked your friend already. I’m thinking of replacing you right now.”

 

“I’ll hold a feast if you finally let go of me” Seungyoon snorted

 

“Dick,” Taehyun said jokingly

 

Mino laughed at them.

 

Wow. Seungyoon missed that right there. His laugh. It didn’t change a bit. Seungyoon smiled looking at Mino from the backseat. Mino looked outside the car window with such focus, Seungyoon wanted to know what’s in his head. He wants to know everything.

 

If this right now is a dream, Seungyoon knows he would break and never recover when he wakes. But what he’s seeing right now, the voice that enters his ears,

 

It makes him doesn’t mind breaking apart anymore.

 

This is all he wants. If he can have this for a split second of a dream, then so be it.

 

Break what must be broken.

 

 


	3. The Café

*song reference for chapter 3 : Hyukoh - Mer cover by Saenyeokk ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9-KyNkRc-4 )*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So what Taehyun meant with cafe-slash-club was, the first floor is a cute cozy cafe with glass walls and pastel wallpaper, while the second floor is a club only opened at night. Soon after Seungyoon, Taehyun, and Mino arrived, two guys came along with a motorcycle. The driver, a tall man with leather jacket is Pyo Ji-Hoon. The passenger was Lee Taeil, Seungyoon’s other band mates. Mino couldn’t help but notice how the other guys looked like a lowkey badass rocker while Seungyoon looked like the little cute kid they agreed to allow hanging out with them. It’s not that Seungyoon is less manly or anything, but it just seemed that way to Mino. Probably because he’s used to see him as the little kid. It’s not bad though, if anything, it made Seungyoon looked even younger. The dudes were slightly perplexed to see a foreign face between them, but after a brief introduction, all goes well. The rain reduced to a small trickle around them.

 

The entrance to the club is up the stairs beside the cafe, but Taehyun knocked the closed cafe door instead, and after several beats, Seungyoon saw a figure walking closer to the door. When the person came out, Seungyoon and the other band members were dumbstruck.

 

“Hey, you came back sooner than I thought” the voice owner is a human apparently, but he sure looks more like a fairy to Seungyoon. He was incredibly pretty, it almost made him looked like a painting.

 

 

“Yep, here they are.”

 

“I thought you said you’re a four membered—“ The beautiful man didn’t get to finish his sentence when he lay his eyes on Mino. Seungyoon realized the oddity in his act and turned his head to look at Mino. Mino stared at the pretty boy with a chilling gaze, it almost scared Seungyoon. Something felt wrong. Did they know each other?

 

“Oh, he’s a friend of us... He just came to town so we thought he could tag along?” Taehyun slyly attempted to get Mino in.

 

After a split second of stare exchanges between them, the pretty boy averted his gaze towards Taehyun

 

“Sure, that’s okay. Come in, I’ll show you the backstage.” He said with a smile.

 

Mino’s gaze softens. But Seungyoon still feels uneasy. What was that he saw in him? it’s foreign. And cold.

 

The club is classy. It wasn’t the kind of club with blaring DJ music, rather a live-venue club with expensive alcohol only people with extra cash would be able to afford. The fairy-like entity they met earlier, is Kim Jinwoo. He’s the manager of the venue. He explained the simple contract between them and the payment. It was a good deal indeed. That is, if they could show the crowd likes them tonight. So when Jinwoo left them to do the preparation, the band held a mini meeting about the songs they ought to perform. Seungyoon gazes at Mino from the corner of his eyes. He looks uneasy and distracted. Looking around like a confused puppy. Seungyoon bit his lip. This might not be a good idea. They’ve only met for a split second and suddenly Seungyoon dragged him to a club to watch him get busy with people he never met. It must’ve been uncomfortable. Seungyoon finally said something to their mini-meeting.

 

“I got a song I wanna sing”

 

As they are a step towards being ready, Seungyoon walked towards Mino and ducked his head to whisper in his ear.

 

“This is something for your return”

 

Mino looked confused. Seungyoon left him with a smile.

 

The lights fade out on the club, the speaker that previously serves slow pop music stopped. The mini stage in the corner of the room lit up with a romantic warm light. The guests turn their heads at the band. After a beat guide and countdown from Taehyun, the band started to ring a beautiful melody. It certainly caught everyone’s attention. Jihoon played the drum, Taeil on keyboard, Taehyun on the bass, and Seungyoon on guitar.  Seungyoon’s voice filled the room first.

 

 _Mer_  
Floating, her words  
Melted, she said  
I long for that

 

Taehyun and Taeil sang their respective parts for the song. It was a nice combination. Everyone slowly rocks their body to the melody. Mino smiled. Seungyoon looked ethereal on the stage. His voice is mesmerizing, so is the vibe he spread to the room. Then the lyrics caught Mino’s attention. It was sung only by Seungyoon.

 

 _Even if the reasons change_  
It's never gonna freeze again  
Even if the matters change  
We're all gonna remain the same  
Even if we face the end  
Thoughts are gonna stay as cells, though  
All that is what I want  
All that is what I want

 

Mino couldn’t hide his smile when Seungyoon slightly averted his gaze to him. He was right. This is all he wanted. Mino could feel a presence beside him.

 

“He’s cute. As you said he would be.”

 

His smile falters and his expression turned cold.

 

“Congrats, you managed to find him after all.”

 

“What are you doing here, hyung?” Mino asked

 

“Trying to make a living, of course. Same as you. The difference is I came here not for anyone else but myself.” Jinwoo answered while continuing to sip the drink in his hand.

 

Mino stayed quiet.

 

“You have any requests for me?”

 

Mino glanced at him from the corner of his eyes.

 

“Stay silent.”

 

Jinwoo smiled, “Why would I even say anything. talking about you would reveal even more about me.”

 

“Then I suppose we’re on the same page on this.”

 

“Seems that way.”

 

Mino sighed tiredly.

 

“Life sure likes to joke on us, Song Mino.”

 

Mino holds his gaze at Seungyoon, a train of thoughts running through his head.

 

The band performed 4 more songs as promised and gave their regards to the generous guests. They gave big claps and even sang some song with them. Truly the best crowds. Without a doubt, they got the contract. They said their farewell to Jinwoo and head home with a light heart.

 

“Whoaa Nam, you sure did get us a nice job” Jihoon excalimed

 

“Praise me, slaves.”

 

“Even the crowds are classy. They sure liked our style tonight.” Taeil added.

 

“Oh well, I got a morning class tomorrow so Imma head back first. Come on Taeil” Jihoon bid his farewell

 

On the ride home, Seungyoon tried to stay awake to accompany Taehyun on the drive. Mino, on the other hand, is soundly asleep on the shotgun seat. Probably exhausted out of his mind. Taehyun left them in front of Seungyoon’s building with Mino not quite awake standing by his side. Seungyoon looked back a few times as they climbed the three story stairs, making sure Mino didn’t pass out. He chuckled seeing the big guy looking like a sleepy puppy stumbling his own legs. Finally, after they got home and the doors locked behind them, Seungyoon ran to hug Mino from his back.

 

“What’s wrong?” Mino asked with a mature tone

 

“You’re real, right?”

 

Mino let go of Seungyoon’s grip and turned his body to face him. He smiled Seungyoon’s favorite smile. It filled his stomach with butterflies.

“As real as I can be.”

 

He pulled Seungyoon for a hug and Seungyoon gripped him tight.

 

“Kang Seungyoon,” Mino called “Are you okay?”

 

Mino opened a scar he tried so hard to hide for years.

 

“No,” He whispered “I’m a mess”

 

Mino hugged him tighter and Seungyoon could almost feel he’s healing as he closes his eyes. Broken heart repaired bit by bit.

 

“I’m sorry,” Mino whispered

 

“It’s okay. Just stay.”

 

 

 

The rain fell heavily once more. Thunder blaring outside the windows. But for the first time in a while, Seungyoon couldn’t give a damn what the sky decided to pour on him. Because that night, beside him, is his dream. Mino sleeps peacefully beside him. Soft snores the only sound needed for Seungyoon to ignore the rain. In the small bed, they both snuggled in, lies Seungyoon’s dream. Of peace and warmth.

 

Just before Seungyoon’s mind left his body to the sleep realm, a snippet of memory visits him

 

__________

 

_“Would you leave me as my dad did?”_

_Seungyoon said between ragged breath, the result of running from Mino’s house to the tulip field in the_ _town outskirts._

_Mino looked at him, still laying on his back._

 

_“I won’t”_

 

_“Promise?”_

 

_“Promise.”_

 

_Seungyoon looked back at him. The grass on his back and afternoon sun on his skin felt nice. But nothing could beat the look of certainty Mino gave him._

 

_After a long while, someone finally could look_ _at him in the eye and actually mean_ _t what they said._

 

 

_“Okay.”_

 

__________

 

 

Birds chirping and neighborhood’s dog barks wake Seungyoon of his slumber to find the other side of the bed empty. He jolted, ignoring his head’s plea of slow movements. His heart beats so hard he could hear it in his ear. But then a sound of water tap from the kitchen took his attention. He left the soft mattress and walk slowly towards the kitchen. His whole being begging for the source to be Mino.

 

And he let out a long breath when he sees him there. Rummaging through his cabinet. He’s there. He’s real. Mino could feel him behind, and he turned his head to see a messy-haired Seungyoon with a pouty lip.

 

“You got no class to attend to this morning?”

 

Seungyoon glanced at the clock on the wall. 9 o’clock.

 

“In an hour”

 

“Alright. I’ll make you breakfast.” Mino continues to work for his hands on the kitchen counter.

 

“I should skip the class.”

 

Mino turned his head to look at Seungyoon once more. He looked serious. And Mino knew what he wanted.

 

“Alright. We still need breakfast though. Cereal okay?”

 

Seungyoon hummed as he walks towards the bathroom. He washes his face with cold water and stared at his reflection for a few seconds before he washes his teeth as well. Something is gripping his heart, and he couldn’t shake it off. When he’s back to the living room, Mino is there with two bowls of cereal and remote in his hands. He’s switching through the channels just like how Seungyoon usually does. He settled on a sports news as Seungyoon sat on the floor beside him, eating the cereal. It felt so natural, almost as if the elephant in the room didn’t exist at all. But they both knew better.

 

After they finished their cereal without any words exchanged between them, Mino stands up to put the bowls in the sink. Seungyoon stands up too, after Mino left the room, back to his room. He sat on one corner of the bed, leaning his back to the wall. As he watched the city from the window in front of him, a single raindrop hits the glass. It’s raining again.

 

Mino grips on the kitchen edge with shaking hands. Seungyoon will have questions. They were not finished talking yesterday. He thought he was ready. He thought he left it all behind. Perhaps he did, but they just happened to caught up to him. He doesn’t know when. Maybe last night, when he saw Seungyoon with his friends. Life all good, fun, and in order. Or perhaps, when he saw his room. Full of his character and things Mino didn’t catch on all these years they weren’t together. They caught up so fast, and Mino loses all his vigor to tell Seungyoon the life he’s been living. What if he’s not what Seungyoon was hoping for? What if all the things they had, were over the same day he left Seungyoon?

 

Eight years, Mino counted.

 

Eight years is a long enough time.

 

Seungyoon’s hand tremble in his knees as he sits with legs pulled closer to his chest. Somehow... His guts wouldn’t stop telling him bad thoughts. The rain is somehow more intimidating today. And Seungyoon hates it even more. He could hear the tap water in the sink is turned on.

 

Somehow,

 

In his mind,

 

Mino is always gone.

 

He couldn’t seem to grasp him in his hands. He couldn’t help but keep forgetting how his hug felt. How his skin brushed his. He couldn’t remember. His breathing got faster, heart constricting even more. Seungyoon abruptly got up from his seat and ran to the kitchen to find it empty.

 

His heart drops.

 

“No..” He searches the house, tears threatening to fall

 

“ _No_ ” Seungyoon sobs

 

He looked at the front door, slightly open. He ran with all his might, looking left and right and chose to run down the stairs. He’s now depending everything on his instinct. He ran through the rain that felt heavier on his shoulder. To the pavement. To the empty narrow street. He looks left and right as he ran. Hot tears streaming on his face, distinguishing itself from the rain drops.

 

This is his nightmare. All 8 years of it, coming true right at this moment. Of Mino coming back, filling the hole he left behind, only to leave again. Only to wake up alone in his bed, rain rumbling his walls. And it hurts. It hurts everywhere. He thought he was ready to be disapointed. Last night, he even told himself if this is only a dream, it was worth the heartbreak coming after. But the pain was far more intense than he imagined. Because he wasn’t a dream. He’s real. And it turns out, even in real life, he left him once again. Alone and cold. Running like a mad man.

 

 

Exactly the same as that day.

 

 

Seungyoon wants to scream. He wants to yell at people, begging anyone to help him get him back.

 

 His heart burns. He’s been running too fast for too long. His body couldn’t keep up anymore as he reaches a children playground. He fell on his knees, coughing. Everything hurts. He sobs and cries. This is his nightmare.

 

“Seungyoon?”

 

Seungyoon’s head jolts up.

 

_He’s here_

 

He tried to stand but his legs failed him as he fell on his stomach. Mino hurriedly ran and helped him up. Anger covered every sense Seungyoon had.

 

“You liar!!” he screamed on top of his lungs

 

Mino looked at him with guilt.

 

“You said you wouldn’t leave me as my dad did!”

 

Mino tried to pull him for a hug but Seungyoon pushed him away

 

“You left me _twice,”_ the bitterness in his voice break Mino’s heart

 

“I hate you!!” Seungyoon screamed at his face

 

A tear slipped Mino’s face. Covered by the heavy rain

 

“I hate you!!!” Seungyoon repeated over and over. His energy soon depleted, he grows weaker as Mino’s pull get stronger. He ended up in Mino’s embrace. The one he almost forgot. The one that terrifies him so much. Because he couldn’t help thinking it might be the last one. Just like how it is in his nightmares. Mino whispered sorry a thousand times to his ears. Realizing how stupid his head was. He came to fix everything. Yet he broke it all over again.

 

 

 

A few meters from where they were, Kim Jinwoo was watching under his umbrella, a bag of groceries on his arms. He stared with an unreadable face, and leave the pair on their spot. As he enters the cafe, he put down the groceries and walked up to one of the cabinet. He took one pack of half-used cigarette and sighed. He walked up to the stove with a roll between his lips, and lit it up with the stove’s fire. He puffed out the familiar taste and strolled his feet to lean his body near the cafe window. He stared at nothing, letting his mind wander to faraway places. Too far away memories.

 

“I thought you said you didn’t smoke.” A voice called back his attention

 

“Did I?” He answered with his sweet voice

 

“You did. Either you lied to me, or you just lose your purpose to quit.”

 

“Hmmm an observant person, aren’t you, Seunghoon-sii?

 

The younger boy smirks. He put his own cigarette on his lips and held Jinwoo’s chin to keep him in place so he could lit his own with Jinwoo’s cigar blaze. All the while, looking at the older man’s eyes. Jinwoo looked back at his boss amusedly. After his cigar is well lit, he pulled back and leaned on the other end of the window.

 

“So, I heard you used your band-choosing chance early.”

 

“Yes, I did.”

 

“A bad choice, I must say”

 

Jinwoo’s eyebrow knitted at the statement

 

“How so?”

 

Seungyoon drags a puff and inhaled it deeply, not in a hurry to answer his question.

 

“I knew the band. You happened to recruit the asshole that fucked my ex.”

 

“Why would you be offended by someone who bangs your ex?” Jinwoo asked daringly

 

“Because, he happened to bang her when she was not my ex _yet_.”

 

Jinwoo’s eyebrow raised in shock, followed by a chuckle.

 

“My, how unfortunate.” He said between his suppressed smile

 

Seunghoon didn’t laugh with him and chose to stare at him with cold eyes instead.

 

“Well, boss... I happen to see this asshole have a rather talented band. Why not give them another chance? You might realize already how your other club’s popularity is slightly declining since you fired them.”

 

Seunghoon took another drag and blow it to Jinwoo’s face.

 

“Let’s see how that judgment of yours would go then, Kim Jinwoo-hyung,” Seunghoon said coyly

 

Seunghoon then left him and the cafe, making Jinwoo the sole occupant once more. As soon as Seunghoon leave with his car, Jinwo snorted.

 

“You little son of a bitch. If you’re not my boss, Imma be teaching you a lesson and you’d be begging me to stop kicking your disrespectful ass.”

 

Jinwoo let out a sigh and starts to do his first job for the day. Getting the food ready. The rain kept on pouring heavily outside.

 


	4. Go Back

 

 

 

 

 

Seungyoon stands stubbornly in the living room, hands trembling on his sides. He glared at Mino, determined not to let his eyes off him. While Mino is struggling to convince Seungyoon that he won’t run away, and Seungyoon has to change his clothes before he catches a cold.

 

“Come on, I know I have no right to ask you to listen to me right now, but please change to this. You’ll get sick.”

 

Seungyoon, still glaring at him with fire in his eyes, is contemplating how he should react. He felt so cold, that much is true. Any minute now and he would start sneezing. Deciding that it’s more embarrassing to sneeze in front of Mino and how much he hated to be told, ‘see? told you’, he reaches out his hand for the clothes. Mino smiles in relief, thinking he finally melt the boy’s stubborn head.

 

“Turn around,” Seungyoon commanded

 

Mino raised his eyebrows

 

“What, you gonna change here?”

 

“I said turn around” Seungyoon repeated fiercely.

 

Mino sighed as he turned his body around. Seungyoon has been watching his back on their way home and even waited outside the bathroom when Mino went to change for his dry clothes. Well, this whole ordeal is really his fault so he tried to comply as much as he could. He could hear Seungyoon open his zipper and knowing that the boy is probably naked behind him, made him somewhat tense. After a while, Seungyoon calls him.

 

“I’m done”

 

Mino turned back to see Seungyoon in dry clothes. ‘now that’s much better’ Mino thought.

 

“Now talk” Seungyoon commanded again

 

“Let’s take a seat first”

 

“Talk” Seungyoon didn’t budge in his spot

 

Mino, finally feeling tired, tried to knock some senses into Seungyoon’s angry head

 

“Yoon.. come on.. we’re both tired, and you locked the door. it’s not like I could run away just from us moving to the couch”

 

Mino’s tone hit him too close to home. It sounded so much like when he used to persuade Seungyoon to eat when they were young. So he complied, walking towards the couch first. As he sits and hugs his legs near, Mino took the spot beside him. Both looking at the blank TV monitor in front of them. Seungyoon watches his face from the reflection. He looks tired, and... scared?

 

“You want to ask questions or do you want me to just tell you stuff?”

 

“Tell me”

 

Mino plays with the hem of his shirt.

 

“Alright.”

 

__________

 

_“Don’t keep any secrets from me, Kang Seungyoon! We’re friends, and friends share everything!”_

 

__________

 

Mino smiled slightly remembering that words he used to warn Seungyoon every time. Oh, how the world changed them.

 

“So, I guess you remember that night, right?”

 

 

_Eight years ago_

 

_Mino stayed in his room, getting his toys ready for him and Seungyoon to play fort that day. He chose Seungyoon’s favorite robot and put it in his side of the fort, so the kid would be happy. He told Seungyoon not to reckon him as hyung, but Mino couldn’t help but treat him like the little kid he is._

 

 

_His dad is shouting on the phone again. Mino hated days like this. His dad would be angrier, scarier. And he would hit Mino harder. He eavesdrops at the door, trying to listen, so he can judge whether it’s safe for Seungyoon to come or should they just cancel the plans for today. He could tell the words his father said were not nice, but he didn’t understand those words. He talked about something regarding money, and the house. His dad sounded even angrier than usual if that was even possible. Then he could hear his father threw something across the room and it broke. Then, much to Mino’s horror, his footsteps are getting closer to his room. Mino ran and hid in his closet, but as soon as his dad slam the bedroom door open, he didn’t need much time before he pull_ _ed the closet door harshly._

 

_His face looked so different. It remi_ _nded him of the monsters in his story book. Red eyes, angry eyebrows.. he was horrifying._

 

_“Wake up”_

 

_Mino trembled in his spot. His whole body_ _froze. Something was different about him that day._

 

 

 

Seungyoon gulped in his seat. He had a slight memory of that man. Those he would rather forget. Those about him hiding in Mino’s closet as he saw that man slapped Mino’s face and yanked him by the arm.

 

 

 

_After a few seconds of no response, he pulled Mino’s hair and dragged him out of the closet. Mino cried out of pain. His dad let go of his hair and suddenly drop on his knees, big hands cupping Mino’s face harshly. The rain started to pour outside. Seungyoon shouldn’t come here, is what Mino had in his mind._

 

_“My son.. my beloved son..”_

 

 _Mino longed to hear such words from him since his birth. His father was always so centered to his mom. The one he never met. For the day Mino was born, was the day his mom_ _passed away. But if he had the chance to choose, he would rather not hear such loving words from his dad in such a state._

 

_“You will help me... you will..”_

 

_Mino didn’t understand. What must he do? The laundry? Should he clean the house? Mino would do anything to make his dad stop being so angry._

 

_But his dad had other things is mind, as he dragged Mino outside of the house. All the while, Mino cried in pain and begging for his forgiveness. Mino apologized for something he didn’t even know was wrong. He was 12. What did he know?_

 

 

 

Seungyoon remembered that. He remembered being a few meters out of Mino’s house, trembling under his umbrella, watching the scene in fear. He wanted to run and save Mino, but Mino always told him not to. He always said his father is a good man, and he will be, again. So he asked Seungyoon to trust him. And Seungyoon did. He always did.

 

 

 

_His dad threw him inside their car, and as he came in to drive the car somewhere far, Mino has lost his voice. Too scared to even move. Along the way, his father looked anxious. Mino heard some car honking. His dad was driving so fast. Mino couldn’t tell how long was he on the car, but he only felt that it was the longest ride he has ever had his whole life_ _, despite the speed. Mino’s heart dropped as they reached the destination. Somehow he knew, he’s in a bigger trouble._

 

_His dad went out of the car, and after a split second Mino is dragged out too. He was in a place that looked like a harbor. A group of men stood in front of him. All scary looking, tattoos all over their body visible._

 

_“Take him, and let me go,” Mino’s dad said with a tired voice_

 

_Mino looked up to his dad’s face. No, please don’t._

 

_“What do you reckon me to do with that little dog of yours, huh?”_

 

_“Anything you want. He’s healthy, young! Just please, let me go”_

 

_The group of man laughed at his dad. Mino didn’t understand what’s funny._

 

“Lemme see the kid.” The man in the center asked, and Mino’s dad didn’t have to think twice to shove him at their direction. Mino was so scared, he only looked at his feet. The man went closer to Mino. He was trembling so much; his lips were shaking too. The man squatted _in front of him and held up Mino’s chin to see his face. Mino almost peed his pants to see the scary man up close._ _He even has tattoos on his face. A scar on his left cheek. His eyes were something Mino wouldn’t like to stare for too long. He looked at Mino straight in the eye, then averted his gaze to his dad._

 

_“You know what, Mr. Song? You’ve worked so hard to pay your debts all these years I actually felt sorry for you.”_

 

_The man stood up_

 

_“Alright, I’ll take the boy.”_

 

_Mino turned his head towards his dad in horror, only to see his dad smiling._

 

_He smiled._

 

_Mino hasn’t seen that for years._

 

_“Thank you! Thank you so much! I’ll take my leave now, sir!”_

 

_But his dad didn’t know one of them were behind him. As he turned his body, his dad grunted in pain._

 

_“Dad!!”_

 

_Mino managed to scream_

 

_“But you have been a massive pain in the ass, Mr. Song. Take that as a reminder to you. Don’t you fucking mess with us.”_

 

_His dad fell on his knees. Something dripped from his stomach. Mino was too scared to look, so he_ _turned back his head._

 

_Suddenly, a strong grip yanked his arm. A different man pulled him away from the area. He screamed to call his dad on top of his lungs, but the man yanking him suddenly slapped his face and talked to him eye to eye._

 

_“That man is no father, boy.”_

 

_Mino was shocked from the hit, and it made his brain focused on the man talking to him._

 

_“He is a traitorous, dirty man. Forget about him. all you need to know now is how to survive. And if you want to do so, listen to my every word.”_

 

_Mino stayed in silence. He glanced back at his father, who managed to stand up with shaky legs. He got in his car and drove away._

 

_That was the last time he ever saw him._

 

 

 

Seungyoon felt nauseous. He felt all sort of bad feeling in him. disgust, fear, disbelief. What kind of human would be able to...

 

“I saw him..” Seungyoon remembered

 

“Who?”

 

“Your dad”

 

“Yeah?”

 

Seungyoon nodded.

 

“I saw him got home that night. Blood on his shirt. He came out a few minutes later with a bag. He drove away and ever came back.” Seungyoon reminisced in horror.

 

He remembered the last time he saw that vicious, disgusting man. His face turn even paler, his stomach felt bad, he’s near to vomiting.

 

“He’s dead Mino. I heard people talking back then. Suicide.” Seungyoon whispered.

 

Mino holds his gaze to the floor.

 

“Is he?” he said with a soft voice. No affection in it.

 

“Well, life has sure been hard on him,” he whispered furthermore.

 

 

“Are you okay?” Mino asked, with his ever so caring voice.

 

Seungyoon turned his face to him. how could that be what came out of his mouth? Seungyoon was supposed to be the one comforting him now. After all the living hell Mino came through. How could he still have the heart to worry about Seungyoon?

 

“Are _you_?” Seungyoon asked

 

 

Mino smiled a tired smile.

 

“I’m a mess,” Mino said

 

Seungyoons’s heart drops to his stomach. He opened his arm for Mino to come close, and Mino slowly let himself fall to his embrace. Seungyoon held him tight. Hoping it would shoo away the darkness Mino’s been injected deep into him. Mino smell Seungyoon’s scent deep into his lungs.

 

He let himself rest. He let his true face show. Seungyoon is still Seungyoon. The warm spring encapsulated in a human form. He is the same. And Mino felt stupid he ever doubted that.

 

“It’s okay. You’ll be okay now..” Seungyoon whispered to him

 

And Mino feels peace. After a long time, he found it. He almost broke down right there and then, but he was scared if he showed Seungyoon too much more of his scar, it would push him away. So Mino let out a long, strained breath. He missed him so much.

 

“Can we stop here, Yoon?” Mino almost begs, his heart needed rest. He never told anyone else this story. And it took more of his energy than he thought.

 

“Yeah, it’s okay. Take your time.” Seungyoon said.

 

“Thanks”

 

They spent their afternoon on the couch, with the rain slowly fading out. Seungyoon laying on his back, Mino on top of him. Seungyoon reaches out his hand to stroke Mino’s head in an attempt to soothe his mind. They shared the warmth until they both fell asleep.

 

In Seungyoon’s dream, he was laying on the tulip field with young Mino beside him. he was smiling under the warm afternoon sun. In a blink, young Mino changed to the present Mino. But he was smiling too. And Seungyoon loved the view.

 

A few hours of serenity were disrupted by Taehyun’s call on his door. At this point, Seungyoon almost wanted to kill the noisy man. Mino woke up with a grunt, leaving Seungyoon’s chest and bringing the warmth away with him, making Seungyoon frown in longing.  He turned his head towards the door and whispered,

 

“Maybe if we stay shut, he’ll go away.”

 

 

“KANG! WAKE UP! WE HAVE A JOB TONIGHT!”

 

And Seungyoon groans. He couldn’t ignore _that._ So he woke up and walks lazily to the front door, Mino chuckling behind him. He opened the door. And as usual, Taehyun didn’t have any shame to walk in before he was permitted.

 

“Hey, Mino-hyung!”

 

“Hey. What’s with the hyung though? I told you just to call me by the name”

 

“Dunno, just kinda feel good to have a hyung aura around me. I’m the first child, so be my hyung. Ok?”

 

“Huh, well do what you want,” Mino answered with a smile

 

Taehyun grinned cheerily, Seungyoon wanted to hit his head for practically ignoring his tired face. When Taehyun finally gives his existence a response, it was to nag.

 

“What are you looking lousy for? Go and pretty up your ass, we’re performing tonight.”

 

“In this modern era of phones, why don’t you use the chatroom to tell us this rather than sending pics of your favorite Japanese porn star which we don’t give a shit about?”

 

“I met the other two losers at the campus, and I told them then. I don’t want you to miss me too much so I gave your sorry ass a visit, Kang Seungyoon. Be grateful”

 

“Fuck you and your crazy delusions.”

 

“I love you too, now go and dress like a hooker for the night. We need our tips.”

 

Seungyoon groans loudly as he walked up to his room to change. Taehyun flops beside Mino.

 

“Hyung, come over again tonight!”

 

“That’s okay?”

 

“Sure it is!”

 

Seungyoon yelled from his room,

 

“Mino, you can stay home instead if you’re tired!”

 

Mino was a tad bit surprised Seungyoon actually lets him be on his own. But Mino had other plans.

 

“Nah, I’m good. I have something I wanna do.”

 

Mino stood up and rummages through his bag in one corner of the room. Taehyun watches him, curious. Mino suddenly pulled out a sketch book and some kind of a pencil case.

 

“Oh, hyung! You can draw?”

 

“A lil’ bit”

 

“Whoaaa.. what kind?”

 

“Hmm, almost anything I guess.. from faces to things, or plain landscapes.”

 

Seungyoon could hear their conversation from his room as he was wearing his jeans jacket. Mino had always loved to draw, even when they were kids. It’s good to know he still does that.

 

“What the heck?? This is awesome! You sure you’re not a professional artist?”

 

Mino laughed at Taehyun’s question

 

“Nah, I’m still pretty far from that.”

 

Seungyoon is back in the living room soon after, and he caught a glimpse of Mino’s drawing. It really was amazing. The people’s portraits definitely become his favorite. They all looked alive, it has a soul in them. Their eyes made you wonder what kind of stories these people have.

 

“You gonna draw tonight?” Taehyun asked

 

“I plan to”

 

Taehyun exclaimed in awe. Seungyoon smiled, watching Mino looking shy at Taehyun’s amazement on him. Cute how still won’t realize how amazing he really is. Typical down-to-earth Mino. Nothing new.

 

“Let’s go?” Seungyoon asked to both them

 

Taehyun turns his head to see his guitarist ready to roll

 

“Oh yeah, let’s hit it.”

 

 

At the cafe that night, the Monarch did another good job. The crowds were pleased, some recognized them form the night before. They quickly gather fans. Mino, on the other hand, is sitting on one of the stools with his hair tied up. Hands busy sketching something in his book. Jinwoo approached and sat beside him. He took a glance at what Mino is drawing. It was the boys. under the yellow lights, singing their hearts out. It was still a sketch, but Jinwoo can feel the picture grow into him. He smiled softly.

 

“You’re smoking again?” Mino suddenly asked

 

“Wow, your nose is amazing. Did you manage to smell that from me? That’s a pretty cool skill”

 

“Why are you smoking again?” Mino asked again, ignoring Jinwoo’s attempt to avoid the topic

 

Jinwo chuckled, “I don’t know. Just suddenly lose my point to quit.”

 

Mino stopped his hands and turn his head slightly to look at him.

 

“Something’s wrong?”

 

Jinwoo didn’t return his gaze.

 

“Just... Just in the middle of adapting to.. _this_.”

 

Jinwoo gestured his hands at everything around them.

 

“Too many new things around us, don’t you think?”

 

Mino looked around them as well.

 

“New people. New place. New things to do every day. New story to hear every day. Back then, none of us would even have the guts to dream of such a scene.”

 

Mino stared at the older man’s eyes. Too many things are going on inside. A small voice in Mino wanted to help him, but he didn’t know how. So he looked back at the small stage. At Seungyoon.

 

“Take it slow, hyung. We’ll get there.”

 

Jinwoo turns his head to look at Mino.

 

“Where?”

 

 

Seungyoon was singing a slow-rock ballad. He sang with so much emotion, the room adopted the feeling. Mino suddenly felt the miracle he happened to stumble against. To find that boy again. To have him back in his days. Just like Jinwoo said, if it were back then, Mino wouldn’t dare to think of Seungyoon’s face too much. Because he was scared he couldn’t handle it. And he’ll break

 

 

“We’ll get to our life again. Before hell.”

 

 

Jinwoo let the weight of his words sinks in. His jaw shakes and he left Mino’s side before Mino could see the water pooling in his eyes.

 

Seungyoon finished his song and turned his eyes to Mino and gave him a smile.

 

This.

 

This is all he wants.


	5. A Secret

 

 

“How long your class gonna be?”

 

“Three hours” Seungyoon answered, eyes half-lidded while brushing his teeth. The TV was on with his favorite cartoon, Gumball. Mino came to the room and hit his head with a ladle.

 

“Go wash up, you’re almost late.”

 

“Where is my breakfast?” Seungyoon looks up to Mino

 

“Cooking. Go wash up first.”

 

The younger whined as he stood up from his seat to the bathroom. Mino was shocked to know a student wakes up for class everyday but rarely have breakfast first. No wonder he’s so skinny. Knowing that, he told Seungyoon he’s gonna make him food.

 

“Thank you for the food!” Seungyoon said after he finished the ramyeon Mino made. It was simple, and the only thing Mino could make since Seungyoon didn’t have any ingredients. He looks so happy and Mino smiled seeing the boy ready for the day.

 

“I’m going out today,” Mino announced

 

Seungyoon looked up at him from his phone. “Where?”

 

“Around town. To draw.” Mino answered as he brings the empty bowl to the kitchen.

 

“Here’s another thing you should know, Kang Seungyoon.”

 

Seungyoon looks at him from the small table, curious.

 

“I actually am a professional painter. By professional, I mean I do it as a work. I paint stuff then send it to my boss in Seoul. His gallery is in charge of selling my painting.”

 

Seungyoon’s jaw drops.

 

“Seriously??”

 

Mino hummed as he washes the bowls.

 

“Woah...” Seungyoon exclaimed.

 

He’s paid by doing art. How cool is that... Seungyoon is envious. But proud. He still loves the job and stuffs he’s gonna do from Biology, but managing to do a hobby as work is totally impressive.

 

One more mystery solved then. Mino is a painter. Seungyoon put the information in his heart, collecting it like a puzzle. Seeing the blank frame was frightening before, he felt lost. But now, he feels like day by day the puzzle will fill itself. And he’ll know him as whole again. It surges a feeling of adventure in his life. Exciting. Fun. Just like his days with Mino as kids. Every day is a game, a challenge. And Seungyoon is delighted to live like that again.

 

Someone slipped Seungyoon’s mind. His mom.

 

“Mino-ya”

 

“Hm?” he answered while packing his painting tools

 

“Can my mom know?”

 

“About what?”

 

“Well.. you. You back here, us living together?”

 

Mino turned his head to Seungyoon

 

“Oh.. right. Um..”

 

“I can tell her another back story if you want.. or keep this all a secret, whatever you like”

 

Mino thought for a while. He knew Seungyoon loves his mother more than himself. And he couldn’t find any reason to lie.. except..

 

“It’s fine. But if she asks about anything, just tell her that my dad left me at a family’s house back then.”

 

“Alright.”

 

Seungyoon is actually relieved. Keeping secrets from his mom is not really a thing he likes. Except for things his mom _definitely_ didn’t need to know. Like his one-month-old relationship back then in the first year. With a girl from art faculty. Because nothing is more embarrassing than hearing your mom say how big her boy is now. No. Seungyoon hates that.

 

“Alright, I’m set. Let’s go?”

 

“Let’s” Seungyoon answered as he got up from his seat.

 

Walking out of the apartment on an early morning together, saying bye on the intersection, it made Seungyoon felt giddy for some reason. Nobody knows about Mino living with him except the boys. None of his classmates knows. It felt like having a little secret. It felt so... special?

 

 

 

It felt like a couple who ran away and lived together.

 

 

Seungyoon shook his cherry red face as he walks to the campus.

 

 

In class, some of his friends asked about his whereabouts yesterday. It’s unusual for Kang Seungyoon to skip a class. He chats with them in a great mood, until the professor came and they all spread to their seats. After a while, he glances outside the window, thinking that Mino is out there painting a sweet scenery. His friend. His secret.

 

At the cafe, Jinwoo just finishes his morning chore. It really bugs him how the boss told him to care for the cafe chores alone because he’s the new kid. But gave him a manager position for the club. Maybe because he’s older than the other staffs. Or maybe because when the younger boy gave him a test, he managed to name every bottle of drinks they have. Easy peasy.

 

After the last cup is washed and dried, he went to the backdoor alley for some fresh air. The town is a cute one. The streets are mostly covered in pavements, as the students mostly living here didn’t have any transportation and walks anywhere. It’s a very pedestrian-friendly environment. And Jinwoo loved the quietness of the small town. Not many cars and motorcycle around. Music from cafes and small clubs are the accompanying element. He almost opens up a cigarette pack from his pocket when he saw Mino walking on the street, passing the alley. Jinwoo ran up to call him.

 

“Mino-ya!”

 

Mino turned around to see Jinwoo smiling at him from ear to ear.

 

“What?”

 

Jinwoo frowned

 

“What kind of greeting is that?”

 

“What were you expecting?” Mino answered with a rather blank face.

 

“Come inside and have a drink.” He offered.

 

“I’m leaving to paint.”

 

“Then paint me. You used to do that a lot.” Jinwoo smiles coyly

 

“Exactly, I did that way too often, I can draw your face without needing you now.” Mino answer with slight playfulness in his tone.

 

Jinwoo laughed at the memories as he looked at the town street that is starting to get busy. Mino used to get angry at him because he couldn’t stay still when he’s being drawn. Jinwoo couldn’t help it. No one ever looked at him with such focus, and concentration. And he couldn’t stop being nervous. Until many times later, he’s used to enjoying the quietness Mino and his painting session provided. In between the mess around them, that is. The unpleasantness of the memory shrouded Jinwoo. Mino didn’t miss the slight sorrow in Jinwoo’s eyes. He’s used to his act; he could tell in a glance.

 

“Hyung,--“

 

“How is Seungyoon?” Jinwoo abruptly cuts him off. Knowing what he was gonna ask.

 

Mino looked at him a few seconds. Pondering whether to push him on the topic or play along with his avoidance. Mino chooses the latter.

 

“Good.”

 

“I happen to saw you guys the other day. At the park.”

 

Mino flinches at the mention of the other day.

 

“So, really? All good?” Jinwoo repeated his question.

 

“Yeah. I told him.”

 

“Everything?”

 

“No,” Mino stared at the horizon “Not yet.”

 

Jinwoo stayed silent as he watches Mino’s expression. A young man with scars on his back. Looking at Mino felt like looking a mirror for Jinwoo. It’s just that, even when he’s alone, Mino never seemed to be truly alone. There are people in his heart. Jinwoo didn’t have those. How heartburning.

 

“Tell him everything when you’re ready, Song Mino. But don’t run. You’ve run far enough.”

 

Mino stared back at Jinwoo. Searching his eyes.

 

“I know.”

 

Jinwoo stared back at him for a few seconds before he averted his gaze.

 

“Well, I gotta go and do some work. You go and paint something. Bye, kid” His voice shakes slightly under his fake cheerful smile. Very slightly. If it wasn’t Mino, no one would realize.

 

Jinwoo is halfway to the cafe door when Mino grips his wrist. He turned his head to see Mino suddenly looking like the young boy he met years ago. Innocent, ingenious.

 

“We’re only a few meters away. A kilometer, at most.”

 

Jinwoo tilted his head, not quite understanding what Mino meant.

 

“I’m close. You can reach to me anytime. So don’t run anywhere else.”

 

It hit Jinwoo like a blow.

 

Mino let go of his grip and mutter a soft goodbye as he leaves Jinwoo dumbfounded in front of the cafe. For the first time in years, Jinwoo didn’t feel alone. It’s warm and it’s foreign. Jinwoo is not used to it. But he kind of understands why people like the feeling so much. Of not being lonely.

 

A voice behind him startles his whole body

 

“The hell you’re doing here?”

 

Jinwoo look back to see his young boss glaring at him with lasers from his eyes.

 

“Welcome, boss.” Jinwoo shot his best smile and he only got a snort from the younger man.

 

Seunghoon entered the cafe angrily, and Jinwoo had a feeling he’s gonna make his life a living hell today. The perks of having a rich brat as your boss. He sighed and followed his boss inside.

 

 

 

Seungyoon stretched his arms and yawned as the professor finally left the classroom. He has a 30 minutes break before the last session.

 

“Kang Seungyoon!” Taehyun’s voice called him from the classroom door.

 

He made a gesture of spooning something to his mouth, inviting Seungyoon for food. Seungyoon ate already, but accompanying Taehyun sounds better than sitting in the same spot for the next 30 minutes, waiting for another hell. So he stood up and follow the boy to the cafeteria.

 

“You’re not eating?”

 

“No, I’ve had breakfast.”

 

“What? That’s unusual. You had the time to cook this morning?”

 

“Mino made me ramyeon.”

 

“Ahhh... Mino-hyung.. he’s so kind to be babysitting you. I hope someone out there would do something like that for me.”

 

“Try one of your girlfriends.”

 

“Those girls probably couldn’t cook to save their lives.”

 

“How would you know that when you didn’t even treat them right. Stop being an asshole to them and choose one.”

 

“Yeah yeah... I’ll do that. Someday.”

 

Seungyoon rolled his eyes. After a few minutes of gobbling his food, while Seungyoon sucks on a vanilla latte, Taehyun is itching to ask him something that’s been bugging his mind for days.

 

“Kang”

 

“Hm?” Seungyoon responded while still playing a game on his phone.

 

“You fucking Mino-hyung?’

 

Seungyoon chokes on his drink, splatting some drop on his phone as he gets stares from other kids on the cafeteria. Taehyun is using his whole body power to stop his laugh.

 

After composing himself and glaring at Taehyun, Seungyoon managed to speak

 

“You crazy?”

 

“No, I’m curious.”

 

Seungyoon raised one hand to massage his temple.

 

“Come on, you know every girl I screw with, you know almost _everything_ about me! So give me an honest answer, Kang Seungyoon.” Taehyun pushed him with a low whisper so no one can hear them

 

“I don’t! _We_ don’t! We’re childhood friends for god’s sake!” Seungyoon answered with the same volume

 

“But would you _like_ to?”

 

Seungyoon’s face feels hot

 

“No”

 

“Bullshit, you have no idea how red your face is now.”

 

“No, it’s—“

 

Taehyun cut him off with a smug laugh as he leans his back away from the table.

 

“I knew it. Meh, if I had the chance, I might too, because why the hell not. He’s hella cute.”

 

Seungyoon just stares at him, slack-jawed. And not knowing how to defend himself.

 

“Just don’t hurt yourself, yeah? You know how to do it with guys right? Just don’t be nervous, or it’s gonna hurt you more than it should. I have a feeling that hyung plays rough, so don’t mess around before our band shift or you won’t be able to walk to the club”

 

“Dude, shut it! How do you even know this kinda shit?” Seungyoon asked in disbelief

 

“You know that senior from mechanics faculty? Bobby?”

 

“Oh fuck no..”

 

“It’s actually ‘fuck, yes’” Taehyun laughed hysterically

 

“Are you fucking crazy, Nam taehyun? I didn’t even know you’re into dudes!” Seungyoon whispered with vigor and blazing cheeks.

 

“I’m not, it was just a one-time thing. Real good though. But that’s not the point. Oh, come on, Kang! Just face it, your childhood friend is hot now, and you wanna bang him. Nothing’s wrong with that, people change. It’s not like he doesn’t like you.”

 

Seungyoon shuts his mouth at that.

 

‘Wha—What are you even talking about.”

 

Bullseye. Taehyun knew he hit the right target.

 

“He likes you. Definitely. I saw it since day one. The way he looks at you is kinda obvious. And come on, cooking you breakfast? Even I won’t do that for you” Taehyun ended with a little chuckle

 

Seungyoon avoids Taehyun’s eyes. Taehyun almost laughs seeing his best friend so flustered but he didn’t want Seungyoon to think he’s joking. Because he’s not. He meant every word he said.

 

“So how about you? What do you think of him?” Taehyun asked the big question.

 

Seungyoon looked far away, through the windows at the cafeteria showing him the campus’ garden. The alarm in his phone suddenly blare, telling him the next class is gonna start soon.

 

“Well, won’t you look at the time. see ya later, loser!” Seungyoon suddenly stood up and lifts his bag

 

“What the hell, Kang! Don’t you run away you sissy!” but Seungyoon is far gone

 

“Aish that little kid.” Taehyun snorts.

 

Seungyoon finished his last lecture with his soul almost leaving his body. It was only one hour but it felt so long. And Taehyun’s interrogation at break time is not helping him concentrate at all. He looks outside the windows once more and let his thoughts wander. Where is he now?

 

 

The lecture ends and Seungyoon couldn’t wait to come home. To lay around. And see Mino. He walked up the crowded campus hall, filled with students going home and some just came for an afternoon class. Seungyoon walks with his eyes to the ground. Suddenly a body appeared right in front of him, startling him. As he jolts his head to see who it was, his eyes grew wide.

 

“Hey, you’re done?” Mino greeted him with a bright smile. Seungyoon’s heart hitched at the view.

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

“Picking you up for a late lunch.” Mino shrugged.

 

“You’re done painting?”

 

“Yep,” Mino answered, showing his bag.

 

Seungyoon could feel other students stare at him and Mino. Some girls were swooning over him too. And guys looking at him in admiration. Long hair, ripped jeans, a worn out jacket, it made him look somewhat badass. And sexy. They must be wondering who he is to Seungyoon.

 

Seungyoon somehow grew a pride over the moment. He could get used to this. Smiling ear to ear, Seungyoon linked Mino’s arm with him and drag him along.

 

“Let’s go eat then.”

 

 

 

 

 


	6. Growth

 

 

 

Seungyoon took him to a Korean restaurant around the block as they talk about random things. Old times, new times. Seungyoon talks about the stupid things he and his bandmates did, the campus, the music they listened to. Seungyoon told him about his school days, where he went, how he did. He tells him about the scary exams, the strict teachers, the cool ones, his chairmate, anything nice. It felt so normal. As if nothing is wrong in this world. As if the time they separated were a mere nightmare to be forgotten.

 

Mino listens to Seungyoon’s s story and keeps it in his heart, a way of following his steps. His laugh made Mino laugh too. The happy stories he shared made Mino glad, thankful that he’s had good times in all these years. They finished their meal and went sightseeing. Seungyoon wants to share his secret place with Mino. It was a spacious grass field, fenced by lush trees. Mino awed at the surroundings. It felt like they were at a different space than the town, while it is actually right beside it.

 

“This place is used for a music festival every year, Firefly Fest. There will be a big stage, with indie bands or even popular ones merging together, and the crowd can bring a mat to lay on the field. A free time will be given to anyone who wants to sing. Or basically, perform anything on stage. Everyone gather for music, on a warm afternoon with a bottle of beer and snacks. It lasts until late at night, and in the end, we wait for the surprise.” Seungyoon explained with excitement

 

“What surprise?”

 

“The fireflies. They’ll come up and lit the area.” Seungyoon answered with a smile, the memory playing in his head.

 

“Whoa..” Mino responded as he can already imagine how amazing the scenery would be around them.

 

“I know right? You totally gotta come this year. Last year, the Monarchs performed.”

 

“For real?”

 

“Yeah, it went pretty well too.. that’s why we got jobs at good clubs. Until Taehyun decided to screw the job by messing with the owner’s girlfriend” Seungyoon sighed as he got reminded of the bad omen.

 

Mino laughed at that. “Man, that guy sure likes to live dangerously.” Mino looked around and saw a tree in the lonely field.

 

“Yoon, can we hang here for a bit? I wanna draw something.”

 

“Oh, okay.”

 

They sit on the field, Mino drawing seriously while Seungyoon lay on his back, hands supporting his head as a pillow. He closes his eyes, feeling the breeze and Mino’s scent with it. He smelt like Seungyoon’s soap. And water paint. And old books. And a little sweet scent from his milk shampoo. Apparently, his bags are filled with paints, brush, sketch books, a couple of shirt and jeans, and underwear. But below all that, he always brings a shampoo in that specific brand. Mino’s hair is sensitive he said, and he can’t use other kinds. It has to have milk in it. Seungyoon snorts when he first told him that. Mino be looking like a bad boy but he never forgets the milk shampoo for his precious hair. How cute is that. Seungyoon also saw a glimpse of a cigarette pack. But he didn’t ask and Mino didn’t talk about it.

 

“Seungyoon-ah”

 

Seungyoon hums as an answer

 

“If someday you know everything about me, like literally everything, would you hate me or no?”

 

“No” Seungyoon answers without missing a beat.

 

“Think about it first, you brat” Mino chuckled “Imagine I’m actually a bad person. Something you couldn’t tolerate. What would you do?”

 

Seungyoon opens his eyes slightly to see Mino looking at the horizon far away. Sketchbook on his side. He’s done drawing the tree. The branches are filled with butterflies though, unlike the real thing. His heart feels constricted. Sometimes, he still has the urge to touch him, to make sure he’s real and it’s not Seungyoon’s head making up his image.

 

“What kind of bad?”

 

Mino turns his head and stares at him. His eyes look tired. Like he’s seen horrible things he could never erase. Seungyoon gets up and looks at Mino straight to his eyes. They looked at each other for a few seconds, studying each other’s face.

 

“I’ll try then. I’ll try to understand. I’m not gonna be all dramatic on you so I won’t say I’ll one hundred percent would. But—“

 

Seungyoon felt like he gulped a bitter pill as he looked away from Mino to the horizon brimming with sunset light.

 

“It’s been eight years.”

 

Mino felt a pang in his heart.

 

“It’s been shit. And you’re here now. It’s better than anything I could ever hope for. Hell, I didn’t even have enough guts to pray for you to be back. Because it sounded too impossible. When I saw the blood on your dad’s shirt, I thought that was it. That man finally loses a screw and just did it. So now with you here,”

 

Seungyoon’s eyes glints. Mino couldn’t take his eyes off him, even though the words Seungyoon carry were breaking him from the inside.

 

“It’s a crazy miracle. And I don’t need any other.”

 

Seungyoon looks back at him, and Mino’s heart skips a beat.

 

“I’ll take whatever is coming next.”

 

He looks so sure. So strong. So determined. Mino couldn’t help but fall for him. Like he did when they first met. Like he did every time. All this time. For a thousand times and more

 

It starts to rain.

 

_________

 

_“If I cry too much, would you leave me as my dad did?”_

 

_“Of course I won’t. Who told you that?”_

 

_“Everyone did.”_

 

_________

 

 

Jinwoo sighs at the rain. It’s good for business because more people would come running at the cafe to take shelter, but it’s bad for his body because he’s gonna do a double shift tonight. The boss’ demands, because an employee called in sick for the night. Jinwoo’s mood went sour when he remembers the smug kid’s face. Why him, of all people? He’s been using Jinwoo’s labor way too much, but the rather big pay halt Jinwoo’s desire to rebel. Amongst his static never-ending smile that blinded the customers, a certain man came in with a rather interesting looks and style that catch Jinwoo’s attention. The sweet looking man with strong eyebrows and small lips walks up to the counter and share a few seconds of eye contact with Jinwoo before he flashed him his usual smile.

 

“Welcome, looking for coffee in the midst of the rain?” Jinwoo greeted, the slightest flirt in his voice.

 

“Sure did, got any recommendation for the weather?” The man answered smoothly, unfrozen with Jinwoo’s beautiful facade.

 

“Depends on how you want it.” Jinwoo asked back, amusement slightly evident in his voice.

 

“I usually do it black and plain, but why not surprise me,” He glanced at Jinwoo’s nametag “Jinwoo”

 

Jinwoo smiled his real smile. Unintentionally.

 

“Alright then, since you seem to trust me so much”

 

The man chuckled. Well, that was real cute, Jinwoo thought.

 

“And your name is?”

 

“Dean.”

 

Seunghoon watches from afar as his new employee act rather unusually friendly with the customer. He snorts.

 

“Here you go, a Chai Latte.”

 

“Oh, this one smells nice.”

 

Jinwoo felt a slight pride that the man seems to like his random hunch. The man, Dean, give his payment. Jinwoo accepted the money and realizes a small white paper between the cash.

 

“See you soon, then.” Dean said his goodbye and left as fast as he came.

 

Jinwoo stares at his left back and glances down at the small paper.

 

 

A phone number.

 

 

Jinwoo chuckled. What is this, 1990’s?

 

An interesting variation in his rather usual day.

 

A rather annoying variation for Seunghoon’s day.

 

 

_________

 

 

“You wanna wash up first?” Seungyoon asks after they got inside the house drenched in rain.

 

“Nah, you go first.”

 

“Okie” Seungyoon went to take some fresh dry clothes then head to the bathroom.

 

As Seungyoon left the living room, Mino takes off his wet jacket and shirt and rummages through his bag. The half empty cigarette pack is still there. Crumpled and abandoned. He takes it in his hand then went outside the apartment to the balcony looking at the town. He smells the sweet, peculiar smell of tobacco. It immediately lightens his head. He takes out one, along with the lighter he fit inside. The sound of lighter flicking and fire bursting on the tip is familiar and somehow satisfying. Mino didn’t let himself linger on it though. The first drag of smoke drifts away from his lips. He closes his eyes, feeling the toxicity running through his blood. Slowly easing him. Mino likes the rain. The sound it makes is peaceful, natural, and no one can stop it. The rain is invincible. And it touches you in different ways every time. It can either gloom your bad day or drain your sadness away with every drop.

 

He looks around the small town. Imagining Seungyoon wandering around. He probably ate on that teoppoki stand before. And he’s been to that mini market, buying coffee and ramen late at night to study. He’s been on that slightly fancy seafood restaurant with his band mates, spending their first pay on performance. Laughing and getting drunk, all the while worried his mom would call and found out he’s been drinking. Mino chuckled. He’s gone through a lot. In a different way than him. He remembers Seungyoon’s determined eyes back at the field. He’s stronger now. And Mino is somehow proud.

 

‘Maybe he’s ready.’ Mino ponders. The idea has been bothering him since they sat on the wide green field, pushing him on edge.

 

The cigarette in his hands is almost finished when Seungyoon suddenly pops up beside him, startling Mino in his train of thoughts.

 

“Oh shi—“

 

“So you smoke now?” Seungyoon asked with a slightly tilted head, hair wet, and towel around his neck. Looking innocent and young.

 

Mino looks at him and prevents himself from gulping at the view. And the smell. He smells so nice.

 

“On my way to quitting. This is a cheating day.” Mino answers with a slight smile.

 

Seungyoon glances at the cigarette between his fingers and Mino pull out the fire by pressing the tip on the outer side of the balcony wall. He looks back at Seungyoon and pulls the towel from his neck.

 

“I’ll wash up.”

 

Seungyoon hummed and looks at Mino’s figure disappearing behind his door. Seungyoon bit his lip at the lingering smell of smoke.

 

“Yoon! Your phone is ringing!” Mino calls from inside

 

Mom. Seungyoon ran inside to get his phone hurriedly.

 

 

_________

 

 

“Clean the oven before you close up and tend the club” Seunghoon ordered while lighting his cigarette.

 

Jinwoo tried his hardest not to glare at him with all the hatred in him, but what the hell, he’s being an extra fucker today.

 

“Want me to clean the stove too, while I’m at it?” Jinwoo answered with more bite in his tone than he intended.

 

The younger turn his head and shot him a look.

 

“Mind your attitude, _employee_.”

 

“Sorry if I offended you, didn’t know you were in your sensitive days.” Jinwoo smiled his fake smile, but Lee Seunghoon seems to be unamused by it. He walked up to Jinwoo, face a few inches away from the shorter man.

 

“Be grateful I let a new outsider in the town like you a work at my place. If not for me, you’d be sleeping in a random shop’s terrace, so watch that pretty mouth of yours and keep it for amusing the customers, not me.”

 

He left Jinwoo alone at the cafe, fist clenching on his sides. He wanted to teach him a lesson. But he couldn’t. Everything the boy said ring true. And he hates it.

 

 

_________

 

 

“Alright, I’ll hang up now... Take care, son”

 

“Mom, wait!” Seungyoon stopped his mom from hanging up

 

“What’s wrong, Seungyoon-ah?” Worry evident in her voice.

 

Seungyoon gulped and bit his lips. All the while she called, Seungyoon couldn’t quite listen to her stories, rather he was thinking on how to break the news about Mino.

 

 

_Back when Seungyoon saw Mino’s dad home without him, Seungyoon ran back to his house, leaving his umbrella behind him. He ran as fast as he could as if someone were chasing him. Somehow, it felt like Mino’s dad were behind him._ _Chasing him. He couldn’t even cry._

 

 _When he reached his house, he opened the door abruptly,_ _to be found by his mom who was vacuuming the carpet in the living room at the moment._

 

_“Seungyoon-ah... What’s wrong?” her face worried and confused_ _._

 

_“Help..” Seungyoon said in a faint voice, eyes opened wide, horror marked on his face_ _._

 

_His mom drop_ _ped the vacuum and ran up to him, quickly kneeling in front of his trembling figure_ _._

 

_“Seungyoon-ah, what’s wrong? Tell me, baby” He grabbed Seungyoon by the arms, eyes shaking, scanning his son for anything out of place._

 

_“Help him, please... Help him..” he said, tears finally rolling down his cheek, breaking her hearts to pieces._

 

_“Who? Who is it?” Her mom asked, panic clear in her voice_

 

 

_Seungyoon’s breathing went even more disarray. A thousand worst scenario went through her head._

 

_“Mino..”_

 

_Her heart froze._

 

_“Please help Mino, mom..”_

 

 

 

“Mom, I wanted to tell you something. It’s about Mino.”

 

Her heart drops at the topic. Seungyoon stopped talking about the boy ever since he disappeared. Seungyoon didn’t eat for days. But he’s not crying either. It’s like Mino brought half of his soul with him. She was devastated. She did everything to make Seungyoon talk. She even called a psychiatrist one time. The result was that he was shocked and traumatized, probably by what he saw. He was never the same since then. Even after 8 years, sometimes he would be sitting by the terrace, eyes blank. Just like the day Mino disappeared. Those blank, sad eyes never truly went away. When she called him, Seungyoon would turn his head with a smile, acting like nothing was wrong. But she knew better. And he still wouldn’t talk. He shied away from the topic every time.

 

 

 After a month, an investigator visited their house. He asked about Mino’s father and Mino to her. Did she realize anything off about the man, and if he did any sort of abuse towards the boy.

 

She told him everything. The yelling that sometimes the neighbor could hear. And ointments he once caught Seungyoon sneakily brought to his room when Mino came to visit. She tried to ask Seungyoon before, but Seungyoon looked so scared she decided to drop the topic. She tried to ask Mino about it but the boy avoided the question with his big usual smile. So she sighed and tried to do her best being the boy’s ‘mother’. As she knew Mino’s mom passed away to give birth to the poor boy. She loved him. with all her heart. Mino brought sunshine to Seungyoon’s life, eventually to herself.

 

 

Mino’s father hung himself in an abandoned warehouse. Her heart was clenched at the news, she had to ease her breath.

 

She asked about Mino’s whereabouts.

 

_“Please, all these years, I’ve thought of the poor boy as my own... If there is anything you might know.. I..“_

 

_The investigator looked sympathetic_

 

_“I need closure.”_

 

 

_“To be honest, mam, the hope here is very slim. Mr. Song happened to be involved in a vicious cycle of debt with_ _loan sharks. And child trafficking is very much prone these times.”_

 

_She covered her mouth with her hand, streaked by his words._

 

_“For all we know, the boy might also be—“_

 

_“NO!” Seungyoon’s scream shattered her hearts. He was on the stairs, listening to their every word. He screamed and cried the whole night, bawling his eyes out. She kept hugging him, begging him to calm down. But it was as if he was in such pain, and her heart broke to a million pieces every time he cried out._

 

 

 

Her heart is clenched at the mention of the name. It’s been years.

 

“What about Mino, baby?”

 

 

 

 

“He’s back mom.”

 

 

_________

 

 

Jinwoo is losing his smile. He’s been walking around for hours, serving drinks and side platter. The club is crowded that night. He’s losing the energy to smile and amuse the customers flirting at him, both openly and subtly. He’s moving with his last energy and patience when a certain asshole decided to grope his ass when he’s serving his drink. Jinwoo froze and shot him a cold glance, but the half-conscious man just stares at him with a disgusting face.

 

“Watch your fucking hand, you disgusting piece of shit.” Jinwoo slaps him with his words, quiet enough to make sure other customers didn’t hear him but loud enough for the asshole to hear. The mad man immediately rises from his seat and swing his fist straight to Jinwoo, making him fall to the ground. Before he managed to recuperate, a figure stands between him and the crazy man. He walked menacingly towards the man, and seem to be whispering something to him, causing the man to retreat towards the back door. The figure turns his head slightly and looks at Jinwoo still down on the floor. Lee Seunghoon. He shot Jinwoo a glare and walked his way to the back door, following the man. A younger employee ran up to jinwoo and help him stand, while another one quickly gestures at the band to play the music that was abruptly stopped upon Jinwoo’s assault. The crowd quickly divert their attentions away from Jinwoo and tries to mind their own business.

 

“Hyung, you okay?” The young employee named Kyung asked worryingly.

 

“Yeah, yeah” Jinwoo got up and he couldn’t get his eyes off the back door. So he bit the inside of his cheek and walked up to the door.

 

He could hear Kyung call out for him but he didn’t have the time to care. He almost runs to the door, and when he reaches it he opened the door slowly. He immediately hears the man grunting and the sound of fists hitting him. Jinwoo froze in his spot behind the slightly opened door. The man begged for forgiveness and mercy but the punches never stop.

 

 

Jinwoo hates himself. He hates it so much how he likes what Seunghoon did. He feels the satisfaction of than man groaning in pain so clearly. He likes the sound of punch and kicks that man suffer. It hits his bone. Some on his face, Jinwoo could tell. It makes Jinwoo wants to vomit. He likes it.

 

 

Until he heard the man being dragged against the wall.

 

“Don’t ever show your face to me, or him, again. You get it, fucker?”

 

The man managed to say a faint ‘yes’ before he ran far away and footsteps are coming closer to Jinwoo. He steps back, making way for the door to be opened. Seunghoon opens the door to find Jinwoo standing behind it. Face cold and unreadable. Eyes looking at his feet.

 

They both stand on their spots for a few seconds in quiet.

 

“I’m sorry you had to do that. I’ll be more careful.”

 

Jinwoo said with a rather cold tone. It was against his will, the coldness. He felt other things in his heart. Thankful. But there were other things halting his emotion. Other things that he felt so menacingly.

 

“The hell is wrong with you?”

 

Jinwoo looked up at him, finding his face somehow less angry than how he used to be. He looks close to the first time they met. He was drunk then though. So was Jinwoo. It almost felt like de javu, as Seunghoon does what he did on the first night they met.

 

 

He kissed Jinwoo.


	7. The Runaway

 

 

 

 

At some point, she cried. Seungyoon almost wanted to cry too.

 

“Oh god..” She sobs

 

Seungyoon holds down his own tears.

 

“So he was okay?” she said between her weeps.

 

“Yeah, he’s okay now. We’re together.”

 

She sobs some more and Seungyoon could picture her smiling face in her next words.

 

“Thank god... I can’t even.. gosh.. can I talk to him, Seungyoon-ah?”

 

“Um, I think he’s still at the bathroom.. wait,” Seungyoon came into the house to see where the man is. Right when he reaches the living room, Mino comes out of the bathroom with a boxer and towel circling his neck. Seungyoon covers the phone’s speaker and mouthed to him, ‘Mom’. Seungyoon looks at him expectantly. He would understand if he’s not ready, but Mino smiles instead and reaches out his hand for the phone.

 

“Here he is, mom”

 

Mino put the phone to his ear and talk in the softest tone

 

“Hello, auntie.”

 

She cried. Seungyoon could hear it faintly. Mino smiled sadly upon hearing her, eyes slightly glinting with water. For the next half an hour is his mom asking all she could think of in her shocked condition. It all sums up to, if he’s healthy, okay, and stuffs that goes around that. Because that’s what’s important. Mino told her that his dad was in a bad shape back then, and he decided to put him in a faraway family’s place. Seungyoon couldn’t tell if she believed him or not, but she accepted the explanation. She didn’t ask anything Mino wasn’t ready to answer, and he’s thankful. Mino apologized. For everything, he said. They talked some more.

 

“Oh.. Oh, okay. Yeah, I’ll tell Yoon about it.”

 

Seungyoon glanced at Mino. He wonders what they were talking about at the time. Mino then hands his phone back.

 

“Yes, mom?”

 

“Seungyoon-ah..”

 

Seungyoon hums.

 

“Are you happy?”

 

It hits too close to home. He looks at Mino’s face, who is playing with the pillow edges on his lap.

 

“Yes, mom. Very much so.”

 

“Okay... I’m glad..”

 

When Mino looks back at Seungyoon, feeling his eyes on him, Seungyoon didn’t bother to look away. It made Mino gulped and look back at the pillow, the intense gaze took him aback. How cute. Seungyoon smiled even wider.

 

After she hung up, Seungyoon asked what his mom said before

 

“She wanted us to come over as soon as you’re free. He wants to see us.”

 

“Aah... Alright..” Seungyoon murmured.

 

Seungyoon then leaped and hugged Mino with all his body weight on him.

 

“What, you clingy koala?”

 

“Make me some ramen..” Seungyoon whined

 

Mino chuckled as he calls him a fat koala and raises up to make the boy what he wants.

 

The rain stopped already.

 

 

Later in the night, Seungyoon is laying on his bed while chatting with Taehyun on their rather ridiculous group filled with weird topics. Yes, they actually talk about what kind of cult would he like to start. See, that was the kind of craziness meant to be left alone. But no, Taehyun wanted to discuss it and stupid Jihoon just responded him with such awe and interest. Hence the discussion of porn stars cult. Taeil just spams the chat with his dumb memes and Seungyoon, being the only normal one, had the job to state the fact of how stupid they are.

 

He sighed with annoyance but chuckled anyway at the stupid stickers they sent.

 

Dorks.

 

Mino went into the bedroom and fill the space Seungyoon reserved beside him. He drops down on his stomach with a huff.

 

“Look” Seungyoon showed him a cat meme Taeil sent.

 

Mino laughed heartily.

 

Seungyoon felt nice showing his friends to Mino. It makes him feel like Mino is involved with his other friends too, not making him a part of a different life. Seungyoon wants Mino anywhere, anytime.

 

After a few laughs at Taeil and Taehyun’s bicker on the group, Mino turns his body to lay on his side and face Seungyoon.

 

“So I’ve been thinking,” Mino stated

 

Seungyoon glanced at him, phone put down so he can fully concentrate on him.

 

“I’ve been sticking on you too much”

 

Seungyoon frowns visibly.

 

“I think I should get my own place, don’t you think?”

 

“What?”

 

“Well, as I said, I’ve been hanging on you too much. I’m a man with income while you’re still a student, and I can afford a simple apartment, so—“

 

“No.” Seungyoon snapped. He suddenly turns his body to face the wall instead and shuts his eyes.

 

Mino is left speechless.

 

 

 

A few seconds of dumbfoundedness engulfed him.

 

 

 

“Yoon?”

 

Silence.

 

“Are you.. pissed at me?”

 

“I’m not.” Seungyoon rebuked.

 

He turns his body slightly and shows Mino a frowning face and pouting lips. It was 100% supposed to be intimidating, but Mino is using all his willpower not to adore him. And he’s probably lying about not being pissed, is he?

 

“Why are you trying to leave all of a sudden? We’ve been okay, we live each other’s life well and you suddenly bailed.” Seungyoon suddenly spat.

 

“Bailed? No, I’m not bailing on us Yoon, I’m just trying to make this easier on you. Isn’t it uncomfortable to have me around? I mean, you’ve been living nicely in this space, you’ve made it your crib, I’m practically a guest so I gotta leave sooner or later. I thought you would like this space for yourself, I mean you’re a college student with social life out there, you ought to need some homey place for you to be alone. right? It just didn’t seem fair to you that I suddenly show up, occupying your place and all this, when I have money for myself. That’s what I was thinking at least..” Mino tries explaining what he meant calmly.

 

Seungyoon looks back at the wall, the angry frown turns to something sad.

 

“No. It’s not uncomfortable to have you around. I hate this place when no one is around.”

 

Mino was surprised to hear his confession.

 

“It’s lonely. Especially when it rains. The walls are thin, so I can hear how loud the drops were on the surface. It’s all I hear when it rains.” Seungyoon said as he traces the wall with his fingers.

 

Seungyoon picked at the worn sticker on the wall.

 

“It rains when you disappear back then too.”

 

Mino flinches.

 

“The rain was all I could hear. I waited for hours that day.” Seungyoon shuddered at the memory.

 

“But since you’re here, I can hear other voices when it rains. Yours. The TV. The rain mutes out.”

 

Mino looks at the back of the man now looking fragile in front of him. He did grow up. He is more mature. But that doesn’t mean he’s not hurting. Mino didn’t see this before. Seungyoon sighed. Suddenly feeling like he let out a big load out of his chest.

 

“But you know what, it’s fine. You might need that space too, it’s reasonable. And I’m not being a whiny kid that says it’s fine out of spite, it’s really ok if you wanna move out. Just move to somewhere close.” And Seungyoon means it.

 

 

 

“Sorry. I didn’t know about that story.” Mino said warmly

 

“It’s okay. I never did tell anyone either.”

 

“I’ll stay.”

 

Seungyoon’s head perks up “You sure? I don’t want you making decisions because you feel bad.”

 

“Yeah, I’m sure. But let’s split the pay for the flat, okay? I’ll handle the food and other household stuff too. You keep auntie’s money for school stuff.” Mino reassured.

 

Seungyoon smiled contentedly.

 

“Alright”

 

Mino ruffles his hair and Seungyoon suddenly turns his head and show Mino an excited face.

 

“Hi, housemate.”

 

Mino laughed. He’s such a kid he couldn’t believe his previous judgment.

 

“What??” Seungyoon gushed

 

“Go to sleep, school boy.”

 

 

__________

 

 

The next morning, Jinwoo woke up in his room in the cafe’s attic. The space was given to him as part of the work deal with Lee Seunghoon. Jinwoo is awake, but he still lays on his side facing the window. His body is sore. But he’s craving for a cigarette so bad so he pushed the pain and force his hips to move despite the sting. He took his boxer on the floor beside the bed. He wears it and rummages through his jeans’ pocket, which was thrown at a corner last night. He found the slightly crumpled pack and head to the window to let in some air. As he lit the tip, he could hear the man on his bed shifting, causing the bed to creak. Jinwoo didn’t bother to turn his head. The man woke up from the bed and wore his clothes.

 

He didn’t bother to say a word as he leaves the old attic and the tenant smoking by the window.

 

Jinwoo sighed.

 

“You’re bad at handling morning after, Lee Seunghoon.”

 

He sips another drag and watches the city starting their morning routine. Students walking to class, young mothers on their way for groceries, a man running for the early bus.

 

It felt like he was the only one watching them, with nothing to do other than numbing his head with the cigarette between his lips.

 

 

__________

 

 

Seungyoon’s day is packed today. He has a long 5 hours combination of lectures and a performance for the night. He lazily brushes his teeth, eyes closed. A nice smell invites him from outside. He brushes his teeth faster and went out of the bathroom to find two servings of rice bowl and a fried egg on the small table. His eyes lit up at the delicious simple menu. Breakfasts are so good, more than a year of less meal made him forgot the simple pleasure. He quickly sits on the couch, food on one hand and remote on the other. He flicks through the channel and decided on a cartoon series right when Mino joined him, still in his sleeping attire. They eat in comfortable silence, both still waking up from the nice sleep they got.

 

“What’re you up to today?” Seungyoon said while munching

 

“Post office. Gotta send some stuff to my boss. You?”

 

“I’m gonna be dead today. I have a five-hour lecture, and a performance tonight. I’ll be done at 1, but Taehyun said the band is having extra practice today. So practice, then straight to the cafe.”

 

“Damn, you gonna be wasted.”

 

“Be ready to drag me to bed unconscious. You coming tonight?”

 

“Cafe?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Mino hums a yes.

 

With a full stomach, Seungyoon went to class. It felt funny to say bye at someone to home. And all the way, imagining saying hi when you come home later in the day. It makes his heart flutter at the thought. The busy day seems to be a tad more bearable this time.

 

 

After Mino waved at Seungyoon’s leaving figure, he gets his paintings ready for shipping. He brings some minor sketches too, for ideas and concepts to help his boss ready the gallery. He walks the cozy town, stopping to buy a sweet bun on the way. He munches on the warm soft bread until he reaches the post office. Every single person in this town is nice, Mino didn’t know such a thing is possible. They all smiles at him, greets him warmly. In some places, his attire and long hair make people think he’s some kind of thug and acts afraid around him. Here, they probably think he’s just a random art faculty student. Mino passed by them the other day, looking eccentric. Tattoos, piercing, colored hair. But they were as sweet as bunnies, Mino overheard them talking about hair coloring products and warned each other what to wear and not. Language might be a bit rough here and there, that’s usual for teenagers, but how they care for each other’s hair well-being is what matters. That’s so cute. Mino likes this town so much already.

 

After shipping his works, he left the post office with a light heart. He walks around, contemplating what to do while waiting for Seungyoon to come back. He hums a song on his way back home.

 

 

But the world sure loves to joke on him. He stops his tracks as he sees an achingly familiar figure, 20 meters away.

 

 

An old man, back hunched and clothes ragged. Mino freezes on his spot.

 

‘No, that’s not him.’

 

The man is on a pretzels stall, buying a pack.

 

‘There is no way in hell—‘

 

The man turns his head just slightly for Mino able to see his side profile.

 

Oh, how life loves to joke on him.

 

 

 

 

_________

 

 

Seungyoon looks outside the window beside his seat. The weather is slowly darkening, clouds covering the town bit by bit. Seungyoon frowns.

 

 

_________

 

 

A switch in Mino’s head flicks. His whole senses shifting for danger. His eyes hooded under the shadow of his cap. He swiftly moves to watch the man from the alley. Other sounds slowly muted in his head. The only thing he could hear was his breathing and heartbeat. Other people are blurred out from his view. He’s the only person that matters.

 

 

_________

 

 

“ _You dare talk back to me again, I will fucking kill you, boy.”_

 

 

_________

 

 

 

Everything is black. Mino couldn’t think.

 

 

No, he’s not letting himself think.

 

 

There is only one thing in his head.

 

 

Survive.

 

 

 

_________

 

 

_“Boy, life just loves to joke on you, doesn’t it?”_

 

 

_“You ran and ran and ran, but it all send you circling back to me.”_

 

 

_________

 

 

Seungyoon jolts out of his daydreaming. A raindrop just hit the window. It soon rains heavily. Something about the rain is different today. It makes him want to go home. His heart beats faster for an unknown reason.

 

The professor is done with his lecture and leaves the class to pack up and go home in the cold weather. Seungyoon’s phone buzzes and he quickly checks on it.

 

‘Come to the lobby if you’re done. Let’s go to practice.’

 

It’s Taehyun. Seungyoon doesn’t know why he expected it to be Mino. So he packs his bag and walks up the hall to the lobby while texting the man.

 

‘Are you done with the paintings?’

 

He shoves his phone down his pocket so he can feel the vibration if he answers.

 

Taehyun talks about new songs he discovered from a lo-fi songs channel. He turns it on from his phone inside the car. The sound is so appropriate for the weather. It’s a mix that calms the nervous and afflicts the comfortable. It keeps Seungyoon in an unstable emotion. One second he feels assured that things are good, but the silence of his phone is keeping him anxious every second passed.

 

“What’s keeping your head busy, Kang?”

 

Seungyoon glanced at him, realizing how visible his worries must have been. He stays silent, unsure.

 

“What did Mino-hyung do?”

 

Seungyoon doesn’t even try to hide that it was him in his head. Seungyoon couldn’t tell Mino’s past life to Taehyun, but he could share what kind of worries he’s having, right? Seungyoon looks back at how much they’ve been through since they’ve met. Sure, the number of days spent knowing each other is far away from his time with Mino. But Seungyoon trusts him despite the daily arguments and quarrel. Their friendship’s age is short, but Seungyoon could depend on the quality of their journey this past year. If Taehyun trusted him enough to share about the mess in his life, Seungyoon could do the same.

 

 

“I need your advice.”

 

“Alright.”

 

“This is a classified stuff, so if you ramble about this on anyone, it will be the end of your life.”

 

Taehyun makes a cross on his heart.

 

“Mino and I got separated 8 years ago. Family issues. He practically disappeared, we couldn’t contact each other. And I know he must’ve gone through some hardships I couldn’t even imagine.. maybe it changed something in him..”

 

Taehyun hums in understanding.

 

“And sometimes.. it kinda shows in his eyes. There is something he couldn’t tell me just yet. Hell, I gotta admit, I’m kinda scared to know too... but..”

 

Seungyoon remembers seeing Mino’s back yesterday, a cigarette on his hand. It was not the cigarette that bothered him. Some of his friends smoke too. It was the vibe, the aura around Mino. If not for his body, Seungyoon could’ve mistaken him for someone else. He gulps.

 

“If he doesn’t tell me soon, I have the feeling he’s gonna disappear again.”

 

 

_________

 

 

Mino followed him to a more desolated part of the town.

 

Mino saw a broken soju bottle near a trash can in an alley and he picks it up, hand ready to pull it out when needed.

 

He’s still at least 20 meters away. Mino kept the distance far enough.

 

The man doesn’t realize him at all.

 

Mino’s breathing is getting heavier by the minute.

 

 

_________

 

 

“Where is he now?”

 

“He’s supposed to go to the post office to send his painting to his agent in Seoul.”

 

“He’s a real painter?”

 

“Yup”

 

“Whoa..”

 

“But I don’t know.. I have a bad feeling.”

 

“Try texting him”

 

“I already did. No answer.”

 

Seungyoon took out his phone to check it even though he’s sure it hasn’t vibrate for the last minutes, signaling no answer. He sighed at the result.

 

“Something about him changed. And it’s big and it’s right there—“

 

 

_________

 

In an empty alley far away from the market and the busy area, the man suddenly stops on his track.

 

Mino halts his step. Heart thundering in his chest.

 

 _Shit shit shit._ He knew.

 

 

_________

 

“And it’s scary.”

 

Taehyun glances at him from the corner of his eyes. Ever since they met, this is the most emotion Seungyoon has ever revealed to him. He’s never seen him scared. He’s always the calm and planned one. Unlike his crazy, always moving world, his seem to be under control. For the first time, Seungyoon looks so fragile beside him.

 


	8. Tell Me

“Yoon,”

 

Taehyun considered saying motivational and serious stuff when he heard Seungyoon wanted to ask for his advice. But for this kind of things, he always trusted his guts. He would trust his life to his gut feeling, so rather than saying some bullshit to look cool, Taehyun chose to be real. Because that’s what Seungyoon needs.

 

“It’s okay to be scared. People change all the time. Seeing them change when they’re around you is hella scary already, in your case, he changed _without_ you. You must’ve felt the foreignness. Plus, it’s an 8 years’ worth of change, that’s not a short time.”

 

Seungyoon remembers his face when they met again. Drenched like an abandoned dog. But smiling.

 

“But after all those, he chose to track you down and see you, you know. He might’ve travel thousands of kilometers for all we know. And he chose to travel those distance to you. Of all people in this whole world.”

 

Seungyoon remembers his eyes when he saw his face.

 

“I don’t know man.. I just trust him.”

 

Seungyoon remembers the Mino he met 8 years ago.

 

“He might run away, that’s true. We can’t predict him when we don’t know what’s going on... But that’s probably because he’s also scared. You must’ve changed too, Yoon. You also carry the change of 8 years long you’ve been separated.”

 

They are the same.

 

“But for him to choose to spend the present time on you, isn’t that’s enough proof that you meant a lot to him?”

 

Seungyoon wants to cry. What has he been doing all these time?

 

“Why not try to give him a hand, Yoon. He needs your help. Some people just need a chance.”

 

Taehyun glances at his friend’s now watery eyes.

 

“Besides... I know you need him too”

 

 

 

 

 

Seungyoon practiced and performed with a disturbed heart. It’s 9 pm and still no answer from Mino. He didn’t come to the cafe either. He tried calling, but he doesn’t answer. Taehyun watches his friend with worried eyes. He whispered to him once, asking if he wanted to skip today’s gig. Seungyoon shook his head, though. As soon as their performance is over, Seungyoon hurriedly packs his stuff and ran home. He declined Taehyun’s offer for a lift. Seungyoon thought he might meet Mino on the street.

 

Taeil asked Taehyun what’s wrong with Seungyoon’s behavior.

 

“Does it have something to do with that friend of his? He didn’t come today.”

 

“Dunno, let’s see how he is tomorrow.” Taehyun avoided Taeil’s curiosity. It’s not his right to answer anything regarding Mino.

 

Jinwoo glances at them while wiping glasses.

 

 

Seungyoon ran as fast as he could with his guitar on his back. He turns his head at every alley he comes across with, checking if he’s there. But there are only people smoking and couples trying to shy away from people’s eyes.

 

Halfway to his flat, it started to rain.

 

“Shit” Seungyoon muttered under his breath.

 

He runs faster. Imagining Mino to be home.

 

As he reaches the third floor of his apartment, he’s almost out of breath. He squeezed out the energy he has left to walk to his apartment door. He unlocks the door, opening it with a high hope.

 

But he’s met yet again by the empty home.

 

He walks inside, putting his guitar on the couch. He looks around at the apartment that now looks as lonely as before Mino came. He doesn’t like it anymore. He pulls out his phone and opens the menu to dial his number with a shaky hand.

 

 

The creak of his door startles him. He quickly snaps his head to look at the person opening the door.

 

 

It’s him.

 

Drenched by the rain, face shadowed by his cap, hunching his back. Seungyoon hurriedly approaches him.

 

“Mino—“

 

He walks up to him, and when a few steps are the only thing between them, Mino mumbles,

 

“It’s me..”

 

Seungyoon stops in his track.

 

“What?”

 

“Yoon, it’s me.”

 

“Mino, what’s—“

 

“It’s me... Don’t you recognize me, Seungyoon-ah?” Mino’s slightly shaking voice pulled his eyes back to his face. He could see his lips trembling.

 

“Yeah, I know it’s you... What’s wrong?” he whispers, now slightly shaking.

 

Mino chuckled. His voice different. It’s not the usual laugh that causes warmth Seungyoon’s heart. It’s the exact opposite.

 

“What’s wrong huh? All these time, I can only wonder what is _not_ wrong with me.”

 

Seungyoon is scared. Not off Mino. But of the world he’s about to dive in. No going back now. He’ll be here for Mino, hell and demons so be it. Mino enters the apartment, water dripping from his body. Seungyoon walks backward. When Mino closed the apartment door and locked it, Seungyoon felt the air around them turning so much colder than it was. This is wrong. And Seungyoon isn’t so sure he’s not scared of Mino now.

 

“You said you’ll try, right?”

 

Seungyoon gulps.

 

“You’ll try to understand, right?”

 

Seungyoon is damn scared, but he’s sure of his words back then. So he nods.

 

Mino gaze at him under the shadow of his cap, brows furrowing in uncertainty. For a split second, Seungyoon felt like he saw the Mino he met when he was 7 years old. But the reflection left Mino’s eyes quickly. Seungyoon wanted to cling to his belief that whatever is causing his skin to feel cold from his gaze, is just a thin wall needed to be cracked open. That boy who told him he wouldn’t leave Seungyoon and would hold his hands when thunders roared their roof is still there. Deep inside, he’s still there. And Seungyoon will dive in.

 

 

Seungyoon approaches him and raises his hand to Mino’s face slowly. When his fingertips touch Mino’s skin, Seungyoon could feel his worry sipping away.

 

 

“Tell me... It’s okay”

 

 

Mino kept his gaze on the ground, and after a few seconds, averts his gaze straight to Seungyoon’s eyes.

 

 

 

 

 

“I killed someone.”

 

 

 

 

 

_________

 

 

Jinwoo were startled by the loud thunder suddenly blaring when he’s about to lit a cigar. He was escaping the back-pain inducing barista station. He never gets the chance to lean his back. He looks at the rain falling frantically on the street, every splash illuminated by the street light. The weather is making him uneasy. He sighed and pull out the cigar from between his lips and throw it to the ground. He went in to see Taehyun is still on the bar stool, playing with the drink in his glass.

 

“You’re not home yet, Taehyun-ah?” he asked in a cute voice. Taehyun looks up from his daydreaming and is surprised to see Jinwoo in front of him.

 

“Ah.. yeah.. didn’t feel like going home yet.” He sighed.

 

“The baristas in this club have an unwritten rule to be a good customer listener, you know. And I happen to be the barista tonight.” Jinwoo smiled sweetly.

 

Taehyun chuckled at that.

 

“Nah, I’m just having random thoughts in my head..”

 

Jinwoo put his hands on his chin and scoot closer to Taehyun.

 

“You ever wonder how much people can change? Like you feel as if you’ve known everything about them, but one minute and you realize.. you know nothing at all.”

 

Jinwoo looks at him with amusement. Not the kind of conversation he’s expecting, but it’s interesting either way.

 

“I always wonder how people can stick with their partner for the rest of their lives. How much do they know about each other? And how much do they _still_ not know? If in the end, they only managed to know until a certain layer, what’s the point of the whole time being together?”

 

Jinwoo hums.

 

“You ever feel like that?”

 

Jinwoo looks at him, sincerely thinking about his questions.

 

“I did. There were times I thought I know this certain someone completely. I thought I’ve figured him out. Then one day, reality slapped me so hard, and he was nothing I thought he was.” Jinwoo tell the story with a smile, but Taehyun couldn’t help but feel sad about the story.

 

“Then what did you do?”

 

 

Jinwoo ponders.

 

“We go our separate ways now. But you know what, I never blame him for not being truthful or myself for failing to understand. Sometimes,” Jinwoo’s mind travel to a faraway memory “People don’t even understand themselves. So why do we confuse ourselves trying to figure them out? He might not even find out the truth about themselves yet either. They’re a puzzle with a few pieces unmade.”

 

Jinwoo glances back at Taehyun.

 

 

“Do you think you’ve truly, figure out who you really are till the depth of your heart?”

 

 

 

_________

 

 

 

Seungyoon froze. A cat got his tongue. His hands on Mino’s cheek stayed where it was.

 

Mino’s face is painted with disappointment at Seungyoon’s silence.

 

“I thought so,” Mino stammered as his hands pull away Seungyoon’s touch off his cheek.

 

He walks towards his room and Seungyoon could hear he’s clearing his stuff. His heart suddenly jumps up to his throat and he quickly strides to meet him in the bedroom.

 

“Wait, listen to me!” Seungyoon begs at Mino who is ready to leave with his bags on his back.

 

“You need to talk to me, you can’t just—“

 

“I’m doing this for you.”

 

“No, you’re not!” Seungyoon spat “Please, just listen to me... we need to talk..”

 

Mino walks closer to him until their faces only inches apart.

 

“Let me remember you as you were, Yoon. I don’t want my last memory of you is the scare in your eyes.”

 

“Why are you doing this? Why won’t you let me in?”

 

“Because I know you won’t stay.”

 

“You don’t know that.”

 

“I know you.”

 

“You don’t know me!” Seungyoon yelled.

 

Mino stares at him, searching.

 

“We don’t know each other, Mino! It’s been eight fucking years, it’s about time we man up and admit we know nothing about each other!” Seungyoon gestured at the house.

 

“Look at me. Look at my house. Does this look like the little 11 years old Seungyoon’s room you remembered? No, it fucking doesn’t! Do I still talk like that kid you used to play games with? No! You don’t know me!!” Seungyoon yelled, pupils shaking and head dizzy.

 

Seungyoon grabs him by the collar.

 

“Forget the 10 years old me, forget him. Now, there is only me... This me. Why can’t you just take me instead?”

 

Mino looks away from Seungyoon, his determination wavering.

 

“I was a fucking student, Song Mino. I spent these years at school, went home to a mother who couldn’t cook dinner because there was a bug in the kitchen. I was a student who went home everyday to do his homework and share stories with his mom. I play guitar with my friends on weekends and play around the small town we used to live in. And I don’t know you.” His last sentence came out weak.

 

Seungyoon is sick of pretending they could live by clinging solely to their old friendship. Things die over time.

 

“You might’ve met bad people out there, you lived with them. But I don’t know how it was. So please, don’t expect me to stand in the same boat as you. I can’t. Just how you can’t stand in mine. Not this way, not this fast.. Let me in first..” Seungyoon’s tone softens.

 

“I missed the Mino I was friends with 8 years ago too. I missed him so much it breaks me every time.” Seungyoon’s voice came out shaky. Mino glances back at him, glints of anger still in his eyes.

 

“But now I don’t care if that boy I remembered died during these 8 years.” A tear slips. And Mino looks away.

 

“He’s been through hell and back, I can tell, and it’s okay if he didn’t make it. I can let him go. ”

 

Seungyoon pulls himself closer to Mino, the man now facing him again.

 

“I only need _this_ Mino now..”

 

Seungyoon leans closer.

 

“I only love you now.”

 

He manages to whisper before kissing the man he’s struggling to keep close. Because he only needs him to survive.

 

_________

 

 

Jinwoo finished cleaning the bar when the juniors said their goodbyes with tired eyes.

 

“Rest well, kids!”

 

“Yes, you too hyung!” they answered cheerily. They are so cute and polite, exactly the opposite of someone.

 

Jinwoo sighed. Why did he even pass through his mind? The guy hasn’t shown up in the workplace since morning. Jinwoo is worried if he’s starting to think this whole thing with Jinwoo is bad and is considering to fire him. That would be a total inconvenience. It is a loss for a job, money, and a place to stay. He’s so screwed if that happens. Jinwoo walks up the stairs heading to his room in the attic while loosening his tie. He opens the door expecting his warm bed there to greet him. Instead, he got a heart attack upon seeing a man on his bed.

 

“Oh shi—“ Jinwoo spat as he jumps back.

 

Lee Seunghoon stays calm in his spot, playing with his phone.

 

“Oh my god, when did you even got in?” Jinwoo asks in disbelief.

 

“When you were busy chatting with Nam Taehyun.”

 

“Oh, you know his name?”

 

Lee Seunghoon glares at him. jinwoo’s head made a wild guess.

 

“Omo.. is Taehyun your love-enemy you were talking about?” Jinwoo chuckles as he undresses his tight vest.

 

“I wouldn’t consider him enemy anymore, seeing that woman he messed with is apparently already messing with a new guy.”

 

“Ah.. so it seems she is the one with the problem, huh?” Jinwoo concluded.

 

Lee Seunghoon stays silent, eyes fixated at his phone. As Jinwoo opens two buttons of his shirt, the question shot at him halts his movement.

 

“So you used to be a painting model?”

 

Jinwoo stares at Seunghoon motionlessly, while the younger returns his gaze in a more calm demeanor.

 

“A pretty prestige one too. By a new aspiring painter. The painting of you were sold pretty high one year ago. I imagine you could live pretty well off with that money. You must’ve gotten your share as a model, right?”

 

Jinwoo let out his usual, pretentious smile, feeling the atmosphere Lee Seunghoon tried to build is against his liking.

 

“What is this, boss?” Jinwoo chuckles as he walks up to the bedside rather enticingly.

 

“You like me or something? What’s with the investigation?” Jinwoo asks while crawling his way closer to Seunghoon.

 

Seunghoon lowers his phone to give him a good look.

 

“Who are you, Kim Jinwoo?”

 

“What does it matter?”

 

“Depends on what the answer is.”

 

“Why would a random new comer pique your interest so much?” Jinwoo whispers while one of his hand maneuvers to open Seunghoon’s shirt buttons.

 

Seunghoon grabs his hand and put it away from his shirt. Eyes determined and certain. Jinwoo knows what kind of face he might be able to falter and those he couldn’t. So he sighed and crawl back to walk towards his bedside drawer. He pulls out a coin and sits on the bed beside Lee Seunghoon.

 

“Fine, you wanna play ‘Get-To-Know’? Choose your side. The side that wins, gets to ask anything they wanna know about the loser. One topic per night. Not more, not less.”

 

Seunghoon snorts and Jinwoo could’ve sworn that’s the first real smile he’s ever seen from him. definitely not a bad sight to see.

 

 

_________

 

 

After a few seconds, Mino kissed him back with massive need and longing. Seungyoon inwardly thank the gods he didn’t push him away. It was a dangerous gamble. It could have been one-sided, Mino might not think of him that way. But all those worries flew away as Mino’s lips move against his, enfolding his own in a warm, sweet caress. He could hear the thud of Mino’s bag falling beside him, and soon after Mino’s hand are on his waist, pulling Seungyoon even closer to him. Seungyoon tilted his head as their lips move in sync as his hands travel up to Mino’s neck. He felt his hair on his fingers, between his own skin and Mino’s warmth. They were both lost in the feeling of borrowed time, it’s as if everything else stops and time will only proceed when they let each other go. Which they did, eventually.

 

Mino slowly opens his eyes to see Seungyoon’s still the same as before. A little bit scared, a little bit anxious, a little bit confused. But 100% sure of what he’s doing. And Mino fall yet again. But this time, it felt like the first time all over again.

 

Mino hugs him close, resting his chin on Seungyoon’s shoulder as he plea,

 

 

 

“Stay..”

 

 

 

 

 

“Okay.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	9. Song Mino

 

 

_8 years ago_

 

 

Mino sat on the corner of a room inside the ship, hugging his knees. The room was cold and dark, with a strong salty sea smell. The ship kept rocking back and forth, it made him felt sick. He could hear the scary man’s laugh and chatter from outside the room. The door is locked, and it’s the only way out. Mino is lost at what to do.

 

 

He remembered his dad. He wondered if he’s okay. He wondered if he’s home. He wondered if he’s still smiling. Would he come back for Mino?

 

 

Mino remembered the words from the man who dragged him to this room.

 

 

_“That man is no father, boy.”_

 

 

 

Mino didn’t understand what he meant. How could he not be his father?

 

The door’s lock was clacking, and soon, the same man entered with a tray on his hands. He looked at Mino with an expressionless face. As he came closer, Mino hugged his knees tighter.

 

“Eat. Don’t be a sissy and eat all of those, I don’t know when you gonna get more.”

 

Mino didn’t dare to look at him in the eye, so he fixed his gaze on his knees instead. Suddenly a hand hit his head.

 

“You hear me or not kid? You gotta answer when someone talks to you, or else they gonna hit you harder than I did. Get it?”

 

 

Mino nodded in fear.

 

“Use your voice.”

 

“...Yes,” he answered with a soft voice.

 

The man sighed and left him in the room alone again. Mino looked at the food tray. It looks weird. Is that even food? He didn’t even give Mino any spoon or chopsticks. But he’s hungry. He remembered the man’s warning about him not eating afterward. So he took the tray to his lap. His eyes suddenly water.

 

He missed Seungyoon.

 

He took the rice with his bare hands, putting into his mouth and feel the hard, not fully cooked rice. Tears roll down his face as he put more food into his mouth. It tastes bad. He cried more. He tried his hardest to muffle his sobs.

 

He missed Seungyoon.

 

 

The man who sent him the food was smoking outside his room. He could hear the quiet sobs. He sighed and looks at the ground.

 

“Tablo! Get back here, you running away from the mahjong battle?”

 

“Coming!” he answered as he walks back to the room where the others were playing around.

 

 

 

 

The next morning, Mino was surprised by the loud creak of the door. He quickly got up and looked at the tall fat man on the door frame. He was chuckling and walking wobbly. Mino could immediately smell the bad odor of alcohol.

 

The man suddenly walks up at Mino and grab at his hair, hauling him across the room towards outside. He cried as the grip on his hair left a stinging pain on each of his hair strands. He grabs at the man’s fist, trying to get it off but he’s way stronger, his small hands didn’t have a chance. The man pulled him until he’s out of the ship and shove him to the hard and coarse harbor ground. The man who was checking out his face last night was there, laying on a worn-out couch with a cigar on his lips. He was counting some money with the man who gave him food last night.

 

“This is the kid, boss.”

 

“Mm, thank you, Sung Chul. Go back to your work.”

 

“Yes, boss.”

 

The fat man left him there.

 

“Boy, what’s your name?”

 

Mino glanced at the buffed man with a crow tattoo on his arm they called ‘Boss’, then at the man who gave him food. The man looked at him with a threat in his eyes. Mino remembered what he said last night.

 

“Mino.”

 

“Mino? Alright, Mino-ya. I’m going to explain what you need to understand around here.” The Boss said while rolling a bundle of money with a rubber. His voice strong and demanding. He took the cigar on his mouth before continuing,

 

“From now on, you have a job. Your job is to wash the ship. You do that, you get dinner. Easy peasy. Understand?”

 

Mino understood. But he had other things in his mind.

 

“When can I go home?”

 

“What was that?” the Boss asked with a smile. Mino didn’t like his smile. But he asked again anyway.

 

“When can I go home? I wanna go home.”

 

The Boss smiled wider and he gestured Mino to come closer with his hand. Mino is doubtful, but he thought not doing what they asked would give him bigger trouble. As soon as he’s close to him, a hand flew right to his cheek. Mino was thrown to the ground by his one hand force. Mino’s eyes could only see black for a few seconds, and when he gained his sight again, he turns his head to look at the Boss now not smiling anymore.

 

“Damn dog, you think you still have a home now? Who were you waiting for? Your coward of a dad?” he chuckled at his own words.

 

“Boy, you’re not his son anymore. You’re a nobody who belongs to me. So unless you want to die by drowning in the ocean with rocks tied to your feet, you better shut your fucking mouth!” He yelled his last words. Mino was shaking. This man is weird. He’s scary. One minute he’s smiling, the next he’s suddenly angry. Even dad never yelled that loud. Mino couldn’t understand this man. The Boss then leaned back to his couch and yelled another name,

 

“Min Su!”

 

“Min Su is out. He’s gone to collect at the brothel owner.” The man beside him reminded.

 

Mino almost forgot he was there all along. He gave Mino some food last night, half of his heart had hoped he’s going to help him. but he stayed shut all these while. Mino didn’t know who to trust anymore.

 

“Ah.. right.”

 

“I’ll take care of the kid.” He stood up.

 

“Alright. Make sure he makes the ship clean by afternoon, Tablo. Someone is coming over tonight.”

 

The man hums and walked up to Mino. His name is Tablo, Mino made a note in his mind.

 

“Get up, kid.”

 

Mino glared at him, but he stood up before anymore punch or slap came flying in his direction. Tablo brought him to a small locker in the ship’s corner, when he opened it, it’s filled with mops and other cleaning tools in bad condition.

 

“You know how to mop, right? Just clean the dust and dirt around the ship before afternoon.”

 

Tablo walks away from him, but after a few steps, he stopped.

 

“Kid, listen well. You can’t run. This harbor is abandoned. There is no one here except us. Everyone is watching every corner.” He turns his head to glance at the boy.

 

“Don’t try anything stupid. The Boss wasn’t kidding about drowning you. We’ve done that more than once or twice. Watch it.” As he was about to walk away, Mino called him.

 

“Who are you guys?”

 

Tablo turns his whole body this time.

 

“We’re bad men. We make money by fooling idiots like your dad.” He answered relaxedly

 

“My dad is not an idiot.”

 

“Really? Well, he’s just an animal then.”

 

“No, he’s not!” Mino yelled

 

“Are you a plain idiot or what? Your dad borrowed money from us, and he couldn’t pay, so his sorry ass brought you, his own damn son to us. To cover up his debt. He sold you. Get it?” He glowered.

 

Mino stared at him with eyes covered in anger and hate.

 

“Think what you want. But know that it will be easier if you just take it as it is. These days, not all parents are human anymore.” Tablo muttered before he walked away.

 

Mino stood in silence at the ship hall. The broom and mops in the locker hanging for him. A single drop of tear slipped the corner of his eyes. He quickly brushed it away with the back of his hands and grip on the broom.

 

He missed Seungyoon.

 

He doesn’t get what’s going on.

 

At night, when he’s spent and sleeping on the cold room floor, Tablo came in, trying to make fewer sounds as possible and put down a blanket and clothes besides the boy. The food tray is empty. Tablo slightly smiled and left the room.

 

Three days after, Mino was eating his food with much gusto after a day full of hauling sacks that weigh more than himself across the harbor. The fat man, Sung Chul, kept yelling at him. He hit Mino a few times when Mino dropped some of the sacks. He almost fainted at the hot weather, but at some point, Tablo threw a cold sweet drink at him when no one was looking. Mino couldn’t understand that man. He yelled at Mino all the time, but he never hit him. Unlike the fatty Sung Chul and the weirdo Min Su who almost always hit his head when they pass by him. The other kept calling Min Su crazy. Mino might know why. The guy likes to giggle by himself while playing with a knife in one corner of the warehouse. Mino saw him once, mumbling something while facing the wall. Mino involuntarily went close because he was asked to get something from the warehouse. The stuff is at the very back of the room, near Min Su. As Mino went past him, he could hear him muttering something along the line of,

 

‘Have you seen the girl in the last room? One with a red dress. I kept seeing her these days..’

 

followed by an eerie giggle. But the Boss seems to like him a lot. Mino didn’t understand any of them.

 

Mino heard a loud fuss outside his room. And a kid’s voice. Mino got up to eavesdrop at the door, but halfway there, his door got slammed open and Sung Chul shove a skinny boy in. Sung Chul closed the door almost immediately. Mino was surprised, to say the least. He’s never seen a kid around except himself. A small hope trickled into him. The boy tried to get up with much difficulty, and Mino approached him.

 

“You okay?” Mino asked hesitantly.

 

The boy looked up at Mino, causing him a mild shock. So pretty. Is this kid a girl? Mino was so sure he was a boy because of his short hair back.

 

“Get off me.” The kid suddenly hissed.

 

Well, that was rude. Mino was just trying to help. Mino frowned and back away to his original spot. He sat down and put his food tray back into his lap. The kid seemed to be in pain. Mino would have helped if he weren’t so heady. The kid sat and looked around the room, searching or something. Mino ignored him and continued eating. He stole a glance once in a while at the kid. He caught Mino in the end.

 

“What you looking at?”

 

“Nothing,” Mino mumbled.

 

The kid sighed. “What’s your name?”

 

“Mino. You?”

 

“Jinwoo. How long you’ve been with them?”

 

“...Three days.” Mino is sure he’s a boy now.

 

“Three days? You’re new. Who brought you to them?”

 

Mino looked down at his food. “My dad.”

 

Jinwoo glance at the boy with slight pity after his answer.

 

“Hm. In my case, my mom did.”

 

Mino looked up to catch his eyes.

 

“Your mom?”

 

“Yeah. She couldn’t have a kid where she works. So she gave me to a beggar. The beggar sold me to a child trafficker. And so on and so on. This is the first time I’m ended up at a harbor loan sharks though. How are they?”

 

Mino couldn’t quite understand Jinwoo’s story. Sold? Child trafficker?

 

“Um.. well, they just ask me to clean the place up.. or help carry stuff..”

 

“Ah.. oh well. Guess we’ll be the slave huh. Since we’re the only kids here.”

 

Mino frowned. Slave. Is that what he is? That’s a foreign word. It sounded bad.

 

Soon, Sung Chul went back in and told both of them to get out and help carry boxes to a warehouse. Tablo saw Mino and Jinwoo carrying boxes and he frowned sourly. Soon, he could hear Tablo arguing with Sung Chul about why are there more kids around. Mino didn’t understand the rest of the conversation.

 

 

That’s how their lives went on. Work kept on coming day after day. Some nights, Mino would cry in his sleep. Maybe because of the cold surface he’s laying on that made him miss his bed. Maybe the pain in his left cheek he got when one of the thugs slapped him this morning. Maybe Seungyoon. He missed his home. He missed his dad. He missed Seungyoon. Mino still doesn’t understand what’s going on. How long is he going to stay here?

 

One day, when Mino was mopping the cabin, he overheard Sung Chul talking with the Boss.

 

“The first kid, what was his name again, Boss?”

 

“Mino.”

 

“Ah, yeah, it was his dad”

 

Mino’s ear perked up. His heart beats faster at the mention of his father. Is he back? Is he coming?

 

“He’s dead.”

 

And the sky crumbled right there and then.

 

“He killed himself. Someone found his body in Busan. Seems like his debt is all over Korea at this point.”

 

Mino couldn’t breathe.

 

They were laughing afterward.

 

Mino went running to Jinwoo on the other side of the ship.

 

He tackled the boy in an attempt to hug him, his whole body trembling, startling Jinwoo.

 

“Mino ya... what’s wrong? Mino ya?” Jinwoo asked anxiously.

 

He kept on crying. He didn’t eat a few days, which grant him a slap from Tablo. He kept on yelling at him, forcing him to eat. Mino hoped it was a yelling from his father instead. He wouldn’t mind now. But Mino knew about death since a young age. He _felt_ what death means when his dad cried about his mom one night.

 

After a few days, Mino stopped crying. He ate again. But he felt nothing since. Mino understands what’s going on then.

 

3 weeks was what it took him to grew the desire—no, the realization—that he needs to escape. While doing chores, he looked around the harbor and thought that he saw a small crack in one of the warehouses, covered by boxes. If he could manage to get in there and run, they won’t see him. He just needs to run as fast as he could. One night, he told Jinwoo his plans. Jinwoo looked at him with eyes full of doubt.

 

“We won’t make it, Mino ya.” Jinwoo sighed.

 

“Why? They won’t know, lately, they don’t watch on us as much as before, we can run, hyung!” Mino insisted.

 

“No, it wouldn’t have been that easy.” Jinwoo shook off his ideas.

 

Mino is desperate. He’s on edge. He wants to go home. He needs to go home.

 

 

There is still Seungyoon. He’s still out there. If Mino could go back to him, things will be okay. Most of the time now, Mino only thought of Seungyoon. Where is he? What happened the day he was brought here? Did he come to the house only to find it empty? Did he cry? Mino bet he did. Seungyoon must’ve cried. He’s been gone for too long.

 

“Look, I have to go. It’s either you’re coming with me, or you don’t.” Mino made his point then lay his body to sleep. Jinwoo watched him in silence.

 

 

It’s not that he didn’t want to go. He just tried that way too many times already. Jinwoo is 2 years older than Mino. Mino has been trapped for less than a month. Jinwoo has been trapped for most of his life. He tried escaping for too many times already. And it all ended with more pain. It always did. So he gave up long ago.

 

The next day, when Mino was carrying another sack of cement to the warehouse, he checked on his surroundings. The crack on the wall is small, but it should be enough for him. he went back to take one more sack and check on Sung Chul who was in charge of watching him. Sung Chul is asleep. Mino’s heart thunders, he could hear the rush in his ears. As he carries the sack to the warehouse, cold sweat is running on his face. He purposefully put the sack in the further back of the warehouse. As soon as the weight left his shoulder, he ran to the boxes covering the crack, push them away and push his head out. The crack led to a narrow alley. He pushed his body out of the crack, all the time imagining Sung Chul pulling him back inside. It might be because he was anxious, but it was so hard to slip through the small hole. Half of his body is out legs still inside. He forced himself to crawl out, ignoring the pain in his forearm from the hard scraped wall.

 

He got out. Breathing heavy, face pale. He’s out. He’s _out._ Mino ran with all his might. The town is right there. So close yet so far. There would be people. He can ask for help.

 

A few more steps.

 

 

One last step.

 

 

And he reached the end of the alley. The town. There are people around. Just as he was about to step his legs towards a street vendor, a hand grabbed his arm harshly. His heart stopped. He turns his head slightly and saw his nightmare standing in front of him.

 

 

Min Su was holding him with a sickening grin on his face. Mino’s heart drops. Min Su hauled him on his shoulder and walked towards the harbor. Mino hit his back and screamed on top of his lungs, but everyone around them looked down in fear. It was as if they couldn’t hear Mino’s cry at all. Mino begged and begged.

 

“Please!! Anyone!! Help!! I have to go home!! Help!!”

 

And still, no one dares to raise their face. All the way, Min Su was humming a song. A little girl stared at him, but her mother quickly covered her eyes and took her away. Mino screamed. But it didn’t make any difference. Not here.

 

 

Min Su kept on singing

 

 

_“You ran and ran and ran, but it all send you circling back to me.”_

 

 

 

 

 

 

A fist hits his stomach and the pain shot through his whole body. Mino was held in a different room than he usually did. His hands were both tied to the iron pipe above him. he’s been dangling by the cold chains for hours now. Sung Chul has been watching him, yelling and slapping his face so hard, Mino thought he lose consciousness a few times. He wants to vomit. He’s so hungry. Everything hurts.

 

 

“You crazy little bastard.” Another hit on his head.

 

 

“Let me go home..” Mino mumbled with salty blood on his mouth. He bit the inside of his mouth when Sung Chul slapped him before. And he slapped him even harder this time, his eyes blurry.

 

“You dare talk back to me again, I will fucking kill you, boy.”

 

Breathing is harder. Suddenly, the door was opened, showing Tablo behind it.

 

“Alright, Sung Chul, you’ve had your fun.”

 

“What? It’s only been six hours, hyung!”

 

“Sung Chul, come here,” Tablo said in a calm voice. As soon as Sung Chul came near him, Tablo slapped him with the back of his hand.

 

“I said you’re done, you useless piece of shit. Don’t act like some big shot in front me when you couldn’t even watch a goddamn kid. Even that idiot Min Su managed to fix your mess. Now go before I spit on your face.”

 

Sung Chul turned his head slightly to Mino then leave the room with a hunched back.

 

Mino was so dizzy, he could see more than one Tablo in the room.

 

“What did I tell you, huh? I told you to fuckin stay still. See what it got you?” Tablo held his chin as he turns his head to look at his now messed up face. Tablo frowned at the sight.

 

“Jinwoo, get in.”

 

Mino’s eyes slightly lit up at the mention. Jinwoo came in bringing a tray of food.

 

“Help him eat. I’ll come back if the Boss is done being pissed at him.” Tablo left the two of them alone. As Jinwoo got closer, he flinched at the sight of Mino’s bloodied face. Jinwoo tore a part of his shirt and used it to clean Mino’s face.

 

Mino sobs. And Jinwoo couldn’t hold his own tears.

 

“I’m so sorry, Mino-ya. I’m so sorry.” Jinwoo whispered shakily while wiping the blood on his face, revealing the cuts and bruises.

 

Mino cried harder.

 

 

 

 

 

In another part of the world, a young boy was laying on his bed with eyes opened wide. It was raining heavily outside. He hates the sound. He hates the coldness it caused. Seungyoon hated the rain. He hated the cold sheet beside him. He hated the single drop of tear that slipped the corner his eyes. Nothing he could do except to grip harder on the shirt Mino left behind on his closet. His smell is fading away on the fabric and he had to use all the strength left in him not to scream.

 

 

 

“Where are you?” He whispers into the night.

 

 

 


	10. T

3 years passed.

 

It felt like 10.

 

Mino still dreams of Seungyoon at night.

 

Today is Mino’s birthday.

 

 

Mino opened his eyes to see the usual rusty roof of his room in one of the ship cabin. He got up to the sound of Sung Chul yelling at the old man they held hostage because of his debt. Now, that man cleans the ship. Mino glanced at Jinwoo beside him, face pale. Mino put a hand on his forehead to check on his fever. Better, but still pretty hot. Mino sighed. Two days ago, the Boss brought him away. Mino thought he won’t see him again, but the next day he’s back. Face dark, limping, and silent. He went straight to bed and ignored Mino’s questions. Mino saw blood on the back of his pants. And he stopped asking. When he pretended to be asleep, Jinwoo scooted closer to him and sobs. Mino felt so angry. He clenched his teeth and his fist turned white.

 

Mino stretched his hands and went out to do his work. A cargo was supposed to come this morning, filled with boxes he has to move. It’s sickening how Mino involuntarily got used to everything. He learned to stay shut, to tend his own bruises and cuts that came when one of the crew is having a bad day and decided Mino made a good sandbag. One time, they told him to pour boiling water at a man they held hostage. Mino was scared to do it. But he was even more scared at Min Su who was watching him, knife on his hands. So he did. And the man’s scream haunted him for months. It’s sickening how much he’s changed. Arms and legs looking more muscular. From all the wrong reasons. He still tried to escape sometimes. Nothing worked, obviously. His head was held underwater one time, caged inside a small wooden box with a single hole for air once, beaten near death way too many times. He didn’t understand. He thought by now, they’re supposed to be sick of him and decides to kill him off already. But they never did. Probably because he’s useful.

 

Mino walked out of the ship to start his daily work. He turned his head towards the ocean and wondered. What is Seungyoon doing today?

 

 

-

 

 

Under the apple tree behind his house, Seungyoon is sitting beside the spot where he and Mino buried their toys. He glanced at the slightly higher patch of dirt, a cookie in his hands. It’s Mino’s birthday. Seungyoon couldn’t afford a cake.

 

 

He whispered deep in his heart.

 

 

‘Happy Birthday, Mino.’

 

His jaw trembled and he throws the cookies in his hand and left.

 

 

 

-

 

 

Jinwoo still talks less. But at least he ate that night. He lay down once more on the blanket, facing the wall. Mino didn’t know what to do, so he stayed quiet.

 

“Mino-ya.” He suddenly called. Mino’s heart lifts a bit.

 

“Hm?”

 

“Happy birthday. Sorry I don’t have anything for you.”

 

Mino was dumbstruck. Birthday? Oh right. They talked about birthdays once. Last year, he thinks. Jinwoo remembered. Funny how something sweet and warm exists in such place. It’s so unfitting. But so achingly nostalgic. So he’s 15 now.

 

“Thanks, hyung.”

 

Jinwoo hummed.

 

“Hyung, are you okay?” Mino asked.

 

Jinwoo was silent for a few seconds.

 

“Not really,” Jinwoo mumbled.

 

“Sorry. I didn’t know what to do.”

 

“Not your fault. We both didn’t know what the Boss wanted that day.”

 

Jinwoo raises from his side and sat up to look at Mino face to face.

 

“It was his friend. A big guy. With tattoos on his face. I couldn’t remember clearly, I just remember it hurts. And still does. I tried to fight him, but he slapped me so hard, and call me names. I was so scared I ended up staying quiet.” Jinwoo chuckled at himself “What a coward, huh.”

 

Mino stared at him with a stab in his heart. It’s painful. He couldn’t bring himself to how painful it must have been for Jinwoo himself. How much more helpless could they be? Everything is always under someone else’s control.

 

“It was so damn scary,” Jinwoo said with a chuckle. Definitely trying to cover up his shaky breath.

 

“I could still feel his hands all around me.” Jinwoo almost whispered.

 

Mino scoot to sit beside him, and he pulls Jinwoo’s head to lay on his shoulder. They stood in silence. Mino felt a drop of water fall to his arms. Then more. Jinwoo suppressed his sobs. It’s been a while since Mino cried. He cried less when he realized it made no difference. Nobody cared. Then he stopped crying at all.

 

 

The next morning, Tablo woke them with a shake. His voice is a bit more enthusiastic than usual.

 

“Pack your stuff, kids. Well, if you have any by the way.”

 

Jinwoo jolted at his words. Mino’s heart drops. Is Tablo doing this too? He might be an asshole for hitting and yelling at them often, but he never did it more than the others. So Tablo is the same? Jinwoo was trembling beside him. Mino glared at him with hateful eyes.

 

Tablo realized the change of their mood and realized what is running through their heads.

 

“No, I’m not sending you to anyone else. The Boss is telling me to cover up another ship by myself. We’ll be out of here, to a small island. We might need to come back here every few weeks, but doesn’t that sound better than staying here 24/7?” Tablo explained.

 

“I asked to bring you guys. And he let me. So, you coming or no?” Tablo asked.

 

Mino and Jinwoo looked at each other. Tablo is right. It truly sounded better. If there is anyone on this place Mino might be able to give 1% of trust, it’s him. They both nodded and Tablo cracked a smile he’s always tried to cover.

 

When they got on the ship, a bearded man is already aboard. Mino looked at him suspiciously, but Tablo greeted him with much friendliness.

 

The Boss watched them as they set sail. Eyes staring straight at Mino, it caused his skin to feel uncomfortable.

 

As the harbor looks smaller and smaller, Tablo called on them.

 

“Alright, this guy here, is Mithra. A long friend of mine. He’ll be helping us on the work at the island. We basically gotta collect the fisher’s loan on their boats. We gonna live on Mithra’s house.” Tablo explained in a cheerful voice. It’s unusual. Why is he so happy? Mino wondered.

 

He stayed silent the whole ride, while Jinwoo asked things about the island. He seemed happier. The harbor has been tight on them. Mino felt somewhat free as the sea breeze run through his hair. But he didn’t let his hopes up.

 

As soon as they entered Mithra’s house, Mino was amazed. So many paintings. Must be at least 50 of canvases, paints everywhere. It’s amazing. Mino said his first words then.

 

“You’re a painter?”

 

Mithra glanced at him with no expression.

 

”I’m a loan shark. Who likes to paint.”

 

Mino looked around in awe. He smiled.

 

Tablo saw his face, and a smile crept up his face. So did Jinwoo. The kids ate a decent meal that night. Kimchi and eggs. It was cook well, with enough taste. The harbor food has been worse lately, the adults giving them leftovers only. It was so good, they gobbled it in a hurry. Tablo yelled at them, less bite than usual.

 

“Ya, eat it slowly! You gonna choke soon!”

 

Mithra chuckled. Mino couldn’t stop looking around the house. It’s a traditional Korean house. There is a TV. The floor is made of wood. Not cold steel. There is a small fan, a kitchen, a refrigerator, and small drawers. Other stuff was pretty much buried between the canvas. But still, it’s a house. Not a ship.

 

“Kids. Listen to me well.” Tablo’s stern voice took back his mind to the table.

 

“This island belongs to the Boss too. All the harbor and ships are his. There are his men on every corner. So there is no way, I repeat, no way you guys can run away from this island. You can’t steal a ship. You can’t sneak on a fisherman’s boat, they always check them before they depart. You can’t swim, obviously, you’ll be dead before you reach anywhere.”

 

Mino and Jinwoo shared a glance.

 

“Look, I’m trapped too. Same as you guys. I’ve tried to run once and failed just like you did, Mino. I ended up working all the shit they’ve been doing for years. I’m lucky to have Mithra. He was trapped like me, a year later. We’ve been trying to run for years, useless efforts. So we throw away our pride, morals, and identity to survive. That is what you guys need to understand.”

 

Mino looked down at his food.

 

“You’re 15 now. You gonna need to do debt collecting soon. It’s a way to gain the Boss’ trust. As soon as he knew you’re even more useful now, it will be easier to live.”

 

Mino felt sick. All those years and he only felt as if he’s going deeper into this hole. No way out.

 

“Me and Mithra have a plan. We’re escaping.”

 

Mino and Jinwoo’s eyes shot open as they raised their face to look at Tablo. Did they hear right?

 

“And I want to bring you guys. There is an old man I once helped to escape the Boss’ grip. And now, he’s willingly helping us. He’s making us a boat. A new boat is out of the Boss reach and list, so he won’t have any tabs on it. And it’s being made in a secluded area, too useless for the Boss to make use of. As soon as it’s finished, he’ll call me, and we gonna run away. But it’s gonna need years because the materials are bought from a faraway place the Boss didn’t have his hands on, and for safety, he won’t meet or contact me unless the boat is ready to set sail. So I want you guys to listen to me, trust me, do what I tell you to. And one day, I promise you. We’ll run.”

 

 

“Why should I trust you?” Mino mumbled.

 

Mithra looked at the boy with a bleak face.

 

Jinwoo looked at Mino with worry. He knew Mino’s words ring true. This is too good to be true.

 

Tablo smiled. He didn’t bother to hide it like he usually did. And Mino was taken aback.

 

“You’re right. You shouldn’t.”

 

Mino’s eyes are dark. But deep, deep inside, Tablo knew the little boy he met three years ago is still there. Scared but hopeful.

 

“But I’m the only chance you’ve got.”

 

 

 

The next morning, Mino woke up and his heart thundered. Where is he? Then his head reminded him that this is not the ship. And he sighed. He and Jinwoo got a small room, and a mattress to sleep. And it was the best sleep he’s ever had. To not feel the hard ground on your back, and warmth encapsulate you through the night. Jinwoo is still deep asleep beside him. Mino tiptoed and went out of the room. The house sounds empty as Mino looked around. Then, he heard a soft hum. It’s not Tablo’s voice for sure. Mithra? Mino followed the sound to a room with paper doors. Mithra is in the middle of the room, brush in his hand.

 

Mino walked closer to him, peeking at his work. It was a woman, wearing a hanbok. So pretty. Mithra’s voice startled him.

 

“Come closer if you wanna see, don’t make me feel like a ghost is behind me.”

 

Mino gulped and sat beside him. His eyes were sparkling at the way Mithra brushed the colors. The shape, the movement... it was amazing.

 

Mithra saw Mino’s face and he almost chuckled.

 

“You like painting?”

 

Mino flinched at the question but stayed silent.

 

“You want to paint? There are spare papers and pencil over there. Use it if you want.”

 

Mino stared at Mithra’s face. Is he for real? or is he baiting Mino to scold him later? Mino wasn’t sure so he stayed on his spot, just watching him paint.

 

A day passes with Mino watching Mithra paint, Jinwoo followed after a while. Tablo came home and smiled looking at the two kids watching Mithra with bright eyes.

 

Later in the evening, Mithra caught Mino drawing in his room. With a paper and pencil.

 

 

-

 

 

Seungyoon’s first day of high school is boring. He found out the school has a music club. That might be the only thing he liked of the whole ordeal. He went home and saw the apple tree behind his house through the window. He quickly averted his gaze and went up to his room. He didn’t feel like eating lunch.

 

 

-

 

 

3 years passed.

 

And it felt like another 10 years.

 

“Please, I beg you.. my wife has been sick, and I used up my money for her doctor fee.. please give me time” the old man was on his knees, both hands clasped together.

 

Mino stared at him with a cigar between his lips, face unamused by his plea.

 

“Yeah well, that’s what you said last month too and I’ve been so damn generous to you, old man.” Mino spat.

 

“Yes, you have been so very kind, but please, I truly have nothing right now..”

 

Mino tsked. He knew the old man didn’t have any money. He saw him carrying his pale wife to the clinic last week. Mino looked around.

 

Oh damn. One of the Boss’ goons is around the corner.

 

 

“I don’t care how you do it, but if his goons are around, put up an act to convince them. If you show anything soft, you’re the one that’s gonna get bruises. Also the loaner.” Tablo’s words rang in his head over and over.

 

So he kicked the old man down and blow a held back punch to his face.

 

 

 

Mino came home to Jinwoo splayed like a dead body on the living room. He worked overnight again. Mino grunted and kicked his legs.

 

“Hyung, wake up and sleep on a bed.”

 

Jinwoo mumbled as he wakes up and walked to his rooms with eyes only half opened.

 

Mino didn’t approve of Jinwoo working as a hostess. Perverted people everywhere. But Jinwoo didn’t have the ability to do debt collecting, and Tablo didn’t have any ideas left. Jinwoo felt bad for not helping their income at all. For the boat, especially. That’s why when Tablo mentioned a hostess job, he didn’t think twice before accepting. Mino wouldn’t talk to Jinwoo for three days, he was so angry. It was all about worrying Jinwoo, as Mino could never forget his past with the Boss’ asshole of a friend, but Mino forgot how to say his worries nicely by now. He’s used to being hot and angry. Job requirement. But after a while, Mino realized his sulking was only making it harder for Jinwoo.

 

Mino went inside his and Mithra’s painting room. Yeah, it’s his room too now. Apparently, his drawing was pretty good. One time, Mithra took Mino’s painting and tried to sell it. He succeeded and actually got a decent amount of money. Thus, he made the room available for the two painters. Mino loved painting so much. He felt like it’s the only thing where everything is under his control. The color, the shape, the mood. All for him to mix and match. There was one thing he never managed to draw even though he wanted to. Seungyoon’s face.

 

 

Mino was scared. He’s scared when he had to trace his face part by part, he would realize that he has forgotten how he looked like. So he paints other things. He paints Jinwoo’s face a few times. It amused him how nice his face is to draw. Mino knew he’s good looking since a long time ago, but after he draws a couple of other people’s faces, he realized Jinwoo’s is just... special. One of a kind.

 

 

-

 

Seungyoon was laughing and joking with his friends. He met them at the music club. All dorks and weirdos. But he liked them a lot. They managed to make him laugh. He was happy. His nights weren’t all nightmare these days. He’s happy. He’s happy. He’s happy.

 

He chanted the words over and over again as he saw a small dark-skinned boy in a camisole running with a ball in his arms, Seungyoon was on his way home. The boy looked at Seungyoon and Seungyoon almost ran to him, grab him by the arms and call him Min—

 

But no. No. That’s not him.

 

 

He’s happy. He’s happy. He’s happy.

 

 

He’s okay.

 

 

Seungyoon cried himself to sleep that night.

 

 

-

 

 

Mithra, Mino, and Jinwoo were already on their table, dinner served.

 

“Ah.. what is taking him so long.. should we just eat first?” Mithra whined.

 

“Wait for him a little bit more hyung, I’m sure he’ll be back soon..” Jinwoo persuaded.

 

Mino’s eyes were glued to the TV showing a kids cartoon. He wondered if Seungyoon saw this one, it’s pretty funny.

 

A loud clacking of their front door caught their attention. Tablo came in running, out of breath.

 

“It’s done..”

 

They all held their breath.

 

“The old man called me. It’s done.”

 

 

Mithra suddenly got jittery.

 

“Well, okay, we gotta—we gotta pack up.. should we go tomorrow night, or?”

 

“No, we go tonight.”

 

 

The three were dumbstruck.

 

 

“What? No, we can’t do it so suddenly! We need preparations!” Mithra panics.

 

“Min Su killed him.”

 

Everyone froze at the words. Mino glared at Tablo.

 

“Who?” Mino asked with a heavy voice.

 

 

“The Boss,” Tablo answered.

 

 

Jinwoo dropped the chopsticks on his hand. He suddenly raised from his seat and returned to his room. Mithra did the same. Mino stayed on his spot, his head suddenly blank.

 

 

“What’s gonna happen now?” Mino asked

 

“They want us to go back to the harbor. Seems like Sung Chul is taking the seat. And he hates me with all his guts. I was—“ Tablo choked on his words.

 

“I almost thought we won’t make it. Sung Chul will certainly get me out of his way. Also Mithra, he knew we were friends. But on my way here, the old man called. It’s almost ridiculous, the timing. But yeah, it’s ready. Mino- ya,”

 

Mino turned his head to look at Tablo’s face. He’s a mess.

 

“You can get out. I know you can.” He said as he gave Mino a gun. Mino’s eyes widen at the sight.

 

“Here, I’ll show you,” Tablo explained the basic of using the gun. Mino was listening intently. But still, he couldn’t miss Tablo’s trembling hands.

 

“Get it?” Tablo asked. Mino nodded.

 

“Alright, now get your stuff ready. Take only what’s necessary.” Tablo said hurriedly as he entered his room.

 

Mino looked at the cold gun in his hands. He’s dead. That man is dead. Mino didn’t know what to think. So he blankly walked to his room to see Jinwoo change his clothes and was trying to button his shirt with shaking fingers. Mino went up to him and swat his hands away. He buttoned up Jinwoo’s shirt calmly.

 

“Why this clothes? Wouldn’t a comfortable t-shirt be better?”

 

Jinwoo chuckled in his nervousness.

 

“Nah, this is good. You gave it to me on my birthday after all.”

 

Mino finished buttoning his shirt and took out his hoodie.

 

They went out from the house through a back door one by one. They all walked through the town with different routes, their destination is an abandoned building near the shore. It was unfit for the loan sharks, so they never cared about the place. Many things ran through their heads. Worry, time, scenarios. They walked at a normal speed, not wanting to attract any attention.

 

Mino’s head wanders to faraway places. Seungyoon. Is this the chance? Is this really the thing he’s been dreaming of for years? Mino is scared out of his mind. this is sudden and unprepared. He could feel the tension in the air around him. The Boss’ death seemed to change the weather.

 

When he reached the place, Mithra and Tablo were already there.

 

“Jinwoo hyung?” Mino asked, anxious.

 

“I don’t know, I just came too,” Mithra answered while catching his breath.

 

Tablo was talking to the old man who made the ship. Mino looked around nervously. Where is he?

 

As the man bid his farewell, he hurriedly went away. The same direction he left, Jinwo came running.

 

The heavyweight on Mino’s heart left him.

 

“Alright, let’s go!” As soon as Tablo said that, a gunshot blared on their ears. They all looked at the direction the old man went. Mithra ran as fast as he could to the boat and tried to turn it on. On the horizon, Sung Chul’s figure came up. Gun on his hands. Mino felt his mind leaving him. His body depending everything on instinct. He couldn’t think. Everything is red.

 

“Jinwoo, Mino, go to the boat!” Tablo commanded.

 

Jinwoo’s mouth went dry. He looked at Mino, but Mino’s eyes were fixated on Sung Chul.

 

“Are you fucking deaf?? I said go to the boat!!” Tablo yelled, startling Jinwoo as he starts running towards the now rumbling boat. The engine is on.

 

Tablo turned his head towards Mino. Mino stared back, face dark and impassive. He knew the boy wouldn’t listen. Tablo took off his ring and threw it to his direction, Mino caught it with his hands.

 

“Whatever the fuck happens, you are Song Mino. You’re not a thug. You’re not a criminal. You’re not a bad person.” Mino’s consciousness touched him again.

 

“You’re that stupid kid who cried because his dad left and of the shitty food he ate on a mafia den. Who eventually learned to fight and paint.” Tablo said with a calm voice. Against the condition they’re in.

 

“Go see that Seungyoon kid. Things will be okay.” Tablo smiled.

 

That’s when Mino knew, how life just loves to joke on him. The meanest, coldest joke ever. Because then, Tablo walked up with sure steps towards Sung Chul only for him to shoot Tablo right on his head even before Tablo managed to get the gun out of his belt.

 

 

Mino loses his mind once again. Nothing is left. The place where he could usually felt his heart thumping, breaking, and bubbling, is left empty. His head didn’t manage to question his hands that was raised, gun on his palms. It didn’t manage to ask Mino was he sure before his fingers pull the trigger once. Twice. Three. Four five six. The last three hit him. Making his aim at Mino waver and his bullet missed him completely. Sung Chul fell on his stomach, convulsing on the ground. Beside him was Tablo. Unmoving. Just as he was about to reach to him, strong arms gripped him and pulled him to the boats.

 

After his eyes managed to leave Tablo’s figure, Mino finally spots the pack of people running towards them. Sung Chul’s people. He let Jinwoo pull him up the boat, and Mithra pulls the engine as hard as he could to make the boat run.

 

As the boat left the pier bit by bit, ground replaced by the dark water only illuminated by the half-moon upon them, Mino’s heart came back. It came back broken and almost dead. Holes all over the place. Bleeding like a waterfall, where every drop left a piercing pain inside. And Mino screamed. He screamed so loud. He screamed louder than the day Min Su found him almost escaping. He screamed louder than when Sung Chul kicked his stomach, when he heard his father’s death, when his dad left him with them. He screamed louder than the day his dad dragged him to his car and mess his whole life. It hurts. It hurts everywhere. Mino is very much alive, but he felt so much more dead now than all those years he spent in the living hell.

 

 

It hurts.

 

 

-

 

Seungyoon woke up from a bad dream, one that left him sweating all over. He sat on his bed and realized he was crying. He couldn’t remember his dream, he only made out the scenery. It was a sea at night. With a small island in front of him. and somehow, it hurts him so much. His heart is in so much pain but he couldn’t remember the cause. Seungyoon looked outside his room, the night is bright, the half-moon is up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Author's Note*
> 
> I am so, so sorry.


	11. Forgive

 

 

 

Kim Jinwoo leaned his back to the wall, watching the busy fish market they just docked into. Mithra is inside the building, doing who knows what. Last night’s sail was shaky. And damn quiet. After Mino’s heart-wrenching scream, that is. Mino sat on the boat’s floor all night, staring at his own hands. Jinwoo did the same. His breathing strained, head heavy. Everything happened so fast. There was no time to think of anything, and now, when the universe is giving them the time to think, they don’t have the courage. There might be regrets. Things might have been different if they made different decisions before. So they stayed silent. Not ready to face the consequences of their choices.

 

 

Jinwoo looked at the busy fish market. The smell of the sea filling his nose. Everyone is busy, no one paid him any glance. So many voices around him but none seemed to be able to take away his blank mind. Mithra came out of the door and gestured Jinwoo to follow him. He walked behind Mithra, watching his back looking heavier than ever. He remembered last night when he stole a glance at him still driving the boat, his hands were trembling. He was trying hard to keep his stoic face, but somehow, Jinwoo felt it was the most miserable he has ever seen him these past 3 years. Mithra was never this broken, he knew. Everything showed in his eyes. He acted so well, Jinwo tried to do the same.

 

Mithra led him to a small motel in a dirty neighborhood. He opened the door to a small green painted room. Two beds inside. It smelt like a brothel.

 

“Come inside and clean it up. I’ll go fetch Mino and take care of the boat first.” Mithra said, less power in his voice.

 

“What about the boat?” Jinwoo asked.

 

“We gotta get rid of it. I’ll sink it.” His answer bothered Jinwoo and he didn’t know why.

 

“I’ll get going,” Mithra said his goodbye.

 

Jinwoo watched his back leaving the motel and he couldn’t help but feel something clenching his heart. He looked around the ugly room and imagined—

 

He couldn’t help but imagine how it could have been different. If Tablo were here, they would be laughing and wouldn’t give a single fuck about how ugly the room was. Because it wouldn’t have mattered. What would have mattered was that they escaped. They would be planning their next destination. Talking about what they gonna do. Where they gonna go. They would sleep on these two small creaky beds, trying to fit their bodies and woke up with a hurting back. But it wouldn’t have mattered. Now, it doesn’t feel like Jinwoo escaped from anything at all. He fell on his knees and broke down entirely.

 

 

Mithra found Mino on the boat. He didn’t sleep. Mithra wordlessly went to turn the boat on, bringing it to water far away from people and the market life. When they reached an empty beach, Mithra gaze at the horizon. The waves are quiet, unbothered.

 

“Mino-ya. Come here.”

 

No answer. He turned his head to see the boy still on the same spot as last night, head hanging low and palms facing him.

 

“Mino-ya,” Mithra called again, voice raised just a little but it made the boy flinch.

 

He slowly raised his head, showing Mithra a lost boy. As lost as him. Might be more.  Mino stood up and his unstable steps eventually reached Mithra.

 

Mithra pointed at the box filled with bomb.

 

“That’s a bomb. I’m gonna sink this ship to cover our traces. The trigger will cause the bomb to explode in 30 seconds after I push this button.”

 

Mino looked at the bomb, then back at the trigger in Mithra’s hand. He couldn’t think. His explanation just passes through his mind without leaving any mark. Mithra looked at Mino. He put the trigger slowly on a surface. Mithra looks back at the horizon and sighed as he closes his eyes slowly. He counted down in his head.

 

Three

 

Two

 

One

 

Mithra opens his eyes and hauled Mino in his arms and throw him out of the boat to the water. Mino couldn’t even comprehend what was happening. Mithra is so strong, and he was so fast. He threw Mino as if he was a pillow. Water quickly met Mino’s whole body, hugging him with unrivaled vastness and depth. His body moved on instinct, trying to pull him away from the sea’s gravity. Mino pushed his head out of the water and look around to find the boat behind him. Horror washed over Mino when he sees Mithra still on the boat, finger already pushing the trigger button.

 

 

Thirty.

 

 

Mino couldn’t think. No time. He swam as fast as he could towards the boat.

 

 

Twenty-five.

 

 

 He grabbed on the ladder on the boat’s outer body.

 

 

Twenty.

 

 

His clothes were heavy. The water weighing him down. Climbing is hard.

 

 

Fifteen.

 

 

He leaped onto the boat. He ran towards Mithra who was gazing at the horizon, back facing Mino.

 

 

Ten.

 

Mino pulled him towards the boat side, trying to pull Mithra’s body which was twice his.

 

 

Five.

 

 

When he jumped off the boat, hands gripping Mithra to make sure he’s falling off the boat with him, he thought he could see Mithra was crying.

 

 

The bomb exploded when they were submerged underwater. The deep depth embracing them.

 

 

Mithra pulled Mino’s head out of the water, and both swam to shore with no words exchanged between them.

 

As they left the water, sand between their feet, Mithra turns his body and faced Mino.

 

Mino glared at him, fire in his eyes.

 

“What the fuck was that?” he glowered.

 

Mithra stayed quiet. Eyes looking straight back at Mino.

 

“I said, what the fuck was that??” Mino shouted. His teeth now clattering. Hands trembling on his side. His attempt to keep it strong and fisted useless.

 

 

Mithra took a deep breath. “You are not a murderer, Mino.”

 

Mino flinched.

 

“I’m not Tablo. I can’t sweet talk you and promise you a good future. Just remember what you just did. You saved my life. You are no murderer. Drop the weight of Sung Chul’s death right here. And never let it reach you again.”

 

 

Mino stayed still. His eyes now hot with tears he couldn’t bother to suppress. So he looked down at the sand and let the drop fall one by one. Soon, he sobs and his hands reached to hold his head, which seems to be pulsating, slowly dripping out his sanity.

 

After a while, the sobs he let out eased away from the pain in his head, his heart, and the grim feeling on his palms he couldn’t seem to shake since last night. Since the trigger was pulled.

 

“What now?” Mino finally said after a while.

 

Mithra kept his gaze at the sinking ship.

 

“Now, we live. We live on what’s left.”

 

What is left now? Mino’s head was blank, but at the hope of having something to hang on after this is what calling his heart to speak up.

 

Seungyoon. Seungyoon is what’s left of him.

 

A silent teardrop escaped his eyes. Mino’s felt something hot and heavy burning his chest.

 

What is there left for Mithra? For all these years he knew the man, Mino sensed that Tablo was almost his everything. They were kidnapped on a very young age, never had any family, and the world decided to let them meet. The world let them bond over the hell they were put in. They were even more brothers than some blood-related brothers out there. Mithra was always so protective of Tablo, in between their nagging and arguments. Every word, even the curses, came from a good heart. Everything always ended up with their laugh over cigarettes and a bottle of shared soju. Mino always heard them late at night, when he couldn’t sleep. It became a nice lullaby for him every time, the sense of peace between the two brothers. So if Tablo was almost his _everything_ , what is he gonna do now? The sound of the wave crashing and leaving sounded like the universe saying sorry. Mino didn’t know if he could forgive them. Not now at least.

 

“Hyung,” Mino managed to call after calming his breath. “Let’s live.”

 

And Mithra averted his gaze from the dying ship back to Mino. And with the last energy he has left, spared Mino a small smile. But that was enough. Enough for Mino to believe the world is not all corrupted and pernicious. He’ll give life and himself one more chance.

 

 

-

 

 

Jinwoo laughed out loud at Seunghoon’s story. The man was smiling too.

 

“I can’t believe I came here to pick on your past and ended up talking about my high school ex because of a god damn coin.” Seunghoon hissed.

 

“What? You agreed on the terms didn’t you?” Jinwoo said between his held back laughter.

 

“Besides, this is fun. Who knows, the next time we do this you might manage to find out everything about me. Keep up the spirit, Boss.” Jinwoo said with a smile. A sincere one.

 

“Hopefully, because I can imagine you using this information to blackmail me.” And Jinwoo laughed some more at Seunghoon’s words.

 

Seunghoon looked at him with amusement. He looked different tonight. Seunghoon didn’t feel like he was faking any reaction or expression. He felt real. And it breaks through Seunghoon’s defense. Seunghoon could definitely get used to this.

 

 

-

 

 

Seungyoon was sitting beside Mino on the bed as he lay his head on his shoulder and snakes his hand to entwine it with Mino’s. Mino’s voice shakes every time he mentioned Tablo. And Seungyoon understood then. He could only hope his hands on Mino’s could fix something. Somehow. He rubs his thumb on the back of Mino’s hands and he felt Mino’s grip got tighter. It hurts Seungyoon just to listen to it. He couldn’t bring himself to say he understands, because he’s sure he doesn’t. It must have felt much bigger and painful than what his head could imagine out of his story. Even if Seungyoon’s chest has been constricting many times the whole time Mino tell him.

 

Mino went past the hardest part of his story. Glad he made it through. Glad the pain is somehow better now. Maybe time healed him. Or it’s the hand currently holding his. Mino thought it’s probably the latter.

 

“And then, we lived by moving from city to city. Trying to erase our footsteps every time. Me and Mithra hyung paint stuff and sold it. We were living under a tight budget every day, barely enough to afford transportation. Until in Seoul, we met someone. An art gallery owner, his name is Choi Seunghyun. He gave me and Mithra hyung a contract offer to be his gallery’s permanent painter. So we did it.”

 

Seungyoon hummed. “Then why is Jinwoo hyung here?”

 

“Jinwoo hyung helped us by being my model and doing part-time jobs, but ever since me and Mithra hyung got the gallery job, he felt... as if he was a burden. He couldn’t find any job in Seoul.. while me and Mithra hyung planned to stay there for good, to truly have a standing ground. Well, Seoul is a big city, and I understood finding job for a runaway must be hard, I mean, we barely got our IDs. I seriously wouldn’t mind him being my model and just stay at home, him being around is enough. My salary is enough for us. But he..” Mino sighed.

 

“One day we had this fight, I couldn’t even remember what the trigger was. Something about jobs and him wanting to leave. He said.. he felt as if we were still at the island. And he couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t understand what he meant, he was rambling and angry. By morning, he left the house already. He left a letter. Saying goodbye and sorry. I was so pissed back then, I mean, why couldn’t he just talk?”

 

Mino remembered Jinwoo looking more and more helpless every day. He smoked a worrying amount. Mino could only imagine him feeling like a useless man even after they were living a free life, no one pushing them around. Deep inside, he might’ve understood back then. Mino just didn’t know how to deal with it. He wanted to leave the memory of the harbor and island as far as he could, and it felt like Jinwoo were bringing everything back. But he couldn’t forget the sleepless nights he had ever since he left. The loan sharks weren’t the only bad people in this world, he could easily be under someone’s grip again and Mino wouldn’t know shit.

 

“But after a few days, he sent another letter. Saying he’s fine and is currently in a small town. He’s looking for work and it looks like things could go well for him there. If one day he felt like he’s okay and ready, we’ll meet again. A few months more, he sent a letter saying he met someone nice. And he’s got a pretty good job. That crazy, crazy guy. He must’ve snatched a few years of my life acting that reckless.”

 

Seungyoon chuckled at that.

 

“You just care for him too much, that’s why you’re so angry. I kinda realized your change of expression when you guys first met at the cafe though. I was wondering what that was about..”

 

“Couldn’t help it. Life just happened to bring us together back then.” Mino said while remembering their first meeting all over again.

 

“Anyway, soon after I have enough money as my saving, I actually went back to our hometown.”

 

“Really?” Seungyoon lifted his face to look at him.

 

“Yeah. I actually saw your mom too... But I was.. scared to suddenly come up to her. I didn’t see you around either, and I realized you must’ve gone to college. I went back to Seoul and tried to look for you with a help of a.. some kind of.. hacker?”

 

“What?” Seungyoon laughed.

 

“I did, I looked out your name and everything. Mithra hyung got channels from who knows where and met this guy.. he could track down people and such, he’s an informant. Mithra hyung was using his help to check on the rest of the loan sharks position, and I asked him to do me a favor about you. I had to scan hundreds of other Kang Seungyoons with the same birthday as you, same year, going to college and whatnot. Then I saw this face, kinda round..” Mino said the last words with a teasing tone.

 

Seungyoon glared at him.

 

“White, looking like a mochi cake that was given eyes and nose and—“

 

He didn’t get to finish his sentence as Seungyoon grabbed a pillow and hauled it Mino’s face. Mino laughed hard and tried to pull away from Seungyoon’s attack. His defense caused him to be pushed to lay on his back, his both hands holding Seungyoon’s wrist as he pulls him to fall down with him. as Seungyoon is now atop him, he gave a good look at the face he was teasing before. He smiled. Seungyoon’s eyes caught his longing eyes and Mino could see his cheeks slowly reddened.

 

“Then I found you. So different. But definitely you. There is no way I could’ve mistaken you.”

 

Mino let go one of his wrist to stroke Seungyoon’s cheek. Feeling the real person in front of him. He’s met him for days but still, sometimes, he worries that this is all a mean dream, only made to break him. But he’s real. And Mino falls for him over and over again. He looked deep to Seungyoon’s eyes, wanting the boy to feel his next words as much as Mino felt inside.

 

“I love you, Kang Seungyoon. So damn much.”

 

Seungyoon’s heart almost jumped out of his chest. It felt like Mino was saying it straight to his defenseless heart, causing it to burst with too much happiness it almost hurts. Mino pulled his face down to kiss him, and Seungyoon closes his eyes to feel the slight sweetness in his lips.  Just as his mind is about to leave him for good, Mino pulled back. Seungyoon is almost ashamed at how much he hates the parting of their lips.

 

“So that was it. All of it. Now you know what kind of person I was.” Mino said in a soft voice, almost whispering.

 

“Then what about today?”

 

Mino’s eyes look slightly dark again. “I saw Min Su.”

 

Seungyoon’s eyes widen. “Here? In town?”

 

“Well, I...” Mino sighed

 

“I _thought_ I saw him. there was this man, in ragged clothes.. almost gray hair. And he looked just like him from behind. I thought I saw the side of his face and I was so damn sure that’s him. I followed him until we were both in an alley..“ Mino stop for a few beats. Seungyoon keeps his eyes on him.

 

“When he reached the end of the alley, leading to another street, I lost him. Just like that, into thin air. Then I’m not even sure if I truly saw him back then..” Mino rise from the bed and Seungyoon pulls back. Now they both sit with legs crossed on the bed, facing each other.

 

“I must be going crazy, hallucinating like that. And you know what bothered me even more? I picked up a broken soju bottle on my way. The sharp glass could’ve killed someone if it was really a person I’ve been following and I ended up hitting his head from behind.” Mino’s voice was full of regret and fear. He’s scared of himself. Mino gazes at his hands, and he could almost see it covered in blood again. Just like the nightmares he always has on bad days. Seungyoon’s hand slowly reach out to his. Holding it firmly.

 

“Seungyoon,” Mino called. Seungyoon looks back to his eyes.

 

“I hit and torture innocent people. The only fault they had was to bite the loan shark’s bait. And I became one of those thugs. I even killed Sung Chul. I almost killed someone again today.” Mino’s pupil shakes. And Seungyoon hates how much Mino looks so lost.

 

“I’m not supposed to be around you,” Mino whispered.

 

 Seungyoon’s heart drops. He whispers a ‘no’ and raised his hand to stroke Mino’s face.

 

“You’re doing so well. A college student. A band member. With good friends. What am I doing here, messing with your world? I’m a murderer,” he mumbled.

 

Seungyoon shuts his mouth with a kiss. Then he kissed the tip of his nose. And his forehead.

 

“No.. don’t say that..” he kissed his lips again, this time letting his lips linger on Mino’s longer. He let go when both of his hands reaches Mino’s face and hold it to keep Mino’s focus on him. “If the world gave me a choice to let go of everything I had now to be with you again, I would choose you. Always. Whenever. Thousand times over and over again.” Seungyoon speaks close against his lips.

 

“I was a mess too. Everything is in shambles. I just managed to cover it well over the years. I had to, for mom.” Seungyoon told him, voice soft and reassuring.

 

“When you came, everything is fixing itself. It was so impossible, that’s why I couldn’t take it at first. You have no idea how often I dreamed about you only to disappoint myself when I woke up.”

 

Seungyoon smiled as he gazes at Mino’s face.

 

“Everything is healing right now. All it needed was you to be around.”

 

Mino sighed.

 

“What about—I’m a criminal.. I’m a murderer. I eventually became one of them and I can’t erase that.” Mino said, almost choking on his words.

 

“It doesn’t matter... I forgive you. You did the right thing. If not for you, he might be hurting some other kid right now. Some kid just like us back then. Powerless and lost. Mithra was right, you’re not a murderer. So it’s okay... I forgive you.. forgive yourself, Mino..” Seungyoon lost the power to hold back his tears by then.

 

A tear escaped Mino’s eyes, and Seungyoon quickly stroke the drop with his thumb on Mino’s cheek.

 

“What would I do If I don’t have you?” Mino whispered.

 

“Doesn’t matter. You have me. I’m _yours._ ” Seungyoon meant what he said. Never in his life, he was as sure as this.

 

“Okay?” Seungyoon asked.

 

Mino sobs.

 

Seungyoon pulls his head to rest on his shoulder, arms circling to hug his body.

 

Mino is real. As real as he can be.

 

Mino let out a long breath. Seungyoon could feel the load on his heart went out with it.

 

It’s raining outside. But Seungyoon doesn’t care. He could only hear Mino’s soft weep. Mino never realized how big of a scar he brought himself until Seungyoon pulled him to his arms and let him cry. Everything is fixing itself. All it needed was Seungyoon.

 

 

-

 

Jinwoo jolts from his sleep. The sound of rain waking him. he was talking with—

 

Lee Seunghoon. The man is asleep beside him. They were talking about old times. About Seunghoon’s school days to be exact. They were laughing so much until they got tired and fell asleep. Seunghoon chose the wrong side of the coin and Jinwoo had the chance to ask anything. So he asked about school. Jinwoo has never been to one. And he was curious. How was it? Was it fun? Tiring as how the cartoons showed him? Confusing?

 

From what Jinwoo heard, it’s a mix of everything. Crazy experiences, crazy friends, tired minds and bodies. Sounds amazing though. He sighed. He gazes at the man’s face beside him. Looking peaceful and content in his sleep.

 

 

‘I definitely like you this way more, boss’ Jinwoo said only in his head. The usually angry man looks so soft. And warm. So different. Jinwoo wondered what made this person turn to such a raged boy when his eyes are opened. He’ll find out about that. Jinwoo smiles and lets his eyes flutter shut as his fatigue overwhelm his senses.

 

-

 

Seungyoon’s breathing got steadier. Mino could feel the boy’s weight fall deeper to the mattress beside him. He must be asleep. Mino raises his hand to look at it.

 

What did he see back then? Did he truly hallucinate?

 

The only thing he knew real was the cold broken glass in his grip. He runs his hands through his head and shut his eyes close.

 

He opens his eyelids slowly and turns his head to see the figure beside him. Mino turns his whole body to face him. It scares him how much Seungyoon’s words soothe him, even when the black hole in his head is still present, whirling and destructive.

 

_“I forgive you”_

 

It’s a fragile string of hope. But it’s the only chance he’s ever got. Again, Mino let himself cling onto a hope once more. He might fall as he did back then, but he doesn’t want to think about it for now.

 

He scoots closer to Seungyoon, wanting to feel his breath. Mino close his eyes with the last thing he sees being Seungyoon’s peacefully sleeping face, and a sentence on the tip of his tongue.

 

‘I love you so much it scares me.’

 

 

 

 


	12. Baiser baiser baiser

__

 

 

 

Mino woke up to an empty spot beside his bed and a speeding heartbeat. A sticky note is on the window. He quickly pulls it and brings it closer to his still blurry eyes.

 

‘I have a morning class. Sorry I didn’t wake you up, you looked tired. I’ll be home soon!’

 

Mino put the note back on the window glass and rises from his back. He originally planned to walk him to college. Because who knows what happened to Min Su. Regardless he was real or not. Mino reached for his phone and hurriedly text Seungyoon.

 

‘You in class already?’

 

He gazes outside the window, looking at nothing in particular. The vibration of his phone startled him.

 

‘Yeah.. why?’

 

He sighed in relief.

 

‘Alright. I’ll pick you up later, don’t go home by yourself.’

 

Seungyoon read his message and warmth crept up to his cheeks. He covers his smiling lips with his hands, worried the professor might think he’s crazy.

 

‘Okay’

 

Mino locked his phone at the answer and thought of what he should do for now.

 

Suddenly a face pops up in his head, Jinwoo hyung. How could he have forgotten. He quickly jumps off the bed and ran to brush his teeth and take his jacket. He chooses a busy street to pass, more people, less danger. He walks up to the closed cafe door and knocks loudly. He looked around for any chances of Min Su.

 

However, an angry face who is definitely not Jinwoo showed up in front of Mino. Mino almost gulps at the laser eyes.

 

“The cafe is still closed.”

 

“Uh yeah, I’m actually looking for Kim Jinwoo.. is he here... yet?” Mino doesn’t know why but this guy looks so dangerous. A sound of running feet took Mino’s attention. Jinwoo’s face pops up from behind the guy’s arm.

 

“Mino-ya! What are you doing here?” Jinwoo excitedly showed up.

 

The man turns his head to look at Jinwoo.

 

“You know him?”

 

“Yeah, he’s a childhood friend! He just moved to town. Can I see him for a bit? I’ve done the dishes.” Jinwoo asked with a cheerful tone. Mino’s eyebrow automatically frowns at that. Who is this dude and why is Jinwoo awfully friendly to him?

 

“Fine.” The man gave him one last glance and left them. Mino glared at the man’s back and made faces behind his back. Jinwoo suppresses his laugh and flicks Mino’s forehead.

 

“Don’t do that, he’s my boss,” Jinwoo whispered.

 

“Why are you having a prick as a boss? He’s picking a fight with me!” Mino answered in whispers too.

 

Jinwoo snorts at his friend’s childish remarks. Mino is always like this, Jinwoo thought to himself. All hard and tough until you know his true heart, he’s really just a boy.

 

“Why are you looking for me?” Jinwoo asked him, curious at his unusual behavior of visiting him to the cafe.

 

“Can we talk inside? This is kind of private.” Mino said. Jinwoo nodded and gestures him to come inside.

 

Mino look around the cafe and see no traces of Jinwoo’s boss.

 

“He’s upstairs, tending the club. You want something to drink?” Jinwoo asked

 

“No, I gotta go soon..”

 

Jinwoo shrugs then took a seat in front of Mino in the cafe table.

 

“What’s wrong?” Jinwoo asked with such a mature tone, Mino suddenly feels like a kid.

 

“This.. is gonna sound really crazy,” Mino said while unconsciously fidgeting with his own hands.

 

“I’ve seen lots of crazy. I can handle it.” Jinwoo smiled.

 

Mino glanced at Jinwoo and turns his eyes to his hands again.

 

“Yesterday, I saw—  I thought, I saw Min Su.”

 

Jinwoo stays silent. Curious, Mino raises his eyes. Jinwoo’s face turns dark, his smile fades by the mention of that certain name.

 

“I’m not sure, I saw someone looking just like him, and I followed him. But he suddenly disappeared by an alley.” Mino told him, his tone restless.

 

Jinwoo watches as Mino tried to describe the man he saw anxiously.

 

“You know what, maybe I’m just crazy.” Mino sighed tiredly and rests his head on the table. Jinwoo watches him looking dejected and tired, and he feels like looking at a kid. Well, he always did consider Mino a kid. Mino’s story is a big deal if Min Su is truly here. Hell, it would be a big problem. If Min Su recognizes him or Mino, he might... Because who knows, 2 years and they still haven’t figured out his motive to kill the Boss back then.

 

But the big chances are, Mino was just too stressed and paranoid. He’s been away from Mithra for a while. Sure Seungyoon is here, but Mithra is practically their safe haven. Without him around, Mino had to keep his guard up 24/7, no rest. Jinwoo smiled softly and put his hands to stroke Mino’s hair. Mino is almost startled at Jinwoo’s touch.

 

“Well, you _might_ be seeing things. That much is true. But who knows, right. Watch your back Mino-ya. I’ll keep my guards up too, I’ll tell you if anything is off. But don’t worry yourself too much and just take care of Seungyoon. This is a safe neighborhood, after all, the chance for him to sneak up and charge on us is pretty slim.” Jinwoo said with a soothing voice.

 

Mino feels somewhat safe at Jinwoo’s promise. The mess in his head slowly untangling. Jinwoo put away his hands and asked him,

 

“That’s all?”

 

Mino raises his head. “Yeah.”

 

Jinwoo smiles calmly at him, “Alright. Thank you for warning me, Mino-ya.”

 

And Mino can’t help but to return the smile. It’s been a while, this kind of moment. Back when Jinwoo was still in Seoul and fell to his lowest point, everyday felt like walking on eggshells. Meaningless arguments shot every few minutes, be it Mino’s complaint on his smoking, Jinwoo getting pissed over bad weather, everything is darkening the mood. This might be their first ever pleasant and relaxing vibe after years. They feel like brothers again.

 

A vibration in Mino’s pocket startles him. Mino took out his phone and find a text from Seungyoon.

 

‘I’ll be done in an hour’

 

Mino looks up to Jinwoo, “Hyung, I’ll get going then.”

 

Jinwoo shot him a teasing gaze and a smirk.

 

“Things are going reaaaally well, is it, Song Mino?” Jinwoo asked with an enticing voice.

 

“What?” Mino tried to pull off his neutral face.

 

Jinwoo snorts “Don’t even try to lie, you think you can deceive me? So, you guys a thing now or what?”

 

Mino is so losing the acting game, so before Jinwoo tries to dig up too much stuff, Mino stands up from his seat.

 

“Well, I’ll be seeing you soon, Hyung! Do well on your work, see ya!” Mino rambles as he leaves the cafe in a hurry.

 

Jinwoo laughs at the sight.

 

“What is he? A teenager in puberty?”

 

Mino thought he’ll just spend an hour waiting for Seungyoon outside. But on his way, he went past a barber. Mino watched his own reflection at the glass window before deciding to walk inside.

 

 

 

Mino ran his way to Seungyoon’s college to see the boy sitting under a tree, looking up at the sky. Mino couldn’t help but smile.

 

 

_“I’m yours.”_

 

 

He recalls Seungyoon’s words to him the other day. It brings butterfly to his stomach. He walks up to Seungyoon and with only a few steps left, Seungyoon turns his head and his eyes widen at the sight. He abruptly rose from his seat and stared at Mino with a slightly opened mouth.

 

“That’s.... sudden..” Seungyoon stammered.

 

Mino smiled shyly while his hands unconsciously stroke his now short hair. It still feels weird, a whole weight disappeared off his head.

 

“It looks weird, does it? I just thought it’s about time... I’ve been growing it out since I lived with Mithra-hyung..” He sounds so insecure, he had no idea how much his new look made a tornado of butterflies in Seungyoon’s stomach.

 

When Mino looks at Seungyoon he was smiling sweetly, the slightest blush on his cheeks. Mino thought he could soon have heart problems if even Seungyoon’s smile manages to make his heart beat this fast.

 

“Ooooh my god get a room for god’s sake!!” Taehyun passes them with his car, yelling from his window. His voice startled them. However, Taehyun abruptly hits the break when he took a good look at Mino’s new appearance.

 

“Whoa, hyung! You look good!” Taehyun exclaimed. He turns his head to Seungyoon and glared at him,

 

“Ya, Kang! Hurry it up will you? I’m having a moral battle with myself to prevent snatching him off you right now! Damn your lucky ass.”

 

The car is already speeding away when Seungyoon hissed at him. Mino just laughed.

 

“Why is his mood so sour, though?”

 

“The girl he’s been trying to date suddenly went to class with a new boyfriend.” Seungyoon shrugged.

 

“Ouch..” Mino grimace as he watches Taehyun’s car disappear to an intersection.

 

“So,” Seungyoon said, pulling back Mino’s attention to him “I need to get new strings for my guitar first. Let’s go?” Seungyoon asked, back with his blinding smile.

 

“Yeah, let’s go,” Mino answered with a smile.

 

It’s almost ridiculous how they look so happy. People around them are probably rolling their eyes at the way they giggle at the stupidest thing. But really, Seungyoon is just feeling so relaxed. Nothing to worry except the butterflies in his stomach that is sometimes too much and cause him to feel jittery. The butterflies went a little bit crazier every time Mino’s hand brush with his on their walk to the guitar shop. And Seungyoon is almost out of breath. And damn, that new hair cut is messing with his feelings.

 

When they arrived at the shop, Seungyoon opens the front door and called out the owner he’s known ever since he started living on the town.

 

“Noona?”

 

“Oh, Seungyoonie!” A very pretty lady showed up from behind a counter.

 

“You haven’t been here for a while! Where have you been?” She asked.

 

“I’ve been busy, me and the kids moved to another club.,” Seungyoon answered while looking around the shop, checking on what’s new.

 

“Yeah, I went there the other day and you guys were not performing... I got worried..” She spots Mino behind Seungyoon after that. Mino bows at her and she smiled sweetly.

 

“Ah, sorry I didn’t realize Seungyoonie brought a friend.”

 

“Ah yeah, this is Mino, Noona. This is Dara noona, my guitar needs dealer.” Seungyoon explained to Mino.

 

“It’s nice to meet you.” Mino greeted.

 

“It’s nice to meet you too... You’re new around here, are you? Seungyoon’s old friend?” She asked.

 

“Yeah, we came from the same hometown. I came here just recently.”

 

“Aah.. is that so... welcome to town, then. I hope you like it here.” She smiled. Mino liked her already. So kind and warm. It’s good to know Seungyoon knows someone like her in a foreign town.

 

“Noona, now we perform at the club near the bakery... You know that one right?” Seungyoon approaches her near the counter with a pack of guitar strings.

 

“Omo.. really? That place is great! Better than the last one, actually.” She exclaimed, looking genuinely happy the band is doing good.

 

“Yeah. We got lucky. come watch us when you have time, noona.” Seungyoon said with a smile.

 

“Sure thing! My little brother is helping me out these days, I’ll sneak out there soon!” She gushed.

 

“Your brother? He’s here?” Seungyoon looks surprised.

 

“Yeah, the one that tried so hard to flirt with you shamelessly!” She said with a laugh.

 

Mino didn’t laugh. Seungyoon is suddenly nervous.

 

“Ah.. yeah..” Seungyoon force out a laugh.

 

“He asked about you too yesterday.. geez that kid sure is stubborn. You remember that one time he brought cakes to your house? I laughed so hard at him, he said he’s trying to appeal you with sweets because you said you like them.” She giggles.

 

Seungyoon faked an awkward laugh once more.

 

“This is all?” She gestured at the strings.

 

“Yeah, that’s all.” Seungyoon took his wallet from his bag and finish the transaction.

 

Seungyoon and Mino said their regards and left the shop.

 

“You wanna eat outside or at home?” Mino asked, pushing away Seungyoon’s worry that he might be angry.

 

“Let’s eat at home. You bought ingredients for jiggae yesterday, right? Can we eat that?” Seungyoon asked cheerfully. Warm and delicious jiggae already filling his imagination. Mino chuckled and agreed to cook him the dish.

 

 

They arrived home just in time with the rain’s agenda to pour on the town. Seungyoon is so thankful to whoever made Mino learn to cook. The jiggae is warm and good as Seungyoon imagined. He feels at home. With hair wet and body fresh from bath, greeted with a warm jiggae on a table and a cartoon on the TV. Damn, life is good. Mino is beside him, leaning on the couch with a coke in one hand. Seungyoon quickly finishes his bowl and put it down on the table. He wanted to lean on Mino. And when he does, it feels nice. Mino opens up his arm to keep Seungyoon close. It’s raining and it’s slightly colder than usual. But Seungyoon couldn’t give much attention to the rain he used to hate when Mino plants a chaste kiss on his head.

 

Seungyoon shifts to face him, and Mino looks content. He looks warm and pleasant. Now Seungyoon understands why some people regarded a person as a ‘home’. Mino leans in and kisses Seungyoon on his lips. Just a peck, nothing more. But when he pulls away, he doesn’t pull far. His lips still ghosting over Seungyoon. His eyes that stare right into Seungyoon made the younger dizzy. It’s a stare. But so close. So thick with feelings, Seungyoon is almost floating.

 

Then he leans in again, kissing deeper this time. Seungyoon closes his eyes and focuses all his senses to the motion in his lips, moving just right. Both were not in a hurry. They used the moment to study how each other feels, how each other moves. A hand sneaks to Seungyoon’s waist, pulling him closer. Seungyoon’s hand finds its way to Mino’s chest and glide up to his neck, the feel of his freshly cut hairs scraping his fingertips. Mino’s tongue enters Seungyoon’s mouth smoothly and still, they don’t quicken up the pace. Soon, Mino pushes him down to lay on the couch, his strong body above him.

 

Mino let go of his now red and swollen lips and moves to his neck. Seungyoon’s eyes open slightly, looking at the ceiling and how the colors from the TV reflects on it. The vague sound of cartoon music blended with the rain is making Seungyoon intoxicated with the scene. It feels like an alternate reality, like a dream. But the lips on his neck made it too real to be a dream. Mino started out with warm kisses and moved on to teasing nibbles of his skin, making Seungyoon’s eyelid flutters at the sensation. Seungyoon puts his hand on the back of his neck again, and the tickling feel of his freshly cut hair on his fingers made his heart race even more. Seungyoon is liking his new hair too much.

 

A particularly hard bite pulled out a gasp from Seungyoon, leaving him breathy. Mino covers the spot with hot licks and kisses. Seungyoon suddenly feels the edge he’s actually in. He wants to let himself fall to the lust that’s too thick around them by now. Mino moves his lips closer to his ears, whispering in a low voice.

 

“I’m kinda pissed,” Mino said with a husky voice. Seungyoon’s eyebrow raised at the unpredicted topic.

 

“Uh... About what?”

 

“You.”

 

Seungyoon’s eye widen.

 

“I’m... sorry?”

 

Mino chuckled.

 

“You have a lot of admirers. That annoys me.” Mino said so close to his ear and soon kisses just under it, making Seungyoon’s hold on his neck slightly harder.

 

“What? Dara noona’s brother? He’s just a kid.” Seungyoon plead.

 

“Doesn’t matter. Still pissed.” Mino whispers before biting Seungyoon’s neck again, making the boy flinch. But very much aroused. Seungyoon is confused at how to respond anymore, the work of Mino’s lips surely messing with his head.

 

“Anything I can do about that?” Seungyoon mumbled between his strained breath and half-conscious mind.

 

Mino stops his work to look at Seungyoon eye to eye.

 

Mino dared him with his stare, eyes dark and lips swollen, and oh so inviting.

 

Seungyoon was awe-struck at Mino’s foreign yet irresistible expression, it took him a second to process how suggestive his words might sound in that moment and when he does, blood raised to his cheek. It’s supposed to be pretty late to actually blush now, after what they have been doing, but still. Seungyoon couldn’t stop himself from gulping and looking as red as cherry.

 

Mino smiles sweetly at Seungyoon’s reaction, the dark mood of his eyes a few seconds ago seeping away. He leans down and kisses Seungyoon’s lips sweetly, against the mood around them.

 

“Just kidding..” He whispers against Seungyoon’s lips before pulling away.

 

He’s so sweet, Seungyoon’s heart hurts a little. Sweet is not really the mood he’s in, though. So Seungyoon fisted on his shirt and pulled Mino back close to him.

 

“Don’t. Don’t kid with me.” Seungyoon whispers before he kisses Mino hard, definitely far from ‘sweet’.

 

Seungyoon could tell Mino get the signal because he’s soon kissing Seungyoon back with the same intensity. Mino slips out a tongue and Seugyoon lets him in without thinking twice. Mino’s hands explore even more than before, places he never did when their relationship is still called ‘friends’. Well, his touches are definitely not friendly and Seungyoon is happy with it. The air around them became so hot, Seungyoon couldn’t stand it after a while. He pushed Mino up without breaking their kiss. When he does, it was to bring up his shirt and throw it out of the way. Seungyoon didn’t know how did he get that much confidence showing his skin, but the way Mino looks at him made it worth the try.

 

Mino was pampering his collarbone with kisses and holding his waist with such careful touch when he asked,

 

“You sure about this?”

 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Seungyoon answered between his nib on Mino’s lower lips. He raises Mino’s shirt with one hand to see some skin he’s been dying to put his hands on.

 

Mino helps by pulling his shirt up and tossing it away, and it’s probably because Seungyoon is horny as hell, but the way he took it off was so damn fine. Seungyoon kissed him while his hands roam freely on his chest. And it feels so good on his fingertips. He could imagine which tattoo his fingers just pass by. Mino’s hands were caressing his back, and Seungyoon could feel a shiver running down his spine when he lowers it so near to the band of his pants and slip the tip of his finger inside. Mino pulls away and Seungyoon could see his hooded eyes on him.

 

“I don’t have any—“

 

“I do.” Seungyoon quickly cut him off, impatient.

 

But Mino’s eyes widen in surprise.

 

“Wait, you do?” He asked, pulling away too far for Seungyoon’s liking.

 

Seungyoon sighed, “What? I had a girlfriend. But we broke up before anything ever happened.”

 

Mino eyed him with a look and Seungyoon chuckled.

 

“Don’t you dare to judge me with this going on.” Seungyoon slid a hand between their bodies and gave Mino’s erection a surprising stroke. It made Mino jolt and Seungyoon smirked. Seungyoon suddenly stood up, leaving Mino confused and slightly uncomfortable in his pants.

 

“Turn up the TV’s volume,” Seungyoon said before leaving for the bedroom.

 

Mino snorted. This kid is playing with me, is he? He thought. He reached for the remote and turn up the volume as the boy requested. When Mino reached the bedroom, Seungyoon is on his bed, opening his phone case and pulling out the battery. Mino chuckled.

 

“No disturbance?” Mino said as he crawls his way to Seungyoon.

 

“No disturbance,” Seungyoon whispers before kissing Mino, sucking on his lower lips that still feels a little bit like the coke he just drank. He throws his phone to a corner he always piles up with clothes so he knows his phone won’t crack.

 

Mino pulled Seungyoon by his hips, making him lay on his back with Mino hovering above him. The sudden show of power sends an electrifying feel in Seungyoon that cause his heart to pound in excitement and pure want.

 

Maybe it was because Seungyoon is so deeply in love, or because of the long sleepless lonely night. But even the stumbling and searching touches they shared, that is far from what ideal hot and lusting sex ideal couples have in mind, is all so lovely and perfect for Seungyoon. They’re still studying each other’s body in a way they never had. And Seungyoon couldn’t have asked for more.

 

The moment Mino touch below his waist, Seungyoon couldn’t help but feel the worry that’s been creeping the back of his mind, small but still present. This is all about letting someone reach your inner self, one even yourself might never explore before. And it’s not all physical, it is also the state of your mind. Letting someone in when you’re completely fenceless and vulnerable. Seungyoon trusts Mino with all fiber of his being, but being insecure is not something he can always control. He averts his gaze away from Mino’s eyes and to his neck instead. His previous confident touches pulling back slowly. Mino realized his slight movement and it doesn’t take much reasoning to guess what’s in the younger’s head.

 

“I love you,” Mino whispers to his lips before kissing him sweetly.

 

It’s cheesy. And slightly unsuitable upon the moment. But what the hell, Seungyoon’s heart can’t distinguish the difference and kept on leaping at the confession anyway. So instead of dealing with the mess in his head, Seungyoon let Mino plant kisses along his collarbone. Mino’s hands touch Seungyoon’s member with no wavering manner, making Seungyoon hiss at the cold fingers. Mino moves slowly and teasingly, chasing away Seungyoon’s doubts. It started to rain outside, sometimes along the way. And somewhere along the kiss and touches they shared, the remaining clothes on their body rips away naturally.

 

Seungyoon lets Mino in. Slowly and carefully. Seungyoon has never been treated with so much care before, Mino made him feel like every inch of his body is precious and he won’t let anything hurt. But of course, it still hurts. Even with the help of lube and Mino’s slow intrusion, it still causes a sharp pain. The uncomfortable and mincing pain slowly leaves his nerves after Mino’s patient and tender touches and Seungyoon notifies Mino that he’s ready. When Mino guides himself in, Seungyoon winced on the slight pain his body still feels due to the rather considerable change in size. But after a while, the thick and fulfilling sense overcomes the discomfort. Mino’s change of angle brings the jolt and surprising surge of hotness and tingle that made Seungyoon writhe and moan beyond his control. The sound of the TV outside felt like a barrier to him. Nobody would know. It’s like they exist in a different space and time is irrelevant. So he let go of his rational mind and let his mouth let out any voice Mino suck out of him.

 

Their movement soon loses the calm and gentle pace as their bodies couldn’t help but beg for a release. Desire filled kisses now unreachable as their lips only managed to ghosts upon each other’s skin, heavy breaths and pleasure induced sounds filling the room along with other noises their bodies made as they move against each other. Mino’s now rough and fast thrusts made the bed squeak and Seungyoon’s hands unconsciously grip hard on his back when he could feel his rouse nearing its peak.  Mino bought his hands to tend on Seungyoon’s needs once more and Seungyoon is almost gone.

 

Seungyoon came first with an arching back and eyes shut, a loud cry escaping his swollen red lips. All he could feel for a while was the pulsing of his member and how light his head feels. The shockwave hit him hard and left him with a shattering smaller wave. When he came back from his high, Mino is still pounding into him, hard and hurried. Seungyoon could feel how hard he is inside him when his body is still clenching around Mino. Soon, Mino’s whole body tenses up and Seungyoon cups his face to kiss his lips as he rides out his climax. Mino groans into the kiss and Seungyoon could feel his body slowly loosen up.

 

 

Both of them were out of breath. And incredibly sleepy. But it didn’t stop Seungyoon to turn his head towards the man beside him, laying on his back with eyes shut and calmed breathing. Seungyoon smiles slightly and whispers to the space between their faces,

 

 

“I love you too.”

 

 

Mino smiles at the answer to his previous statement. He turns his head to Seungyoon and opens his eyes to look at the man who just made his heart skip a beat by mere words. He wasn’t waiting for an answer back then, but when he got one, it caused his heart to swell in happiness.

 

“And have I told you that hair looks so good on you?” Seungyoon said.

 

Mino chuckled, trying to hide his embarrassment at the praise as he turns his head back to face the ceiling.

 

“Seriously. So hot. This is all thanks to that hair.” Seungyoon jokes while turning his body to lay closer to Mino.

 

“Shut up.” Mino murmured, trying to act cool but Seungyoon knew better.

 

They both chuckled at the moment. The happiness shared was so simple, it’s almost like a dream. Seungyoon would choose this to any other thing. For a thousand times, over and over again.

 

 

Seungyoon turns his body to look at the window, the raindrops on his glass somehow looking less disturbing and more calming that night. He doesn’t hate the rain so much these days. Maybe because Mino is here. Maybe because all these times, it was the loneliness he hated, not the unrelenting pour of water from the dark sky. The strong arms hugging him from behind lulled him to sleep, warm and content.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	13. Night Train

 

 

 

Seungyoon is sitting under a tree in the university’s garden with Taehyun.

 

“Bring me souvenirs.”

 

“If I remember.” Seungyoon shrugs.

 

Taehyun glare at Seungyoon’s answer.

 

“How dare you, I even let you get holidays from our band activities!” Taehyun fakes an offended face.

 

Seungyoon mimics Taehyun’s face and receives a forehead flick from him instead. Seungyoon laughs and Taehyun is almost surprised. Seungyoon laughs easily these days and it’s refreshing. But for a split second, Taehyun though he saw Seungyoon’s weary eyes. Taehyun could guess the cause, and he decides to let him be.

 

Mino spots them under the tree from far away. Taehyun waves his hand excitedly at Mino. Then he picks up his bag beside Seungyoon, purposefully stalling so he could whisper something to Seungyoon’s ear.

 

“Bring condoms.”

 

Seungyoon’s face burns and he hit Taehyun’s arm out of reflexes. Taehyun laughs loudly as he runs away from the spot. Seungyoon averts his gaze back to Mino, trying hard to shrug off Taehyun’s words. Seungyoon couldn’t help but smile at the man running towards him.

 

“Hey.” Mino greets with his breathy voice from running. He never lets Seungyoon walk home by himself now.

 

Seungyoon just stares at him with a big smile. Mino laughs at the cute face and couldn’t help but run a hand on his cheek.

 

“What?” Mino said with such a sweet voice and Seungyoon is so easily weakened in the knees by Mino, he almost feels it’s unfair.

 

“Sit here” Seungyoon gestures at the space beside him. Mino let go of his face and sit beside Seungyoon, facing him. Seungyoon turns his body to face Mino as well.

 

“So, the day after tomorrow is dad’s memorial day.” Seungyoon looks at his hands on his lap.

 

The atmosphere changes at the mention of Seungyoon’s dad. Seungyoon kept his gaze down.

 

“Mom wants me to come home. I didn’t last year. Didn’t feel like coming.”

 

Mino listens to him intently.

 

“But... I think... I should come. This year. Doesn’t seemed fair for Mom to do it alone again.”

 

Mino hums. “When?”

 

“The ceremony is the day after tomorrow. So I’ll probably leave tomorrow.”

 

“By train?’

 

“Yeah.”

 

A breeze passes through them. Mino could see the wind running through Seungyoon’s fluffy hair. A small dry leaf got stuck between the strands and Mino raises his hand to remove it. Seungyoon could feel his fingers, even the slightest movement is prodding his senses. And it’s achingly not enough. So Seungyoon grabs Mino’s hand pull it down to his lap so he can look at it and run his thumbs on the back of Minos’ hand. His hand is darker than Seungyoon’s, and he loves the contrast so much. He loves the fact that something different can touch and be so close and so similar. His palm is slightly rougher than it used to be and Seungyoon can feel the strength it bears.

 

Mino’s voice call Seungyoon back to reality.

 

“Yoon?”

 

Seungyoon averted his gaze to Mino’s face, expression close to a lost person. Like he was daydreaming. In a way, he was.

 

“What’s wrong?” his voice is like a wave. It’s force surprising, but once it passes by your chest, you couldn’t help but sigh and let it drag you deeper into the water.

 

Seungyoon looks away, towards outside of the college gate.

 

“Let’s go home.”

 

Seungyoon walk passes the junction leading to their apartment and Mino didn’t ask why. Seungyoon led him to a supermarket. Once inside, Mino acts like nothing is unusual with Seungyoon’s demeanor. Mino joke around silly things and Seungyoon is easily entertained. A weird looking orange, silly named products, and mainly themselves for being so childish. Seungyoon laughs so much these days. Even when they stay quiet, giggles were evident in his eyes and zipped lips. Being with Mino is so easy. No need to think, Seungyoon just need to feel. And everything feels nice. At some point, Seungyoon unconsciously held Mino’s hand and pull him to a rack of sweets. Seungyoon only realized what his hand did when Mino slowly maneuvered their hands to entwine between each other. Seungyoon feels the warmth spread to his chest and he purposefully takes a longer time to choose the marshmallow he wants for the way, just so he can hold Mino’s hand longer in that state. He doesn’t know why he felt the need to keep their entwined hand a secret. It’s not like the town’s people are intolerant about such things.

 

Maybe Seungyoon is still in love with the idea of Mino being his little secret.

 

All Seungyoon bought was snacks. Mino didn’t ask why, even if their food stock at home is somewhat still packed.

 

As they queued at the cashier, Seungyoon spots a personal needs shelf and saw the item Taehyun warned him about. Seungyoon gulped. Mino turns his head slightly

 

“Why?”

 

“Nothing,” Seungyoon answered.

 

Mino let him be. Mino also let him be when Seungyoon walks two steps ahead of him the way home. Groceries on his left hand. The walk was silent.

 

Mino let him open the apartment door silently and put the bag of groceries on the small table in the living room. Seungyoon enters the bathroom with a shirt and shorts hung on his shoulder and Mino leaves the flat only when Seungyoon turns on the shower tap. Mino lit the cigarette he picks up just before he left the house and sighed on the way to the convenience store nearby.

 

Seungyoon let the cold water wash through him. He’s numbing himself and he is fully aware. He hates this feeling of obligation he never approves of. The title of someone’s ‘son’ which somehow require him to be one, for someone who was never a father anyway. Seungyoon didn’t know when resentment became something he held against the man. When he was still a child, it used to be regret and plain ignorance. Something changed along the way. Maybe the common ideas of how a father should be started to grow in him, and the unfairness of the condition he finally made sense of gave the final judgment.

 

That he hates the man.

 

It became an open secret a few months after he moved back to his Mom’s hometown that his father left his Mom for another woman. He met Seungyoon’s mom at a very young age. Eager and reckless, they got married early. The world was not such a nice place for fresh graduates, inexperienced and married. Seungyoon’s grandparents were pretty loaded, they were ready to support the young couple. But his father’s ego and pride couldn’t give in. He started to question his decisions. Then Seungyoon came along. All the while, his mom thought a child shall be the answer. Children bring happiness. But no, his father took him as a burden.

 

Seungyoon were not the healthiest baby. Illness comes and goes. The house was crowded with his cries and wail. His father was on edge the whole time. Fights brew between his mom and dad every day, most of them leaving an open wound and scars. Hard to heal, never could be forgotten. They were hurting each other. A few years later, another woman came along. Free and unrestrained. She pulled his father close. Too close, Seungyoon’s mother couldn’t help but walk away.

 

Three years was the length of his happiness. He fell ill. Cancer. The free and unrestrained woman flee on her heels. As fast as a scared cat. The burden of loving a sick man too disrupting for her life. So Seungyoon’s mom took him back. She went to Seoul and left Seungyoon in a kind neighbor’s care. He managed to survive only seven days after Seungyoon’s mom came to care for him. So fast, it took her to a whirlpool of misery. She fell hard on that one. And Seungyoon hates everything, everyone back then. Except for Mino. Because Mino didn’t believe the words that fly around Seungyoon.

 

 

_“Maybe they could’ve made it if the baby didn’t come along too fast. What poor youngsters.”_

 

And that came from Seungyoon’s aunt.

 

Maybe things would’ve been different if Seungyoon didn’t happen to eavesdrop the neighbor’s evening gossip. But he heard what he heard. It’s not like Seungyoon could delete the memory. Oh, how he wished he could. His head would have been filed with simpler things.

 

_“Well of course he was stressed, he couldn’t get a decent job, and a baby came along. The baby wasn’t healthy either, they must’ve worked extra hard for his doctor fees... What a poor man..”_

 

Seungyoon hates his dad.

 

Seungyoon hates his dad.

 

Seungyoon hates his dad.

 

 

 

 

Seungyoon hates himself.

 

 

 

As much as he knew it’s stupid. He couldn’t choose to be born or not. To be healthy or not. It’s stupid to linger on something you had no control of. But Seungyoon has never been able to fix it. He still hated how guilty he felt when he looks at his mom every year, cooking for the ceremony and praying to his father’s picture with such devout. Like the loving wife she was. Seungyoon felt like he doesn’t belong. He’s the cause of the mess and never was the remedy. For his mom. And his father. So he chose to make it simple and marked himself as a father-hating child.

 

He knows he’s crying when the cold shower was covering his whole face. He’s not sobbing. It was just a single trickle. More frustration than sadness. He finishes his bath and went out to Mino sitting on the couch with a bottle of beer on his hands and a cartoon on the TV. Seungyoon saunter to sit beside him, and took another bottle on the small table, besides the grocery. He didn’t even consider asking why Mino bought them in the first place. Trickles of water fell from his hair to his white dry shirt. He gulps the bitter and warm beer and let the burn linger on his throat. They sat by each other, no words spoken.

 

They both reach for another bottle and Mino gulps it down faster. Halfway on his second bottle, Seungyoon leans his body towards Mino and rest his head on his shoulder. A faint smell of cigarette lingers on him. He just smoked. Seungyoon feels hot.

 

“I’m sorry.” Seungyoon whispers.

 

Mino took the remote and lower the TV’s volume just a bit.

 

“What for?” he asked.

 

“I don’t know.” Seungyoon sighed. “I’m being so weird today.”

 

Mino gulps the last drop of his beer and put down the bottle. He turns his body so he can look straight at Seungyoon. Eyes warm and honest, Seungyoon feels like drowning in them.

 

“Can you be pissed at me now?” Seungyoon asked

 

“Why should I?”

 

“Because the last time you do, you asked what I propose we do.” Seungyoon leans closer, eyes looking at Mino’s lips.

 

“What’s wrong?” Mino whispers.

 

Seungyoon halts his movement and averts his gaze back to Mino’s eyes.

 

“Nothing.” Seungyoon whispers. Even Seungyoon himself couldn’t believe his own words.

 

Mino smiles, one hand rises to caress Seungyoon’s cheeks as the younger leans towards his touch, eyes never leaving his.

 

“Let’s not do this when something else is in your mind. It’s gonna be a bad habit. Let’s just talk about it, shall we?” Mino said in the sweetest, most soothing voice. Seungyoon wants to cry. He could already feel the hot sting in the back of his eyes. Suddenly Mino pulls him for a hug, and it took Seungyoon a few seconds before he eases into him. He sighed and let a single drop escapes his eyes.

 

“I’m sorry.” Seungyoon whispers.

 

“Don’t be.”

 

Mino’s hand strokes Seungyoon’s hair, just like how he used to when they were kids. Seungyoon closes his eyes.

 

“I didn’t want to be such a coward. But I guess it shows right away, did it?” Seungyoon mumbles.

 

Mino listens to him intently.

 

“It’s been years. and nothing feels different. I still hate coming to dad’s memorial. I can feel everyone’s eyes at me. Even when they didn’t I could almost hear the things they used to say when we were kids. About me. The bad luck child.” Seungyoon chuckled after saying the last sentence, but Mino felt a clench in his heart.

 

“I’m so stupid, to be burdened by random neighborhood gossips. But maybe it’s hard because it’s true.”

 

“No it’s not,” Mino reassured.

 

“It is, Mino. I’ve made peace with that. It’s just... suffocating. Because I can’t change it. Nothing I could do to repent that.”

 

Mino shifted his head to kiss Seungyoon’s hair.

 

“I really want you to come..” Seungyoon almost whispers.

 

“I will come with you,” Mino soothed.

 

“No.. You can’t. I don’t want you doing this for me. I can understand if you’re not ready to go home, and I knew if I told you this, you will ask to come along... I don’t want you pushing yourself for my sake anymore. Our hometown is too much of a bad memory for you.” Seungyoon insisted.

 

“Yoon,” Mino push him away from the hug so he can look at his face. “I need this too. I need to go back. I feel that I need to go back to my root, the place before all the mess I went through. You wanted me to forgive myself, right? Then let me come with you. This is my journey too.”

 

Seungyoon watches Mino with doubt. He wanted himself to grow. He can’t keep on having the same problem every year like this. Hearing Mino’s story made him realize how he’s grown and develop his state of mind. Seungyoon needs that too.

 

“I mean it. I wanna see my old house. I didn’t even check on it when I came back to look for you. And who said that place was all about bad memories? It’s also the place we play around from morning till sunset, you know. It’s also a place I liked a lot.” Mino said.

 

Seungyoon stares at his own hand before sighing.

 

Mino smiles. “Why are you frowning so much? You don’t like going on a trip with me?”

 

Seungyoon smiles slightly while still looking at his hands on his lap.

 

“What trip? We’re going home.” He said

 

“It is if we take the train to Haenam before we go home,” Mino said, excitement in his voice.

 

Seungyoon looks at Mino, his eyes just a little bit brighter it made Mino’s heart swells.

 

“You said you got the permit for a few days right? Let’s play then. Go to the beach.” Mino proposed.

 

Seungyoon laughed at him and his sudden plans. Seungyoon pulls Mino’s face closer to him and gave him a sweet peck on the lips.

 

“You’re the best,” Seungyoon said.

 

“I know, right. I’m amazed too.” Mino said cockily.

 

They both laughed and kiss each other lazily on the couch, worries and bad mood seeping away from the house.

 

“So you like the plan?” Mino whispers between their kiss.

 

“A lot.”

 

“So.. what was it again you were trying to do before this?” Mino said, tease in his voice.

 

Seungyoon laughed at his naughty but still somehow innocent remark.

 

 

 

-

 

 

Seunghoon and Jinwoo stare at the coin on top of the table with wide eyes. Heads. Seunghoon won. He smirks and held back his laughter while Jinwoo gulps nervously. The cafe is rather quiet today, so they thought why not play their game early. So here they are, gaping at a coin on top of a bar table. Kyung, one of the younger staff shook his head at his boss and senior while cleaning a table.

 

“Hmmm.. let’s see..” Seunghoon ponders seriously.

 

Jinwoo snorts, “You are taking this very seriously, aren’t you?”

 

“Well, I have to, after the humiliation yesterday. Alright then..” Seunghoon said, seems to have found his topic.

 

 

“Last relationship.”

 

Jinwoo stares at him, too many thoughts running past his head. Jinwoo averted his gaze and turns his body to the alcohol shelf, and soon he’s pulling out one of the wine and bring it to the table.

 

“Cut this from my pay,” Jinwoo said.

 

 

-

 

 

  _Jinwoo took a train away from Seoul to Uljin. No reason, he traced the big map in the train station while closing his eyes and his finger happen to point at Uljin. Jinwoo spent the 7-hour night train alone, hugging his jacket and backpack. He never knew how anxious he could be traveling alone. Every random man’s movement made him flinch. The night was dark, nothing to see outside the window. Jinwoo tried to calm his heart._

 

 

_Uljin is a pretty place, Jinwoo acknowledged. He reached the station by morning, just right to explore. He found a cheap hotel and decided his budget could afford this one for quite a while. And now, a job. Jinwoo sighed. This is going to be hard. Anything that’s legal is good for now, he thinks._

 

_So he left his hotel room right away to explore the town and ask around. A pamphlet and people recommendation_ _s guided him to Bul-Yeongsa. A temple near a mountain. It’s basically a traditional heritage. Jinwoo is somehow interested. It’s something he never saw, and it being in a mountain is a plus. Jinwoo is avoiding sea and water areas. So he took a bus and went there._

 

_The place is not too crowded, the majority of people who came were looking for a religious experience. It’s peaceful. Jinwoo liked the environment a lot. His legs unconsciously walk towards the office. A figure is helping an elderly monk to stand up. He was so gentle and caring towards the monk, it was so nice to watch. The figure, a young man, recognized Jinwoo’s presence and spared him a glance._

 

 

_Jinwoo knew it was gonna bring him trouble._

 

 

_He knew, but he went with it anyway._

 

 

_The temple was looking for an employee. How convenient it was. Almost like the world was rooting for him to stay there. He got the job to be a tour guide. Probably his face helped because he thought he heard some of the staffs said a handsome man can attract the tourists. And they expected them to listen well to Jinwoo. Jinwoo could hate how people always value his face much more than what he truly is, but at this point, he had no right to complain._

 

_The young man was not an employee. He was a regular visitor, all the monks and staff knew him. He’s a history student, so places like the temple amused him. How interesting, Jinwoo thought. Jinwoo settled in a small house near the temple, like how the other staffs did. Morning mountain wind_ _s always cause him to shiver in his blanket. But before he realized, his smoking is so much reduced. Jinwoo borrowed almost all books and pamphlet so he can study about the temple. He wanted to do well. He has to do well. It was hard at first. Hell, Jinwoo is not used to studying and now he had to memorize an ancient place’s history. After a few days, he could actually tell a whole story about the Buddha statue in the middle of the temple. The head staff’s praise made his heart swell with happiness. Praises were new to him. Then, he decided to send Mino and Mithra a letter. Just to made them know he’s alive. And that things are well._

 

 

_A few days later, the young boy came back. He looked at Jinwoo who is now wearing the staff uniform. He greeted Jinwoo first._ _Lee Min Hyuk. His voice was so_ _sweeter than Jinwoo would’ve guessed. His laugh surprisingly contagious._ _His eyes making his heart feel all sort of things._

 

 

_Things went naturally with them, no, rather it was ridiculously smooth. Jinwoo might’ve lived most of his life without a partner, but he can tell this man is not trying to be his friend. Sometimes when their hands accidentally brush, Jinwoo would flinch. Not out of the romance, but of his own worries. The man who ever touched him intimately was not a good memory. It was his nightmare. It still is._

 

 

-

 

 

Seunghoon watches how Jinwoo’s hands are slightly trembling. What man was he talking about? What did he do? Seunghoon had bad scenarios playing in his head, all of them causing a black disorganized string that bugs him.

 

It was a slip of his tongue, Jinwoo didn’t mean to mention any of his harbor days. But the wine made him careless.

 

“You know, there is a lot of men who don’t know what gentle means out there. I happen to stumble with an asshole way before.” Jinwoo forces out a bitter laugh, trying to make Seunghoon think it was just a simple slightly abusive ex-boyfriend. While it was in fact so much darker than that. But Jinwoo is not sharing that. Definitely not.

 

Seunghoon stayed silent.

 

 

-

 

 

_The boy was never pushy. He was always gentle and patient. He respected Jinwoo’s boundaries. But chats turn to long talks. Meeting up at the temple turns to meet up at small cafes. Distances turn to nothing. Worries slip away, and Jinwoo let his walls crumble._

 

_One night, he let himself strip naked. In every sense of it. Literally and figuratively. It was a stupid move, he knew. How long did he take? About 3 months. 3 months and he let that man in. Jinwoo never felt so vulnerable. But that man_ _caught Jinwoo in his fall. And it was something he didn’t expect. If the man was to leave him after he had fallen that deep,_ _Jinwoo would truly be unsurprised. That’s how people are. And he’s accepted the society’s black mask long ago._

 

_But_ _Min Hyuk stayed, and that’s what breaks him._ _Lee Min Hyuk managed to break every single of Jinwoo’s mask. He's losing his act. Everything_ _Lee Min Hyuk saw, was truly Kim Jinwoo. Jinwoo sent Mino another letter, saying he found someone nice._

 

_4 months._

 

_Lee Min Hyuk disappeared with the wind. He was like a dream, no traces left. Jinwoo were left naked and in pain._

 

 _A week later, the eldest Monk said_ Lee Min Hyuk graduated. He left with his family to another part of the country. Jinwoo didn’t know what to think then. The _sympathetic monk said Min Hyuk was confused. All he had with Jinwoo, it slowly felt like a mistake._

 

 

_A fucking mistake._

 

 

_Jinwoo’s real face breaks at that._

 

_He thought_ _Min Hyuk knows what he wanted._ _Turns out no, he kn_ _ew nothing about himself. Jinwoo hated him so much, with all his might. He felt betrayed, to put it simply. It would have been better if he had_ _just found another man. If he had find Jinwoo unbearable. But no, it was as if everything he had with Jinwoo was a vivid dream that his brain made up. Nothing serious, nothing intentional. A mistake._

 

_A fucking mistake._

 

_Jinwoo left the temple and Uljin. He’s_ _trying to help his heart heal more easily. Most of the town were places he builds memories with_ _Lee Minhyuk._

 

_So he rode another night train to the town where Lee Seunghoon lives. Jinwoo needed time to treat himself, he thought. So he visited a club he picked randomly along the way. The place is cozy, the drinks are amazing. Live music building the mood just right. Jinwoo sips on his wine while checking out the performing band. They looked like a bunch of college kids. Like_ _Lee Min Hyuk. Jinwoo sighed and ordered another shot._

 

_A waiter that was waiting for the bartender’s brew beside Jin_ _woo stood up from his stool bar, and luckily, bumping to a man behind him. The red wine_ _he was holding in a tray staining all over the man’s white suit._

 

_What is this, a fucking drama? Jinwoo thought. He hissed at the inconvenient scene._

 

_The bartender gasps at the sight._

 

_“Oh, what the fuck—“ the man glowered. The waiter quickly bowed and said he's sorry at least ten times. Because what else could he have done at the situation, right?_

 

_“Cut the crap, your words ain’t gonna fix my suit.” The man snapped. Wow, typically rude._

 

_He suddenly pulled the waiter’s collar and dragged him to a toilet. Well, Jinwoo was planning to go there anyway. He’s trying to stay low and this is definitely not an option, but what the hell. So he raised from his stool and followed the pair. And he was right, the rude customer is pinning the waiter in a disturbing way on the toilet wall. Just before he wandered his hands to places he’s not supposed to, Jinwoo kicked his sides. The man coughed at the attack and turned his glare at Jinwoo. He’s supposed to be furious, Jinwoo thought. But the man looks... scared?_

 

_Whoa, I must look cooler than I thought, Jinwoo_ _said in his head. The man suddenly crawls his way out_ _of the toilet without Jinwoo needing to say anything. Jinwoo turns his head to see the man leaving and instead, he met a figure behind him. Taller, face slim and eyes shooting daggers._

 

_Oh..._

 

_So it wasn’t because of me, huh? What the hell._

 

_The man helped the waiter up and told him to go back. The waiter bowed at Jinwoo and whispered a thank you, which Jinwoo answered with an awkward smile._

 

_The man turns his body to face Jinwoo and offered his hands. Jinwoo accepted the handshake awkwardly._ _Why is this guy hand-shaking him? Is this a prank?_

 

_“Lee Seunghoon._ _I’m the owner.” The man said._

 

 

 

 

 


	14. A Box Under the Tree

 

 

 

 

_He gave Jinwoo a VIP table and treat him_ _to a drink. So far he knows, Lee Seunghoon is the club’s owner, and he’s thankful Jinwoo helped one of his employee from a random asshole._

 

_“So you’re a newcomer?” Seunghoon asked after gulping a few_ _shots._

 

_Damn, he’s a strong drinker._

 

_“Yeah. I’m here to visit a friend.” Jinwoo lied. Easier to make up a life other than his right now._

 

_“Hmm. Almost thought you’re a new student.” Seunghoon said, another shot ready in his hands already._

 

_“Do I look that young?” Jinwoo chuckled._

 

_“You do. You could say you’re a high school student and I’ll trust you with that face._ _Thank god you’re not, though.” He said with a captivating smile._

 

_Wait, what? Jinwoo didn’t get what he said clearly, he could only realize he liked what he was implying. He’s had enough drinks, he concluded. But the drink he’s having is so good. And the mood is right. So he gulped another one. The band that was performing changed. Now, a rather loud slow rock music is playing. Loud enough to make Jinwoo scoots closer to Seunghoon so he can hear him clearly. Jinwoo could almost swear he saw a slight smirk in the boy’s lips. But his head is too light to care for such small details. Jinwoo couldn’t remember what they were talking about. He only remember_ _ed how the distance between them reduced bit by bit. And how their breaths felt hot on each other’s ear. And wow, how could Jinwoo not see how handsome this guy is?_

 

_The song they played took Jinwoo’s attention._

 

_It’s a song_ _Min Hyuk liked._

 

_Something clutches his heart, so he gulp_ _ed down another shot._ _Seunghoon put a hand on the lower of his back._

 

_“You have a place to sleep for tonight?” Seunghoon’s question on his ears took his focus back._

 

_No, now that he thinks about it. Jinwoo was only planning for a single glass of beer. He wasn’t planning this so he didn’t book any hotel before coming here. Seunghoon chuckled._

 

_“I know a good one. You wanna get out of here?” Seunghoon asked._

 

_It’s not an innocent invitation, even his drunk head knows that. But Jinwoo is a mess. So why the fuck not? He’s not a saint anyway._

 

_So they left the club and stumble their way to Seunghoon’s car. Damn fancy, Jinwoo thought. Better not puke on it or he’s gonna pay it with all the money he has_ _left. The ride was short, and the mood is heavy with red._

 

_Jinwoo decided to play around first at least. He entered the hotel room_ _first and stops_ _on the doorway before Seunghoon follows._

 

_“Well, thanks for the help then, Lee Seunghoon.” Jinwoo said, his voice slurred._

 

_Seunghoon is definitely taken aback. How cute. Seunghoon laughed and lick_ _s his lips._

 

_“Sure. Anything else you need help with?” Seunghoon teased._

 

_“I think I’m good.” Jinwoo said while opening his shirt buttons with one hand, eyes looking at Seunghoon._

 

_Seunghoon’s eyes, however, followed his hands movement._

 

_“Where would you sleep, though, Seunghoon-ah? It’s so late.” Jinwoo asked, faking innocence._

 

_Seunghoon looks back to his eyes._

 

_“Well, I have a house. Pretty far, though. And my head is not feeling so good. Driving is risky.” Seunghoon mumbles._

 

_“Oh my.. it’s not good to drive when you’re not feeling well.” Jinwoo emphasized, his hands already reaching the middle of his shirt._

 

_“Why not stay the night?”_

 

 

 

____________

 

 

“To be fair, you were easy.” Jinwoo chuckled.

 

“Me? Easy? Look who’s talking. You were practically stripping on the doorway.” Seunghoon rebuked. “Now that you put it that way, doesn’t that mean you’re using me to move on from your asshole of an ex?”

 

“Why are you even offended? You probably did that to move on from your ex-girlfriend who messed around with Taehyun too, right?” Jinwoo hissed.

 

“I didn’t need any help moving on from her, Kim Jinwoo-ssi.” Seunghoon declared.

 

“Oh, so were genuinely attracted to me that night?” Jinwoo gushed. Seunghoon is surprised at the prodding statement. And Jinwoo is very much amused.

 

“Well I didn’t know you were such a nagging grandma back then, so yeah, your ass was very much inviting,” Seunghoon stated with much confidence.

 

Jinwoo laughed hard at that.

 

“Gosh, now I understand why you were so shocked to see me applying for a job in your other club a few days later.” Jinwoo recounted.

 

“Are you kidding me? It was like struck by lighting. Imagine your one-night stand suddenly showed up asking for a job. I almost rip my hairs out.” Seunghoon snapped at the memory.

 

“Shut up, it was awkward for me too! I mean you were fucking gone in the morning without any note whatsoever, what kind of morning after was that?” Jinwoo sneered.

 

“Oh come on, a note? that would be awkward as fuck..” Seunghoon mumbled.

 

“It’s not, and you were straight up rude leaving me in a big hotel like that. I spent 30 minutes looking for the exit!” Jinwoo almost yelled.

 

“It’s literally by the end of the hall.”

 

“Fuck you, I’m bad with directions.”

 

They both laughed hard at the memory. They both sounded stupid and ignorant. What were they expecting, to be anonymous in a small town.

 

“But seriously though.. I got interested by this café’s decor at first. And lucky me, an add for job is right upfront. Kyung was so kind to when I ask bout the job, the whole set was so nice for me. When you suddenly pops up from the office, though, damn I almost choked on my coffee.” Jinwoo chuckled reminding the day they met as an applicant and employer.

 

“Why did you even accepted me back then? I mean, if you felt so awkward about it, you could just make up an excuse to Kyung and rejected me.” Jinwoo asked the thing that has been silently gnawing on him.

 

Seunghoon looked at Jinwoo then back to his glass.

 

“You helped out my employee when he was almost harassed by a drunk asshole. People these days love to mind other people’s business when it’s inappropriate, and not give a single fuck when their help is needed. You’re a weird. Rare to encounter. So why not.” Seunghoon said.

 

His words reached Jinwoo’s heart and he felt weird. Flattered.

 

“And you know every single drink I sell too, that’s a bonus,” Seunghoon added.

 

Jinwoo chuckled at that.

 

“And I need a nice ass to check out on every so often so again, why not.” Seunghoon continued.

 

“You fucking pervert.” Jinwoo hissed while slapping Seunghoon’s arm.

 

It’s nice to hear his judgement, Jinwoo thought. He talked about Jinwoo’s act. About his deeds. About him. Not his face. Well, his ass yeah, but that’s not the point. It’s new. Lee Seunghoon is a new one.

 

 

____________

 

 

The next morning, Mino is already shouting from the kitchen, telling Seungyoon to wake up and get ready. The train they’re taking will be going in 2 hours. Seungyoon grunts at the early alarm but drags his lazy ass to the bathroom anyway. After a cold, eye-opening shower, he looks at himself in the mirror and smiles like an idiot.

 

“A trip.” He mumbles.

 

They reached the train station with 30 minutes to spare. Their backpacks filled with clothes and a hell lot of snacks Seungyoon bought the other day. They sat face to face on the train, not many passengers around them. Seungyoon is still slightly anxious. Nervous about how the ceremony will be tomorrow. About how his mom will be. Mino’s busy hands took his attention away from the moving view outside the window.

 

“What are you drawing?” Seungyoon asked, seeing Mino focused on preparing his sketch book.

 

“You.” He answered simply.

 

Seungyoon smiles sweetly, “Make me look good then.”

 

“I’ll try my best not to draw a mochi instead.” Mino answered, which gained him a kick on his legs.

 

Mino laughed, and it took Seungyoon’s breath away. Damn, he’s so cute.

 

Seungyoon took out his phone and plug in his earphone.

 

“Want some music with that?” he offered one piece of the earphone to Mino. He expected Mino to took it from his hands, but instead, Mino leans forward and shows his ears to Seungyoon while his eyes and hands still busy on the sketchbook. Seungyoon’s butterflies fly around excitedly in his stomach.

 

‘Geez, Kang Seungyoon stop acting like a high school girl.’ He scolded himself.

 

He bit back a smile and proceeds to put the piece on Mino’s ears.

 

The train ride was quiet. Seungyoon appreciating the beautiful view in front of him and the tunes in his ear. Mino is busy with his hands, eyes glancing at Seungyoon every a few seconds. And Seungyoon liked the feel. To have his eyes on him.

 

After at least an hour and a half, Mino gave the sketchbook to Seungyoon. He drew Seungyoon’s face, hands on his chin, looking out the window. It was so good, it made Seungyoon gape in awe. He knew Mino was good, but is still amazes him every time. What took Seungyoon’s attention, however, was the date and note on the corner of the page.

 

_‘Mine’_

 

Well damn, Seungyoon must be looking like a cherry right now. Mino moved from his seat to the one beside Seungyoon. There were not many passengers, and the seat beside them left empty. Mino took the book from Seungyoon and put it back in his bag. He leans his back while taking Seungyoon’s hands in his. Seungyoon couldn’t cover up his sheepish smile so he looks out at the trees outside instead. The spent the rest of the ride peacefully, Seungyoon’s head leaning on Mino’s shoulder and calming music in their ears.

 

 

Walking pass their hometown feels funny for both of them. Maybe because they’re not by themselves. They’re walking together, passing the candy store they used to check out every single day after school back then. Passing the small football field where Mino introduced Seungyoon to some of his good friends. Those that are not annoying like the kids that bullied Seungyoon on his first day around.

 

Mino suddenly stops on his track. Seungyoon turns to face him, worry slips into his mind. But Mino was grinning, face somewhat excited.

 

“The tree!” He gushed.

 

“Tree?” Seungyoon asked, bewildered.

 

“The apple tree. The buried toys.” He said. And Seungyoon’s heart swells. Mino remembered.

 

He suddenly ran, leaving Seungyoon behind.

 

“Come on, you lazy college boy! Show me you can still run!” Mino shouted.

 

Seungyoon snorts, “What is he, an elementary school kid?”

 

But he laughed and runs anyway. They race to the apple tree, and of course, because of the unhealthy student life Seungyoon has been living in, he loses. With sweat and strained breath at that.

 

“Man, you’re a disgrace to South Korea,” Mino said, hands folded on his chest.

 

“Fuck you.” Seungyoon hissed.

 

Mino chuckled and examined the tree. It’s bigger and even stronger now. No wind and storm has been able to put him down. Mino is filled with pride and nostalgia. Seungyoon watched the man praising the tree with his eyes, and it’s enough to make himself smile too. They spot the slightly higher patch of dirt and start to dig with fallen twigs. When the twigs bumped on something hard, hey dig faster and uncover the metal box underneath. They were so excited to see the box, and pull it off the hole.

 

They both only stared at the box, suddenly scared to open it. It contains so many memories, something that is encapsulated in the random items they put in with so much thought back then. Seungyoon raises his gaze to Mino, who was staring at him too. He smiled.

 

“Shall we?” he asked.

 

Seungyoon returns the smile and nods. They both opened the box by the corner, and it was like opening a pandora box. The content made Seungyoon’s heart clench and he involuntarily let out a shaky breath.

 

A couple of seashells they collected when they had a trip to a beach. A dry tulip flower. A white crayon that was half used. A small hero figurine. A keychain with K and S pendants. A polaroid Seungyoon’s mom took on their double birthday party. And two folded letters. Mino took the letters and gave the one with ‘for Seungyoonie’ written on it to Seungyoon. Seungyoon’s eyes are already hot when he took it to his own hands.

 

 

_Seungyoonie, thank you for being my friend. I like you a lot. You have cool toys and you are smart. You can multiply better than me too. I hope I can be as smart as you someday. In the future, please still be my friend. I’ll be yours forever and ever._

 

_Mino_

 

 

Seungyoon sobs, a teardrop staining the old yellowish paper. He covers his eyes with the back of his hands, hoping the tears would stop. He feels like a coward. Mino’s hand pull on his neck and Seungyoon can feel his forehead touching his.

 

“What’s wrong?” He whispers and Seungyoon sobs even more.

 

 

 

“I missed you so much..” Seungyoon’s voice cracks. Mino closed his eyes, his heart in pain at Seungyoon’s words.

 

 

“I missed you too.”

 

 

After calming themselves and burying the box back, new letters they wrote inside, they both stood up and clean their pants. Mino looks at Seungyoon’s still slightly red nose and wet eyes, then pulls his sleeve to clean his eyes.

 

“Don’t let auntie think I made you cry.” He said with a smile, and Seungyoon quickly cleans his face. They way to Seungyoon’s house is short from the apple tree. Seungyoon rings on the door bell and waits anxiously as the sunset color the house with a pretty orange. When the door knob turns, his heart almost jumps out of his chest. His mom showed up, with an apron on her waist, looking as beautiful as ever. Her eyes opened wide seeing Seungyoon on her porch.

 

“Seungyoon-ah??” he said. Her eyes immediately switch to the figure behind his son, and all sorts of emotion went past her eyes. She brought her hands to cover her trembling lips, tears immediately forming in her eyes. Seungyoon pulls Mino forward and lets him hug the poor woman. She sobs and hugs Mino so hard, still in disbelief at what she saw and feel.

 

After a few minutes though, she was slapping both of the boys on their arms. Scolding them on not warning her before so she could cook all sort of dishes. Seungyoon and Mino just laughed. She hurriedly pulls out of many things from the refrigerator, trying to cook on what’s available while still nagging on the boys. Mino looks around the house, loving on how nothing much changed since he last been there. Seungyoon’s mom managed to make a very delicious chicken soup, making them both salivating at the mere smell. Seungyoon’s mom watches Mino eats with such caring eyes, Seungyoon is almost envious.

 

“Whoa, you are seriously stealing all of my mom’s love right now. Shouldn’t have taken you here.” Seungyoon grumbled with rice in his mouth.

 

“Oh my god, don’t speak with food in your mouth, Kang Seungyoon. Follow how Mino-hyung eats, he’s so quiet!” She scolded.

 

Seungyoon snorts and glared at Mino who is currently trying hard not to laugh.

 

“Mino-hyung sounds really nice doesn’t it, Seungyoonie? why not try that once in a while?” Mino said in a teasing tone.

 

Seungyoon rolls his eyes and continues to stuff his mouth with chicken. His mom shot Seungyoon a glare instead and sigh.

 

“This kid is seriously.. I’ve tried to tell him he’s supposed to call you hyung when he was a kid, Mino-ya, but he’s never obedient.” She complained to Mino and Mino laughed.

 

“Yah.. this is seriously unfair, why am I scolded in my own house..” Seungyoon grumbled under his breath and his mom playfully slaps his arm.

 

She continues to watch Mino who has finish his bowl of chicken soup with a motherly smile.

 

“Mino-ya..” She called, and Mino raises his eyes to look at her warm gaze.

 

“How have you been?” she asked.

 

Mino wanted to spill everything. He wanted to reveal how much unforgiving the world has been to him, but another part of his heart wasn’t ready. It’s too much for his mind at this moment. He’s very close to his past life in this town, and he doesn’t want to change too many things. Let this town be as it is.

 

“It’s been hard, auntie. So many things happen—“ Mino’s voice starts to shake and he had to stop and collect himself.

 

Seungyoon watches him with a knowing gaze, and it gave him a gentle push to go on.

 

“I’m still trying to stand up and fix the mess my dad left behind. But I have a job already. I’m a painter at a pretty big gallery in Seoul, with a faraway friend that is almost like a brother to me now. He’s the one that helped me look for Seungyoon too. And now..” Mino gaze at Seungyoon for a split second before looking back at Seungyoon’s mom.

 

“I’m a lot better now.” He said, smiling surely and content. It made Seungyoon’s heart filled with warmth. It’s always a new found calm everytime Mino says he’s okay or better.

 

Seungyoon’s mom smiles with a sad eye as she raises his hand to stroke his cheek. Mino smiles apologetically.

 

“I’m sorry I made you worry, auntie. And Seungyoon too.”

 

Seungyoon’s mom shook her head and rub on the falling teardrop on the edge of her eyes.

 

“It’s alright. I’m just so happy to see you. Please, please tell me if you ever need help, okay? You are my son too, Mino-ya..”

 

Her words made Mino feel at ease. Mino nods and squeezes her hands reassuringly.

 

Seungyoon helps his mom wash the dishes while Mino is upstairs, putting away their backpacks and stuffs.

 

“You look so much better.” Seungyoon’s mom tells him while drying the plates.

 

“You mean I got more handsome?” Seungyoon asked playfully. Her mom laughed at his son’s confidence.

 

“My son is always handsome. I mean you look happier.” She continued.

 

Seungyoon hums, “I am.”

 

“That’s good. That’s all I ever hoped for. Take care of him, Seungyoon-ah. I know he has been taking good care of you too.” She said with a sigh.

 

Seungyoon smiles at that.

 

“And for tomorrow.. you can just go out with him, Seungyoon-ah... You don’t have to attend the ceremony if you don’t want to..” She said with unsure laced on her voice.

 

“No, mom. I do want to. I’ll be here tomorrow, I’ll help too. That’s why I came home.” Seungyoon answered sure and calm.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

 

 

Seungyoon’s mom smiles and turns his head to see his son face, which looks so much more mature that night. She pulls him by the neck to plant a kiss on his cheek. Seungyoon felt whole and comfortable.

 

Seungyoon laid on his bed, covered with a children cartoon characters’ blanket. While Mino is on the floor, a thin mattress on his back. When they were still kids, they would sleep together on the now small bed. Seungyoon looks around the space around his body and thought.. this could work...

 

So he suddenly pops his head to the edge of the bed, scaring Mino who was playing with his phone.

 

“Come up.” Seungyoon whispers.

 

Mino chuckled, “We won’t fit.”

 

“Try it first.”

 

So Mino complied and they try to fit their now tall bodies on the bed. They had to lay on their sides to fit, and they suppressed their laughs at their own stubbornness. It’s a tight fit, their back will probably hurt in the morning. But it feels nice, and even though Seungyoon is almost sad at the memories rushing through him, a smile found its way to his lips as Mino hugs him closer. They sleep a dreamless sleep.

 

 

 

 

 


	15. A Lonely Birthday

 

 

 

Mino kisses his forehead softly; the sweetest morning alarm he’s ever had.

 

“Come on, take a bath and get ready.” He whispers.

 

Seungyoon hums and forces his still lazy eyes to open up and adjust to the blinding sunlight. Mino took a bath already, and he smells so nice. He’s wearing a simple white shirt that looks so good on him. Mino shot him with a smile and leaves Seungyoon to help his mom downstairs. Seungyoon rises from the warm alluring bed and washes himself. 

 

He wears the same white shirt he used last year, his body doesn’t change much. He watches his reflection on the mirror in his room. He sighed at what he sees. Seungyoon still feels weak and scared. The memories of people’s pity and accusing stare made him sick. Seungyoon closes his eyes and tries to push away the thought. He could hear his own breathing and his pounding heart. Not too fast, but the kind that made your stomach turn because you know something bad is coming. He breathes in and out slowly, trying to calm himself. Then, his ear caught a laughing voice. His mom. He focused his ear to the voice downstairs and he could faintly hear Mino talking happily, and more of his mom’s laugh.

 

What am I even worried about? Seungyoon thought.

  
He opens his eyes with a smile on his lips. Seungyoon looks around his bedroom and he could almost see young Mino and him running around, jumping on the bed and splaying on the floor. Having fun. Crying, sometimes. But never lonely.

Seungyoon walks downstairs and greeted the house with a playful voice,

“Waah, you guys must be gossiping about me to laugh that loud early in the morning!”

The world is warm. His house is warm. His heart is warm. Mino’s gaze at him is warm.

‘You’re gonna be okay, Seungyoon.’ He told himself.

____________

 

Jinwoo opens the cafe after he finished the morning chore. The boss is not there yet, and he wonders if he has a class today.

 

Jinwoo stopped in his tracks when he realized he was actually waiting for the source of his tiring chores to come. Something clutches his heart, making breathing harder.

 

“No. You were stupid once, don’t do it again.” Jinwoo whispers to the empty cafe. 

 

The bell dingles and Jinwoo felt his whole being anticipated him. His head immediately turning without him realizing what it meant. And he feels the disappointment that washes through him when he sees it is someone else. A customer.

 

Jinwoo almost missed a beat before he shot his sweet smile at the regular lady who always comes for their latte before work. He put on his usual mask and act as friendly as he could manage when his mind is filled with vigilance upon what his heart is implying.

 

‘No way. Please, not him.’ Jinwoo chants over and over again in his head as he made a cup of latte.

  
‘Anyone but him.’

  
Anyone but him, because Jinwoo couldn’t bear the thought of losing someone who gazes at him as a person.

  
Jinwoo accidentally dropped a glass and it shattered on the floor, making Jinwoo flinch at the sound.

  
____________

 

His father’s siblings came. All 4 of them. That’s it. The other family members were busy, or so they say. The words hurt Seungyoon more than it should. His mom must’ve felt the same, as Seungyoon saw the slight sadness in her eyes. The people who came were actually the ones Seungyoon had no bad memories upon. They never spat hateful words and gaze towards him nor his mom. They were all rather surprised Seungyoon is present, probably because of his absence last year. 

  
Seungyoon’s mom introduced Mino as a family friend, as they all didn’t know the story back then. They all lived in Seoul and other big cities.

 

It’s... So lonely.

 

Seungyoon is sad.

 

A few years is what it took for his father’s family to forget about him.

 

Next year, there might be only 3 of them. Or less. It hurts. They all started to pray at his father’s picture. The quietness made Seungyoon realized how shaky his breath is. His father’s face on the frame is causing his chest to hurt and it spreads slowly. He wants to cry. But he held it back as hard as he could.

 

After the prayer, they all spent a quiet moment. Seungyoon took a glimpse of his mom staring at his father’s picture with loving eyes. No more sadness in it.

 

“I have something to say.” His mom suddenly speaks. Voice calm but strong and sure. Seungyoon turns his head to look at her, surprised. This never happened before.

“It’s time we talk about the elephant in the room. I know your family must have been busy. But the number of people coming here to pray for him is simply..” She took a breath and Seungyoon wanted to hold her hands. But she gains her strength back and turns her head to the people in the room instead.

“It is clear that his ceremonial is no longer a priority. He is the eldest son of your family, but I know I cannot ask for the whole family to mourn him every single year by coming this far.”

They all look away from Seungyoon’s mom, unable to say a word.

“It is okay. I can understand. So does he, he used to say this is bound to happen after a few years. You have all been such good dongsaengs by coming here every year, and I am thankful. No need to feel ashamed at the number of your family coming here, you are not in control of every single one of your aunts and cousins. The only thing he wanted, was to be remembered. And forgiven. And I know you all still remember him and forgave him.”

She smiles warmly.

 

“I know I do.”

 

Water immediately fill Seungyoon’s eyes and he looks down.

“However, we all know how your family feels about me and my son.”

A drop fell from Seungyoon’s eyes. Mino watches him from a corner.

“Unnie, I am truly sorry about how our family has been treating you and Seungyoon, but all four of us truly have no such thoughts,” the youngest sister said, her voice shaky.

“I know.. trust me, I do. And I am thankful. But I cannot deny that I have been putting my son in too much pain, meeting your family and their words.”

 

Seungyoon raises his face to look at his mom.

 

“I have never told anyone about this.. when I met him again in the hospital, the first time in 3 years, he was pale and weak. He immediately cried when he saw me. And it broke my heart to pieces that he was in fact alone. Each one of you tried hard to spare time between your work to visit him everyday, but the others.. even your aunt who cried so hard on his funeral never visited him in his last days.”

One of his father’s little brother wipes his eyes.

“He said sorry to me. at least 20 times.. and at that moment, with all my heart, I have truly forgiven him. But to see the people who never visited him in his last moments came crying to my house to mourn him... Only after his lawyer said he has given up all of his parent’s heritage to his aunts and cousins... I am very sorry to say; I despise your family.”

Seungyoon listens to his mom intently. He never heard of this story as well.

“He asked me to tell his son.. that he is sorry. And he wishes for Seungyoon’s forgiveness. But if Seungyoon can’t.. then he only asked that Seungyoon would forget him. And live his life in peace, and hold no grudge against him. Because such thoughts will only get in Seungyoon’s way.” Seungyoon’s mom tells him. 

She smiles at Seungyoon, and Seungyoon breaks at the thought of how weak his father was when he said that.

Seungyoon sobs into his hands, covering his face. A hand grabs his shoulder, giving it a strong squeeze. Seungyoon doesn’t need to turn his head to know it’s Mino.

“He said that living without Seungyoon made him realize how much of a gift Seungyoon is. And he was sorry he might have ruined Seungyoon’s life. Seungyoon-ah.. do you remember I called you through aunt Myung Na’s phone one night? Your father was listening to your voice. And that night was the first night he actually slept well, not waking up in the middle of the night in pain.” A tear ran through her cheek after her last sentence.

She took a deep breath and turns her head to the dongsaengs.

“He said, if one day only his brothers and sisters would come to commemorate his death, please tell them that he is sorry. And thank you for staying this long to remember him. From now on, you don’t need to come here anymore. He wanted all of us to commemorate his death by simply praying in the morning. No need for foods and special ceremony. He wanted us to remember him in a humble way so that he can lay in peace and burden less. He wanted all of you to stay in your homes, and not leave your family for him anymore. For all you to not make the mistake he did.”

Seungyoon looks up to see his mother, strong and calm. She returns Seungyoon’s gaze and smiles. This time, Seungyoon smiles back.

 

____________

 

Jinwoo serves a beer to a tired customer and entertained the poor man, hoping for an extra tip because of his hospitality.

 

Seunghoon is still nowhere around. And Jinwoo tries hard to shove the thought of the younger man. As he was wiping a washed glass, Kyung approaches him.

“Hyung, you have any idea where the boss is?”

Jinwoo continues wiping the glass, trying to look as nonchalant as he could.

“No, I don’t. He’s probably out there playing around, right? Why do you look so tense?”

Kyung sighed and looks around the club instead.

 

“It’s his sister’s birthday.” Kyung mumbles.

 

“So he’s probably in a party,” Jinwoo said, a little bit surprised he has a sister.

 

“She passed away years ago.”

  
____________

  
Seungyoon is sitting in his house’s porch with his mother by his side, a cup of tea on their hands.

“So why did Dad gave up all the heritage to his aunts? It’s not like they were good people.” Seungyoon asked.

“Your father lost his parents not long after we got married. And he used to borrow their money when we were on tough times. They always said you father didn’t need to pay it back, as they regarded him as their own son. but.. after a while, they started to treat your father less than family. He wanted to clear up his debts. And it was the only way.”

Seungyoon hums.

Seungyoon told her everything. About the words he used to hear, how he felt about his father.

“I’m sorry, Seungyoon-ah... I should’ve been able to tell how nosy people can be.. especially them back then. I didn’t realize they would even treat you, a little kid, that way.” She sighed, eyes looking sad and weary.

“Don’t be, mom. I’m the one who shut you out too. I was too scared to talk and ended up sharing only trivial things, not the things that mattered. It’s a lot better now. After knowing the truth.”

“I wanted to tell you since long.. but I thought it would’ve been too much. I wanted you to remember him as a healthy man.. seeing a man who used to be so strong and robust reduced to a weak fragile figure might hurt you too much..” She explained.

“And I’m thankful, mom. I truly do. I get what you’re getting at. If I were to see how small he’s become after the sickness.. I might’ve been worse. But I’m sorry you had to endure the ceremony alone last year. I was.. running away.”

“It’s okay, dear.. it wasn’t as hard as you thought it was, as I got used to them. I’m truly glad you’re talking now. I honestly felt like I was in the dark back when you stopped opening up to me. I’m so glad..” She strokes his head affectionately.

Seungyoon smiles. The messy tangled string in his head fixing itself, heavyweight tossed out one by one.

“Mom,”

“Yes?”

“I don’t hate dad. I did. But not anymore. He said he's sorry and that’s enough for me to forgive him.” Seungyoon said.

His mom smiles, a big load pulled out of her chest.

“That’s good. Thank you, Seungyoon-ah.”

“And you should forgive his annoying family too.”

She sighed, “That’s a lot to ask but I’ll try.” She jokes.

Seungyoon chuckled.

  
____________

  
Jinwoo throws his sore body on the bed. He sighed at the soft touch of the mattress. He’s washed up and ready to sleep in a comfortable shirt and shorts when a knock surprised him, making his heart beats at least 4 times faster.

“Yes?”

It might be Kyung. Might be... Seunghoon?

 

Also might be a robber.

 

Jinwoo held his breath and waits for an answer anxiously.

“Me.”

Seunghoon. Jinwoo recognized his voice. But being too cautious is never bad in his books.

“Who?”

“Lee Seunghoon” He answered. A little bit slurred. Is he drunk?

 

____________

  
Seungyoon washes the teacups while his mom wipes the dinner table. The dinner they had with his father’s sibling was not so bad. Cold and awkward at first... but soon, Seungyoon could see they clearly have no bad thoughts about him and his mom. They were simply scared and guilty, over something that was not their fault. After Seungyoon’s mom tries to build a warm conversation they melted little by little, opening up and talking. Just like how a family would. The eldest brother tried to make small talks with Seungyoon, in which Seungyoon responded kindly. Seungyoon almost feels bad about how he looks so happy getting a simple response from Seungyoon. This might be how his father would be if he made it back then...

 

When Seungyoon recalls, he could remember how they were so quiet when Seungyoon is still a kid. They were always busy praying when they come for dad’s ceremonial. Their aunts and uncles were the ones giving him stares. Seungyoon realized the siblings were not the one in fault. So he tries his best to open up to them. At least so they know Seungyoon hold no grudge against them. And his dad. As of how he wished.

 

Seungyoon’s mom finished cleaning the house and came to stroke Seungyoon’s back.

“Go and get some sleep mom, I’ll be done soon.”

But she stayed on her spot and pulled Seungyoon’s head closer so she can kiss his cheek.

“Sleep well. Don’t stay up too late.” She smiles.

Seungyoon bit back his smile, embarrassed. He hums a yes and his mom retreats to her room.

 

Seungyoon stretches his arms after putting away the dishes and walk up to his room on the second floor. It’s quiet. Mino is probably asleep. He opens the door as slowly as he could to see the Mino already asleep on the mattress by his bed. The movement of his chest somehow made Seungyoon feels calm and at ease. He tiptoes and took his pillow and blanket on his bed and scoots beside Mino. Mino feels his presence and opens his eyes.

 

“Sorry I wake you.” Seungyoon whispers.

“It’s fine. Come here.” Mino opens his arm and Seungyoon fall into the warm lock of his body.

“Why not sleep on your bed?” Mino asked, voice heavy from sleep.

“Don’t want to. Here is fine.” Seungyoon answers.

Mino hums and closes his eyes again.

“All is well?” Mino asked.

Seungyoon remembers his talk with his mom and smiles.

“Very much so.”

Mino smiles and pulls him in even closer, a soft blanket covering their bodies. Seungyoon sighs contentedly and looks around his room that is now filled with new memories. Good ones too.

  
____________

  
Jinwoo opens his door and is surprised to see Seunghoon looking messy in an old t-shirt and jeans. he brings a plastic bag in his side, with a white box inside.

And the thing that hurts Jinwoo the most, was the look in his face. He has never seen Lee Seunghoon looking so weak and fragile. Almost like a lost child.

Jinwoo opens the door wider and lets him in. Seunghoon walks in without a word and sits on the bed. Jinwoo could smell alcohol. So he probably is drunk. Jinwoo does the same, sitting in front of him. Seunghoon pulls out the box form the bag, and it turns out to be a box of cake.

‘Oh god..’ Jinwoo thought to himself.

He pulls out the cake and put it on top of the box. He quietly assembles colorful candles on top of it and lit it with his lighter. The soft light illuminates Jinwoo’s dark attic, previously only lit by the night sky through his window. Jinwoo turns his gaze to Seunghoon, whose eyes were locked on the candles. He suddenly pulls out something from his pocket Jinwoo couldn’t see.

“Heads.” He said.

Seunghoon flips a coin on to the bed. Tails come up. Seunghoon took back to coins and flip it again. Tails again. He took it again, hands slightly trembling and a blade tore Jinwoo’s heart.

Heads come up. And Jinwoo let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Seunghoon took the coin and hold it in his palms.

 

  
“I have a twin sister,” Seunghoon said. And Jinwoo looks at his eyes which are still fixated to the candles.

“Not identical, so we don’t look that much alike. She has white skin, jet black hair, big eyes. So pretty. Kind too. She draws me things everyday. Followed me around like a little pup. Our parents were always busy so it felt like she was the only family I had. She’s a little bit shy so when she met new people, she always hid behind me. But after a while, she would smile at you sweetly.”

Jinwoo could already imagine how she looks. Features slightly similar to Seunghoon, but a softer expression. Must’ve been so pretty.

 

“She has autism. Mom couldn’t handle it at first. Well, I guess she never managed to handle it.”

 

Jinwoo looks at how his expression falls at that.

“She tried so hard to approach mom. She does everything she could. But mom never—“

His eyes are getting watery and Jinwoo wants to look away. But he couldn’t.

“The kids around our house made fun of her. So I had to be the bigger bully instead. I pick fights with all the kids so they would be afraid of me. So none would dare to make fun of her. I get a lot of troubles for that, dad scolded me everyday. But it was worth it.” He chuckled.

“She could play in the park with ease, no other kids around. Only me.”

Seunghoon is smiling. But Jinwoo couldn’t bring himself to smile with him.

“Then my dad made me go to a boarding school when I was 12. We had a huge fight. I didn’t want to go. I didn’t trust them enough to take care of my sister by themselves, and he slapped me when I said that. He looked so angry.”

Jinwoo’s heart races.

“So I told her one night... Told her to ride a train to my place. I’ll take care of her. Sneak her to my dorm, anything. Anything to keep her around me, safe and protected. I made a list of what she should do. What train to pick, where to sit, what to do.. she kept saying she didn’t want to. But I got angry and scolded her instead. Telling her our house is not safe. And she has to run away no matter what.”

A tear escaped his eyes and the blade in Jinwoo’s heart turns and stab him deeper.

 

“The day I went, she cried so hard. I whispered to her about the note I made and told her to do it. And I’ll be waiting. Two days later, her nanny called. She was hit by a car. She couldn’t follow the note I made and ended up wandering around the city. The car ran away. We never captured whoever it was.”

 

His voice reduced to soft mumbles and Jinwoo didn’t realize he was crying until a drop fell on the palm of his hand.

“She must have cried. Confused and scared.” He whispered.

Jinwoo brought a hand to his cheek, cutting off the stream of tears.

 

“Happy birthday, Lee Sujin.” Seunghoon whispers as he blows on the candles, leaving the room dark again.

 

Jinwoo looks at Seunghoon’s now back to usual cold face. He didn’t look at Jinwoo even once these whole time. He suddenly leaves the bed and walked for the door.

“Wait!” Jinwoo called.

But he didn’t stop his tracks and turns the doorknob anyway. Jinwoo rises from his seat and ran to reach his arms just before he left the room.

“Stay,” Jinwoo said.

Seunghoon didn’t turn his face when he pushes Jinwoo’s hands away from his arm. Jinwoo watched as the cold lonely back left his room and his heart. Leaving it as empty as ever.

 

 

 

 

 


	16. Wave's Reach

 

 

 

Seungyoon gave his mom the last hug before running to the opened train door. He waves his hands happily at his beautiful smiling mom. She usually looks sad every time Seungyoon leaves home, but not this time. She saw how happy and relaxed Seungyoon is now. And with Mino by his side, her worries are significantly depleted.

 

Seungyoon watches his mom looking smaller and smaller as the train leaves the station. The train runs steadily towards Haenam, a beach town. Mino and Seungyoon went there once as kids with Seungyoon’s mom. It was a great memory, one they want to revisit. Seungyoon is sitting beside Mino when the older boy looks around the rather empty train, no one beside them, nor in front of them. Another passenger is way back and two others in the faraway front. Seungyoon looks at him, slightly worried.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“It’s kinda empty. And they’re busy with their phones.” Mino said, finally looking at Seungyoon.

 

“Um... Okay?” Seungyoon said, confused.

 

Mino chuckled. “Don’t make a sound,” Mino whispered.

 

Seungyoon didn’t get any chance to ask what he meant when Mino leans in, suddenly kissing him. Then, Seungyoon realized. It’s been a while. A kiss on the forehead in the morning before his mom wakes up is the only thing he’s got these past days. He almost kisses him back when his brain finally warned him that they’re in a public place and anyone could turn their heads and see them. Seungyoon pulls away, quickly looking around to check if they’ve been seen.

 

“Don’t, anyone could see us..” Seungyoon whispered, his mind wavering at the sight of Mino’s lips so close.

 

He’s trying to knock some sense to Mino but here he is, eyes wandering to the soft sweet lips. Seungyoon gulped.

 

‘What a determination you have there, Kang Seungyoon.’ Seungyoon scolded himself.

 

Mino smirked at him, finding Seungyoon trying hard to be nice and proper so cute.

 

“Oh come on, just give me a quick one.” He whispered, voice and low and breaking any kind of defense Seungyoon have. But Seungyoon is still hesitant.

 

“I miss you,” Mino said. And there goes all the reasoning Seungyoon has.

 

So he looks at the passenger on the front, making sure he’s busy with himself before kissing Mino sweetly, a beat longer than he planned to. Another peck before he backs away far. And one more. Seungyoon likes to think he’s being generous. Yeah, let’s leave it at that.

 

Seungyoon pulls away for real then turns his head to look at the scenery outside the window. Trying to look away from Mino and the urge to kiss him as if they’re alone. Beside him, Mino smiles from ear to ear and snakes his hand to hold Seungyoon’s.

  
_________

  
Jinwoo woke up with a jolt and an uncomfortable heart. He rises from his bed with a dizzy head. He didn’t remember going to sleep. After Seunghoon left, he watched him driving his car away from the cafe from his window. He didn’t know what to feel. All he knew was that he felt unbearable pain. At Seunghoon’s face. How he looks. How he acts. He looks so weak and lost and Jinwoo hates it.

 

It feels familiar, the empathy. The feeling of being hurt when someone you care about feels pain. Yeah, Jinwoo said it. Jinwoo always wondered why are people so scared to say they care about someone, it's like FBI are gonna shoot them if they said the word. Jinwoo used to live with people who don't act like human, while when he lived with Mithra and Mino, affection was easy to encounter. Small things, like Mino bringing him his favorite sweets after work, is a form of care. He's been showering Mino with 'I love you' so much the dude is probably immune to the word now. So yeah, he does care for Seunghoon. He didn’t know since when. Not since their first hook up, obviously. Jinwoo is sure all he felt about the man the next morning was an irritation. And for the next few weeks, too. It changed since their games. The flip of the coin. The stories Jinwoo shared opened his old wound, gave him small nightmares every night since he told it, but Seunghoon’s response lingers in his thought when he wakes. The way his jaw clench when he told about Min Hyuk’s unfair decision, and the way a glint of worry pass his eyes when Jinwoo slips up about his abusive past.

 

Seunghoon didn’t change one bit. He’s still the same ass that works Jinwoo like a slave, but that’s what made Jinwoo stay. His past doesn’t matter here. Not one bit. Everything stays the same. And the thing that Seunghoon cared about Jinwoo, was his deeds. He sees Jinwoo as who he is now. Nothing could beat that.

 

And the night Jinwoo was harassed by that rude customer, Jinwoo intended to give himself to Seunghoon. As thanks. But he said no. He pulls away from Jinwoo and he has never been so flustered. He needed to pay him back, and this is the only thing he has to offer. It’s the only thing people appreciate of Jinwoo. His body.

  
“ _Don’t ever do this as thanks. I didn’t do that for this.”_

 

_Jinwoo pushes him against the wall, still trying to break his determination._

 

_“I don’t have anything else,” Jinwoo whispered._

 

_“You have everything that matters,” Seunghoon said, voice soft and unfamiliar._

 

_Jinwoo froze. He looks straight at Seunghoon’s eyes, looking for the lie to show up. But it didn’t. Rather, Seunghoon looked surprised by his own words. It looked real and Jinwoo could almost hear his heart breaking apart, opening a way. But his walls were made high and strong, and it closes quick._

 

_“Then take me because I want it.” He leans closer to Seunghoon’s lips, ghosting his words upon it._

 

_Seunghoon’s breath became heavier and Jinwoo knows he’ll get what he wanted. He’s a good actor. He’ll let Seunghoon think the way he wants it, but Jinwoo will take this as payment. Just as he wanted it to be._

 

_“Don’t you want me?” Jinwoo said before kissing his lips._

  
Jinwoo sighed. He’s good at accepting his feelings but he’s bad at deciding what to do next, now that he knows he doesn’t hate Lee Seunghoon. What could he want in the middle of his sadness? A cake? Hook up? Funny internet pics?

 

Jinwoo thought about all the possibilities but none of it ring a nice sound in his head. He just prays Seunghoon didn’t do anything stupid last night. He wants the man to be okay. That’s all for now. Lost at what to do, Jinwoo decides to first of all work like the good employee he is.

 

_________

  
Seungyoon gushed at the beautiful beach they pass by the bus. The blue water is sparkling and Seungyoon couldn’t wait to feel the water on his feet. He smiles like a kid, not bothering to hide his excitement. While Mino is appreciating the beautiful view of the smiling man beside him. What a view.

 

They pick a small, tidy looking family hotel near the beach and went into the lobby to get a room. It’s not holiday season so not may visitor is in. Seungyoon is reading a pamphlet and he heard Mino asking for a room with one bed. Heat creeps up to Seungyoon’s cheeks and he tries to shake the thought that passes his mind and read the pamphlet out loud in his head.

 

Mino calls him with a key in his hands and the owner, a pretty young girl in her 20’s, smiles at Seungyoon sweetly.

 

The room is nice. Clean and smells good, unlike an old unused hotel room. It’s small but neat and gives up a relaxing feel. A nice choice indeed. The bed is...

 

Is big enough for two.

 

And looks comfortable. 

 

And Seungyoon averted his gaze to something else.

“Wanna go straight to the beach? The weather is nice.” Mino said.

 

Seungyoon looks out of the window showing the beach.

 

“Yeah!” He said enthusiastically.

 

Mino pulls up his shirt and tosses it to a basket near the bathroom, and the view made Seungyoon part his lips slightly. Seungyoon wants to touch the tattoo in his side so badly, tracing it with his hands. When Mino’s fingers pull down his pants zipper Seunyoon holds his breath without even realizing. His body is expecting something while his mind is still pondering between playing on the beautiful beach or playing on Min—

 

‘Wait, what? No. Beach. Let’s go to the beach.’ Seungyoon said inside his head.

 

Mino soon put on his sleeveless white shirt, covering his body and Seungyoon’s imagination. As Mino wears his shorts, Seungyoon moves from his spot to change his clothes to something more comfortable too. As Seungyoon faces the wall, looking down on his bag to choose his clothes, Mino turns his head to look at him. Mino smirks and walks up behind him, one hand squeezes Seungyoon’s ass hard making Seungyoon jolt.

 

“I’ll be outside,” Mino said calmly as if his hands were innocent.

  
Mino walks out of the hotel room with a winning smug face while Seungyoon is inside, face red and heart shocked. Mino is seriously making things hard for Seungyoon.

  
_________

  
Jinwoo is greeted with a familiar face on the cashier counter and he tries hard to remember who he is before the customer feels disappointed. Because he is clearly expecting something.

 

He’s good looking so Jinwoo might have—Oh! He remembers now. The guy who gave him his number on a small paper. Jinwoo thinks he lost the paper somewhere. Lost the interest in calling him for a booty call because he’s been busy, too.

 

With Seunghoon.

 

So he smiles a cute smile, trying to look innocent. A name pops up in his head; Dean. Right. That’s it.

 

“Hey, it’s been a while. How can I help you?” Jinwoo said.

 

Dean smiles.

 

“Well I guess I must’ve read the signs wrong back then, did I?” he said.

 

Jinwoo could have answered him with something more evading, but he couldn’t find it in him to act today. So he sighed and let out what’s real.

 

“No, you didn’t. You read it right. Something just came in my way.” Jinwoo said apologetically.

 

“Something?”

 

Jinwoo smiles, “Well yeah, maybe someone.”

 

The guy smiles and hums in understanding.

 

“Well, guess nothing I could do about that then. So, can I have a black?” he asked, as polite as he did when still had a chance with Jinwoo. Jinwoo concluded this guy is not an ass, and he’s grateful. Jinwoo couldn't manage any more fling for now, this is for the best. Dean should go find someone better and he deserves it.

 

Maybe the world really is not as rotten as he thought it was.

  
_________

  
Seungyoon ran straight to the beach, stopping a few meters from the wave’s reach to take off his sandals. He took a second to take a breath and feel the fresh air fill his lungs. No one is on the beach except a few locals minding their own business, again, because it’s not holiday season. Seungyoon made a note in his head to do this again, going on a random trip when they can make it. Places are not crowded, everywhere felt like an alternate reality. Places that are supposed to be filled with people, busy in sounds, now empty and serene and all yours. Maybe this is what wandering in a closed mall feels like. It’s a dream everyone has deep inside, isn’t it?

 

Seungyoon turns his head to see Mino behind him, head ducked inside a stall buying something. Seungyoon frowns, finding that he bought a pack of cigarette. He detected that Mino smokes every time he feels restless or uncomfortable. It made Seungyoon wonder what’s bugging him on their trip.

 

Mino took a drag, put his cigarette pack in his pocket and walks his way to Seungyoon. Halfway there, he realized Seungyoon is watching him with a frown. 

 

“What’s wrong?” Mino asked.

 

“I should be the one asking that.” Seungyoon mumbles, unsure how to bring up the smoking topic.

 

Mino frowns back, confused at Seungyoon’s answer. Seungyoon steals glances at his cigar and Mino finds the problem.

 

“Ah... It’s..” Mino stammers.

 

Seungyoon watches him intently, worries starting to shroud his thoughts. Mino looks at the sea and he couldn’t keep his gaze too long on it. Then it hit Seungyoon.

 

Mithra. The ship. Harbors.

 

Guilt washes over Seungyoon. He feels selfish how he’s been so excited running straight to the beach, completely forgetting what memories could come back to Mino by coming to the sea.

 

“Sorry... I.. Shit, I should have thought this through. Let’s just go somewhere else, okay?” Seungyoon asked.

 

Mino quickly turns his head to look at Seungyoon and his worried eyes.

 

“What? No. Let’s stay here and play.”

 

“I don’t want you feeling uncomfortable, don’t push yourself. Let’s just go, okay?” Seungyoon persuades.

 

Mino smiles at him.

 

“No. Let’s stay. I really do want to come here. I want to.. deal with it.” Mino said, eyes falling to the sand between his feet.

 

“I have to deal with it.” He said, determination in his voice.

 

Mino walks away towards a trash bin and put out his cigar. He walks back to Seungyoon still watching him, less worry in his eyes. Seungyoon smiles sadly and grabs his hands.

 

“Then let me help.”

 

Seungyoon and Mino walk hand in hand, closing in on the wave’s reach. Mino’s grip became tighter and Seungyoon rubs his thumb on the back of Mino’s hand, soothing him. The water came closer and when the first wave meets Mino’s feet, he jolts. Seungyoon turns his head to look at his face, his brow knitted together and eyes scared.

 

Seungyoon almost thought he was looking at young Mino in front of his shouting dad, and it causes pain in his chest. Seungyoon made a promise to himself that he will help him get through with this until the end. He won’t stay away as he did back then. He won’t leave Mino like this.

 

“Breathe, you’re okay..” Seungyoon said.

 

Mino let out a breath he didn’t realize holding and slowly his bruising grip on Seungyoon’s hand relaxes. Seungyoon didn’t realize how hard Mino has been gripping until he let it go and he could feel blood rushing to his hands after it being blocked.

 

“Ready to go closer?” Seungyoon asked, and Mino only managed a nod.

 

He walks by Mino deeper into the water, stopping every once in a while if Mino’s breath became to uneven. Soon, the water is as high as their stomach. Seungyoon stops and faces Mino, holding his other hand. Mino’s eyes are looking down into the water, god knows what memory is replaying in his mind.

 

“Hey, look at me,” Seungyoon called.

 

Mino looks straight to his eyes and the gaze pierced his soul. The wound Mino told him as a story before now laid bare and naked to his eyes. He’s so broken Seungyoon wants to keep him in a box and hide him from the world. But Seungyoon knew better. It won’t heal him; it would do the exact opposite.

 

“You’ll be okay. Please trust me. The wave would come any second now, and we might fall to the water. We might lose our balance. Our hands might lose each other because it’s slippery.”

 

Seungyoon could feel his grip getting strong again at his last sentence. And god, Mino looks so scared it breaks his heart to look at him. But he has to look at Mino. To make Mino understand that Seungyoon can accept those wounds.

 

“But you’ll be okay. You might lose my hands, but I’m close. Just be calm. The wave will first push us closer to shore, so try to stand up and your head will be out of the water, alright?”

 

Seungyoon could hear the wave coming close, brought by the wind. Seungyoon walks closer to him, face now only inches apart.

 

“I love you.”

 

Mino’s dark and lost eyes show a glint of light, and Seungyoon didn’t miss it.

 

“I love you too,” Mino whispers back, soft but sure.

 

The wave came crashing to them, hard and almost hurting. Mino almost lost his balance, but his hold on Seungyoon’s hands managed to prevent it. The water that passes his head made him remember when Mithra throw him into the water. He remembered running for his life. He remembered Tablo.

 

Mino slowly opens his eyes and he finds Seungyoon in front of him, drenched and worried. Mino breathes through his mouth, his lungs suffocating. Seungyoon let go of his hands and move to hug him close. Mino hugs him back reflectively, feeling Seungyoon’s smaller figure in his hold.

 

“Are you okay?” Seungyoon asked.

 

Mino didn’t answer immediately and it almost made Seungyoon panic.

 

“Will be.” Mino finally answered, voice stronger than before. He pulls away from Seungyoon and gives him a smile.

 

“Wait here. Don’t come to me.” Mino said, and Seungyoon could feel his whole body telling him to catch his hand and stop whatever he’s trying to do.

 

But he didn’t, because the last thing Mino needs right now is a lack of trust. Small waves break past him, barely moving Mino’s stand. But after a few seconds of a quiet ocean surface, a high towering wave is coming towards Mino, and he keeps his eyes opened wide. As the wave hit him head-on, he could hear a faint sound of Seungyoon shouting his name. The wave hit him hard, making him lose balance and fell backward, pushed towards the shore. Mino closes his eyes just before the salt water reaches his face.

 

The water around him mutes any sound from the world, leaving him in a void space. He could only see the darkness his eyelid provides him, but the touch of the water cause his senses to feel too many things that sight was not the most necessary.

 

Time felt as if it slows down, and Mino let his heart feel the sea as it is. The fear his head has been making up as a defense system against his trauma slowly fades away. It’s calm.

 

Tablo’s face shows up in his head. Looking nothing but calm. Looking okay, and maybe better. His lung could have stayed longer, but Mino feels the rough sand on his lower back already and the wave’s impact causing his oxygen to deplete faster. So he took his foothold and try to stand up, his arm withstanding the wave’s push by propping on the sand. Feeling the water now only as high as his ankle, Mino opens his eyes slowly and a quiet sea greets him. His breathing now even, his head straight. Mino feels someone beside him, and by turning his head he finds Seungyoon, body slightly trembling and eyes close to tears. Mino smiles at him.

 

“Hey.”

 

Seungyoon let out a shaky breath and Mino knows he must be on edge. Mino walks towards him, holding Seungyoon’s hand on his side.

 

“I’m sorry. Scared you, didn’t I?” Mino said, voice so calm he almost surprised himself.

 

Seungyoon shakes his head, but Mino knew better.

 

“You okay?” Seungyoon said.

 

“Yeah. It’s good now.”

 

Seungyoon searches his face, trying to find if he’s lying.

 

“Really?” Seungyoon asked.

 

Mino smiles and cups his face with both hands, leaning down to kiss him softly. Seungyoon kisses back rather desperately, unlike his shy kiss on the train. Mino pulls away and touches their foreheads together.

 

“I thought I wouldn’t be, either. But yeah, I am okay.”

 

Seungyoon closes his eyes and a tear slips out his eyes. He reaches out to pull Mino in for a hug, and Mino could feel his cracks closing up. Mino hugs him back, resting his chin on Seungyoon’s shoulder. He sees the small waves running past their feet and it calms him. It’s like the world saying sorry again and this time, he’s ready to forgive them.

 

_________

 

The cafe closes without any trace of Seunghoon and Jinwoo is restless. 

 

‘He’s okay, right? He has to be.’ He told himself.

 

“But who knows?” he whispered to himself, in the middle of the closed cafe.

 

So he picks up his phone and opens his contact list. He only has a few names in it; Mithra, Mino, Kyung, some people from his old working place, food deliveries.. and there it is. 

 

Lee Seunghoon.

 

He never contacted him. Ever. It’s there as a formality. Having your boss’ number is necessary. Should he? It would be weird if he was okay and is actually partying somewhere.

 

But who knows.

 

Maybe a call is what he wants, right?

 

So Jinwoo hit the call button and bring the phone to his ears.

 

One ring.

 

Two.

 

Three.

 

Four and Jinwoo is losing hope.

 

Five and Jinwoo almost gave up and turn the call off.

 

But the voice in his phone notifies him that Seunghoon picked up and Jinwoo could feel his heart jump. What now?

 

“What?” He answered.

 

Not as warm as Jinwoo hoped he would be, but he answered. One worry scratched off his list.

 

“Hey, uh... I—“

 

A woman’s voice caught Jinwoo’s ears. She was laughing, and another girl’s voice follows. It suddenly occurs to Jinwoo he’s in a crowded place.

 

Oh.

 

Seunghoon seemed to walk away from them.

 

“What is it?” Seunghoon asked, urging Jinwoo. He sounded like he was in a hurry.

 

He didn’t want this call. 

 

“Oh sorry, never mind. I was looking for Kyung, he didn’t answer his phone, but he’s here now.”

 

The first acting of the day and Jinwoo rocked it like how he usually does. Just when he thought he doesn’t need to lie about a thing to Seunghoon. On the other side of the line, Seunghoon frowns. It doesn’t sound right to him. Jinwoo never called him about Kyung no matter how late he is, so why now?

 

“Sorry to bother you, goodbye.” Jinwoo took his phone away from his ears, not waiting for any answer.

 

He pushed the red button, ending the call without knowing Seunghoon on the other line is calling his name over and over.

 

He’s okay. He’s not a lonely guy. He has friends.

 

‘You’re the only one on your own, Kim Jinwoo.’ He told himself. Jinwoo feels sick. He needs a cigarette.

 

 

 

 


	17. Rose In Motels

 

 

 

Seunghoon stares at his now locked phone screen. Jinwoo lied. He could feel it. Seunghoon could tell when people lie, always. His late sister used to be the one telling him. Like when one of their nannies lied to their mother that she finished washing the laundry. She would whisper to Seunghoon that she lied, and slowly, Seunghoon could differentiate lies too. Both he and his sister became observant eyes. The first time Seunghoon saw Jinwoo in his bar, he couldn’t help but realize that he’s very good looking. His appearance could easily make people turn their heads to him. But beauty never attracts Seunghoon more than it should, so he turns his head away after a few glances.

 

But the unwanted commotion started and Seunghoon was ready to follow the bastard to the restroom but much to his surprise, Jinwoo rose from his seat sooner than him and followed them.

 

‘No.. He couldn’t seriously be trying to..’ Seunghoon thought to himself.

 

He followed the three and opened the door exactly when Jinwoo landed a kick on the asshole.

 

‘Yep, he did.’ Seunghoon thought.

 

All that went pass Seunghoon’s head was that Jinwoo is a small dude. His posture when he kicked was weak, definitely out of anger and zero fighting skills. He wouldn’t win the fight he’s trying to pick. Seunghoon almost laughs at the thought of such a small guy actually trying to save some random waiter in these days and age.

 

What a unique one.

 

Seunghoon walked up behind Jinwoo, looking at the asshole with his usual cold stare. And damn, that big guy had no guts at all it’s almost embarrassing. When Jinwoo turns his head and almost jumped at Seunghoon’s presence, that’s when Seunghoon thought he should talk with this guy.

 

This weird guy.

 

The thing Seunghoon hates the most is liars. And it almost made Seunghoon gave up at the amount of lie and made up reality Jinwoo made in his conversation. But the thing is, none of the lie Jinwoo made was to make him be a better person. To conjure a better image. It was all so simple as if the only thing he wanted was to be a different person than who he is. Damn, he’s so weird. And slowly Seunghoon couldn’t take his eyes off him.

 

He’s probably the first. Seunghoon met dozens of people who lie to impress him, to save themselves from the trouble they caused, and all things bad. Lying is bad enough for Seunghoon, but he couldn’t bring himself to stamp Jinwoo the same as them.

 

The morning he woke up with Jinwoo by his side, the sight of Jinwoo’s sleeping face stole his heart away. So innocent. So pure. So real.

 

‘Is this how you really look?’ Seunghoon thought.

 

A few seconds Seunghoon spent awestruck at his figure made Seunghoon realize Kim Jinwoo is too strong. Whatever, whoever he really is, Seunghoon didn’t think he could handle it. He’s so different, two sides of a coin turning fastly every time. He’s trouble and he could feel it in his skin. So Seunghoon left him alone in the cold hotel room, promising himself that he should forget him as soon as he could. He’ll probably leave the town soon anyway. But he’s special and he could feel it deep inside.

 

But no, Jinwoo is like those wild weeds that keep on sprouting on your garden. Of all places, why would he look for a job in his new cafe? He looked shocked to see Seunghoon too, so it’s probably the devil playing tricks on both of them. But he had no reason to reject his application. If anything, Jinwoo is the perfect candidate. Strong enough for kitchen and bar work, diligent, tidy, polite (at the interview at least), a good listener and talker. And he’s a good man at heart, proved by his heroic intention that almost ended with him hospitalized the other day. So he tested him on some other things and still he passed every one of them perfectly. Seunghoon sighed and rubbed his throbbing head. Oh well, what else could he have done anyway?

 

Along the way, he could see Jinwoo’s ‘real’ face from time to time. When cute little kids enter the cafe when it’s raining and his mood slightly went down with it, when he eats the baker’s new pastry and his eyes grew wide from the taste. Seunghoon is surprised how much he’s been watching the man, he’s almost afraid it’s counted as stalking. And it almost scares him how much he wants to know about Jinwoo. It’s like he found the most interesting puzzle and he’s scared of being too obsessed about it.

 

The day some asshole tried to harass him, Seunghoon could feel his blood boiling and his body giving up to his instinct. He hit the man so hard that night, he’s surprised at his own strength. The look in Jinwoo’s eyes when he met him, however, was surprising. He couldn’t tell why he’s the way he is. He looked guilty, disgusted, and faltering. He looked smaller that night and Seunghoon hates it.

 

When he tried to give himself as ‘thanks’, Seunghoon has never been so frustrated. It’s so damn wrong, who the hell made him think that’s even acceptable? Who made him think that his body is something to be given up like this? Jinwoo is a more complicated puzzle than he thought he was.

 

_“I don’t have anything else,” Jinwoo whispered._

 

 

And Seunghoon almost hugs him close. Is that what’s behind his ever-changing mask? He’s so real that night Seunghoon accidentally took off his own masks.

 

 

_“You have everything that matters.”_

 

 

Seunghoon is startled by his own truthful words, but he let it be. He’ll try to be ‘real’. maybe it’s the only way Jinwoo will be so, too. When Jinwoo said,

 

_“Then take me because I want it.”_

 

Seunghoon knew he was lying. But not all of him. And Seunghoon unknowingly fell too deep already to debate his own head and principle. So he let Jinwoo knew that Seunghoon wants him, but not as a reward for helping him. Because Seunghoon simply wants him, along with all the lies and the truths that fly out of his lips.

 

The day before Seunghoon’s birthday, Seunghoon overheard his father talking about Sujin. They were going to have a family dinner on his birthday but decided not to celebrate Sujin’s. His mother would be saddened if her name was to be brought upon again, he said. And Seunghoon could not be angrier. As if ignoring her wasn’t enough, now they are going to erase her from the family’s agenda?

 

His mom has always been like this. But his dad? Seunghoon then realized his dad is probably the same too. Maybe he’s been lying all these years but Seunghoon couldn’t bring himself to see it. He thought at least he would still...

 

So he left the house. Ignoring his phone the whole day the next day. At least 50 calls came in from his mom and dad, asking where he was. But it doesn’t matter. Jinwoo’s face went past his head and he parks his car in front of a cake shop and bought a cake that he imagined Sujin would have liked.

 

He spilled everything to Jinwoo, trying hard not to look at his face. Seunghoon is scared he’ll see something he didn’t want. A lie. Or a disinterested face. Or a disappointed expression. When he finished his story, and the candle’s light left the room with a blow, he realized how much he laid bare. Was it too much? What if Jinwoo blames him too? What if Jinwoo is simply there because Seunghoon is his boss and he’ll say one or two lies to comfort him, all because of this weird relationship they built out of an accident?

 

What if Seunghoon, deep inside, expected something more of Jinwoo only to realize he’s nothing more than a demanding boss Jinwoo actually hated?

 

So he left, no words were spoken, no eye contact given.

 

And now, Jinwoo called him. With a very weak alibi and reasoning to add, and Seunghoon is more worried than curious.

 

“Hoon?” a woman’s voice call for him.

 

Seunghoon turns his head to see his friend, Rose.

 

“All good?” she asked.

 

“Yeah,” Seunghoon answered without missing a beat.

 

Seunghoon went back inside the private room he and his other friends book in a club. Rose is his childhood friend. His only childhood friend. She was the only girl who treated Sujin kindly at school, and the day Rose met Sujin, Sujin came home smiling wide and happily told Seunghoon all about her. For Sujin, she’s an angel on earth. She didn’t care Sujin was different, and she didn’t befriend her for attention too. She helped her school work, stay patient at Sujin’s rather easily distracted focus, accompany her all the time, ignore all the bully who eventually made her a target after Sujin.

 

She cried like half of her soul was taken at Sujin’s funeral. She stayed by Seunghoon’s side on his hard times. Truly an angel on earth.

 

Seunghoon gulps another shot but the alcohol’s sting on his tongue couldn’t shake off Jinwoo’s voice in his head. Something is wrong, he knows. But it’s Rose welcoming party, and his friends are playing a stupid game of beer pong in the table ahead. Leaving the party after Rose’s return in 2 years after studying abroad would be a dick move, even for Seunghoon.

 

“You can tell when someone lies, but you seriously have a lousy lying skill.” Rose sighed.

 

Seunghoon ignored her and lit a cigarette instead. Rose is good at reading him and it’s nothing new. Seunghoon learned to brush it off.

 

“So who is this Jinwoo guy?” She asked.

 

Seunghoon turns his head at her, surprised. He never talked about Jinwoo to her.

 

“Jaeho told me. He said you were looking up some painting model guy named Jinwoo. You’re no art enthusiast so why not just spill the beans now?” She asked, her coy smile decorating her face.

 

Seunghoon sighed. He knew Jaeho have a big mouth, but he thought he wouldn’t talk about such trivial matter to Rose. Now Seunghoon looked like some stalker.

 

“An employee,” Seunghoon said shortly.

 

“Your employee is a model?” Rose asked, eyes wide.

 

“Yeah. Maybe. I don’t know, he’s a newcomer in town. I employed him because he passed the test and he’s suitable but I know nothing about him, so I had him checked out. Can’t have a serial killer as my employee now, can I?” Seunghoon said, trying to make it sound as nonchalant as possible.

 

Rose laughed at him, confusing Seunghoon even more.

 

“Oh come on, if you suspect him being a criminal you wouldn’t even let him inside your cafe. Jaeho! Come here!”

 

Jaeho turns his head and heads closer to their table with a beer in his hand.

 

“What?”

 

“You still have a pic of this Jinwoo guy?” Rose asked.

 

Seunghoon gulped.

 

“Yeah, wait.” Jaeho pulls out his phone from his pocket and started to scroll down.

 

“Why are you so interested in this? He’s a nobody!” Seunghoon said, feeling nervous for no reason.

 

“Then why are you so worked up? Geez..” Rose said, slightly chuckling.

 

Jaeho handed his phone to Rose and a picture of Jinwoo’s painting is on view. It was a portrait, showing until his bare shoulders. He is so beautiful, the first time Seunghoon saw the pic, he could only imagine how lucky it is to be the painter.

 

“Holy..” Rose gasped.

 

Seunghoon cleared his throat and took another shot.

 

“This is your employee? He’s supposed to be in a model label, not under your sore thumb! Oh my god.. look at that face..” Rose said, eyes glued to the screen.

 

“You should have seen Seunghoon’s face when he first saw that pic, it was priceless.” Jaehyo laughed.

 

Seunghoon glared at him, and it’s enough to shut off his laugh.

 

“Stop being so scary! I mean, I was awestruck too at first, but you literally knew the guy and you gaped at a painting of his face. What was that..” Jaehyo sulked.

 

Seunghoon rolls his eyes. Jaehyo is a year older than him and he acts like a damn child. Sometimes Seunghoon wonders how did he manage to stay friends with this guy. He’s a complete chicken but somehow he was never truly afraid of the young bully Seunghoon. In fact, he’s one of the few that managed to stick with Seunghoon and scold him when he acted like an ass. And he almost never lies.

 

Seunghoon could feel Rose’s eyes on him and he purposely looks away. Jaehyo took his phone from Rose and went back to the ever-burning beer pong match. Seunghoon expected Rose to say something right about now, but nothing came out of her. She sighed after a full minute.

 

“Come on now, stop being difficult and go see the guy. Whatever he said to you, it’s probably a big deal to make you this nervous.” Rose said.

 

“I’m not nervous.”

 

“And defensive.” Rose chuckled. “The guy is giving me a good vibe. Whatever is going on between you two, I’m giving it a blessing.”

 

Seunghoon snorted.

 

“Who said I ever need your blessing?” Seunghoon snaps.

 

“Ever since I told you a thousand times that girl is gonna be a bitch and you fucking ignored me, Lee Seunghoon! She probably lied all the way along your relationship and you CAN TELL, why the hell did you even dated her? God, she even had the guts to fuck some guy in the same university too. If I ever met her god knows what I would do.” Rose said, fire in her eyes.

 

Seunghoon held back a laugh.

 

He didn’t have the answer to that. The house has been quiet at that time. Mom and dad spent less time at home, and the business was getting low. And she just... happened to come at the right time. So Seunghoon ignored all her lies and dated her. Sunghoon thought he’ll handle the girl. A bad choice indeed.

 

“So now listen to mama Rose and go see this sweet cupcake, ya hear me, crazy monkey?” Rose said with her wide grin back.

 

Seunghoon ignored her call of their pet name.

 

“Oh my god look at this dude. What is even holding you back? He lied about something?”

 

Seunghoon stayed quiet and he wonders how Rose still sighs at his expression, seeming to be able to read his mind.

 

“Look, if you’re trying to date a modern era mother Teresa, well I have damn bad news for you. People lie, Lee Seunghoon. We can’t all be squeaky clean. You wouldn’t even stress yourself over him if he’s a dangerous liar so I know he’s good at heart and you simply can’t accept his small lies. Look, who knows what made him like this? What if his life was a mess and that’s why he’s trying to cover his troubles? What if revealing his identity caused him danger before and that’s why he’s so protective?”

 

Seunghoon remembered the one-time Jinwoo slipped about his abusive past. He didn’t lie about that one thing, and Seunghoon still hasn’t dug up the true story. Something clenches his heart.

 

“Lying is bad. Always. You always get the bad karma back. But some people lie because it’s safer too, sometimes. And we gotta reach some depth about that person first before they would let us in. You were the same, Lee Seunghoon. Me too. Don’t you remember how long did it take us to get here? To this state? We lied to each other as if our lives depended on it.”

 

Seunghoon stared back at her unamused and flicks her forehead hard instead.

 

“Fuck—“ Rose grunted. When she opens her eyes as the pain subdued, Seunghoon is already leaving for the door. He stopped just before he left and turns his head to Rose.

 

“Welcome home, crazy witch,” Seunghoon said, a slight smile on his lips.

 

And Rose smiles back, knowing he’ll be okay now. After he left the room, Rose gulped another shot and talked to herself.

 

“I always knew I’m good at persuading people. I should be a psychologist.”

 

She laughed at her own words and Jaehyo, who happen to came to her table for another bottle eyed her suspiciously.

 

“Oh my god, did studying too much burned your brain in California?” he asked, face traumatized.

 

“Fuck off, Jaehyo. And tell me who’s the loser of that beer pong game? Oh my god, you guys are taking forever!” She shouted.

 

_____________

 

It took Mino at least half an hour to tell Seungyoon that he’s SERIOUSLY okay and they should continue playing on the empty beach. Seungyoon kept eyeing him, worried and brows furrowing, lips pouty. He finally got a small smile back after Mino’s hard attempt at comedy. He swore, if the beach was not empty, someone would’ve taken a video of him and soon he’ll be viral. Of stupidity.

 

“You stupid,” Seungyoon muttered under his breath, holding his smile.

 

Mino smiles wide, quickly pulling his hands and took him running closer to the wave. They play around like kids, no eyes watching and judging. They stayed close to the shore, playing with the water only as high as their ankles. Sitting on the warm sand, building things that might belong in a modern art museum which no one would understand. They imagine a made-up title and philosophy of their creations. They laughed out loud, not worried the neighbor would be pissed like at home. Before they knew it, the sun is close to setting.

 

Seungyoon suddenly rises from his seat and said a quick ‘wait here’ to Mino as he ran to the small bag he left under a tree, covered by their jackets. He took his phone and run back to Mino.

 

“Let’s take pics,” Seungyoon said, smiling excitedly. He sits back on his spot and took some silly faced selfies with Mino.

 

“Let’s take one with the beach as the background,” Mino said.

 

They both stands up and Seungyoon holds the phone as far as his arm could manage, so the beach could get in the pics. Mino ran closer to the beach so he could look small in the pics and his dorky pose made Seungyoon laughs. He walks closer in each pic taken and in the last one, he stands right behind Seungyoon and planted a kiss on his cheek. Seungyoon froze, his heart suddenly beating fast.

 

“How did it turn out?” Mino asked, breath too close to his ear and it causes him to shiver.

 

Seungyoon gulped and brings his phone closer to see the results. Mino stayed behind him, face still so close and Seungyoon glued his eyes to his phone. The pictures turn out great, he thought. Especially the last one.

 

 Mino turns his head back to the horizon and taps on Seungyoon’s arm, telling him to turn back too. Seungyoon looks back to see the sun setting, causing the sky to turn the prettiest shade of orange. They both gasped at the sight.

 

As the sun left, they decided to go back. The wind is getting chillier by the second.

 

They came back to the hotel wet and tired, the beach draining their energy. Seungyoon gets his towel and shower pack ready then turn his head to look at Mino.

 

“You wanna shower first?”

 

Mino looks at him, expression unreadable at first. But then he suddenly looks down at his phone, scrolling at anything, looking unsure.

 

“Wanna shower together?” Mino asked.

 

And Seungyoon thought he was dead. His heart actually stopped at his question and when it starts beating again, it’s as fast as a rabbit on a hot road.

 

He gulped. This hotel might have ghosts in it and it probably possessed Seungyoon because how on earth did Seungyoon actually say what he’s gonna say.

 

“Okay.”

 

And Seungyoon walks straight to the bathroom, not giving any glance to Mino because he’s sure he’s as red tomato right now. He went inside the bathroom, left the door slightly open and took a deep breath.

 

‘I’m dead. Yep. Right. Goodbye, world.’ He thought to himself.

 

‘Shower? Yeah right, it looks nothing like an invitation for a literal shower.’ Seungyoon muttered in his head as he put out his soaps and other necessities from his shower pack.

 

‘But wait..’ Something rings in his head.

 

Seungyoon didn’t bring condoms. Taehyun’s face and his mocking voice pop up in his head. Seungyoon mentally slapped himself. How could he even think this kind of situation won’t happen? But before he sorted his mind, Mino enters the bathroom. Seungyoon kept himself busy with unimportant things. Mino stripped his clothes behind Seungyoon in a relaxed manner, and he turns his head seeing Seungyoon still avoiding his eyes. Mino smiles with an idea in his head. He walks up behind Seungyoon and pulls on his wet shirt up. Seungyoon jolts and moves his arms uncomfortably, helping Mino to let go of his shirt. Mino throws the shirt somewhere behind him and turns Seungyoon’s body to face him. As expected, his slightly red face and avoiding eyes greets him. Mino chuckled and lift Seungyoon by his waist and sit him on the bathroom counter. Mino kissed him before he could say anything, pulling his knees apart so he can stand closer to his body. His lips taste slightly salty, the sea water staining it. Seungyoon soon kissed him back, his hands holding his neck. Mino slips a tongue and Seungyoon parts his lips eagerly. His tongue travels everywhere, not missing a spot inside his mouth. Mino runs his tongue on Seungyoon’s upper mouth wall and he let out a breathy moan.

 

“You have any..” Mino said, voice rough.

 

“No,” Seungyoon managed to say between his heavy breathing. Mino hums. Seungyoon got almost worried Mino is going to stop.

 

“Get some?” Seungyoon is half asking half demanding Mino to do so. But Mino chuckles and to Seungyoon’s surprise, suddenly lowers his hands to pull Seungyoon’s waist closer to him and grinds them together. Seungyoon gasps at the friction he just realized needed. Seungyoon could feel Mino’s hard member beyond his damp pants and he’s almost dizzy.

 

“Kinda hard to walk by now,” Mino said to his ears, and it almost frustrates Seungyoon because god damn, when did the room become so hot?

 

Seungyoon brought his hands to cup his face and bring it to his own, missing his lips already. Mino kissed him hard only to pull away sooner than Seungyoon’s wish. His hands travel upwards and Mino run a thumb pass his nipples which cause Seungyoon to whimper. Mino pampers his neck with kisses, hands still exploring his back and chest. Seungyoon closes his eyes, lips part at the small electrifying sensation on various parts of his body. Mino’s touches send so much thrill to his brain. Seungyoon lets go of his neck and let his hands explore the tattoo on his arms, tracing it like he wanted to.

 

“We can do something else,” Mino said, parting his lips from Seungyoon’s skin but keeping it so close.

 

Mino backs away from Seungyoon and pulls him to get down from the counter and stand on the floor. He kissed Seungyoon’s lips while his hands pull down Seungyoon’s pants. Seungyoon hissed at his pants band rub against his now hard cock. Mino gave him a last peck before going down to kneel, kissing along his chest and stomach. Seungyoon’s eyes widen, unsure of what to do. Mino stares at him from below.

 

“Is this okay?” he asked.

 

And Seungyoon had to use all of his willpower to prevent saying, ‘yes, please.’ In a desperate manner. He nodded instead. Mino smirks and that’s when Seungyoon knew he’s gonna be a mess.

 

Mino holds his cock at the base and Seungyoon already had to stop his hips from thrusting forward. Mino licks the tip teasingly, like tasting ice cream and Seungyoon gasped at the hot wet contact. He licked in random spots, from his tip until near the base.

 

Seungyoon tastes salty, also from sea water. And Mino likes it more than he should. He put the tip inside his mouth and sucked just enough to make Seungyoon cover his mouth, muffling his moan. Mino looks up and didn’t like what he sees.

 

“Hey put your hands away, I want to hear you.” He said with his smirk still intact.

 

Seungyoon looks at him, cheeks red and lips were swollen and damn, Mino is proud of what he did.

 

“Other rooms..” Seungyoon whispers, and Mino chuckles.

 

“I asked for this room because no one is in the room beside us.”

 

Seungyoon took a second to process what he said and snorts.

 

“You what?” Seungyoon asked in disbelief.

 

Mino grins with a naughty face.

 

“Come on now, bless my ears.” He said as he put Seungyoon’s length all the way inside his mouth.

 

“Fuck—“ Seungyoon gasped.

 

Mino sucks hard and pulls away, Seungyoon couldn’t hold back his moans.

 

He opens his eyes that shut at the first suck to look at Mino bobbing his head below him, and damn the view is so good from up there. Seungyoon grips at the counter like his life depended on it. He tried his hardest not to thrust forward when Mino licks under his cock, and alter his wants to swearing instead.

 

Seungyoon knew it’s not his best record of holding back, but Mino’s lips are doing a way too good of a job and he should warn him when his head is still working right.

 

“Stop, I’m close.”

 

Mino pulls away and looks at him

 

“You can do it inside if you want,” Mino suggested.

 

It’s like a fucking gift but Seungyoon really doesn’t think it’s the time. Yet.

 

“No, no. Not this time.” Seungyoon said.

 

“Alright,” Mino said, deciding he’ll do it the way Seungyoon want it.

 

He gave the slit a last lick, making Seungyoon almost lose his controls and stand up to kiss Seungyoon hard, his hands on Seungyoon’s cock moving quickly to give Seungyoon a finish he desperately needs. Seungyoon came on Mino’s hands with a loud strangled moan, his cum all over Mino’s stomach. He could feel all his pent-up imagination finally getting calm and he leans to the counter with his breath still ragged. Mino slows down his hands and kisses Seungyoon’s neck sweetly. Seungyoon brings up his hands to cup Mino’s face and kisses him again, wondering if the taste in his lips is how he tastes.

 

After a few lazy kisses, Seungyoon could feel Mino’s cock still hard on his thighs and he wonders how to help with that. It’s not like he didn’t want to blow him too, but Seungyoon never did it before and he’d rather do some ‘practice rounds’ first at home. So Seungyoon sneakily slides down Mino’s pants and pull him to under the shower, leaving his shorts on the floor. He turns on the shower, put some soap in his hands, and grab on Mino’s hard member by the base. Mino hissed at the touch and his eyes turn dark and lustful, just how Seungyoon liked it.

 

“This is your reward for being such a good boyfriend,” Seungyoon said while smiling and moving his hands the way Mino liked it.

 

The sound they made in the bathroom made the medium sized room lost all its innocence, and they ended up managing a quick shower and toss their tired bodies on the soft beds. The moon is visible from their window and Seungyoon closes his eyes to sleep with the last thing he saw being a beautiful Haenam sea bathed in moonlight.

 

 

 

 

 


	18. Broken Lights

 

 

 

 

A figure stands alone in a dark alley, his back hunched.

 

The night is high, the breeze cold and lonely.

 

__________

  
Jinwoo walks past the laughing, happy crowd in the bar. He tried to suppress his nicotine need and went upstairs to tend the bar instead. He tried his hardest to smile like he used to, act cheery like he used to. It startled him when Kyung closes in and asked if he was okay. This is the first time someone caught him not feeling well behind his act. Only Mino managed to read through him all these years. Jinwoo smiled and said he just needed some fresh air. On his way to go downstairs, passing the cheery crowd once again, a face took his attention.

 

A boy, probably in his early 20's.  And he looked like Min Hyuk.

 

Jinwoo took a second glance to find it's not him.

 

Jinwoo feels sick.

 

He walks faster to the stairs and guides his weak legs to the first floor. He opens the cafe door and is greeted by the dark room, light illuminating only from the windows. He's trying to run away from a suffocating feeling but the cafe only occupies his mind with more of Lee Seunghoon.

 

Lee Seunghoon.

 

This.. ‘empathy' for him, is slowly feeling more painful.

 

Jinwoo opens one of the window's curtain, looking at the town bathed in a mix of blue moonlight and yellow streetlights. It's getting late and there is almost no vehicle passing by. Not even the busy bar upstairs could disturb the quietness. The monarch is performing, minus Seungyoon. It feels different. Still good, Taehyun and Taeil singing in harmony and hypnotizing the customer to stay seated and chat for another song. But Jinwoo still likes it better if Seungyoon is around. He didn't know the boy well, but he likes him. He made the room slightly brighter every time he's around. A boy with a good vibe indeed.

 

And Jinwoo is asking himself why is he avoiding Seunghoon's topic even in his own head.

 

Jinwoo is bad at denying his heart, that much is true. That's why it's easy to accept he cares for the boy.

 

But he's bad at heartbreak.

 

What he had back then, when he was trying to call him, is called expectation.

 

And just like the old, wise words we always hear; it's the expectation that hurts us.

 

Jinwoo learned not to expect anything since Min Hyuk. Caring for someone is human nature, denying it is stupid. But expectation is a different cause. You want something back, you want things to reciprocate. Jinwoo had one night stands after Min Hyuk, lovely people he spent some of his heart in.

 

The man with the pretty eyes, one with the calming voice, the girl with a cheerful smile.. but he expected nothing more from them afterward. They're just a passing by boat that he lay his heart on for a short while and took it back before they leave. He expected Seunghoon to be the same.

 

Unknowingly, Jinwoo had hope in Seunghoon. The care he has for Seunghoon came with a tail. A small hope that Seunghoon might need his words as much as Jinwoo needed his words of reassurance and care. A small hope that Seunghoon would stay longer than other people whose face starts to blur in his head.

 

‘Why? He's not even a soft-hearted, calm, mature man. He's a boy. Aggressive and moody. Bad at expressing his heart. Stubborn. Impolite.'

 

Jinwoo tries to list more and more of his complain about Seunghoon.

 

The more he pulls them out, the more he felt his longing for his focused eyes on him. It hurts. Jinwoo took a seat at the chair beside the window, the light illuminating him in the dark room.

 

‘You're bad at love, Kim Jinwoo. What are you doing?' 

 

Jinwoo looked at the lonely street, no one there to divert his mind from Seunghoon.

 

‘Should I just leave?' he thought to himself.

 

‘Leave. Look for other towns. Start again. Shouldn't be hard.' his heart hurts.

 

‘Leave before Seunghoon become a bad memory. Leave before everything is a mess. Leave before someone leaves you first.'

 

Jinwoo tried to sugarcoat his idea with all the sugar in the world but it still comes out as a big bitter pill. How did leaving Seunghoon became such a nightmare? Starting over seems so much harder than the last time.

 

At some point, Jinwoo decided to kiss his self-restraint goodbye. Cut himself some slack, the way he calls it. He took a pack of cigarette he hides from an unused cabinet in the kitchen and walks his way to the back door. A small crack on the door let in the chilly night wind that cause a shiver down his spine.

 

A small part of his heart asked him to close the door and stay inside. But his head is too messed up for a hunch, and open the door further.

 

The alley is dark, the light on the very end above the trash bin is broken and Jinwoo wonders since when.

 

__________

 

  
Mino wakes up with a jolt in the middle of the night. his forehead sweating, breath ragged. He turns his head quickly to see Seungyoon still asleep and well beside him. he turns his head to the door and finds it still locked and secure. Mino lays his head on the pillow again, sighing to the ceiling.

  
What a damn creepy nightmare, he thought.

  
In his dream, he could see Jinwoo. Face pale and so weak. Mino ran to him, and as soon as he reaches him, he suddenly falls to the ground. Unmoving. And Mino wakes up with a jolt.

  
It's just a dream, Mino convinced himself. It's something our brain made up.

  
Mino reaches out for his phone on the table beside their bed. He scrolls swiftly and typed a simple message.

‘Hyung, you okay?'

Sent. Above it was Jinwoo's last message, answering Mino's notice about him going out of town.

The sent icon on his text somehow made Mino relaxes. He put the phone beside his pillow and try to close his eyes.

  
A trickle on his window made him open his eyes again.

  
It's raining.

 

 

__________

 

  
Jinwoo steps out of the door to the dark empty alley. He opens the cigarette pack and sniffs on it, smelling the sweet scent as he looks around the alley that felt eerier than usual.

 

But no one is around. And the door is right beside him, so if anything jumps on him, Jinwoo can just run back inside. It felt safe enough. The rain is still falling fast and dense, but a canopy above the alley protected him. Jinwoo shrugged and lit a cigar.

 

Jinwoo looks down at the cigarette between his hands and his thought wanders to when he considered quitting. Back when he still lived with Mithra and Mino, things were hard on him. He felt like a burden, heavy luggage the two hard-working artists had to bring everywhere. If he were to count it, the money he contributes to their living expenses must've been less than 15% of the total. He felt so powerless and heavy. It's hard to find a job in Seoul with no college degree. Mithra managed to make him a fake education certificate up till high school but that didn't help much. And he knew making a fake college grad is too big of responsibility and consequences to handle. So he worked small jobs, barely enough for him to pay for himself. He keeps the money Mino gave him as his model in his savings. He tried to tell Mino he should use Jinwoo's pay for their house needs instead but Mino insisted Jinwoo take it. The painting was sold pretty high, thus Jinwoo's pay was not small either.

 

The stress and guilt build and builds, and unknowingly Jinwoo smoked at least 2 packs a day. It's like his hand moved without him realizing. Lighting another after another. Mino pointed it out, once in one of their fights. How Jinwoo looks weak, eyes drowsy and body skinnier. Jinwoo lashed back at Mino back then because the younger is, in fact, a smoker too even though he knew so well that Mino smokes much less than him. He thinks Mino said he's trying to stop one day, saying if Seungyoon knew, he wouldn't like the habit. Jinwoo was almost envious, upon having someone as your anchor of doing things.

 

After the fight, Jinwoo took a good look in the mirror and he could actually see his lips looking darker, eyebags looking worse, and skin dark. Jinwoo gulps at the change, he almost missed it and it's scary how days could've passed without him seeing this if Mino didn't warn him about it. He tried to reduce the intake one day and he felt like shit. Any food and drink taste bad on his tongue. He's anxious and restless and the smallest body works tire him way more than it did before. He got genuinely scared and tried to stop for real, slowly. Reducing the amount bit by bit.

 

Jinwoo sighs.

 

‘I should stop. Spent months to reduce it to one per week, let's not break the record.' He told himself.

 

Jinwoo stubs the half-smoked cigarette to the wall and throws it to a near trash pile. He gave the pack the last sniff to motivate himself and a weird sound from the end of the alley startled him. 

 

 

__________

 

 

Seunghoon parks his car and went out of his car with his house's guard surprised eyes on him.

 

"Seunghoon-ssi, your parents have been—"

 

"Yeah, yeah." Seunghoon shrugged.

 

Seunghoon walks towards his house, his head calm and sure. He opens the tall door and immediately sees his mom and dad in the living room. His mom looks mixed between surprised and relieved to see him back. While his dad looks angry and ready to lash at him.

 

"Hoon, where have you been?" His mom said, already rising from her seat to approach Seunghoon.

 

Seunghoon suddenly drops to his knees and lower his head to the floor, stopping any words to come out from his mom any further.

 

His mom stops on his track, shocked to see her son kneeling before her.

 

"Hoon? What are you—"

 

"I'm sorry." He said, cutting his mom.

 

His father watched him with wide eyes.

 

"I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. I have never said this my whole life, even though I know both of you knew about this matter. I'm sorry." Seunghoon said, his lips starting to tremble. He lifts his head to look at both of his parents.

  
"I'm responsible for Sujin's death."

  
The sentence cause his mother to shudder on her feet.

  
"Hoon, Stop. Please don't say such things."

  
"I will. I have to," Hoon said, his voice sure.

 

"Again, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have taught her about the train and other things, trying to make her run away from home. If I didn't think about such ideas, she wouldn't have—" Seunghoon didn't manage to finish his words.

 

"I will repent for it my whole life. I will never forget Sujin in my every step, in my every moment. She was half of me. But for both of you, she is a daughter. And I am sorry for your loss, mom and dad."

 

His mom covers her mouth, eyes slowly evading Seunghoon's.

 

"And one other thing I need to say is more of a question for both of you."

 

Seunghoon gathered everything, every single courage in him to continue his speech.

 

"Ever since I was a little kid, I always doubted your love for Sujin. I always plant it in my mind that both you loved me more, and ignored Sujin for almost everything. And for years, I truly, fully, hated both of you for that."

 

A tear slipped his mom's eyes. His dad clenched his fist.

 

"I've wanted to ask about this for years, but if I remember Sujin's love for both of you, the way she always went against me to defend your actions... I simply lose the courage to finally have the real answer from both of you. Especially when deep inside, I still believe that you guys didn't love her the way she thought." Seunghoon looks down, his sight slowly blurry.

 

"Now, I am still not ready for it," Seunghoon said.

 

‘I'm sorry Sujin.'

 

"I'm not ready to lose all sort of affection I have for both of you. You're my parents. And between your unfair acts upon Sujin, you were still my guardian and home. I'm sorry for being a bad and rebellious son, but if there is anything you can never ask of me, is to forget my sister's existence."

 

Seunghoon bowed his head for one last time and stands up. His mom was clutching her chest, eyes red and tears raining down. His dad stayed seated, trying hard to avert his red eyes from Seunghoon.

 

"I'll come home, but not soon. Goodnight."

  
And with that, Seunghoon left through the same door he enters. Tears were now running free and fast from his eyes. He walked to his car and just before he opened it, running footsteps approached him. An elderly woman's voice called upon him.

 

"Seunghoon-ah.." She called.

 

Seunghoon wipes his tear stained cheeks before turning to see his and Sujin's nanny. She was the oldest and has been working for the family way before Seunghoon and Sujin were born. She was the grandmother figure they never had.

 

She smiles sweetly, and Seunghoon almost breaks. She is the biggest memory stack about Sujin and by simply looking at her Seunghoon remembers too many things. She handed a small box with both of her now wrinkled hands.

 

"How can you not come home on your birthday, hm? Here is your present, even though it's late."

 

Seunghoon looks down on the box and a single tear escaped the corner of his eyes. She saw it and smiles through her own watery eyes. Seunghoon took the box and opened it to see a pair of bracelets. Made with colorful strings, just like how Sujin used to make for Seunghoon.

 

"My eyesight is getting worse, so I don't know if I missed any knitwork so... but the other young nannies helped me make it, so it shouldn't be so bad.." She shyly said.

 

"It's perfect," Seunghoon whispers, trying not to let out his breaking voice.

 

She could feel how fragile Seunghoon is, way deep inside his strong shell.

 

"Seunghoon-ah.. we love you and Sujin so much... please be happy."

 

It's like a stab right through his heart's crack, and Seunghoon needed it so badly.

 

"Thank you." He whispers.

 

She hugs him with tears escaping her eyes, upon the long missed hug from the boy who used to be so small and cheerful. She wondered where he went, but she found out he's right here. Seunghoon hugs her back before he drops into pieces, the box of bracelets in his hands. Seunghoon let go of her and wipes on his cheeks before opening his car door and slid inside.

 

"I gotta go. Someone needs me." He said to her from his window.

 

She watched him go with a smile and a load of worry sipping away.

 

 

__________

 

 

Mino stands by his window, phone in his hands. Still no answer from Jinwoo. Mino liked the rain, but somehow tonight is different. It feels like the trickle is trying to tell him something. And Mino couldn't seem to erase the image of Jinwoo's face from his nightmare. Mino checks on the clock.

 

‘Maybe the bar is busy.' Mino tries to convince himself.

 

But it's better to be safe.

 

Mino dialed his number and waited for the ring to end and hear his familiar voice.

 

But nothing comes up.

 

He sighed and Seungyoon shifts on the bed, feeling the spot beside him cold and empty. Seungyoon's head immediately shot up, his breathing hitched. Mino looks at him and walks to the bed, embracing the boy before he panics at his absence.

"Ssh...It's okay, I'm here. Go back to sleep." Mino said calmingly.

"What's wrong?" Seungyoon asked, slurring in his hazy mind.

"Nothing.. the rain wakes me up."

Seungyoon hums and holds Mino's hand, and Mino tries to find the comfort between his slithering worry.

 

 

__________

 

 

It sounded like someone running. It's making Jinwoo uncomfortable as Jinwoo looks to his right, where a big trash bin supposedly lies under a tickling weak light. The light was put there to prevent criminals from using it as a hiding spot, but now with the light broken, he could see almost nothing. It's way too dark. He gulps.

 

But if anyone were to run, it only made sense if the sound came from his left. The end of the alley that leads to the open street. Jinwoo made sure no movement can be seen from around the trash bin and turn his head to his left. The yellow street light is still on, illuminating the street under the heavy rain. It's so damn quiet.

 

The street light flickers.

 

The thing about horror movies, where we always scream at the stupid protagonist who walks towards the mysterious sound, is that it's just movies.

 

Often times, when we experience the same thing, that's also what we thought. Those bad scenarios are made for movies. The relieving feel we achieved when we checked on it and find out that it was our cat or the wind, is what allows us to sleep later on. So really, those protagonists who went and check for the sounds? Are really doing what many people would've done too. 

 

Jinwoo walks closer to the streets, slowly and making as little sound as he could. More footsteps. Jinwoo stops in his tracks.

 

That could be many things. A robber trying to run away? Or a drunk man stumbling his way to home?

 

Jinwoo calms his breath and tries to focus his senses. He stands close to the wall, slowly nearing the alley's end. His reflexes are ready for anything...

 

But when he dips his head to look outside, no one is around. Only mister Jeon, the barbershop owner. That last footsteps were his, going out to lock his shop. Jinwoo frowns. The atmosphere still feels different.  Then he looks around some more and his eyes caught on the alley right in from of him. No lights. Every alley around this block is given lights at the end, just like the one he's standing in. It's off too. Jinwoo shifts his eyes to other alleys. It's pitch black. He turns his head to the opposite end, and it's all dark. His heartbeat thunders.

 

Someone is breaking all the lights.

  
‘Fuck,'

  
Jinwoo walks back to the back door, watching the streets and turning back his head to make sure no one is at the end of this alley. No movement. He reached the door and relief washed through him when he got inside and managed to lock the door shut. He doesn't know who, nor when, but something is weird in this town tonight and it's simply wise to stay inside.

 

 

Jinwoo turns his body to meet a figure in ragged clothes and long grey hair covering most of his face standing right in front of him.

 

 

  
Min Su.

 

 

__________

 

  
In a simple apartment in Seoul, Mithra is painting an eye. With flowers reflecting on it. He sips on the beer he put beside him, leaning back to take a good look at his work.

 

It reminds him of Jinwoo.

 

His last letter has been months ago.

 

‘Where the fuck is that kid?' He thought to himself. Mithra put down his drink as his eyes still fixated on his painting. His glass slips down from his grip and Mithra jolts. He miscalculated his hand's movement and the glass fell to the floor, broken to pieces.

 

Mithra frowns at the sight and looks back to his painting with an uneasy heart.

 

 

__________

 

  
Jinwoo was frozen. He couldn't even scream.

 

He almost forgot his face, but now seeing him right before him, all the memories about his man rushed through him.

 

His laugh.

His hit.

His madness.

 

  
His knife.

 

  
So many people died by the tip of that knife. Did he kill the Boss with it too?

  
Jinwoo gave his hands a quick glance, and the damn thing is right there. Glinting under the moonlight seeping from the window. Jinwoo is trembling. If he screams, that knife could go straight to his throat.

 

"Have you seen her?" 

 

Min Su's voice made him jolt. He sounded so calm and normal. If not for his appearance, Jinwoo would've thought it belongs to some random sane man. He looked at Jinwoo straight to his eyes, and Jinwoo tries his hardest not to run by instinct.

  
"Who?" He managed to say.

 

"Her... My daughter.."

 

What nonsense is this? Min Su had no family. Is his craziness even worse now? Jinwoo's head is spinning. This man can't be predicted, to answer or not to answer both can end badly.

 

"I.. I don't know," Jinwoo said, cold sweat on his hands.

 

"No, no. You must know. There is no one else left."

 

Jinwoo doesn't understand. He doesn't know how to respond anymore. His eyes start to water. Min Su walks closer and Jinwoo is ready to scream.

 

"Don't cry. I won't tell Sung Chul about it... So just tell me. Where is she?"

 

"I don't know.. I swear I don't.."

 

Min Su's shoulder drops.

 

"Why do you all lie to me? He said he'll give her back.. he said if I work well he'll give her back.."

 

Jinwoo frowns at his rambling. Who is he talking about?

 

Min Su cries. 

 

"He said he'll give her back... But he didn't... So I killed him... But now my daughter is still not back.. Why won't you bastards give her back to me?"

 

Jinwoo could feel his anger building up, and he's not sure whether to run now when he's wavering or stay still instead.

 

"I've done so many works... Isn't it enough??" he said, voice sounding angrier.

 

‘Shit, now he's focused again.' Jinwoo thought. Jinwoo raised his right hand, trying to calm him.

 

"Min Su, I'm not lying... I have never seen her.. I don't think she's here, maybe she's—"

  
Min Su pushed Jinwoo back and bang his back against the door before he could even react. His mouth was muffled by a piece of cloth Min Su held against his lips. Min Su's face was so close Jinwoo could see the hate in his eyes. He used his whole body to lock him and Jinwoo couldn't believe how strong he is.

 

"You dirty criminals, you should die with rats under the sewer and rot... What did I ever do to deserve this? You took my daughter and made me work your dirty business and still, after years, she's not back.."

 

Jinwoo tries to push him away, but immediately stops when he could feel a pointy end pushed against his abdomen.

 

"You and the other boy were so lucky.. so lucky... I should have killed you both that day he tried to run away.."

 

Jinwoo could remember what a mess Mino was the day after, it's like he loses half his sanity. Jinwoo's blood boils at the memory.

 

"What? Why are you looking at me like that? Why are you mad at me?" he whispers.

 

Jinwoo kept his glare at the man strong and burning. Nothing about the crazy man scared him anymore, if anything, Jinwoo wants him to know that.

 

"Don't.. you have no right... I've lost everything... You have no right to take everything from me... You little dirty dog, you should be thankful I didn't kill you in your sleep!!" he shouted, pushing the knife in his hands deep into Jinwoo as he screams to the piece of cloth pushed into his mouth.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	19. Bloody Rain

 

 

 

 

Jinwoo screams against the muffling cloth in his mouth and feels the sharp pain of a knife stabbed to his abdomen breaking him apart. His legs wobble and Min Su's tight press on his whole body is the only thing keeping him standing.

  
"Now there is only one.. one.. one.."

  
Jinwoo could feel his heart beating so fast and blood dripping out.

  
"Only the errand boy.. the errand boy.. let's wait in his house.. his house.." Min Su kept mumbling while keeping his blade deep in Jinwoo's stomach.

 

He backs away from Jinwoo, pulling his knife with him. When he backs away a few steps, the blood on his knife drips to the floor. Jinwoo's legs fail him as his knees fall to the ground. His hand immediately moves to cover his wound and he could feel blood gushing out. His body is falling forwards but his other hand managed to hold. More blood drips to the floor.

 

He feels dizzy.

  
And colder.

  
Min Su walks away from him, heading to the door. Errand boy?

  
Mino...

  
Jinwoo forces his face to look up at him and yell his last energy.

  
"Stay away from him or I'll fucking kill you!"

  
It hurts. His move shots a sharp pain to his wound and he almost passes out. Min Su stops on his track and turns his head.

 

 

"No. You know you can't."

 

 

Min Su answered, voice cold and clear he almost sounded sane and it brought a shiver down Jinwoo's spine. Min Su walks out from the cafe through the back door and disappears into the night. Jinwoo watches as horror washed through him, imagining what he could do to Mino.. and Seungyoon...

 

Jinwoo tries to speak but only soft calls managed to slip through his lips. The banging of music still drums on the walls upstairs and nobody would be able to hear him. Many things went past Jinwoo's head. 

 

Mino. What will happen to him if Jinwoo dies and fail to warn him before it's too late? Then what will happen to Seungyoon?

 

Or, what if something happens to Seungyoon? Mino wouldn't make it...

 

Mithra.. he tried so hard to keep all three of them together and living but here he is, leaving the poor lonely man alone in a big city. Does he still drink while painting? Does he still keep Mino and Jinwoo's picture they once took in a small photo booth? Mithra never talked about it, but Jinwoo happened to saw it once when the man opened his wallet to pay for groceries. Jinwoo also knows that behind their picture, is a picture of Tablo and him when they were teenagers, still living on the island.

  
A tear falls past the corner of Jinwoo's eyes, and the sob that slips past his lips cause pain in his abdomen. He blood keeps coming out and Jinwoo couldn't imagine surviving this. But he has to. He doesn't want to die. Not like this. Not now.

 

He forces his body to move and tries to crawl his way to the stairs.

  
It hurts.

  
It's getting colder by the second.

  
It's dark and Jinwoo hates it.

  
A clicking sound by the cafe front door made his heart skip.

  
Someone is here. Help? Or Min Su?

  
Wait, the person is using keys.. that means...

  
Jinwoo is now breathing through his mouth, feeling his lung hurting as he starts to cough. Footsteps walk in, and it doesn't sound like Min Su. Jinwoo almost cries upon seeing the silhouette he knew too well to mistake.

 

"Wha—Jinwoo?" the person shouted, shocked and confused.

 

He rushes to the light switch and the blinding ray cause Jinwoo to hiss and turns his head to the floor. The man runs to his side, swearing as he does and pulls Jinwoo to his lap, eyes widen at the blood on his stomach.

  
"Fuck, what is this? What is—" he panics, and it's the most expression Jinwoo ever saw from him.

  
"Seunghoon," Jinwoo calls, which cause the man to focus his eyes on Jinwoo's.

  
"Please, tell him to run.." Jinwoo whispers.

  
"What? Who?" Seunghoon asked, confused and on edge.

  
Jinwoo is losing his focus, Seunghoon's face is starting to look blurry.

  
‘No, please... let me see him more... I have so many things to say..' Jinwoo thought.

  
Everything turns dark, and Seunghoon's voice calling for his name sounding farther and farther.

  
‘Please save Mino..'

 

___________

 

  
Mino wakes up with a jolt, cold sweat beading on his forehead. He turns his head to the window now showing sunlight. The shower is on and Seungyoon is not beside him. Mino wakes up with his dizzy head and reaches out for his phone by the small table. His heart thunders anticipating bad news. But no news came at all, and the dark hole in his head is only growing bigger. Something is wrong, he can feel it in his bones. It's 8 in the morning. Where is Jinwoo?

 

The shower shuts and soon after, Seungyoon came out with a white shirt and jeans, hair damp and smelling like fruits. He founds Mino sitting upright on the bed, face looking down with his phone on his ears. Seungyoon feels the heavy unsettling mood from his face and sits in front of him, waiting.

 

Jinwoo's phone didn't answer and Mino puts it down with a cold face. Seungyoon is almost scared to make any sound, but he decided to ask anyway.

 

"Is everything okay?"

 

It took a second until Mino sighs and answered,

 

"I don't know."

 

Seungyoon tries to read his face and wait for him to continue.

 

"Jinwoo hyung... I've been trying to catch up on him since last night, but he's not answering. It's unusual."

 

Seungyoon frowns at the information. Jinwoo works at the bar, and also the cafe. It's natural for Mino to worry that he's not answering until now. Jinwoo hyung stays up late and wakes up early, why wouldn't he answer? Especially when the case of Min Su's appearance is still unsolved. Seungyoon storms his head, trying to find a way to help. Taehyun's face pops up in his mind again.

 

"I'll call Taehyun. The band have a schedule last night, I'll ask if he saw Jinwoo hyung." Seungyoon said, immediately reaching for his phone on the small table.

 

Mino looks up to him, eyes hopeful. Seungyoon taps in his contact and presses the call button swiftly, putting it on speaker. After a few rings, Taehyun picks up sounding heavy with sleep.

"Ung?"

 

"Nam? Wake up, I gotta ask you something."

 

Taehyun is alarmed by Seungyoon's rather uncalm voice which is unusual.

 

"Um, what?"

"Did you see Jinwoo hyung last night?" Seungyoon asked, right to the point.

"Uh.. yeah I did.. why?"

 

Seungyoon almost sighs in relief, knowing at least he's still around the bar.

 

"He's okay? Working like usual?"

Mino listens intently, glad Seungyoon asked what he did.

"Well.. yeah.. but, you know, something happened last night.." Taehyun said, voice slowly clearer. His words cause Mino and Seungyoon to share a nervous glance.

 

"What thing?"

  
"The bar closes suddenly... Kyung asked all the customer to leave early because an ‘unfortunate event' has occurred and the bar will have to close up early. He told them to go home in pairs and be careful.. he told us to go back too, and he didn't give us any explanation.. just told us to be careful and go straight home. He sure looks panicky and pale, though.. I wonder what's up.." Taehyun said, ending it with a sleepy yawn.

 

Seungyoon looks at Mino with worried eyes, while Mino looks down at his phone.

 

"Where are you, still at home?" asked Taehyun.

"Uh, yeah... Look, I'll call you later, okay? I gotta take care of something." Seungyoon said.

"Mm, okay.. take care, Yoon."

Seungyoon hums and cuts the call. Mino is still looking down at his phone, frowning. Seungyoon looks at him and talks calmly.

 

"Let's go back, shall we?"

Mino looks up to him, frowning and stressed out early in the morning.

"No, no. We're here to have a vacation, it's hard for you to get time off. Maybe he.. maybe he's asleep, or he's out for groceries—" Mino said, and Seungyoon cuts him off.

"Mino, something is off back home and we both know it. Isn't this why you woke up last night? it's fine, let's just go get a train and head back home, I'm worried about Jinwoo hyung." Seungyoon insisted.

Mino sighed and run a hand past his hair, looking out at the window.

 

"Why do I feel like I always ruin your time?"

Seungyoon smiles and strokes his cheek with his thumb.

"What are you even talking about," Seungyoon said.

Seungyoon turns his head by his chin and kisses his lips, which Mino returns eagerly.

"Go wash up, I'll browse for the tickets," Seungyoon said as he let go.

Mino stares at his face, thankful. He leans down to rest his forehead on Seungyoon's shoulder and were given gentle strokes on his spinning head. Mino inhales his sweet, fresh shower smell and plant a kiss on his neck before getting up and get ready for a shower.

 

___________

 

  
Seunghoon is outside the emergency operating room, hands and clothes still stained in red blood. His eyes are getting heavier and heavier but his head won't let him sleep as the doctor are still not out of the operating room.

 

 

_Seunghoon holds his grip tight at Jinwoo's shoulder, calling his name over and over. But Jinwoo's eyes are losing its focus and he stopped talking. Footsteps can be heard going down the stairs and Seunghoon immediately shot up his head. Kyung showed up, his eyes widen at Jinwoo's unmoving figure._

_"Kyung!! Get here, quick!" Seunghoon shouted._

_"Wha—Boss?? What happened?" Kyung immediately runs down the stairs._

_"Call an ambulance! Now!"_

_Kyung nodded, trying to grab on his phone with shaking hands. He put the phone to his ears and looks at the blood now spreading fast on Jinwoo's stomach._

_"Fuck... I.. I didn't hear a thing.." Kyung muttered under his breath._

_The emergency line picked up and Kyung asked for assistance._

 

_Seunghoon looks down to Jinwoo's wound and back at his face. He's breathing. But it's too slow and uneven, and Jinwoo is looking paler by the second. Jinwoo's eyes close slowly. Seunghoon brought his palm to Jinwoo's cheek, tapping it slowly._

_"Hey, don't let go. Don't let go, okay? Help is coming soon, stay here. Open your eyes, can't you open your eyes?"_

 

_His heart is beating so fast, his stomach feeling sick. Kyung finished calling for help and ran to the kitchen and came back with a clean towel._

_"Boss, push on his wounds!" He ordered._

_Seunghoon took the towel and Kyung slowly tries to let go of Jinwoo's grip on his shirt. Seunghoon replaces his hand with the towel and Jinwoo jolts at the sharp pain. Kyung winced at Jinwoo's looks and pained expression._

_"Ssh... I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry.." Seunghoon whispers over and over to him, hoping he could still hear his voice._

_The ambulance came after a few minutes that felt like hours and they bring Jinwoo with them._

_"Call the police and close up the bar, stay here with the other employee until the police came, and don't even try to go home by yourselves!"_

_"Yes, Boss. Please be careful! I'll follow you as soon as things are calm," Kyung said_

_Seunghoon nodded and join Jinwoo in the ambulance. The medics are putting on all sorts of things on him and Seunghoon only managed to slip a hand to hold Jinwoo's now cold fingertips._

 

 

  
He's been inside for hours. Too many things are to be thought about, and Seunghoon is almost dizzy. What to go through first?

 

Who.

 

A robber? Nothing looks stolen. Everything is in their place. The town is not without criminals, but a stabbing never happened before. If a psychopath were to wander around town, people are bound to notice and news spread fast. 

His words rang in Seunghoon's head.

 

_"Tell him to run"_

 

Who? Was the criminal someone he knows? And who is he trying to warn? Seunghoon feels like he should be doing something but he doesn't what to do and where to look.

"Boss!" Kyung's voice calls from the hospital halls. He runs his way towards Seunghoon with a rather big bag on his shoulder.

"He's still in?"

"Yeah. How is the bar?"

"All clear, we close up early without any commotion and it seems nobody ran into trouble last night. The police came soon after and checked on some stuff. Probably gonna be here after a while." Kyung explained.

"Alright. Thanks, Kyung." Seunghoon sighed. He massages his temple and Kyung watches him worryingly.

"Um, Boss, you can go home if you want. To clean yourself and get some rest. I'll wait on Jinwoo hyung," Kyung assured.

Seunghoon looks up to Kyung and is extremely grateful for how dependable he is. But Seunghoon needs to be here. And he'll wait.

"Thanks, but, I'll just wait.." Seunghoon shrugged.

Kyung watches as his tired looking Boss keep his place on the cold hospital seat.

 

"Well, I kinda thought you would say that and I brought some stuff.." Kyung lowers his bag on the chairs.

Seunghoon turns his head to see what he's talking about. Kyung opens the bag and shows a bunch of clean clothes.

"I brought you some clothes, and here is a shower pack. You still need to clean those blood on you, at least. And here are some bread I picked up on the way, you should eat." Kyung explained.

Seunghoon feels fragments of warmth despite the cold hospital walls trapping him and the tremble in his fingertips. He smiles what he could manage to Kyung and whisper thanks. Kyung smiles back, despite the worry and fatigue in his eyes too. Seunghoon tries to remember if this kind of warmth was always around. Maybe he's been frozen for too long.

"Just call me Seunghoon outside of work."

 

 

Seunghoon let the cold water wash down the blood on his body and color the tiles red. He watched it flow down the drain, leaving his skin like it was all a lie. But it's not. Because Jinwoo is still inside of the operating room, no conclusion, no witness, no answers. Seunghoon closes his eyes.

 

Who is it?

 

Who has to run?

 

Who's in danger?

 

Jinwoo is out of Seunghoon's plan. He's like a single Christmas bell that rolls on the floor when you're cleaning the house in summer. Out of place. Alone. No one else around like him.

 

Except... There is one...

  
Seunghoon's eyes shots open.

 

  
_"Yeah, he's a childhood friend! He just moved to town. Can I see him for a bit? I've done the dishes." Jinwoo asked with a cheerful tone._

 

 

That guy.. who came to the cafe one morning.

 

  
Seunghoon finishes his shower, borrowing the nurse's chamber, as quick as he could. Seunghoon runs back to Kyung, still sitting in front of the emergency room with a frown on his face. He's holding Jinwoo's phone. Seunghoon approached him, catching his breath.

"Uh, Seunghoon, I charged Jinwoo's phone just in case he needs it when he wakes up and this number immediately called," Kyung said, nervous.

Seunghoon took the phone from his hands and push on the answer button.

  
  


___________

 

  
Seungyoon is queueing to pay the ticket he booked earlier, while Mino waits for their luggage. He looks at his phone's screen which keeps disappointing him. Jinwoo hasn't been answering any of his calls. Not even a message. It could be so many things, he could've broken his phone. He could've overslept even though it is unlikely. He could have...

  
He could also be caught in an accident.

  
He could also be kidnapped.

  
And hundreds of other scenarios.

  
Mino sighed. For at least the twentieth time today. Jinwoo is his brother, his only brother. The only person that's close to a blood-related family out there. And he knows Jinwoo feels the same. Seungyoon is still behind one person before the counter and Mino decided to give his phone another chance. He presses the call button beside Jinwoo's name.

One ring.

  
Two 

  
Three

  
Four

  
Mino is almost tired and pissed but the ringing stopped and his heart almost stops with it.

  
"Hello?"

  
Not Jinwoo's voice. Mino could feel his whole body freezing. No.. Please...

"Hyung?"

  
"No, this is Lee Seunghoon. You're his friend right, the one that came to town? Where are you?" the voice, Lee Seunghoon asked.

  
"Wha—Yeah I'm Song Mino. I'm out of town, on my way to go back. Where is Jinwoo hyung? What happened?" Mino knows his voice is raised, and people are probably starting to turn their heads but that's not important.

  
"Alright, listen up. Someone stabbed him last night,"

 

Everything is a blur. Mino lost his voice.

 

"He's in the hospital now, and the police is already spread looking for the culprit. When I found him, Jinwoo asked me to tell you something,"

 

Stabbed. He's hurt. In the hospital and he's not the one answering the phone. He's not conscious. Mino could feel his lungs closing in and it's harder to breathe by the second.

  
_"Tell him to run"_

  
"Jinwoo wants you to run."

 

___________

 

  
_Jinwoo sees a table full of food. All things he likes. He puts a rice in his mouth with a chopstick, tasting the sweet warmth in his tongue. A hand strokes his head lightly, and Jinwoo turns his head to look up to the figure beside him._

_A woman._

  
_Jinwoo couldn't see his face... it's too bright._

  
_Mom?_

  
_"Mom?" Jinwoo calls._

 

_But she walks away instead, heading to the small kitchen in front of the table, washing something._

  
_Jinwoo feels his tears running down._

  
_"Mom?" He calls again, voice breaking._

  
_Jinwoo cries hard, hands covering his eyes and face. His chest hurts._

  
_He can't remember what she looks like._

 

_"No.. please... let me see her face.."_

 

_Jinwoo tries to get up but he can't. Something is holding him back._

 

_"It's the only thing left.."_

 

___________

 

"Jinwoo?"

A voice calls for his name, and suddenly Jinwoo could feel the cold air around him. The wet trail of his tear still on his cheeks. His eyelid slowly opens and white is all he can see. Hospital? 

"Jinwoo? Kyung, hurry and call the docs!"

His heart suddenly beats way too fast. Everything is coming back to him. The pain, the cafe...

 

Min Su.

 

Jinwoo groans at the pain in his stomach when he tries to move. A warm hand is immediately on his cheek, and Jinwoo's eyes slowly focus.

"Hey, don't move... Easy... You're in a hospital, and you're not supposed to move just yet.."

Jinwoo could feel the oxygen mask on his face and is still trying to push himself to talk.

"Mino," he whimpered.

"Yeah, I know, I called him already and he's okay.. just, stay still, alright?"

Jinwoo finally realizes it's Seunghoon's voice. Slowly, his face by his side looks clear and Jinwoo couldn't have asked for someone else to be around. He could hear the door opened and some people going in. Seunghoon looks up and backs away from Jinwoo, and Jinwoo grunts to call him back. Seunghoon quickly looks back at him and hold his hands.

"I'm right here, okay? The doctors will check up on you for a bit. I'm right here.." He whispers close to him.

 

___________

 

"What? No!" Seungyoon yelled.

Mino sighs, already predicting his answer.

"Just— listen to me, will you? Jinwoo is stabbed, and it's 100% Min Su! He out there, free and running about, I can't bring you with me! I want you to stay home and wait for me to come home!"

 

What if you don't? The question is flying about in Seungyoon's head but he can't let it out.

 

"Min Su around us is the main reason I have to go with you!"

 

What if he hurt you? What if you lose yourself?

 

"What if you run to him again? What if you--"

Seungyoon stops his own sentence. Mino's stare turns dark.

"What if I what? _Kill_ him?"

"What? No! That's not what I meant!" Seungyoon pleads.

"That is exactly what you meant." Mino spat.

"You don't trust me, do you?" Mino said, bitter in words.

"No, I trust you... Please, don't be like this," Seungyoon tries to grab his arm but Mino backs away.

 

It was a small gesture, but perhaps Mino didn't realize how much it breaks Seungyoon. Mino avoids his eyes, his fist clenching on his sides.

 

"I'll get you a taxi. Go home, and wait for me." Mino said, avoiding his eyes.

 

Seungyoon is close to tears, realized a fraction of Mino's words might have been true. But Seungyoon is more worried than untrusting. He's scared Mino might lose himself in anger and danger, and Seungyoon is not sure Mino could make it back whole if he did something unrepairable to Min Su. And he can't do this alone anymore. He can't bear to see his nightmares coming true.

 

Of Mino coming back only to disappear again.

 

The station is empty, the big building echoing wind sounds. Rain showers the town in thick pours, making their eyesight narrow. A taxi pulls over at Mino's call, and before it comes right in front of them Seungyoon pulls on Mino's arm to face him.

 

Mino looks at him with slight disappointment still intact.

 

"I'm sorry." Seungyoon whispers.

 

Mino stares into his eyes for a few seconds then sighs.

 

"No. I'm sorry. You're right for doubting me, I'm..," Mino stops and tremble is present in his jaw, "I'm out of control."

 

Seungyoon caresses his cheeks and hesitates before planting a kiss on his lips. Mino kisses him back, hard and longing. As if they have been separated for weeks. Seungyoon let go and whispers,

 

"I just want you to be back, that's all. Come back to me. Come back as you. Alright?"

 

Seungyoon kisses him again.

 

"Don't leave me alone." Seungyoon whispers.

 

___________

 

"I told you! I fucking told you he has to run! Why is he coming back here?? What exactly did you tell him??" Jinwoo yelled, immediately wincing at the sharp pain in his stomach.

"God, I told you don't move and listen to me! You have a freaking hole in your stomach just done being stitched out, why can't you stay still? Huh?" Seunghoon yelled back, frustrated at Jinwoo's act.

Kyung is peeling an apple on the corner of the room, slightly afraid at their debate.

"Shit—" Jinwoo hissed, the pain on his abdomen getting more and more excruciating by the second. The anesthetic drug slowly leaving his body.

"See? I fucking told you.." Seunghoon muttered, while his face frowning at Jinwoo, like worry written on his forehead with a big marker.

 

Kyung watches as they spat swears to each other but Seunghoon's hand is still on Jinwoo's. Holding it tightly. Kyung doesn't understand them at all. He told them he's going to the restroom for a bit, but really, he just needs some fresh air from their fights.

 

Jinwoo sighs, realizing his effort to move is not doing any progress.

"So? What did he say?"

"He's already on his way here when I called. I told him exactly what you wanted, told him to run. Told him what happened to you. But he said that he's coming here anyway. Said something along of, ‘no place to run'."

Jinwoo stares at the ceiling then shuts his eyes. Too much headache for someone who just wakes up from a goddamn operation.

"You still have my phone?"

Seunghoon hums and reaches for the table with his free hand.

"Want me to call him?" Seunghoon asked.

"Yeah,"

 

Seunghoon taps on the buttons and looks for Mino's number. Jinwoo turns his head and looks at Seunghoon, brows furrowing with full concentration. Jinwoo suddenly feels bad for yelling at him.

 

"Sorry," Jinwoo mutters.

Seunghoon looks up from his phone, a tad bit surprised at the sudden apology.

"What?"

"Sorry. I'm being an ass to my savior." Jinwoo said, voice low out of embarrassment.

Seunghoon snickers and turns his gaze back to the phone, and Jinwoo is glad to see that part of him.

 

"I'm serious. Sorry." Jinwoo said, more certainty in his voice this time.

"It's fine," Seunghoon answers calmly.

"And thanks. Thank you so much." Jinwoo adds, his eyes starting to water without him realizing.

Seunghoon looks up to him again, and he smiles slightly at Jinwoo. Jinwoo feels something warm in his chest.

"You're welcome."

 

The phone starts to ring for Mino's numbers.

 

___________

 

Mino is inside another taxi, looking outside the window. Trying to look past the stream of rain on the glass, watching every alley he passes by. His phone vibrates on his pocket and Mino hurriedly picks it up. It's Jinwoo's phone. He presses the answer button and brings it up to his ear, expecting to hear Seunghoon's voice.

 

"Where the fuck are you?" It's a voice he knows too well to mistake.

"Hyung??" Mino yells at his phone, "You're awake??"

"I said, where the fuck are you?" Jinwoo snapped.

In the hospital room, his face winced at the excessive force that sends caused pain to his stomach. Seunghoon strengthens his grip on his hand.

 

"I'm on my way to the hospital by taxi, I'm close already, what's wro—"

"Where is Seungyoon?" Jinwoo cuts him off.

"Seungyoon is at home, hyung what's wrong?" Mino asked, lost at the situation.

 

Shiver runs through Jinwoo's spine.

 

 

_"Only the errand boy.. the errand boy.. let's wait in his house.. his house.." Min Su kept mumbling..._

 

 

"Mino, listen to me. Go home right now, go to Seungyoon." Jinwoo's hands shake terribly, gripping the phone with all his might.

 

Mino could feel the time slowing down as Jinwoo told him something darker than any ocean depth he could drown in.

 

"Min Su is at your house."

 

___________

 

Seungyoon twists his wet doorknob and went inside his house. It's dark and quiet and Seungyoon hates it. He walks in after locking back the door, not bothering to light any lamp as he opens his jacket and throws it to the couch. Seungyoon walks to his room, the house still completely dark. He's going to stay in his room anyway, he thought. He sits on his bed, eyes looking to the floor. The room is only lit by the uncurtained window beside his bed.

 

It's so quiet. It seems the neighbors are out, too. The loud rain is muting any other sound. His room is only filled with rain. And Seungyoon came to remember how he hated the rain. He almost forgot how it felt to hate the rain since Mino comes around. It's never this lonely anymore. Seungyoon feels his eyes getting blurry and he let it be. He let the color of his carpet and everything else turns to a shade of mixed colors. His sight grows crystal clear when the teardrop falls down. And that's when Seungyoon sees it.

 

Wet patches on his carpet.

 

Footsteps.

 

Seungyoon's heart thunders in his chest, his eyes widen and it follows the trail outside of his room. A trail of thunder is coming, and Seungyoon is ready to stand up. When the loud thunder blares he quickly gets up from his seat and shut his bedroom's door. His hands tremble at the doorknob, turning the key to lock himself inside. He keeps his ears close to the wooden door, trying to listen to any sound that comes up. When it does, Seungyoon could feel his heart stopping and his head dizzy.

  
Someone is in the kitchen.

 

 

 

 


	20. Under the Stars

 

 

 

Seungyoon covers his mouth with his hands, trying to suppress his breathing sound. His heart beats so fast he could hear it in his ears. He backs away from the door as quietly as he could, trying to think. He was about to look for his phone when he remembers he put in on his jacket's pocket and he left the jacket outside. He tries to calm down and focus on his hearing. No more sound from the outside.

 

Seungyoon looks around his room, realizing some of his drawers are opened. What was Min Su doing? Was he looking for weapons?

  
"Seungyoon-ah?" A voice suddenly calls out, right in front of his room and Seungyoon almost falls back.

 

How did he know my name, Seungyoon thought. How long has he been watching them? How close?

 

"Seungyoon-ah?" he calls again, singing his voice.

 

Seungyoon's hands are trembling. That's him. That's Min Su. Seungyoon is sure of it. How long has he been waiting here? Where did he hide? In the empty counter at the kitchen? The bathroom?

 

Has he been waiting with a knife in his hands?

 

What would have happened if Seungyoon didn't see the footsteps? Would he jump on him when Seungyoon is almost asleep? Seungyoon considered jumping out of the window but he's three stories up and he's bound to break something if he jumps, probably gonna be his legs. If he can't run, Min Su will catch him just the same. Might be even worse...

  
"Seungyoon-ah.. Where is Mino?"

  
Seungyoon gulps, looking around for a weapon. His table is full of stationeries but none of it are—

 

A cutter.

 

Seungyoon took the cutter and hold it with a strong grip, checking if it's still filled. There are still blades inside, but it's small and corroded. A tap on his door made him jump.

 

_Tap, tap, tap._

  
"Seungyoon-ah? Can I come in?"

  
It's a knife.. he's tapping the door with a knife. Seungyoon could tell it's metal by the sound. Seungyoon is trembling, but he tries to get ahold of himself. His eyes wander around his room again, and it landed on his electric guitar. The body is made of sturdy wood and metal as its neck.

 

He put the cutter back and took hold of his guitar instead.

 

Min Su grabs the doorknob and turns it, unsurprised to find it locked. He suddenly bangs hard on the door with his fist.

 

"Open the fucking door!" He suddenly shouted, voice loud and piercing he almost sounded like a different person.

 

Seungyoon flinches, strengthening his grip on his guitar. His door is frail, and if Min Su is as strong he predicted, a full force kick would be able to break it down. Seungyoon took a breath, steadying his stand.

 

____________

 

Jinwoo is groaning in pain, doctors surrounding him. He almost fell off the bed, trying to get up and his stitch is almost breaking apart. The doctors are trying to calm him and get him to sleep, with Seunghoon gritting his teeth on the corner of the room. He called the police to Seungyoon's place already but he can't guarantee if they will come on time. Their report is based on ‘maybe', nobody really saw him and it's not Seungyoon himself who reported that someone is in his house. The police were skeptical.

 

The doctor approached Seunghoon before leaving the room,

 

"Please make sure he stays still, being so reckless will worsen his condition. His post-operative result was already worrying in the first place, so I beg for your assistance."

 

Seunghoon nodded and wait for the doctor to leave before approaching Jinwoo who is laying on the bed with breathing still uneven.

 

"I've called the police, let's just wait."

 

"What if they don't make it in time?" Jinwoo whispers, his voice weak and brittle.

 

"Mino will make it. Either of them will. There is really nothing else we can do but wait. Please, don't hurt yourself.." Seunghoon pleads.

 

Jinwoo feels so useless, powerless. Why is he always like this? He's always the powerless one. Every time something comes up, he's always the one that only makes things worse. Even now, when he tries hard to run away from Mino and Mithra, trying to reduce their weight.

 

"Jinwoo," Seunghoon calls, and Jinwoo turns his eyes to see Seunghoon's scared one.

 

A tear slips away from his eyes, looking at how Seunghoon tries hard to calm him down despite his own thundering heart. He's tired. He must be so confused yet here he is, still trying to be a solid leaning wall for Jinwoo.

 

"What's wrong?" Seunghoon whispers.

 

"Everything.."

 

Seunghoon stays still at his answer, knowing words couldn't fix anything but what can he do when words are the only thing he has?

 

"Bear with it just a little more while, okay? things will get better, they always do." Seunghoon said, stroking Jinwoo's hair.

 

"No, they don't. Time does nothing. Everything is still the same, everything is a mess."

 

Seunghoon doesn't know what Jinwoo meant, but the look in his eyes and his trembling voice reveals how the world has been treating Jinwoo. And it is the exact opposite of kind.

 

"I'm sorry." Seunghoon whispers.

 

Jinwoo's jaws trembles from trying hard to hold his cry. He wants to be free. He wants to feel being unchained and uncovered in lies. There are way too many things inside, he couldn't contain it anymore. They're eating him slowly, ripping away his sanity. But what will happen if he let it all loose? Will it break him in the process? Will it push Seunghoon away? But leaving it inside only has one answer and it's a downfall. His mind is close to shutting down and he can feel it.

 

‘Last time. this will be the last. If things break, I won't do this again.' Jinwoo thought, ‘I won't trust anyone ever again.'

 

"Do you bring a coin?" Jinwoo asked out of the blue, voice still shaky.

 

Seunghoon is taken aback, but reaches for his pocket anyway and pulls out a single coin.

 

"Heads," Jinwoo said.

 

Seunghoon stares at Jinwoo, unsure if Jinwoo is strong enough to do this now, and why is he doing this now. But he flips the coin anyway and tails come up.

 

"Flip it again," Jinwoo asked, and Seunghoon complies.

 

Heads come up.

 

Jinwoo took a deep shaky breath. Seunghoon took a seat beside his bed and hold Jinwoo's hands. Jinwoo looks at him straight to his eyes, and Seunghoon could feel his mask breaking down to nothing. At that exact moment, Lee Seunghoon is truly facing Kim Jinwoo. No masks attached. No lies sewn between them.

 

"I won't ask anything of you. This doesn't make you have any obligation to me. Do whatever you want, just—" A tear slips past Jinwoo's eyes as he recounts his past.

 

"Just listen to me," Jinwoo said, almost whispering.

 

Seunghoon nods and squeezes Jinwoo's hands on his grip. Jinwoo took a breath and slowly open the pandora box.

 

"When I was a kid, my mother sold me away."

 

____________

  
Min Su hits the door with his fist over and over, and Seungyoon keeps his stand beside the door. Min Su screams, sending a horrible shiver upon his skin.

 

"You can't run from me!!"

 

Seungyoon's eyes catch the spot beside the door, where he can hide for at least a few mere seconds when it's opened. Seungyoon swiftly moves to the spot and waits with trembling hands. 

 

Min Su gave the door a strong kick that shots it open, immediately entering the room where Seungyoon is nowhere to be seen. Seungyoon rises his electric guitar and aims it at Min Su's back from his hiding spot behind the door, but Min Su is used to such tricks, Seungyoon could see his eyes staring straight at him exactly before the guitar hits his head. The crushing impact of the heavy and sturdy guitar still caused the man to stumble on his stand, and Seungyoon took the less than one-second chance to flip the door open and dash out of the room. Exactly when his feet land outside the room, Seungyoon could feel a strong bruising grip on his left shoulder. It might be the desperation and adrenaline in him but Seungyoon managed to shove the strong hand and stumble his way to the front door.

 

This must be what it feels like to be so close to freedom but at the same time so far because when Seungyoon is fumbling trying to open the door, a sharp pain pierced his left shoulder. Seungyoon screamed at the wooden door, the power that pushed him earlier now slipping away from him.

 

Min Su's breath blowing so close to Seungyoon's ears, it made him feel sick. It feels like death is on his back, heavy and strong and unstoppable. Seungyoon still tries to move his hands on the lock, but Min Su saw it and slam his fist on Seungyoon's hands, crushing it on the doorknob. Seungyoon could hear the crack on his bones. Seungyoon cried out, the pain weakening his knees. Min Su pulled him away from the door by strangling Seungyoon's neck, knife still struck on the back of his left shoulder.

 

Seungyoon pulls up his right hand, still throbbing from the crush, to claw on Min Su's arm on his neck. Min Su pulls out the knife on his shoulder with a twist, and Seungyoon screams to the top of his lungs.

 

"Where is the boy?" Min Su whispers.

 

Seungyoon is still sobbing from the piercing pain, choking on his cries. Min Su chokes Seungyoon's neck harder, earning a grunt from the boy.

 

"Where is he??" he shouted on Seungyoon's ear.

 

"I don't know!" Seungyoon pleads, his lungs begging for more air.

 

Min Su let go off of Seungyoon and twisting the boy to fall on the floor behind them. Seungyoon fall with a loud thud, the wound on his shoulder showering him with unbearable pain that travels to his whole body. Min Su towering over him, and it's the first time Seungyoon had the chance to have a good look. So this is how he looks like. The person that caught Mino on his escape and made his life a living hell. It's like a preview of how Mino must have felt when he almost ran away through the alley only to be caught by his hands. Hate grows in Seungyoon despite the pain that is taking over his senses.

 

"You lied." Min Su muttered.

 

Seungyoon holds his glare against the man, unwavering in front of his madness. This man doesn't scare him anymore.

 

"You lied!! You lied just like those bastards! Why won't you give me back my daughter?" Min Su screamed, his whole body shaking.

 

His words took Seungyoon's attention. Daughter? Who is he talking about? Seungyoon didn't have much time to think as Min Su raised his legs to step hard on Seungyoon's stomach, earning him an excruciating pain and shock, he gagged.

 

"I will kill you. Like the others. Like many others... I can do this again.. I can repeat this all over again.." Min Su muttered under his breath. Min Su approaches Seungyoon with the knife bathed on Seungyoon's blood on his grip.

 

A loud banging voice blared on the room, followed with his front door breaking open. Min Su turns his body to see a man aiming a gun at him. Min Su rushed to Seungyoon's room, the deafening gunshot fire cause Seungyoon to jolt. The bullet missed, Min Su reached Seungyoon's room and Seungyoon saw the man jumping out the window, breaking the glass with his whole body.

 

The man run towards Seungyoon, tall and bearded. Could he be?

 

"Seungyoon?" the man asked, kneeling in front of Seungyoon whose still in shock.

 

"Y- Yes.."

 

"It's okay, he's gone. Wait here and don't move, alright?" The man commanded, Seungyoon could only nod.

 

The man quickly dashes to the window Min Su just burst out into, finding the man already running away with a limp leg.

 

"Fuck, he's still—" He muttered.

 

Seungyoon watches as the man looks around the room for something to help him jump when a voice calls upon Seungyoon.

 

"Seungyoon!"

 

Seungyoon could feel his heart finally at small ease even before he turns his head to find Mino on the doorway, face covered in horror while panting and soaked by the rain.

 

"Mino," Seungyoon sobs.

 

Mino runs to him, immediately holding him close to his chest. The force made Seungyoon groan at the sharp pain in his wounds. And Mino quickly pulls away. Mino feels wetness on his hands and saw blood now smearing his palm from the back of Seungyoon's shoulder. Mino feels his head going blank at the sight.

 

"Mino!" The man called, and Mino turns his head to look at the man he never could've dreamed to be there.

 

"Mithra hyung," Mino whispers.

 

"He's out, but his legs are hurt. I'm going for him. You coming or not?" the man said, demanding fast answers. He's racing the clock.

 

Mino stutters and turns his eyes to Seungyoon who's looking at him, face pale and blood on his back.

 

"Hyung, I can't.." Mino faltered, his voice weak and broken. His hands still grabbing Seungyoon for dear life.

 

Mithra watches him, no disappointment in him. Instead, he looks satisfied at Mino's decision. Seungyoon is, however, thinking otherwise.

 

"Alright. Go get help!" Mithra said, quick and short.

 

Mithra dashes out of the apartment, guns ready. Mino turns his stare to Seungyoon, checking every inch of his body for his wounds. 

 

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, are you okay? Where else does it hurt?" Mino panics, his eyes searching frantically.

 

"It's okay... I'm fine," Seungyoon said, trying hard to ignore his throbbing wound.

 

Mino holds him close, and Seungyoon could feel Mino's thundering heart leaping out of his chest. Mino repeats his sorry over and over like a prayer. He's wet from the heavy rain, his body embracing Seungyoon feels cold but Seungyoon still feels the warmth spreading on his heart at his touch. Seungyoon reaches out to hug him back, feeling his back on his hands. Seungyoon is almost crying for how kind the world has been, for this is the only thing he has wished for. For Mino to be back. Yet something else is occupying Seungyoon's head, clawing him and demanding decisions. To hold Mino right there, warm and safe in his arms, is the only assurance Seungyoon needs. But the world does not consist only of him and Mino. And he tries to do what's right. His hands tremble at the mere imagination but knew Mino will need this too. Seungyoon took a breath and pulls away from Mino's strong arms.

 

"Mino, you have to go.. Mithra needs you," Seungyoon begs. But Mino abruptly shakes his head, his breath still ragged.

 

"No, no. I won't leave you," Mino said, stern and unfaltering.

 

Mino leans closer again, determined to keep Seungyoon close but Seungyoon pulls away, holding Mino's face to take a good look and state his point. Mino looks so scared, Seungyoon's determination almost cracks. But he strengthens himself and took another deep breath.

 

"Mino, listen. Mithra hyung needs your help, we can't let him go against Min Su alone. That man is out of control, you know this better than me!" Seungyoon stated calmly, his hands still trembling from his pain.

 

"I can't leave you, I can't... What if something happens... I can't do this without you, I can't lose you again, I—" Mino sobs, looking down at his hands with Seungyoon's blood stained on it. Seungyoon looks down, and he covers Mino's bloodstained hand with his. Just before Seungyoon tries to persuade him with more words, a faint police siren can be heard.

 

"Listen. Hear that? Police are coming. They will be coming here, I'll be fine, they'll get me a doctor faster than both of us can manage. So please," Seungyoon begged, "Go. He's your brother. He's family, Mino."

 

Seungyoon watches him with sure eyes, and Mino knows his words ring true. He kissed Seungyoon hard, and Seungyoon could feel his heart and desperation on the kiss. Seungyoon kisses him back with equal need and whispers onto his lips before he pulls away.

 

"Go. And come back to me,"

 

____________

 

Seunghoon moves to lay beside Jinwoo on the bed, holding Jinwoo's trembling frame when he started to tell him about the time a certain man did unspeakable things to Jinwoo when he was a mere child. Seunghoon never imagined he could hate someone so much even when he never met them. Seunghoon never knew he could hate someone this much, for the sake of someone else. Jinwoo sobs in his embrace, no longer able to hold his cracks. He let himself feel the pain all over again and it's almost too much. He tried hard to put other things above it, but it's still eating him from the inside. It's letting Jinwoo feel the hollowness it left behind everytime he wakes up from a nightmare about the tragedy. He would take long baths, scrubbing on his skin until it's all red and slightly stinging because he felt dirtier every time. Ignoring the hot tears that spill and telling himself it's just the shower on his face.

 

Seunghoon holds him closer, trying to keep Jinwoo together. He could feel Jinwoo falling out between his hold and Seunghoon can't take it. He leans down and kisses his forehead.

 

"You're not a broken thing. You're not dirty. Don't ever, ever, think about such things about you."

 

Jinwoo cries and cries. It breaks his heart how Seunghoon tries so hard to fix him, stitching all his broken parts. Is this even real? Is this a lie? Is he just another butterfly waiting to fly away from Jinwoo like Min Hyun did?

 

"I'm here. Will always be. Whenever. However. So please," Seunghoon run a thumb on his tear stained cheek, pulling Jinwoo's face to face him, "Let me in.. Let me stay."

 

The high, high wall Jinwoo build over the years, it crumbles down to nothing. He's so damn scared. He's so defenseless and naked and Seunghoon might be holding a poison behind his back for all Jinwoo knows, but he couldn't help but want to let him in. 

 

He might break him senseless, more than Mi Hyuk. He might be saying lies and leave as soon as Jinwoo fell asleep. He might be laughing in his head thinking what a messed up man Jinwoo is. But Jinwoo can't feel the hostile imagination on Seunghoon's touch. In his words. On his voice.

 

He wants to give Seunghoon chance. Jinwoo wants to give himself, another chance. 

 

Jinwoo shuts his eyes and leans his head to Seunghoon's shoulder, clutching his shirt with dear life. Let it be. This is for the last time.

 

"Stay.." Jinwoo whispers.

 

____________

 

  
Mino runs down the building stairs with all the power in him. He immediately runs towards the back of the apartment building, where Min Su landed from his jump. The rain is still falling heavily and it's hard to look forward. He predicted a course Min Su might choose and run with all his might. The town is so quiet it's like they're alone in this fake universe. Alone and helpless. Mino shook away the thought and run faster. The rain is sharp on his skin, his hearing mutes down. 

 

He ignores his lung's desperate beg for rest until he could finally see Mithra's running back in front of him. Min Su is only a few feet in front of him, his limping legs failing him to escape. Suddenly, Min Su stops. Standing above a railway.

 

He turns his body to find Mithra standing in front of him, gun aimed straight at his head. Mino stopped running. It felt like time itself stopped with them. Min Su gazes at Mithra, eyes wide and lips mumbling something no one else could hear. Mithra keeps his stance, ready for any movement. His aim is steady and no one is around. It's safe enough to shoot. But Mithra needs to get closer, the rain is swaying his aim. 

 

"Hyung," Mino called, "Don't do it. You will regret this. It will get us nothing! Let the police handle this. The thing he did is enough to get him jailed!" Mino yelled.

 

Min Su's mumbling gets louder.

 

"I know you I know you I know you I know you," he repeated over and over.

 

Mithra frowns, even though he knew trying to understand a madman is madness in itself.

 

"I know you. You're his friend.. who was it? The small man.. the right hand.. the dead man.."

 

Mithra's eyes widen.

 

"What did you say?" Mithra asked. But Min Su kept rambling on, his voice softer by the second. Mithra walks closer to him and Mino's could feel his whole senses scream to grab and pull Mithra away.

 

"Hyung, listen to me! Ignore him, he doesn't know what he's saying!"

 

A train horn blares from far away. No. No.

 

"Hyung! Let him be, get here!" Mino shouted. But Mithra couldn't hear a thing.

 

"The right-hand man.. the one Sung Chul shot.." Min Su rambles on. Mithra's heart stops at the mention and he walks even closer.

 

The ground shakes, the train is coming closer.

 

"Hyung, stop! Don't do this! Please, please back away!" Mino walks closer to Mithra, trying to prevent him from both pulling the trigger and approaching Min Su. If he touches him abruptly, Mithra might lost it and shoot.

 

"I found him.. With a hole on his head, by the beach.."

 

Mithra's blood boils at the memory. He's even closer to the train rails and Mino is almost running towards him. The train is so close. Mithra is standing on the train's lane. Min Su goes down to mumbling again, and Mithra walks closer to hear what he's saying. His feet can no longer feel the grumbling earth and his ear can't comprehend any sound but Min Su's.

 

Mithra is now standing by the train rails, his eyes red and almost blurry.

 

Mino is running.

 

Min Su looks at Mithra and grins a wide bone-chilling smile.

 

"You want to know what I did?"

 

____________

 

_Mino sat on the floor of his room, eavesdropping on Mithra's conversation on his phone._

 

_"Yeah, at the beach. He has a gunshot wound. His skin is white, and his front teeth are—"_

 

_Mino looks around his dark bedroom, filled with his small canvas paintings._

 

_"Oh.._ _no bodies_ _with gunshot wounds? Ah, yes.. well... alright then, thank you.. yes, I'm sorry. Good night."_

 

_Mithra sighed. Mino could hear the small refrigerator on their apartment being opened. Mithra drinks another bottle of beer. Mino sighed. He wakes up and opens his door._

 

_"Why are you not asleep?" Mithra asked, new cigarette on his lips waiting to be lit._

 

_"No one found Tablo's body?" Mino asked._

 

_Mithra looks at him for a second then turns his head away from Mino to lit his cigarette._

 

_Mithra hums a yes._

 

____________

 

  
Mithra loses any reasoning. He felt nothing. But anger and a stabbed open old-wound. The train is close, blaring its horn until you can't hear anything but the ear-splitting scream and the rumbling ground. Mino reaches out his hand and screams to the top of his lungs,

 

"Hyung!!!"

 

He's fast. But the train was so close, Mino could already feel the air shifting when he reached Mithra. They were too close.

 

"I burned his body with gasoline—"

 

____________

 

_"If one day I come to you with bad men chasing me, would you help?" Mino asked_

 

_"Of course I would help you. You're my only friend" Seungyoon answered._

 

_Mino smiled._

 

_The most pretty smile a person ever showed Seungyoon._

 

_Mino raised from his bed, running to the corner of his room. He stepped on a few toy blocks and he hissed at the pain. Seungyoon chuckled at him, watching as the boy fumbles on his toy box. Mino came back to the bed, laying beside Seungyoon and handing him a folded paper. Seungyoon opens it to find a drawing of a boy with a paintbrush, holding hands with a boy holding a guitar in his hand._

 

_"That's us. I will be an adventurer painter, like the movie we just watched. I'll go around the world. The painter in the movie met many bad guys, and his friend helped him to defeat them, right? I want you to help me_ _like_ _that."_

 

_Seungyoon smiles widely, his cheeks almost hurts._

 

_After a few seconds, his smile fades and Mino frowns at him._

 

_"But, doesn't that mean you'll leave me?"_

 

_"No, I won't!"_

 

_"But you said you're going to travel the world,"_

 

_"You're going with me!"_

 

_"I can't! Mom will be alone!"_

 

_They look at each other for a second then turn their heads to face the ceiling. Mino's room is filled with star stickers that glow in the dark, and Seungyoon liked it so much. It's as if they're camping outside. Without the mosquitos and scary noises._

 

_"Then, wait for me," Mino said._

 

_Seungyoon turns his head to look at the boy who's looking back at him. Mino's face lit by the stars above them and Seungyoon thought this must be what fairies look like._

 

_"Wait for me, I will come back. After I've seen the whole world, I'll come back and tell you all about it. Okay?"_

 

_Seungyoon smiles. Mino smiles back. Seungyoon wondered if he could just stay like this forever._

 

_"Okay. Come back to me."_

 

____________

 

  
The train was so close. It was too close.

 

 

 

 

 


	21. Life, Love, Us

 

 

 

____________

 

_"Close your eyes, Seungyoonie. Don't be scared, the thunder won't hurt you. I'll fight them."_

 

_"You can't fight them," Seungyoon mumbles, still covered under the blanket. The storm has been attacking the town relentlessly and the blaring thunder is what scares Seungyoon the most._

 

_"Yes, I can!"_

 

_"How?"_

 

_"Come here," Mino said._

 

_Seungyoon scoots closer to him, and Mino puts his head atop of his chest._

 

_"Listen," Mino told him._

 

_Thump._

 

_Thump._

 

_Thump._

 

_All Seungyoon could hear under the blanket and Mino's hold is his heartbeat and breathing. Steady and reassuring. Before he knew it, sleep is besieging him._

 

_It's so calm._

 

_Seungyoon wonders if he could stay this way forever._

 

____________

 

 

Seungyoon slowly wakes up from his slumber. The sunlight from his window bathing the room in a soft light that makes you yearn for a warm cup of tea. Ambient songs would be nice for this, Seungyoon thought. Seungyoon gazes at the calm sky, no dark cloud ahead for the day.

 

That dream again, Seungyoon thought.

 

The alarm from his phone is deafening his ears and he fumbles to reach it under his pillow. What a mood-breaker. He groans at the hour and forces his body to walk to his bathroom. He picks up the TV remote on his way and turns on the TV for any random channel. The cold water collected his sleepy mind and gets it ready for the day, despite his complain at its first touch on his skin. He brushes his teeth while looking at his own face, feeling how quiet his apartment is when only his brushing and the TV is audible.

 

Seungyoon prepares a cereal and put the channel to his usual morning cartoon. His phone buzzed in the middle of him stuffing his mouth and he picks it up lazily.

 

"What?" Seungyoon said as hello.

 

"You awake yet? I just finished using a face mask." Taehyun's voice greeted him.

 

Seungyoon rolls his eyes. Why would he even wear a face mask for graduation?

 

"Uh huh. I'm eating."

 

"You're eating?? I didn't even have dinner so my face could look slimmer today!" Taehyun whined.

 

"Yaish, what are you doing? If anything, you're gonna die today if you don't eat something. Graduation is all about long speeches, standing up until our legs snap, and hot weather. Why are you starving yourself? You wanna faint?" Seungyoon reasoned.

 

Taehyun stays quiet, pondering.

 

"You know what, you're fucking right. I'll make a sandwich."

 

"There you go." Seungyoon sighs.

 

"So, I'll pick you up in 15 minutes?"

 

"Alright, wait downstairs," Seungyoon said, shoving more cereal to his mouth to finish faster.

 

And Seungyoon was right, graduation is really about massive long speeches that leaves your ass hurting and begs you to stand up. Continued with ceremonials that cause your legs to beg you to take a seat. There is no in-between. After all is done and he's an official graduate, he looks around the crowded field and finally finds his mom waving cheerfully at him from the middle of the crowd. She looks so pretty, wearing a new dress she bought especially for his graduation. Seungyoon hugs her tightly, his mom praising him all sorts of sweet words Seungyoon is almost embarrassed someone is listening to her overrated scoring about him.

 

After a few pics he took with the band, Seungyoon and the others do a group hug that Jihoon begged to do because he's a soft-hearted baby. Seungyoon and Taehyun groaned but did it anyway. Anything for the baby maknae of the gang. Taeil just laughs.  Taehyun says his thank you to the boys as the founder of the band. He's grateful they met up and realized his dream of a band.

 

"If I were to re-live my college time, I'd run to you guys again and build the exact same band again," Taehyun said.

 

Taehyun shed a single tear but tried to diva his way out. Taeil's eyes gave up on him and shed a tear too in the end. Seungyoon follows. Jihoon is practically bawling but his face is too funny and the sad mood is lost by mere seconds. The Monarch graduated and promised to stay alive and rocking. Somehow, Seungyoon could feel they won't be separated that far.

 

They say their goodbyes to Seungyoon first because he's leaving straight for home after the graduation, train tickets already booked for him and his mom. Taehyun pulled him for a tight hug and Seungyoon hugs him back, they stayed for a few seconds before Taehyun whispers,

 

"See you, best friend."

 

Seungyoon packed his bags since a few days ago, leaving the apartment empty and colorless. No more posters and random stuff splayed across the room. Seungyoon took a last gaze at the apartment he stayed in for 4 years. He cried, laughed, screamed, run around, sleeps, procrastinates, and all things here.

 

He looks at the bathroom, now empty of his favorite soap and shampoo.

 

His kitchen that was filled with ramen and simple food ingredients now empty and waiting for the dust to linger.

 

His living room with the TV he spends almost all his meals with.

 

The couch he sat on with nearly everyone he knew, spending time and stories.

 

The bedroom he decorated with ‘Seungyoon' theme.

 

The broken window glass repaired and the damage now unseen, but Seungyoon can still trace the crack if he wanted to. He sighs. Seungyoon whispers a soft ‘thank you' before leaving the apartment and locking it for the last time. His mom waits outside, smiling as she waits for her son to feed on his memories.

 

The train ride is filled with his mom and him chatting, her asking about how Taeil has so many tattoos on such a cute innocent face. Seungyoon rambling about how he's actually been sleeping in minimal hours due to projects, stories he used to hold in just because he doesn't want his mom to worry. As they come close to his hometown, Seungyoon enjoys the sunset that turns the sky all red and orange.

 

Seungyoon carries his heavy luggage to his room on the second floor with much difficulty. His mom nags all the way that it's the effect of not caring for his health. It reminds of someone who used to make fun of his slow running. Seungyoon just laughs at his own weakness. He managed to reach his room and fall on the new bed his mom bought because his childhood bed is way too small and uncomfortable now. He looks up to the ceiling to see the fluorescent star sticker he puts on last year. They're still shining brightly in the dark.

 

"Seungyoon-ah!" His mom calls from downstairs.

 

Seungyoon answers and walks downstairs.

 

"Your auntie is coming for dinner, get ready." His mom said.

 

"Um... mom, can I skip this one?"

 

His mom looks up from the soup she's making and Sungyoon avoids her eyes.

 

"I'm... going somewhere.."

 

His mom took a second then smiles sweetly,

 

"Aah.. right.. alright then, dear."

 

Seungyoon is glad she didn't ask questions. Seungyoon runs upstairs to wash up and change his clothes. He kisses his mom on the cheek before leaving the house. He could have walked past the paved road, but he chooses to walk the secret path he found as a kid. It's around seven but the road is not too dark yet. The houses he passed by are either having dinner or is laughing at some variety show on TV. The town is lively and happy.

 

Seungyoon reaches the house now rebuild with a more modern look. Back when Seungyoon came to town 2 years ago the first time with Mino, they took a quick visit and Mino mentioned his wish to rebuild his old abandoned house. And this is how it looks now, modern and artful. Just how he liked it. Seungyoon fumbles his pocket to get the house keys and open the front door. The house is dark and empty and Seungyoon is used to it. He let it be and walks to the second floor, the bedroom. The bed faces a big wide window. In fact, that side of the wall is filled with only windows. It shows the night sky and the tulip field a few meters from the house. Just the way Mino wanted it to be. Seungyoon flops his body to the bed and looks up. There are fluorescent star stickers above. He closes his eyes and let his mind wanders. He's used to quietness now.

 

____________

 

Jinwoo is watering a plant in front of his flower shop and enjoys the sweet coffee on his other hand. A man who tends the barber beside his shop came to open up his building and greets Jinwoo warmly. Jinwoo smiles and they build a simple morning conversation. Jinwoo is left alone in front of his shop once the man leaves him to start his work. Jinwoo gives the dandelions the last spray before coming inside. He goes to the cashier and checks on the money counter. He looks around his shop one more time to make sure all the flowers are stocked. They are, tidily too. Jinwoo is glad his employee is doing a good job.

 

Jinwoo left the town where he met Seunghoon. He's scared. Dark alleys gave him nightmares since the incident two years ago. He became very sensitive to sounds and he lived his days in trauma. He left the town as his effort to open a new book. Only this time, the first page was not filled with lonely train rides.

 

The said employee's footsteps can be heard behind him, and Jinwoo could already guess the arms snaking on his waist and the bony chin resting on his shoulder.

 

"You're done?" Jinwoo asked,  hands still counting the bills.

 

Seunghoon hums as he waits for his payment. Jinwoo puts all the money into the counter and turns his body to give his employee the long-awaited reward kiss. Jinwoo smiles into the kiss, tasting an unusual sweetness on Seunghoon's lips.

 

"Chocolate?" Jinwoo says as he pulls away.

 

"A customer has been asking why I haven't made any chocolate desserts. Had to try it."

 

"And?"

 

"God I still hate sweets, I almost gagged. Fuck, why was it so sweet?" Seunghoon muttered.

 

Jinwoo laughed at his boyfriend's quest to be a better chef. The small restaurant he opened up right in front of Jinwoo's flower shop is doing great. After since two years ago, Seunghoon has been keeping his promise to Jinwoo. He sticks around. He took care of Jinwoo until he's fully recovered and they've been learning about each other since then. They're not a perfect match puzzle, but they make do.

 

But honestly, is there anyone in this world that is a real perfect match? All perfect match we found must have gone through fights and compromise. Breaks and adjustments.

 

Seunghoon's relationship with his parents repairs itself bit by bit. Very slowly, but it's better than nothing. And Jinwoo is happy to see that. A family is not a pack of people we got to choose. Jinwoo learned that some families just don't work. Some parents are horrible people. And some children are horrible people too. Seunghoon's family is truly in shambles, but his parents tried. It seems they realized how unfair they have been treating their children. And Seunghoon tries to accept that they're humans. They made a big mistake in the past, but they're trying to fix. And it's all that matters, doesn't it? Forgiveness and repentance.

 

When Jinwoo had used up all his patience trying to stay at the town, he told Seunghoon he wants to move away. Jinwoo was worried what is starting to build up between them would crumble and end just like that, but much to his surprise, Seunghoon asked to come along. He's been thinking about moving out of his house, giving both him and his parents some time alone. Plus, Seunghoon said he wants to feel the independence of leaving your parent's house. Jinwoo was skeptical at first, but after a few weeks, harmony is all he feels between them. Everything feels different than moving from town to town alone. Honestly? It's so much better.

 

Jinwoo uses his savings to open up a small flower shop. He has a new-found love for flowers when he had to stay in the hospital for a few weeks. Flowers, their looks and smells are all so unique and appealing. Seunghoon changes the flowers in his room every few days and Jinwoo couldn't help but notice their effects on him.

 

While Seunghoon bought a small building just in front of his shop and open up the restaurant of his dream. Jinwoo never knew he loves cooking so much. But when Seunghoon cooks him a meal for the first time, Jinwoo's eyes widen and he glares at the younger man in disbelief.

 

‘How could you have this skill but never help a single chore in the cafe's kitchen?'

 

‘What you talking about? I'm the boss, my job is to look cool and walk around scolding you people.'

 

Jinwoo still wants to punch him about that sometimes but Seunghoon’s laugh changed his mind. They live together in a small flat near their shops. The beds were separated at first but after a few nights of them trying to fit on the small mattress doing—

 

You know.

 

Seunghoon snapped and said,

 

'let's just push this bed together, one of us is gonna hit their head to the floor I swear to god.'

 

And so they did. Jinwoo couldn't get used to it at first. Someone sleeping beside you. Yeah literally only sleeping, after a shower that leaves the person smelling sweet and fresh. Talking about their day until their voice slurs and fell asleep in the middle of their story. It's sweet and it's intimate and it's new.

 

Yes, they didn't talk about the sacred word of ‘relationship'. They walk around the thin line of relationship and friends with benefits for at least 8 months. One night though, on Jinwoo's birthday that they spend eating cake and drinking wine, Seunghoon slips out the word.

 

_‘I love you.'_

 

Jinwoo thought his soul was leaving his body. The morning after, as Jinwoo wakes up to wash his face, Seunghoon grabs his wrist and looks at him with his face completely sober.

 

_‘I meant it. It's not a drunk rambling.'_

 

Jinwoo smiled and leans down to kiss him.

 

_‘I know. And I love you too.'_

 

Then everything feels like a new chapter, but at the same time not too foreign. It's comfortable and reassuring. Everything is grounded and Jinwoo never felt so real.

 

"Ask Kyung for a recipe, he's a pretty decent baker," Jinwoo said.

 

"He's busier now after I gave him to hold of the bar branch. Don't want to mess with his messy head anymore."

 

Jinwoo hums, his hands gently massaging the back of Seunghoon's neck. It became usual, the early morning touches. Jinwoo realized any busy day became slightly bearable every time it starts with this.

 

Seunghoon leans down, stealing a peck from Jinwoo before he walks away.

 

"I'll go to the restaurant and season the chickens," Seunghoon said as he walks towards the door.

 

Jinwoo looks at his man's back leaving the door and waits for the one thing that brightens his day just a little bit more. Seunghoon turns his head just before he heads out and looks at Jinwoo who's smiling already.

 

"Love you."

 

"Love you too." Jinwoo answers.

 

Jinwoo watches Seunghoon passing the street to his small restaurant, and wonder how did he get to be so lucky. He still smiles like an idiot every time and it embarrasses him sometimes. But all the while, Seunghoon always returns his silly smile.

 

 

Things get better. They really do.

 

 

"They really do," Jinwoo whispers to himself.

 

 

____________

 

 

The sound of keys and door opening made Seungyoon shot his eyes open. He immediately runs outside the room and towards the stairs. He tries his best to run down as fast as he could, as safely as he could. His heart is already thumping faster at the anticipation. He stopped in the middle of the stairs to see him.

 

 

 

Him.

 

 

 

 

Mino.

 

 

The man is back, with a bouquet of flower on his hands and Seungyoon is already laughing at the sight.

 

"You're gonna laugh? Seriously?" Mino fakes an offended face, losing his act to the smile that crept up to his lips soon after. He walks towards Seungyoon and flicks the light on the wall. Then, Seungyoon could see him under the light and he's simply in love. All over again. Heads over heels. Always.

 

He's back from the gallery's exhibition that showcases his one year worth of work in Seoul. He was in a bad mood for at least a week when he realized the date is the same date as Seungyoon's graduation. It took a lot of kisses and snacks to put him back in a happy state.

 

He's wearing a long coat above a blue button-up shirt and Seungyoon could feel his heart acting like a teenage girl's. Seungyoon lets Mino walk up to stairs and meet him mid-way. He stands close to him, breathing tickling each other's skin but doesn't want to let the electricity melds too soon. Mino brings forward the flowers to Seungyoon.

 

"Happy graduation day." He said to Seungyoon, voice low and husky and all his.

 

"Thanks," Seungyoon says as he took the flowers from his hand, "How was work?"

 

"Was good. Better than expected."

 

Seungyoon hums. He snakes a hand to behind Mino's neck, holding the flower bouquet in a strong grip so it doesn't fall off.

 

"Congratulations," Seungyoon whispers to his lips, tempting Mino to close the gap that is leaving them hotter by the second. Mino hums and runs his hands to Seungyoon's hips and lower. He pulls him up to carry him and Seungyoon swiftly locks his legs behind Mino's waist. Mino keeps his hands on the lower back of Seungyoon's back as he carries Seungyoon upstairs to the bedroom.

 

"How was the ceremony?" Mino asked on their way.

 

"Boring. I couldn't even remember what the opening speech was anymore."

 

Mino chuckled and Seungyoon finally loses his patience and plant a kiss on his lips. Mino sighs into the kiss and he puts Seungyoon down when his feet feel the bottom of the bed. Seungyoon falls back to the soft mattress with Mino's lips still on his. There is nothing better than feeling Mino's body weight upon him, warm and heavy and calming. When they pull away for air, Seungyoon put the flower bouquet between them.

 

"So how did you manage to get this?" Seungyoon asked, holding back a smile.

 

"Through hard work and dedication," Mino answered, grinning smugly.

 

Seungyoon snorts. It's purple milkweed flowers. It's the habitat for Seungyoon's favorite butterfly, Monarch. Seungyoon mentioned it once to Mino, how he liked the flower so much. And it amuses him how Mino tries hard to be the wish-granter-boyfriend. He's so cute.

 

Seungyoon puts away the bouquet and pulls him down for another kiss.

 

"Thank you." Seungyoon whispers between their kiss.

 

"Do I get a reward for those?" Mino said with a teasing tone.

 

"Of course you do," Seungyoon said, challenging him back. Seungyoon moves his fingers to open his shirt button slowly.

 

"You get me."

 

Seungyoon was insecure about the big windows the first time Mino moved into the house a year ago. It felt too open for his tastes. Especially for moments like this. But Mino tried to change his mind by telling him how the house is designed to have tall walls and hence, it's hard for anyone to peek upstairs. Besides, the bed is far enough from the window. But Seungyoon still felt uncomfortable at first. Mino put up a thin curtain the next day, enough for Seungyoon to feel covered yet the moonlight can still shower the room with its pretty hue. Though after a while, Seungyoon would ask him to let the curtain be let open. Let the night colors slip in more.

 

Mino moved to the house a year ago, leaving Seungyoon alone in his apartment. It was decided through many talks and months of consideration. But alas, Seungyoon and Mino realized living together in the apartment meant for one person is not suitable. And Mino needs a spacious working place. Seungyoon also needs his space to focus during his exams and works. They need space. Somewhere during their relationship, they grew maturity and the realization that they still have many gaps to grow in themselves. Love doesn't mean you have to be by each other's side 24/7. Love is more than that. So Mino left the town for their hometown, living in his own rebuilt house, and Seungyoon would come to visit every weekend. Mino would come and visit him in the town when Seungyoon is too busy to come home.

 

But this time they haven't met each other for two months. Mino had to stay in Seoul by the gallery to prepare the exhibition with mister Choi and Seungyoon didn't want to bother him by coming to Seoul. He also had graduation administration to take care of. Finally seeing and feeling each other's skin is all they wanted.

 

They make love under the full moon's presence, the stars spread on the sky without any cloud covering its twinkle, and the tulip field quiet and serene. It was purely a remedy to their longings, tracing each other's every inch of skin and taste. They didn't say a word, as nothing could tell their feelings better than their movement and touch. Seungyoon reached his climax with a whisper of ‘I love you' on his ears.

 

Seungyoon lay on his side, facing the window with Mino's arms holding his waist. He plants small kisses on the back of his neck and Seungyoon is almost sleepy. When Mino pulls away his arms to trace a finger on the scar on the back of his shoulder, Seungyoon shifts and turn his body to face Mino.

 

"Don't make that face," Seungyoon said.

 

"What face?"

 

"That. That exact face. Mino, it's been two years.."

 

Mino sighs and looks away. Seungyoon strokes his cheek with his thumb, hoping it will ease the throb in Mino's head. He's always like this everytime he sees the scar on Seungyoon's shoulder that Min Su caused. Mino never healed the scar on his own heart.

 

"I need more time." Mino whispers.

 

Seungyoon smiles albeit the bitter taste in his mind. It hurts to see Mino still lamenting the past.

 

 

Two years ago, the madman identified by the police as Kim Min Su was found dead after getting hit by a train. He was proven to be the culprit of two attacks at the town, involving Kim Jinwoo and Kang Seungyoon. At the day of Seungyoon's attack, police came to find Seungyoon in his house with a stab wound on his shoulder. Seungyoon immediately guided them to Min Su's tracks, where the police found Mino and Mithra sprawled on the ground just beside the train rails. Mino pulled Mithra off the tracks just on time. Pure luck and miracle.

 

Seungyoon spent a week at the hospital for his wound, Mino accompanying him every day. Mino looked like shit, as to how Seungyoon put it. He couldn't look at Seungyoon's eyes straight for a few days that left Seungyoon frustrated. He blames himself for so many things, Seungyoon called him stupid at least 100 times. Seungyoon told his mom about the incident by coming home after he gets out of the hospital. There is no way that would reduce her shock, but he thought at least if she could see his face, it's a little better. She was weak on her knees, but she didn't cry. She was shocked and taken aback and almost hateful at Min Su, but she’s more thankful and ultimately happy Seungyoon managed to defend himself from the worst scenario. That's when Mino told her everything. Every single truth. He was crying his eyes out, sobbing and choking on his words. Seungyoon's mom hugs him tight. Mino apologizes over and over saying that Seungyoon got hurt because of him, and she eventually cried, begging Mino to stop thinking he has any fault in this tragedy.

 

That night Seungyoon hugs him tight and hold on to his face, forcing him to look at him in the eyes.

 

_‘Come back to me, you promised.’_

 

Mino looked confused at his words and answered, _‘I am here..’_

 

 _‘Physically. Your mind is still on that day. And still on my wounded shoulder. Please leave it,"_ Seungyoon leans his face closer to him _‘I missed you.’_

 

They kissed for the first time since the incident and Seungyoon feels like he just put down a massively heavy bag from his shoulder when Mino kissed him back. Thankfully, Mino started to look and talk to Seungyoon how he usually does since then.

 

Only at times like these, are when Mino would still let his mind wander off to the nightmare. And Seungyoon would always pull him back to the present. He only wished that soon that nightmare would leave both of them and turn to a mere memory from a dark past. No more regret to be walking around in.

 

That day two years ago, for the first time, Mino saw Mithra crying and sobbing uncontrollably. He screamed Tablo's name over and over. Mino breaks at the sight he was sure he could never forget. Mithra never healed from Tablo's death. Not even a bit. Mino grabs the man and hugged him close to his arms, feeling how his body tremble.

 

Mithra almost got huge trouble for having a gun and almost using it against Min Su, however, someone from Seoul who claimed to be his friend showed up and somehow cleared out the charges with the police. Mino said it was the informant who helped Mino found Seungyoon's location too. He usually calls himself Tukutz but Mino didn't know his full name. Mithra had a hard time standing back up from his sorrow. After a month of him still looking down, Mino dragged him to his and Seungyoon's hometown. There, Mithra feels peace and slowly calms his mind around the lush environment. he created amazing paintings inspired by the town's view. Mino brought him to Seungyoon's mom house too, after her endless nagging of wanting to see Mino's brother. Mithra looks shy at the mention of what Mino called him, ‘brother'. He sure looks happier, though. After a while, he said he needs to go back to Seoul and work properly. Before he boards on the train, Mino pulls the man to a bone-breaking hug and mumbled almost incoherently,

 

"Take care. If you dare ignore my calls, I'm going to Seoul and raid your house. Watch it."

 

Mino tried to be as menacing as he could, but Mithra only looked at him in shock and laughed out loud. He ruffles Mino's hair like a kid and got a growl from the boy.

 

"Don't be a worried chicken." He said.

 

Mino still watched him in doubt, still shadowed by Mithra's attempt to kill himself on the exploding boat.

 

"I mean it. If there is anything I could do to avenge what Min Su did, it is to live a good life. One that Tablo dreamed for both of us. I love my life now. Not gonna waste it."

 

Then, Mino knew he's gonna be okay. That Tukutz guy seemed to be a pretty decent friend too.

 

Mino visits Jinwoo sometimes, checking if that clumsy friend of his is still alive. With his boyfriend. Who is less of an asshole now, and Mino actually kinda like the guy little by little. Jinwoo teased him one day, telling him it feels like his little kid brother is getting along with his boyfriend and it's so cute. Mino snorts and nag, but deep down he doesn't mind. Jinwoo looks happy and he's more than glad.

 

He rebuilds the house he's now living in with style and artistic taste. He loves every nook and cranny as he designed it himself. It feels good finally having something that feels like a solid standing ground. It feels extra special everytime Seungyoon pays a visit. He always wanted Seungyoon to regard the place as his home too. Mino included a single room for Seungyoon if he ever needs a private space. He had everything planned out.

 

It's no longer a house where fear dominated his feelings, like the time he lived with his father. Same ground, different life. Plus, Seungyoon's mom is close by. She would send him all sorts of food and invite him to eat dinner at her house even when Seungyoon is not around. Mino didn't feel alone at all with her around. And Seungyoon is less worried about Mino knowing his mom actually sees Mino more often than she sees him these days. Seungyoon would grumble and complain about the 'unfair love sharing' to her and she would just laugh, but deep down Seungyoon is more than happy to share her love if it's with Mino.

 

"Seungyoon?" Mino called

 

Seungyoon hums and gazes at Mino still laying in front of him, Seungyoon's hand still on his cheeks.

 

"Are you happy?" Mino asked.

 

Seungyoon smiles. He could feel his heart swelling at the question because the answer is something he was very much sure of,

 

"Very. Very happy. Are you?" Seungyoon asked.

 

"Same. So much more than I could ever dream of." He said with a smile. And Seungyoon fell in love all over again at the sight.

 

Mino leans closer and kisses his lips sweetly, it took Seungyoon's breath away. Kissing Mino always feels amazing, Seungyoon never felt enough.

 

Mino pulls away and a nervous grin is plastered on his face, "I actually didn't plan us to go straight to bed when I came home you know."

 

Seungyoon chuckled, "Really? What was your plan?"

 

"I actually had a dinner in mind,"

 

"Hm.. do you? Then what?" Seungyoon expected him to answer with something witty and kinda improper as he usually does but Mino looks shy and fidgety instead.

 

Mino suddenly wakes up and leave Seungyoon alone on the bed. Mino walks to his closet and pulls out a shirt and shorts. He wears it and covers his body which made Seungyoon frown slightly at the loss of eye candy. He took a big oversized shirt with a short and throw it to Seungyoon.

 

"Wear it," Mino commanded before approaching his coat that was thrown away. He fumbles on the pocket and Seungyoon guessed he was trying to give him a present. But what kind of present would require him to wear clothes? Well, Seungyoon expected a present anyway and he wakes up to sit on the bed with crossed legs, grinning widely like a child while wearing the shirt.

 

Mino walks back to the bed with his hands behind his back and Seungyoon is already dressed simply. Mino looks so shy Seungyoon wants to pull him and kiss his face all over but he decided to give the man some chance to carry out at least one of his plans. Mino mirrors his position in front of him as they both sit with legs crossed and knees touching.

 

"So, I've been thinking about this for months now.. probably a year. Yeah. Well, you see.."

 

Seungyoon holds back his chuckle at Mino's nervousness.

 

"I don't know if you realized it, but I happen to like you a lot." Mino jokes.

 

Seungyoon's chuckles escaped his defense. Mino chuckles at his own stuttering words too and took a deep breath to collect himself. He started again with a steadier voice.

 

"I liked you since the beginning of our time. I probably liked you ever since I saw you when we were kids, but I didn't understand it back then. I only interpret it as ‘I want to be friends with that kid'. I still liked you when we were separated, all those years. There was not a single day I spent without wanting to see you."

 

Seungyoon loses all the urge to laugh in him when he sees the look in Mino's eyes and the sincerity in his words.

 

"We went through so much, by ourselves and together. And I'm glad we still made it out together to this day. I don't think there would come a day when this feeling would recede. If anything, I like you more day by day. And I don't think I'm too early to say that I love you."

 

Seungyoon's heart thumps a little faster in his ribcage.

 

"And I'll say it over and over, without any doubt. I love you, Kang Seungyoon. All of you. With every sense of the words. Nothing left out. And I know I'm a mess, I still have so much to learn about myself and life. But it would be the greatest gift if I can walk the journey with you. So if you happen to like me too, this... unreliable, childish, coward, flawed, painter person;"

 

Mino took out a box from behind his back and Seungyoon could feel his heart stops.

 

 

 

 

"Will you be mine?"

 

 

 

 

Mino opens the box to show a pair of silver rings, small diamond embeds on the center. He held the box with a nervous gesture. He must've practiced this over and over by himself and Seungyoon couldn't help the water pooling in his eyes.

 

"Seungyo—"

 

Mino couldn't finish his sentence as Seungyoon lunge himself to Mino, hands circling behind his neck while tears run down his face uncontrollably.

 

"Um... You okay?"

 

Seungyoon said something but got muffled by Mino's clothes.

 

"What?" Mino asked again.

 

Mino could hear a faint yes and his heart almost leaps out of his chest.

 

"Aish, what are you being so nervous for, you stupid.." Seungyoon mumbles, now clearer. Seungyoon pulls away and looks at Mino.

 

"I said yes, earlier." He said, face red from a mix of crying and bashful.

 

Mino was awestruck he practically froze. Seungyoon laughed as he wipes his eyes,

 

"Ya, I told you I said yes! Why are you shocked?"

 

Mino's lips crack to a wide, childish grin.

 

"Wha—really? Like... Whoa, I—" Mino couldn't even form a sentence as he gave up and kiss Seungyoon instead. Seungyoon's lips couldn't stay still as he's still chuckling at Mino's response. Mino suddenly pulls back with a serious, almost worried face.

 

"Did you really say yes just now? My head wasn't making it up, did it??"

 

Seungyoon laughs at his cuteness and kisses him again. He pulls away just slightly so his lips are ghosting upon Mino's.

 

"I said yes. Yes. I will be yours. Yes, I will walk the path with you, no matter how messy and hard the path is. Yes, I want to live the rest of my time with you. I said yes to you. All of you."

 

Seungyoon kiss him again and he could feel Mino's smiling lips against his.

 

 

The ring fits perfectly on their fingers and Suengyoon couldn't take his eyes off them. When he looks up from the ring, it is to find Mino's eyes on him. watching him as if Seungyoon is magic, unreal and amazing. And it's been two years but Seungyoon still blushes at these small acts. Seungyoon's lips betray him and crack a smile too.

 

"What are you looking at?"

 

"My life."

 

Seungyoon's heart skips a beat.

 

"How is it looking?" Seungyoon asked.

 

Mino sighs, still smiling with his adoring eyes.

 

"Perfect."

 

 

Seungyoon leans closer and to his embrace, resting his cheek on his shoulder. He smiles until his cheeks hurt and Seungyoon is still in a daze at the happiness that's now bursting inside of him. he never knew such happiness exists.

 

“Yaish, how am I gonna brag to Taehyun about this.. can’t tell him you proposed to me after sex, he’s gonna laugh..” Seungyoon complains jokingly and Mino laughed.

 

“That’s why I gave you clothes, at least I didn’t say it with us both naked.”

 

“God, this is gotta be the most inappropriate proposal ever,” Seungyoo laughed.

 

Seungyoon realized Mino’s laughter is the best sound he has ever heard.

 

A single raindrop hits the window.

 

____________

 

Jinwoo looks outside the window of his flower shop as he works on a chrysanthemum bouquet.

 

It's raining.

 

Across the street, Seunghoon is also looking outside his window from his restaurant. Their eyes met and at that single short moment, they knew their life is no longer a broken home and shattered hearts. Jinwoo looks down upon the bracelet Seunghoon gave him, identical to his own. They may be living their day in a different building, different job, different atmosphere. But they both knew the wall and road separating them is nothing. Because all it took for them to feel each other's heart is by looking out the window and find a pair of eyes that look back at them with all the love they can comprehend.

 

This called happiness. And Jinwoo wouldn't trade it for anything else.

 

____________

 

Mithra looks out of the window in his painting studio.

 

It's raining.

 

Mithra smiles upon the calm pour. Someone opened his front door and Mithra knew it's Tukutz without asking. And his real name is Jeong Sik. Friends don't hide names, one-day Tukutz said. And Mithra felt honored. He's back bringing chicken and beers. Mithra rises from his seat and stretches his back as he walks towards the chicken being served on the dining room. Eating dinner with a friend over cold beers have been his favorite thing to do these days.

 

The rain outside is perfecting his calm.

 

____________

 

Seungyoon watches as the rain pours upon the city, making small water line on the window. Seungyoon traces the water line with his hands and he could see the silver ring on his finger. Mino shows up beside him, holding his hand with his warm one. Seungyoon sighs contentedly and smiles to Mino.

 

"Do you still hate the rain?" Mino asked.

 

Seungyoon pondered upon his question, letting the sound of rain overtake his hearing senses.

 

 

 

"No. No, I don't. Rainy days gave me so many things. It gave me you. Soaked in the rain, with a long hair and huge backpack."

 

 

Mino chuckles at the memory.

 

 

"It rains when we had arguments. It rains when we apologize to each other. It rains the day we got hurt. It also rains now, on one of the happiest moments of my life. So I guess the rain is not so bad, after all." Seungyoon said.

 

Seungyoon doesn't hate the rain anymore. He looks at Mino beside him. His Mino. His love. His life. They both smile at each other, no doubt and regret staining their gaze. How life has been cruel to them. How fate has been pulling on their legs, pushing them away from each other's reach. But they found the way. And now, the only thing left to do is hold hands and keep on walking the journey.

 

 

With the dense pour of raindrops upon the tulip field that watches them from far away, Seungyoon said something he couldn't imagine saying two years ago.

 

"I will let it rain on us."

 

 

SSSSSSSSSS

 

 

In the letter that Seungyoon wrote for Mino in their box under the apple tree as a child;

 

_"Mino-ya, I like you a lot. You might not know, but I like every one of your games. I also like every story you told me. I like your room. I like your toys. My mom said that when someone is very important to you, you must say these words. So I will say this to you:_

 

_I love you."_

 

 

Mino and Seungyoon wrote each other a new letter and buried it under the tree again two years ago. Mino wrote this letter to Seungyoon;

 

_"I love you. And I will still love you when we open this box years later. I will still love you until the day we cannot write letters for each other anymore. But I will make sure you know I love you without inks on a paper. I will love you forevermore."_

 

 

Seungyoon's letter to Mino;

 

_"I wrote this only a moment after you came back to me. We were lonely, we were broken, we changed. But now our hands are reachable again. And there would be no day when I don't want to link your fingers with mine, Song Mino. I love you, I love you, I love you. Always."_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Fin._

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all, folks!  
> Thank you for reading, leaving comments, and kudos on this! Every words you give is a gem to me <3  
> And I'm sorry if anyone feel any kind of pain reading this :')  
> I hope your life is well and always support our best boissss!! See you in other works~


End file.
